This is Gonna Hurt
by chelsey-n
Summary: Suppose that Paul was alpha. Suppose imprinting never existed and wolves use marking to bring females into the pack. Leah Clearwater was betrayed by fiance Paul for her cousin 3 years ago. Forced to return to the rez for the summer she finds herself drawn to Jacob. What happens when Paul wants her back? The three of them must grow up and become the leaders they were meant to be.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows _fair_ use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's _fair_. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other fiction is intended. **

**1**

It wasn't until that moldering old Greyhound bus wheezed and chuffed its way into the city limits of Forks that I started to get antsy. The whole agonizingly slow ride from Seattle I had been nonchalant, listening to Tool, typing out a laundry list of to-dos on my phone with the pad of my thumb, and intermittently texting with Rachel Black about how she was sorry she wouldn't be home from school for a couple more weeks. Mmk, Rachel, lie to me why don't you? Who the fuck wants to leave Hawaii to come home to fucking La Push? Who the hell wants to leave anywhere to come home to La Push?

Sure as fuck not me. Nope, this was the last goddamn place Leah Clearwater wanted anything to do with.

This was a return to home under duress and I wasn't bothering to hide my feelings, not for Seth, not for mom, not for anyone. The bus took a hard turn into the parking lot, slamming me into the window and sending my suitcase hurtling across the bench seat to hip-check me -_OW, Dammit!-_ before the engine gave a death rattle and died in front of the bus station.

Maynard was mid vocal about _deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow what you need is someone strong to guide you_ when I flicked the ear buds out and noted the ringing in my ears.

Sonuvabitch.

When would I learn to cut the volume down? The older I got, the more sensitive my hearing was. At this rate I was going to be deaf before I made it to 22.

Nevermind that, in desperation to escape the humid heat of the bus that smelled disturbingly of stale smoke and dirty ass, I had my suitcase and was halfway down the aisle, banging it against seats and cutting the other passengers off, before the forward inertia of the gigantic tin can had even stopped. The driver gave me a dirty look as it gave a final lurch, flinging me forward the last couple of feet, and I sneered back, daring him with my eyes to say one fucking word. He just pulled the lever and opened the door. _Wise decision, asshat._

As I made my way from the bus towards the far corner of the parking lot, I realized it was raining. Sprinkling, actually; fat drops that fell as if in slow motion, making huge spatters on my tank top and bare copper shoulders. They hit the hot asphalt and sizzled but it smelled clean here, like cut grass and salt from the ocean, so different from the urban smells of Seattle. The clean smells of home, these I admit I had missed.

"Is that all you brought with you?" rumbled a deep voice from behind me.

I spun around and came eye to nose with a massive Quileute man. My eyes flicked up and collided with the inky pupils of Jacob Black.

I felt my heart jerk into double time at as I took in the deep set, hypnotic eyes, the full curve of his lower lip, the strong thrust of his jaw.

"Black!" I spluttered, surprised as shit.

What in the holy hell? I left three years ago when he was still a good inch less than my five foot ten frame and a scrawny, long-haired kid. The long hair was gone, cropped short now, spiking out haphazardly in all directions like he just didn't give a fuck. He was a good six foot four now and nearly as wide as two of me, rippling with obvious muscles corded down his arms and under his tight black t-shirt like something out of an anatomy book.

"You see something you like?" he drawled, quirking his eyebrow in amusement in my thorough assessment.

I felt myself bristle at being caught and snapped, "You know steroids make your dick quit working, right?"

He let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Absolutely nothing wrong with my dick, Clearwater. " He paused.

I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat. Yeh, with a body like that I had no doubt Black's other parts and pieces would..err..match his size. The thought flustered me.

Something about Jacob was rubbing me the wrong way.

The fucker still looked amused at my expense. He eyed my suitcase again, spoke painfully slow, like I was having trouble comprehending sentences. "Is that all you have with you?"

"Yep," I answered, suddenly annoyed at being caught off guard with his physical transformation.

_Get over it, Leah_, I thought. You've been gone for a long time. Of course everyone's grown up. Time didn't stop because you ran away.

He was staring at my right arm now. At my tattoo. I felt a stab of self consciousness. It wasn't a feminine tattoo and it wasn't in a feminine spot. I wondered if he found it butch. And why the HELL would I give a damn? I willed my face not to betray my growing discomfort. He would not know he was pushing my buttons.

His eyes finally tore away. Returned to my face. His eyes felt like lasers, boring straight into mine.

"Are you done staring at my shit?" he asked.

I willed my features to stay in an impassive, bored expression.

"I know I'm pretty but you aren't exactly my type," he continued.

Nope, I wasn't. Not his type. Not paul's type. Not anybody's goddamn type. His words sliced into something I hadn't let myself feel for a while now.

What the fuck? Who the fuck did this punk ass think he was? Did he think because he was doing my mom a favor picking me up he could say whatever the hell he wanted?

We barely knew each other. When I left he was just some boy my kid brother rode dirt bikes with. Some little boy with a pathetic little puppy crush on a snooty little white girl from Forks.

"You like 'em pale and mousy, right?" I replied, on autopilot now. Lashing out in response.

"Then come the fuck on," he instructed, turning on his heel and walking towards a huge black truck. "In case you didn't know, its starting to rain."

"In case you didn't know," I whispered under my breath, "Its always raining here. Jackass."

I heard him laughing as he swung open his door and climbed inside. _The hell?_ My ears must have been really fucked up from the music because I could have sworn I whispered too low for him to hear me.

His truck was jacked up on huge tires and I had to really put all my weight into hefting the heavy suitcase up high enough to sling in the truck bed. He eyed me with appreciation as I clambered up in the cab. Oh, I can't look in your direction, Black, but you can eyefuck the shit out of me.

"What's wrong, Jake?" I asked, saccharine sweet. "Little white girl can't put her shit in the back of your truck?" His mouth compressed into a thin line. Oh, hit a fucking nerve, did I? "Or did you purposely jack it up so you'd have to do everything for her?"

"Well some things never change, huh?" He replied, shoving his key in the ignition and letting the engine roar to life. He didn't wait for me to buckle up before he was spinning tires, squealing out of the parking lot. "Running away didn't do shit for you, I guess. You're still the same old bitch."

"You think you know me, Black? You don't know shit."

"I know more than you think," he snapped.

. . . .

Later, in the relative safety of my childhood bedroom, I let myself reflect on his last revelation. Same old bitch. Same old bitter bitch.

I had thought maybe swallowed most of the bitter pill or at least hid it well enough. This last semester at school I had finally seemed to be getting over it. Pulling myself from under the black cloud of sarcasm and aggression I liked to stew beneath. Something about Jacob and Forks and being home seemed to dredge it all back up again.

We hadn't spoken another single word the whole ride back to La Push. He stopped in front of mom's house (not my house, not anymore) just long enough for me to hop into the bed of the truck and chuck the suitcase over into the grass. I was barely on the ground before he spun off, sending gravel flying.

"Well fuck you too!" I had yelled.

Christ, what had crawled up inside of his ass and had babies?

I could only hope summer passed quickly so I could get the fuck back to school for the fall semester. This was my first summer home since leaving for college. First time home at all, actually. Christmas and summer always found Mom and Seth driving up to Seattle to see me. I always had the excuse of work and summer classes to keep me from making the trek back. This year, however, I hadn't been able to find a summer job. No job, no money, no place to stay. Stupid fucking economy.

Now I was here. The one place on earth I did not want to be. Here on the reservation where my stupid first love had ripped my heart out and presented it to my best friend/cousin to eat for breakfast. Here in the modest white clapboard house I'd grown up in, the house where my bitchiness and general despair from said heart-ripping had killed my fucking Dad.

One more year stood between me and graduation. Between me and a steady paycheck. Dear Jesus. Dear Buddha. Dear Taha Aki. Dear whoever or whatever could get me through this one summer so I could get the fuck back to school and the hell away from here. Just please, please get me through the summer without going insane from thinking about how I contributed to my Dad's death. Or from dying of a broken heart all over again.

"LEAH!"

I gave a little jump, startled from my line of thinking.

"LEAH THERE IS SOMEONE AT THE GODDAMNED DOOR FOR YOU!" Seth bellowed.

When had that little fuck gotten home?, I thought crossly. Then I wondered who the hell was at the door. I've been home all of twenty minutes and someone is visiting?

"ONE SECOND!" I yelled back.

"GET THE FUCK OUT HERE!" A female voice screamed. What? That sounded awfully similar to – I was sailing out my door and into the living room before I could finish the thought.

Rachel Black.

My best friend. My only friend. In the flesh. "Gotcha!" She sashayed in, smirking.

I shut my mouth with an audible click, genuinely surprised. Delighted, actually. Leah fucking Clearwater, delighted. Imagine that.

Rachel gave Seth a playful tap on the arm and I felt my jaw unhinge again. Shit. "Shit!" I spluttered again, shocked for the second time in a half hour's span. My brother towered over me now, nearly as wide as Jacob. "What the holy hell, Seth?" I cried.

I had just seen him at Christmas. It wasn't even June. He had doubled in size. Oh my God. These boys in La Push really were 'roided out.

He laughed but he didn't sound very mirthful. "I filled out over the winter, huh?"

Understatement of the year.

"Please tell me you aren't taking steroids," I whispered.

He looked absolutely horrified for a split second and then narrowed his eyes, scowling at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Leah?" he spat. "Of course, I'm not." His voice was deep, gravelly. He didn't sound like my sweet (if annoying) Boo Boo anymore. He sounded like a man. I didn't like it. It seemed awfully sudden and I went to tell him so but he cut his eyes at me, gave another scowl.

And with that he stomped from the room.

I stared at his retreating hulking form, my mind spinning. Rachel's hand on my bare upper arm shook me back into reality. I gave her a half smile, let her pull me into a hug. I was genuinely happy to see her but there was concern nagging at the back of my brain, an ugly worry over my brother's sudden growth spurt seemingly out of nowhere.

"When did you get this tattoo?" Her voice was kind of weird. I glanced down at my right upper arm absently.

"Uh, I don't know, a couple of months ago? You don't like it?"

"What made you get this one?" she hedged.

I shrugged. "It was inside one of our history books from high school. The warrior's mark. I've always been drawn to it." I looked back down at it, flexed my muscle. I felt like a lone warrior most days.

"You aren't the only one," she said cryptically.

I looked at her, confused.

"Jacob has this same tattoo. In the same spot as you."

My stomach fluttered. Ok, that was a weird, weird coincidence. No wonder he'd been staring at it.

"Are you ok?" Rachel asked. I let the question hang in the air for a second. I wasn't really, not totally. But I couldn't spend the summer caught in this funk. Not when she'd obviously altered her plans from staying in Hawaii for the summer semester to come and spend time with me.

"I'll be ok," I said slowly, linking my arm with hers. We went back towards my room. "Its just weird being home after so long."

"Hey," she said, sounding uncharacteristically serious. "You don't have to pretend like you're ok for me, ok? I'm your best friend." I didn't reply. "Ok?" she said, a little more forcefully. "Or I'll kick your ass, Clearwater."

We were in my room by now and I looked down at her, a good half a foot taller than she was. Running and swimming had made me lean and muscular, where she was all soft and rounded. There was little doubt as to who'd win a serious fight between us but my eyes twinkled anyway.

"Can't have that, Mama," I teased. "I promise to report to you straight away if shit gets too heavy."

"Honest Injun?" she asked. It was a joke from our childhood. A totally inappropriate, racist jab at our native heritage, but a familiar and endearing joke nonetheless.

"Honest Injun," I affirmed solemnly.

She smiled again, looked cautiously relieved.

"Can I just tell you that given half the chance, I'd fuck the shit out of little Seth?"

My nose crinkled in something akin to disgust. "Only if I can fuck the shit out of little Jacob."

WHAT THE HELL? What the hell had I just said? I felt panicked, needed something to say to tell her I was just kidding. No way in hell I wanted to fuck Jacob.

Her eyes grew as wide as saucers and she gave a giggle. "Omigod that would be fan-fuckin-tastic!" I shook my head no wildly but she latched onto my arm and shook it. "Shit, Leah! That's an awesome idea! Maybe he'd forget all about that scrawny Bella bitch!"

Bella. Yep, that was the pale chick's name. She was the color of paper and had mud brown hair. And the last time I had seen her she had the body of an 11 year old boy.

"Rachel, I was kidding," I stammered.

Her face fell. "Oh." Her plump lips creased into a frown. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "He's good looking." Her eyebrow raised. "Ok, ok, he's fucking hot. But we already bumped heads on the ride here."

Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "Jacob brought you here?"

I nodded slowly.

"Well, that fucker!" she exclaimed. "Why the hell didn't he tell me? I'd have come to pick you up too!"

Huh. That _was_ weird. Jacob had known that Rachel and I had been friends for a long, long time. It used to be Rachel, me, and Emily, the three muskateers. Now the thought of Emily made bile rise in my throat. Emily the backstabbing-manstealing-whoreslut-cousin-pretend to be your best friend faker.

I shrugged again. "Boys are stupid. They don't think about shit like that."

She looked skeptical but finally just nodded. "Can I help you unpack?"

I gestured to the open suitcase on my full bed.

If her slim black eyebrow arched any further it would in her goddamn hair. "This is it?"

What was it with the Blacks and their criticism of my preference to travel light. Not like I'd be here long anyway. Who the hell did I have to impress?

Unbidden, the magnetic gaze of Jacob sprang to my mind and I pushed it away forcefully, jerking out a handful of tees.

Rachel was smart enough to know it was time to abandon that line of questioning, one of the reasons I loved her. She knew when to push me and when to back the fuck off, even if she didn't exactly know the exact my mood would start to drift south.

"What time is your mom supposed to be home?" she asked, moving on to something safer to talk about.

I shrugged, shoving some panties and bras into my top dresser drawer. "What time does the bar close?"

I heard her suck her teeth. Rachel knew as well as I did that mom had turned more and more to the comfort of a bottle since Dad died. They had been married for 25 years. I had only been with Paul for 2 before he left me cold and alone. If she felt any exponent of that sinking loneliness that had been left when he'd punched a hole into my heart…well I couldn't deny her whatever comfort she could find.

Goddamned La Push! Stirring up all this shit inside of me. It had been months since I had really thought of either of those two fucks that screwed me over so good. Now, in the span of a couple of minutes I had dredged up both of their names.

"What are you wearing to the bonfire tonight?" she asked. Ah, good ol' Rachel. She probably had sensed the shifting in my moods.

"Does it matter?" I countered.

She frowned. "Are you still a girl in there, Clearwater? I see you have tits and an ass but I'm starting to question if you still deserve your hot-babe card."

My lips pursed. "I'd rather be known as a man-eater."

She laughed, giggled really. "Babe, you gotta catch a man before you can eat him."

Well, scratch that thought. "Rach, catching a man is on my to do list right under catching a rare and deadly tropical fever."

She looked at me in all seriousness. "Leah, Paul is not the last man on earth and honey…one day you're going to have arthritis and your hand isn't gonna cut it anymore!"

"Then I'll upgrade to something with batteries," I quipped.

There was a loud pounding on my wall suddenly.

"Shut the fuck up in there about that nasty shit," Seth ordered. "Jesus!"

I giggled. Some things always made me feel better and getting little Boo Boo all flustered was one of those things.

"Come on, Seth," I yelled. "A woman has needs! Urges!"

There was an explosive bang just then, hard enough to topple some of the knickknacks a shelf onto the floor.

Rachel and I just looked at each other and burst into laughter. It felt good. It felt like old times. Maybe this summer wouldn't be unbearable after all.

I excused myself to the bathroom before we left for the bonfire.

I didn't really have to pee but I stood staring in the mirror, willing myself to stop looking like a cornered wild animal. My eyes were too big, pupils dilated, ready for fight or flight.

I felt like an underdog warrior walking into a battle to the death; visualized myself mentally smearing on the war paint.

_This is gonna hurt_, I thought.

My features smoothed back into placidness, froze in their trademark aura of cool detachment.

Yes, this was me. Cool, bitchy, unflappable. Heartless.

If only..

When I met her back in my room, Rachel was pulling on one of Seth's old hoodies from when we was smaller. Yeh, from six months ago. My closet was now full of his too-small clothes.

She gave me a look. A motherly look. "Its going to be cold later."

I shrugged. "Then I'll come home."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Leah." Her tone brokered no argument and I didn't feel like arguing anyway.

"Fine, fine, fine," I grumbled. I whipped through hangers and tugged out a black one. Black to suit my mood.

Black had been my favorite color for 3 years now.

"You ready for this?" she asked, somewhat unnecessarily.

We both knew I probably wasn't. This was three years in the making, an almost epic buildup of dread at having to see the two of them together. The only reason I was going to the damn thing at all was the masochistic need to show the rez that I was ok, that they didn't have to pity me anymore.

We were walking through the house now and then out the door, not bothering to lock it. Nothing ever happened here in La Push that was more serious than a drunken brawl.

At least it had stopped raining but the air was heavy. It felt suffocating.

The question hung in the air between us.

"I should probably warn you about something."

What was she going to tell me? That they were engaged? Or maybe they were married by now. That Emily was pregnant? Dread churned in my stomach.

"What?" I asked, sounding so much braver than I felt.

"Jacob and Seth are part of Paul's gang now."

Why hadn't she just sucker punched me for real? We stopped dead in our tracks and I just stared at her. "You've got to be shitting me?"

So much for brotherly fuckin loyalty, huh?

"How long?" I asked.

She didn't need me to clarify.

"Just after Christmas, he was already hanging out with him before I went home for spring semester."

I literally had no wind left inside of me. My own brother had run off and joined forced with the man that had eaten my beating heart from my chest. My cheeks were hot. I felt my eyes get glassy and I blinked furiously until they cleared. I was about to tell Rachel _Fuck this, I'm going home_, but I realized my bare feet were in the sand of First Beach. Motherfucker, we'd been spotted. To leave now would be to admit defeat and run.

She grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. We were moving again, I was on auto pilot, gliding over the sand without feeling it anymore.

Oh, Judas. Wait until its too late to turn back to spring some shit like that on me.

Let's get this over with. I tossed Seth's hoodie over the end of a log near the fire, effectively saving us a place. I didn't know how Rachel was wearing hers, down here next to the flames it was scorching hot, like a sweat lodge.

"Beer," I commanded. "Now."

I managed to down three full solo cups of tepid, flat beer before she poked me in the ribs. "What are you majoring in up at U-Dub, drinking?"

I made a sour face, not hard considering the less than palatable grog I was chugging.

"Hey I thought I came with my best friend, Mom. Where the fuck did she go?"

Her nose wrinkled and she sniffed at her own cup distastefully.

"Give it to me," I demanded. "Get a fucking soda before you barf everywhere."

She handed it over without complaint. I was halfway through when there was a huge hand on my elbow, spinning me around.

"Clearwater!" Jared practically yelled in my face. Yep, he was good and sauced. I could smell liquor on him.

I arched my back, putting some space between our noses, gave him a sneer. "Cameron, get off my dick."

His eyes grew darker and it seemed like he pressed infintesimely closer. "When did you get here?" he slurred. Once upon a time Jared and I had been fairly good friends, back when Paul and I had been together. Now, though he personally hadn't done anything to me, I was less than thrilled to see him.

Guilt by association.

Association with Paul, that is.

"Couple of hours ago," I hedged, trying to step back subtly. He took a step closer in response.

"I haven't seen you in forever," he continued. Too drunk to take a hint, I guess.

"Yep," I said flatly.

"How come you never come home?" he asked, his tone sounding accusing. His hand was creeping up my arm. His eyes landed on my tattoo and he jerked his chocolate gaze up to mine. "Where did you get that?"

Was that the question of the fucking day?

"The tattoo shop," I quipped.

He hadn't let go of my arm. He was staring again, like he was trying to figure out if the tattoo was really there.

"You don't like it?" I asked, kind of at a loss of what to say with his huge hand wrapped around my entire upper arm.

His eyes lifted back to mine slowly and he slid his hand from my arm. His head inclined towards his own arm and my mouth gaped, seeing we had the same exact fucking tattoo. Same fucking spot.

So much for me being original. Warrior, my ass. I had the same lame tribal tattoo as every other fucking tool on the rez now. Great.

He was back in my personal space again, leaning forward, the jack daniels now smelling very distinctive.

"Where did you get that?" he drawled again.

"Jared," Jacob said, grasping his shoulder. Jared's gaze snapped to the meaty hand clasped on him.

"Jared," Jacob repeated firmly. "I need you to go help my Dad."

Jared lifted his eyes from Jacob's hand to his face and they stared for a minute, having a visual pissing contest. Jacob's eyes looked cold and hard, his face a slab of frozen granite.

Finally, Jared dropped his gaze and gave me a final look before he slunk off.

I exhaled, letting out a long breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

His own hand slid up my arm now, his palm on the underside, millimeters away from my bare armpit. His hand was burning hot. He leaned forward, his mouth was so close to my ear that his words caused my hair to waft gently. "I'd be interested to know the story behind this tattoo."

My mouth went dry at the proximity of his body to my own and my eyes fluttered shut. His voice was so deep. It rumbled like distant thunder, caused that same vibration inside me.

"Its just a tattoo, Black," I whispered.

My eyes fluttered open and became ensnared in the intensity of his look. He was assessing me, considering my statement.

"What made you pick that tattoo?" he asked.

"It felt right when I saw it," I answered honestly.

He eyed me speculatively for another minute. Time stretched on and I felt the heat of his palm burning into my skin.

"Jacob," Rachel snapped.

It totally ruined whatever fuck-crazy moment we were having and I didn't know whether to thank her or smack her stupid.

He let go of me like I was burning him and straightened, staring a hole though his sister.

"Why didn't you tell me you were picking up Leah today?"

He snorted. "I don't have to tell you everything." He gave her a wave of dismissal and stalked off into the growing darkness.

I stared at his retreating form and then turned to see Rachel's knowing look.

Those eyebrows of hers. Again. They were going to freeze up in the air at this rate.

I brought the cup back to my lips and took a huge gulp of the disgustingly warm beer.

"What?" I asked, giving a dainty burp. "I told you I thought he was hot."

She snorted.

I didn't want to talk anymore, I wanted to sit on my ass and enjoy a buzz. I started back towards that log, towards my hoodie, knowing she'd follow. Her strides weren't as long and easy as mine on the sand and it took her a second to catch up and plop down beside me.

I was finally looking around, catching sight of all these huge fucking men around me.

"What in the hell happened in the last three years?" I was still gluggling down beer.

"What do you mean?" she said evasively. I gestured around with my hand, making a sweeping motion. "We all grew up. Even you. Tits and ass and all."

I copied her patented nose wrinkle, as I was want to do on occasion.

"They're so big," I said.

I caught sight of my little brother, not so little anymore. He was off to the side, talking to some simpering girl with her boobs popping out of her tank top.

Rachel was staring too. She looked non-too-happy.

"Yeh," she sighed.

Wait. Back the fuck up. Rachel had been serious when she was talking about Boo Boo earlier. Uck. Damn. What was the protocol here? Was I supposed to throw some kind of fuck-fit or help her?

Seth grabbed the girl's hand as we watched and though we couldn't hear them, we could tell she was giggling. When he started to tug on her arm, lead her towards the forest, I realized what they were going to do. Ugh. Yep, Seth was grown alright. I couldn't look away, staring after their retreating forms until they were swallowed by the darkness.

"I'm gonna get another soda," Rachel said suddenly.

Dammit, Leah! Why won't you just wound your best friend by staring at your brother making the moves on some girl. Just draw more attention to it. Fuck, I was the worst friend in history.

Well. Second worst.

There was suddenly a set of fingertips wrapped around the nape of my neck, gently pinching up a column of skin and rubbing it back and forth. My whole body erupted into goosebumps. I knew that touch instantly and I went stiff, everything shutting down. It was one thing to know I'd see him here. It was another to have him so close, have him touching me.

"Look at what the cat drug in," Paul purred into my ear.

His fingers froze and I felt him press in behind me, crouched in the sand. His other hand grabbed my arm, held it for his inspection.

His hands on me were making me short circuit. I wanted to scream and launch off my perch on the log. No, Leah. Sit. Don't draw any attention. Smile.

I forced myself to smile for the benefit of anyone watching our exchange but I knew the exaggerated expression had to resemble something closer to a snarl. "Is that some ancient symbol for 'Hey fuckface, you can grab me'? Cos you're the third asshat to grab me in the last five minutes and I don't like it."

He stiffened. "Who's been grabbing you?"

Huh? What was that supposed to mean? What was he, Paul the protector now? I wanted to cackle at the thought. "What?" I asked, confused as all hell.

"The real question is where you got this tattoo," he said quietly.

Ugh. This was his dangerous voice. His I'm-three-seconds-from-going-thermonuclear.

I was so tired of this mystery surrounding my ink. The unwarranted interest. The spookiness of having the same tattoo as every guy in La Push and in the same fucking spot.

"At the tattoo shop," I snorted blithely. I suddenly wish I had had it tattooed on my left ass cheek.

"You didn't pick this off a fucking wall," he snapped.

"No," I agreed. "Our history book from senior year. No patent on getting it as a tattoo, right?"

Jesus, did Paul have this tattoo too? That's it, I was getting the fucker covered up.

"No, but this symbol is very specific to our tribe." He ran his thumb over the ink engrained into my skin. "Only certain people should have this tattoo."

What the hell? He thought you had to be in a certain club to have this tattoo?

I made my voice drip sugar. "Oh, I'm sorry, Paulie, was I supposed to submit an application?"

His hand went from my nape to grab a handful of my hair and tug it back gently, not enough to hurt but enough to make my chin lift, baring the front of my throat. His face was millimeters away from my neck, I could feel heat radiating from the plane of his cheek. Then he inhaled, long, forecefully, right through his nose.

What in the hell? Was Paul Lahote sniffing me?

"Its only for certain members of our tribe," he repeated firmly.

"Assholes?" I asked, intentionally not sounding the least bit startled by his weirdness or the fact that he had my neck craned backwards. "I think I qualify, I was taught by the best."

Meaning you.

The insinuation wasn't lost on him and his grip tightened, really winding the strands through his fist, tugging until my scalp burned and my neck protested at the angle it was arched.

"Little Girl," he purred in that silky voice he always used before an anger fuck, "I'll remind you that I'm the Chief of this tribe for all intents and purposes right now. And if you don't show me the proper respect that that position entails, I'll have you tossed out on that fine little ass of yours."

"Oh, go fuck Emily," I hissed, my teeth bared.

His hand slid from my hair easily. I wanted to massage my neck, soothe the over-tensed muscles but I refused to do so in front of him. To show any weakness, any sign at all that he'd hurt me right now would be like pouring blood in the middle of a swarm of piranhas.

"Oh, don't you worry about that, LeeLee." His voice was happy-go-lucky again. All sunshine and rainbows and golden boy of La Push. "Plenty of fucking to be done."

He was sooo fucking golden around here. Nobody gave a damn that he cheated on his fiance with her cousin. Nobody batted a lash that he was sitting here manhandling me in public. No, he was Paul fucking Perfect in their eyes. I swallowed bitterly, wincing at the unpleasant tingling at the back of my throat. Unshed tears, I realized.

I was so furious with him, furious for having the gall to talk to me, to touch me.

Rachel stopped in front of me, looking carefully at my face. My frozen-smile face. Then her eyes narrowed and focused on Paul as he still crouched effortlessly, nonchalantly behind me.

"Why don't you get the fuck out of here, Lahote?" she hissed with uncharacteristic vehemence.

Paul's index finger slid over my tattoo again, leaving a fresh wake of goosebumps. It paused right in the center, made a caressing motion that did things to my insides that I hadn't felt in 3 long, miserable years. He kept that finger rubbing as he unfolded and stood effortlessly behind me. "Sure thing Miss Black." I felt him lean down from his towering position and speak next to my ear. "This isn't over."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Sec tion 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended. **

Rachel was quivering, literally quaking in front of me. I snagged the hem of her hoodie and gave a rough tug, yanking her towards the log before she could teeter over into the fire.

Her eyes were like new moons, wide and wild and too big in her heart shaped face. "I'm in so much trouble," she whispered.

"What are you talking about?" I was caught off guard.

What the hell?

Rachel Black wasn't some quivering little wimp. She might not always be the most assertive person, but she sure as fuck didn't start trembling like a chastised puppy over nothing.

Because that was ALL that was. A big fat nothing. A sick boy trying to inflict some pain for his own shits and giggles.

"For Chrissakes, its just Paul!" I hissed, feeling the alarm stir in me at her dramatic reaction.

She shook her head and I could hear her teeth click together. "You didn't see how he looked at me!"

She was right on there. I hadn't seen Paul at all during that whole exchange. I had heard him. Felt him.

A shiver danced up my spine and I shook my own head, shaking the sensation away.

But I hadn't been forced to look at him.

Not yet.

"Rachel, who gives a shit if Paul" I spat his name like it was fuck-cunt-goddamn rolled up into one if you say it do-not-pass-go-go-straight-to-Hell curse, "gave you the stinkeye?"

If her eyes got any wider they were going to pop out of her head and clack around like ben-wa balls in my lap.

Was this one of those dramatic moments where I was supposed to backhand her to get her to snap out of it?

My palm itched and I considered it.

…Then my reputation would change from Leah the undesirable. Leah the pitiful. Leah the bitter. Leah the cunt. It would change from all those things to Leah the undesirable, pitiful, bitter cunt that was such a bitch she'd slap her best friend out of a fuckfit.

Suddenly my palm wasn't nearly at itchy.

"You don't understand," she practically wail-whispered.

I felt the corners of my mouth turn down hard at the naked terror in her voice. What the fucking fuckedy fuck?

Rachel was scared of Paul. Paul had done something to Rachel.

I saw nothing but a wave of red.

What the hell was it with Paul Prick Lahote that had me careening from feeling as low as a piece of shit on his shoe to so enraged there was an atom bomb in my chest where my heart used to be.

I was going to kill him.

I was going to murder him right in front of our elders, Taha Aki, and the motherfuckin' bitch that sucked him off every night.

I'd scalp him.

Scalp him and throw the whole bloody mess on her.

You want him, you got him.

The…hell?

This wasn't about me right now. This was about Rachel.

"Hey!" I caught her chin and stared hard. "What has that asshole done to you?"

Chief Figurehead or not, he was gonna die.

She squeezed her eyes shut to avoid looking at me. "There are things you don't know."

My stomach lurched and dropped to my feet. What a loaded statement. There had been so many things I didn't know. A ton of things that were need-to-know; but I hadn't known shit. There was more?

"Look at me," I commanded.

She kept her eyes closed and I stared, trying to read her mind somehow.

For a wild minute I wondered if she and Paul had had something too.

Christ! Really?

I couldn't take that.

The atom bomb inside of me would fucking detonate and take off part of the Washington Peninsula.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

Sirens blared and flashing red lights blinded me internally.

REACHING CRITICAL MASS…

Her eyes finally opened. I was convinced I pried them open with my mind.

We stared.

"You and Paul?" My voice cracked. It didn't sound like me talking.

It was probably all the steam building up inside of me, ready to spew out like an epic volcanic eruption.

She got that same horrified look that Seth had gotten when I asked about the steroids. Her chin jerked out of my grasp. "NO!" A couple of heads near us swiveled to stare at her loud exclamation and she lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. "No! Jesus, Leah! Nothing like that!"

Relief flooded me. Even without further explanation, the intensity of her reaction convinced me that it really was nothing like that.

Fucking thank you Taha Aki!

I blew out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

That gauge on the atom bomb inside swung from red to orange down to yellow.

"Then what? What's wrong with you? How has Paul hurt you?"

She was in control now, calmly watching the flames leap into the blackness of the sky.

"He hasn't hurt me. Its just –just, you'll find out soon enough," she said cryptically.

Well, that's helpful Rachel. Do I put away my mental switchblade or not?

She switched the subject to something lame, commenting on how some little slut we'd gone to school with was knocked up for the third time.

Guess that was the clue that I wouldn't be killing anyone, at least not tonight.

I could feel eyes on me from every direction.

It made my skin crawl, imagining all the unkind things they were thinking. Still, I straightened my spine, continued drinking that nasty, tepid beer and smile-snarled my way through every dumb, nosy fuck that came over to "catch up" when really all they were after was a peek at the wreck on the highway. Rach's mood was in the toilet and so was mine but I was a better faker.

Outside I was still heartless bitch Leah but inside… inside I wanted to shrivel up and shrink down in the sand.

Al the fake smiles and pretending that anyone really gave a shit about my studies…I was almost ready to call it a night, giving myself a mental pat on the back for not ripping anyone's throat out, when I saw Mom stumble across the sand towards the log where Billy Black sat with the rest of the council in some mockery of a pow-wow.

Paul would be there. And her.

My teeth went on edge and started to grind.

Decision time.

Self preservation or the love between a mother and a child?

Was it really my fault Mom thought that slowly pickling her liver was a valid treatment for a broken heart?

Something inside of me snarked Is it Mom's fault your answer to a broken heart was to bitch everyone out and burn all your bridges?

Dammit, Seth! If only you didn't have your annoying little-brother dick buried in the nearest available snatch. If you could just put off contracting an STD or knocking up some 17 year old for another year, I could avoid playing hero.

I could hear Mom laugh a little too loud, a little to long and was striding in the sand before Rachel could roll herself off the log.

I knew she'd try to follow but I waved her off without even looking behind me. She'd understand I didn't want an entourage for this.

Was this a rescue or a suicide bombing?

Before I could even consider an answer I was beside my mother, down on my knees in the sand, assessing the strained smile and too-glassy eyes in her tired looked face.

At the sight of me something flared in her eyes, some light that I had a feeling hardly ever flickered anymore, and she gave me a toothy grin.

"Leah! My baby!" she slurred. She wrapped her arms around me sloppily, gave me a wet kiss on the cheek that smelled too much like Jim Beam, too little like the mom that had put bandaids on my knees and told me that Paul Lahote was too much of a pussy to handle me, that's why he cheated. She started to cry softly and though it was supposed to look like a happy cry, I felt her shoulders shake with barely restrained despair. "My baby's finally home!" she cried.

Guilt twisted at the atom bomb where my heart used to beat.

She sobbed in my ear only once and I couldn't help but wince. I had to resist to urge to SHHH her, disliking all this attention I knew our little reunion was drawing.

The poor town drunk, driven to the bottle by her harpy daughter, the one who's petty bitching killed her own father.

"Its ok, Mama, I'm home," I soothed. I gave her back an awkward pat and pulled back a little, rocking onto my heels easily. "Lets go home and have some coffee and catch up, ok?" I grabbed her hand.

She was about to stand so that we could escape this fucking flock of vultures when Billy Black leaned over and put his arm on mom's shoulder.

"Hang on there, Sue, no need to run off yet. Leah's been hiding in the corner with Rachel all night. Stay for a while." He gave her a charming smile and my elated look, my smile at just how easy my mother had played into my suggestions, melted.

Melted and started to drip in the sand.

I pressed my lips together in some parody of a smile, knowing I had the full attention of the council at this exact second. The bow of my lips was barely concealing my bared teeth. My upper lip literally jumped with the need to lift and show him my displeased snarl. I managed to tamp down the urge and stare at him impassively.

"Leah," he said smoothly. "Its so good to finally have you home where you belong."

"Just a visit, Mr. Black, " I replied evenly. "School starts back in August." I was reminding him very pointendly, and my mother as well, that come the start of the semester I was pulling the fuck out of this hellhole reservation and as far as I was concerned I wouldn't be back until they put my cold, dead body in the ground.

"You never know what may end up tying you to a place you love," he replied easily.

Was saying shit like that how he got his reputation as a wise man?

I wanted to scoff.

I settled for, "Hope floats. But so does shit."

He nodded solemnly as if I had just told him the meaning of the universe and wouldn't you fucking know his eyes dropped to my bare arm. At the sight of the tattoo his eyebrows flew up, a la Rachel and Jacob Black style. Guess they got it honest.

I glared at him, daring him with my eyes to speak his mind.

He cleared his throat. "That's –um-some tattoo you've got there, Leah," he said.

"Tattoo!" my mom exclaimed. She craned her drunk neck and gave a loud, shaken gasp.

Christ, Mom, please don't make a fucking scene out here on the sand over a tattoo.

Now Old Quil was leaning around Billy and leering.

Hadn't these motherfuckers ever seen anyone with a fucking tattoo before?

Sure they had. All these overgrown, steroid popping fuckers I grew up chasing with garter snakes had them now. It was because I was a fucking girl.

"That's right Mr. Black, I did get a tattoo. It reminds me of the powerfulness of my heritage." I had to fight the urge to laugh. Take that, Mr. Fucking Tribal Pride.

What it really reminded me of is a fucking ancestral right to kill and eat anything that had the balls to try and get the best of you. To fight or die trying. That seemed like the Leah way. If you couldn't freeze it out you could fucking stab it and see if it would bleed.

Billy nodded again and old Quil just stared at me.

What would happen if I stuck my tongue out at an elder?

Would they cut it out?

Would there be a ceremonial dance beforehand?

Would it hurt?

"I thought it was interesting that Leah picked that particular symbol of tribal pride," Paul said silkily, emphasizing the words tribal pride until they sounded almost like a mockery of me.

My eyes drifted towards his voice unconsciously and my body locked up again. At first all I could see was him. His red skin glowing with firelight, the bare chest and cut off shorts, the cropped hair, even shorter than Jacobs, and that lazy smirk that I'd spent many an afternoon tracing with my finger or my tongue. Shit, shit, and shit again! He was just as enormous as the rest of them, corded with ridiculously defined muscles. It was impossible to tell how tall he was now since he was leaning back on the log, his legs crossed lazily at the ankles in the sand, but I could tell he was enormous, much taller than he'd been three years ago. But that first impression, that initial glimpse of Paul soon merged into the bigger picture. Namely the sight of that fucking cunt Emily pressed up against him like the cockslut that she was.

She was half laying on him, the loose curls of her shiny black hair falling over her own shoulders and onto his bare arms. The sight of her skin and hair against his made me want to whimper.

There was some kind of shift in the air like she could feel my distress and she tossed her head, sending those curls flying, deliberately letting them brush against Paul to distress me.

And at that second her hair slid aside and I caught sight of the black ink etched into her upper arm.

That motherfucking bitch and me had the same motherfucking tattoo.

I didn't want to whimper anymore. I wanted to bite her face off.

I had the sudden urge to growl at her and I blinked back the shock, knowing my carefully schooled features were betraying none of the internal turmoil churning and brewing just below the skin.

"Hello, Paul, Emily," I said pleasantly; as if I hadn't just been on the receiving end of his abuse an hour or so before.

Emily blinked her chocolate doe eyes at me, probably disturbed that I didn't dissolve into tears. Her lips parted and revealed her neat white teeth in her sad little version of a smile. It was faker than my own but instead of seeming forced and bored, hers seemed haughty and cruel.

Inexplicably, the pain that thoughts of her normally conjured in me totally failed to appear. Seeing her didn't make me feel awkward or unworthy, seeing her made me feel bloodthirsty.

"Leah, I'm so glad you're back. You ran away so suddenly I didn't get to say goodbye." Her lyrical little voice twisted the word ran until it sounded ugly. She was implying I was a coward. Maybe rightly so but this bitch wasn't going to start the mud slinging without getting dirty.

"Oh, Emily," I sang, "I know! I just had to get away. Onto better opportunities you know. I didn't want to be stuck around thieving, backstabbing whores the rest of my life."

There was dead silence. Just a crackle of the log on the fire. This weird light flared in her eyes and she looked like she wanted to tear into me. That makes two of us, bitch. I shifted onto my heels, ready to spring. We were poised to pounce and eviscerate each other.

"Enough!" Paul commanded, lightly flicking his wrist and placing it in front of Emily like it was some kind of restraint. I felt a weight settle onto me at the harsh timbre of his voice, knocking me back a little on my heels.

He was staring at me in interest.

Billy and Quil snapped their faces to look at him and I fell back on my ass wondering what the hell was up with that.

Emily looked as pissed as a wet cat. I liked that look on her.

I stared hard at her, recalling Paul's words. This isn't over. Hell no, it isn't.

I felt my mom's gaze and stopped my leering long enough to glance up at her.

The cloud of alcohol was burned off and she was regarding me intensely.

This was all getting too fucking weird.

"I want to go home, Mom," I announced.

She nodded and stood up as if there wasn't half a fifth of liquor sloshing around in her belly.

I rose to my feet in one fluid motion and watched Emily. Even as we started to slip away towards the house, I kept a wary eye on her. It was obvious we felt the same for each other. If she had anywhere near the animosity for me that I held for her…well, one thing was for sure, I wouldn't be turning my back to Emily, ever.

It was well past noon when I finally uncurled from my ball and arms and legs and gave a yawn and a stretch. My bed was uncomfortably short no matter which way I turned so for the past few months I'd gotten accustomed to sleeping in a sort of modified fetal position. It kept me so warm that the blankets always ended up strewn across the floor.

I hadn't fallen asleep until the sky was fading into purple with the oncoming dawn but now the sun was burning bright, nearly blinding white as it poured in my windows.

I probably could have curled up and slept another hour or two. This was exactly the reason I always took afternoon classes.

Shower or food? Clean ass or full stomach?

There was a loud rumble from my belly.

Food it is.

The second I swung open the door there was a blaring simulated gunfire and whirr of a helicopter's blades.

Where were we? In the fuckin' Viet Cong headquarters?

"Seth, could you turn that down a little?" I barked.

He gave an unintelligible grumble, or at least I couldn't tell what the hell he said with the staccato of machine gun blasts and the sounds of mortar exploding, but seconds later the cries from the battlefield were at least a little quieter. By now I was in the kitchen, digging in the cabinet on the high shelf where Mom stashed the good cereal.

The shit that was nothing but sugar and artificial dye.

There was a cough.

A not my mom, not my brother cough.

I froze and did a mental inventory of my person.

No shoes. No socks. No bra. No shorts. Panties, thank God yes. My mind struggled to remember which ones. Red. Red cotton. No holes, bikini style. Ok, at least my ass cheeks were covered. At least something was covered because the old t-shirt of Seth's was clingy with age and over-washing and would normally hit just below the swells of my ass I was on tiptoe with my arms stretched up, digging for cereal. And there was a draft. A definite draft.

Whoever was on the other end of that cough was getting a nice eyeful of naked leg and thigh and the curve of an ass too.

Well, no need to be embarrassed now. At least my underwear was clean. Why be ashamed of my body? It was nothing special but there was no jiggling flesh, no cellulite. Nothing to laugh at or pity me for.

So I calmly grabbed the cereal box, sank my heels back to the floor and found a bowl and a spoon and the gallon of milk from the fridge before I even bothered to turn around.

Unflappable Leah.

I wasn't terribly surprised to find Jacob on the other side of mom's island, having his own bowl of cereal.

I felt myself smirk a little. "Raisin bran, huh?

It took him a second to respond, his spoon suspended in midair, dripping milk.

"It was all I could find," he said defensively.

I gave him a grin, pouring a rainbow of brightly colored marshmallow cereal into my bowl. Oh! A star! My favorite. I plucked that one out and popped it onto my tongue, ate it naked. "My mom used to hide the good shit from Seth and Dad. Dad's diet and Seth's damn hyperactive shit. I guess its just habit for her now." I poured a splash of milk and returned the jug to the fridge.

"Don't let me catch you eating my whole stash, Black," I warned, pointing my spooned at him with the appropriate amount of menace.

He still wasn't eating and I gave him a look as I shoveled in a mouthful.

"What?" I asked around a half-chewed mass.

He shook his head like he was clearing it.

Still nothin'.

Well ok, time to switch tact.

"Why aren't you in there blowing shit up with Seth?"

"I was waiting for you."

I almost dropped my spoon. Wait. I probably misheard that.

"I don't have any interest in playing the stupid Xbox."

He shook his head and looked irritable.

"My dad asked me to bring you over."

This time I did drop my spoon and it clanged loudly against the almost empty bow. Splattering milk up onto Boo Boo's old shirt. Right over my left nipple.

Jacob's eyes hovered there.

"Billy wants me to come over?" I asked incredulously. Billy wasn't my biggest fan. He wasn't really that happy that I hung out with Rachel so much.

His eyes flicked back up to mine.

"Yeh." He looked a little anxious.

"Is he going to kill me and have you hide my body somewhere on the rez?"

Jacob burst into a loud guffaw and then shook his head. "You say some of the stupidest shit."

"What? You know as well as I do he doesn't care for me."

"Leah, you don't let people care for you. You freeze them out or you bite them in half." He said it gently but it still stung a little to have my MO just thrown up there in my face. The undeniable truth of his statement hung in the air.

"Dad wants to talk to you about something."

Well that didn't sound ominous. Dreadful.

His eyes went back to the wet spot on my shirt. I felt a tingle between my thighs and pressed them closed in alarm.

The shit? I thought those bits didn't work anymore!

It must have been a freak coincidence.

He was staring now, blatantly.

I felt the nipple harden. Of course it hardened, it was wet.

His pupils dilated.

That tingle roared back to life and I felt a fluttering deep in my belly.

Really! What the shit? I hadn't felt anything there in so long.

My thighs clamped tight, willing the disturbing sensations to dissipate.

"I don't want to talk to your dad," I said, as if nothing was happening to my traitorous body.

"You have the biggest nipples," he breathed, like it was a natural part of our conversation.

My breath caught in my throat and before I could reply he somehow managed to hoist me from the chair and plop me down to sit on the cold island, pushing between my thighs. His mouth latched around the stiffened peak, sucking it roughly through the thin fabric. Oh shit! His mouth was so hot. His waist was burning the inside of my thighs. Everywhere we touched was scorching hot.

There was a flood of moisture onto the crotch of my panties and I squirmed at the unfamiliar sensation.

He growled around my nipple and the sound set some sort of internal bestial chain reaction off inside of me…my nails dug into his shoulders and my bare heels slammed into his ass cheeks, pushing his crotch into mine.

The straining fabric of his jeans thrust roughly against my center, separated only by that minute layer of thin, damp cotton.

I groaned, Jacob growled…and from the kitchen doorway Seth gave some kind of animalistic snarl making me jerk in fright, pushing at Jacob's shoulders and trying to scoot backwards across the counter.

Where in the hell had that scary, feral noise come from?

Jacob's hands gripped my ass and jerked me back towards him, his chest heaving, he was staring hard at Seth, a low, warning rumble coming from the back of his throat.

What the shit?

What were these two doing making caveman noises at each other in the kitchen?

"Let me go," I whispered, embarrassed to be caught like this by my little brother.

"You stay where you are," he commanded gruffly, giving my ass a squeeze.

"No, you let her go!" Seth growled. Again, I was struck by how big and scary he'd grown up to be.

"Stand down, Seth," Jacob answered.

"You don't tell me to stand down, Black," Seth thundered. He was starting to shake.

Oh my God, Seth was gonna have a seizure!

"Calm down!" Jacob yelled.

The quivering continued, intensified, Seth's outline was practically shimmering he was moving so fast.

"Mom!" I screamed. "Mama!" I knew she was back in her room, sleeping off her hangover.

Jacob clamped his hand over my mouth and I sunk my teeth into it, tasting blood.

He hissed in pain but his crotch jerked against mine, thrusting his erection against me.

Oh God! Jacob had liked me biting him!

My panties got a fresh flood of wetness even in my inner turmoil and concern for Seth.

I heard my Mom's door open.

"Stay where you are, Sue," I heard Jacob command.

What the fuck Jacob?

Seth gave a final primal roar, sounding nothing like a human…and then right in front of my eyes he exploded into a gifuckinormous mass of snarling, snapping fur, his clothes shredded and dancing up in the air like confetti.

There was a harsh, grating noise and I realized it was me screaming.

The thing that was staring at me, the giant fucking wolf that was once my brother, gave me a disturbingly human look with those brown eyes that looked so much like Seth's and then he gave an ear splitting howl and crashed through the big bay window at the breakfast nook, shattering the glass and splintering the window frame.

I gave another shriek, trying to make myself wake up.

My mom came into the kitchen then, deftly stepping around the shards of glass.

Her face was ashen but she didn't look shocked or disturbed…she looked tired.

Jacob's face was grim. He let go of my ass and gave me a sympathetic look. I was shaking. Quivering almost as badly as Seth had been.

My mom just reached into the cabinet and got out three glasses. She grabbed a half full bottle of Beam and started sloshing it into the tumblers.

What the hell?

Why was I the only one that was freaked out?

I felt sick and gave a little dry heave.

She pushed one of the glasses towards me and picked her up, taking a huge gulp.

I just stared at her.

Jacob had the glass now, pushing it under my nose. "Drink it baby," he commanded. I shook my head, tried to push it away, unable to reconcile their actions with what the fuck had just happened.

Why weren't we all running around screaming?

Why weren't we calling the police? The FBI? The fucking priest?

I needed a goddamn exorcism RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

"Drink," he repeated, pushing the rim of the glass to my lips.

My lower lip was trembling now.

I felt Jacob's other hand smooth up my thigh. Right in front of my Mom.

The hell.

I took a sip, wincing at the burn.

"Another," he said, using that authoritative tone again. His palm was sliding up higher and higher, rubbing circles. I felt that tingling return and it disturbed me to no end. What was I doing getting horny on the counter with my Mom in the same damn room?

I sucked down half the drink and felt like I could breathe fire.

His hand slipped around and rubbed my back. "Good, good," he soothed. "Its ok."

I heard him clink the glass down on the counter.

I shook my head but now it felt a little fuzzy.

"What—" my voice wouldn't work.

"Shhhh," he said. "Its ok, Leah. There's an explanation for all of this."

"An explanation?" I was beyond bewildered. My voice was too small, too pinched.

"My Dad wants to talk to you about this," he said.

Billy Black wants to talk to me about my little brother growling and then exploding into a goddamn wolf and ruining our window? Ok, I'm all ears.

"I don't understand," I said, my tongue feeling thick.

At that moment Paul stepped through the smashed window, not paying any attention to the jagged glass littering the linoleum. He stared at Jacob, his lip curling. "Maybe if Jacob had kept his dick to himself, Billy could have told you before you found out the hard way."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Sec tion 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended. **

At the sound of Paul's voice my spine went ramrod stiff, not an easy task considering there was a fair amount of bourbon racing its way through my bloodstream. What the fuck did Paul know about where Jacob's dick had been?

…and what the fuck was he doing talking like that in front of my mother?

I glanced at her, how she stared down into her glass like there was something fascinating written on the bottom. She was still wearing that tired look like a fucking badge.

There were lots of things bothering me at that particular moment. The way that my body was reacting to Jacob. The fact that Paul had dared to show his pompous ass on my territory. The small fact that my brother had somehow morphed into a wild animal in front of my very eyes. But at the bottom of this quagmire of weirdness, – the queen of .fuckery – was one simple question: Why wasn't my mother just a little more perturbed at what had just happened?

I mean, call me crazy, but at this point we may as well have added some mint leaves to our drinks, put on some fancy hats, and watched the Kentucky fuckin' Derby for all the emotion she was showing.

My confusion swirled around and only fanned the flames of my rising ire.

"Get out of here, Paul," I snapped.

He ceased his glowering at Jacob to hone his gaze in on me. "Go get some clothes on, Leah. I'm taking you to see Billy right now."

I'm sorry? Paul, dig the wax out of your ear and turn your fucking hearing aid on.

"No…you're getting the fuck out of my house," I replied.

I gave a mental cringe remembering my mom was right beside me but she just stood stoically, staring into her cup.

Paul, on the other hand, drew himself up and puffed out his chest. "You watch your mouth, Leah. Now move your ass!" he barked.

Something in his tone tugged at my insides, gave me a near compulsion to rush and obey. _The fuck, Leah? Get your shit together! _Anger reared in me and smacked down the urge to listen to anything he said; I didn't know who to be madder at, him or myself.

"Have you lost your ever-lovin' mind, Little Chief Lahote? This is my mother's house. Not yours. And you. Are. Not. Welcome."

"Leah…"Jacob cautioned. I felt his hand settle on my knee and give a squeeze of warning.

I was about to shoot him a dirty look when Paul suddenly bellowed, "Black, you back off of her right now and keep your paws to yourself."

I could feel Jacob stiffen even as I stared at Paul, astounded at his audacity. He was going to try and lord over who stood near me, who touched me?

"You don't want to start this here, " Jacob replied. I had never heard him sound so authoritative. I felt appreciation at that deep, commanding tone tickle something hidden inside of me. It felt foreign and pleasant. I could hear the mental alarm sirens start to blare.

I needed time to sit down and process this fuck-crazy reaction my body was having to Jacob Black.

"Exactly right, _Beta_," Paul spat. "No starting. I'm finishing it right here. Now back off her."

What the hell? Beta fish? Beta version? I wracked my brain trying to come up with any other plausible thing that would explain the use of that word.

Jacob's guttural growl humming in the back of his throat brought me back to reality. I gave him a rough shove, the whole reason for this bizarre verbal pissing match coming back to me. I slipped off the counter and stood in front of my mom, not caring I was in front of Jacob and Paul in my underwear.

She didn't give any indication that she realized I was there.

"Mom," I started, laying a hand on her arm. "What happened to Seth?"

This woman knew more than she was letting on.

Her gaze slid from her glass to where my hand rested on her arm. After three years of barely seeing her, even I had to admit it looked foreign. It felt odd to really be touching.

"Leah, get some damn pants on if you want to know about Seth," Paul thundered.

I ignored him. "Mom!" I snapped, hoping to startle her out of her catatonia. "Tell Paul to get the hell out of our kitchen!"

"Leah," she sighed. "Just let Paul and Jacob take you to see Billy."

Paul looked smug.

Monkeys could have flown out of my fourth point of contact and not have surprised me more.

What in the holy fucking blazes? What kind of bleeding anarchy was this?

I had the rest of the Jim Beam in my hand instantly, tossing back the entire glass in one greedy gulp. It burned all the way down and settled like a brand in my stomach.

"I'm not going anywhere with Paul. Its Jacob or nobody."

Mom's head snapped up and her tone rose and took on a pitch and authority I hadn't heard in the three years since Dad died. "Leah Clearwater, _do not_ defy me. You do what Paul says, right now."

I felt my lower jaw unhinge.

Were we on the midnight express to crazy town?

My own mother, flesh of my flesh, was commanding me to listen to Paul?

I had to blink back tear and swallow them around that ball of betrayal lodged in my throat, not the least bit surprised that they burned far more than that gulp of liquor.

"Mom?" I croaked. I hated the vulnerability, the weakness I could hear in my own voice. Who was this strange woman in front of me?

She wheeled around from me then, facing the stove. Her shoulders sagged with what seemed like the weight of the world.

I felt like she had just truly mentally turned her back on me in that instant. Other than Rachel, the last person I thought I had left in my corner had gone and run to team Paul.

What had happened? Did everyone forget about all the bullshit and hurt and lies he had heaped on me?

My mom standing here telling me to listen to him. Seth joining up his little boy band.

Had they forgotten?

Or did they just not care?

My hand tightened around the glass; I was overcome with helplessness and sorrow but desperate to keep it hidden. There was a loud pop and an almost musical tinkle, followed by a white-hot flash of liquid heat in my palm. I gasped in surprise at the dull throb of pain there.

Blood was already starting to drip on my mother's freshly scrubbed linoleum.

If there was two things Sue Clearwater lived for it was a well-stocked liquor cabinet and a sparkling clean house.

I wanted to giggle. It must have been the liquor taking over, making me feel slightly giddy.

A smashed window and a pint of my blood on the floor probably weren't on her to-do list today. Serves her right for trying to force me to have anything to do with my fuck-faced ex.

Jacob was beside me instantly, plucking the shattered remains of the tumbler from my palm. I stared down in detachment at the blood dripping from two deep, angry gashes. Ah, yep. Those were going to need stitches.

"Shit!" Paul stormed, striding towards us. _Don't touch me, _I thought, just as he reached for me. "Let me see her hand," he demanded.

"Just wipe it," Jacob countered.

Paul's lip curled into a sneer but he dabbed at my wet palm with a clean dishtowel he'd evidently snagged from the counter, surprisingly gentle in contrast to his stiff posture and gruff words.

We all stared.

Then Mom was pressing in over my shoulder now, staring down at my palm with the rest of us. Now you care huh? Now you want to pay attention to the weird shit happening around here?

My knees started to quiver, teeth clacked together violently. I dug them into my lower lip and bit hard, stopping the wild chattering and sealing in the scream of terror trying to tear its way from my throat.

There was no more gushing blood. There was nothing for blood to gush from. My palm was still smeared with gooey blood but there were no deep gashes. No cuts. No scratches, even. Nothing but the intact skin and usual creases of a regular palm.

Jacob inhaled sharply.

"This makes no sense," he muttered to himself but I still heard.

"This makes perfect sense," Paul answered.

I opened my mouth to ask Paul just what the fuck was normal about a cut sealing itself shut in a matter of seconds but I was interrupted.

"Its _not_ normal," Jacob said.

I gave him a dirty look, swallowing my fear and replacing it with the usual scathing anger and sarcasm. "Well no shit!" I hissed, strangely comforted by the familiarity of my burning need to be a bitch.

He returned my dirty look, nostrils flaring.

We were glaring daggers at each other now.

"Leah, don't be a fucking bitch, I'm trying to help you."

"Help me with what, Black? " I balled the previously filleted hand into a tight fist and punched him as hard as I could in the belly. Fire exploded and shot up my arm, making my elbow tingle. It was only soothed by his grunt of surprise as the wind was knocked out of him. "What could you possibly know about my fucking hand?"

"Dammit, Leah!" he spluttered. He was still slightly bent over, rubbing at his abdomen.

I flexed my hand, heard my knuckles crack. Punching him had been like punching a concrete wall.

Paul spun me around roughly and grabbed my upper arms, leaning his face close to mine. "No more fucking around, Leah. I'm telling you to get some clothes on or I will dress your ass myself."

"Just try it, Lahote, and I'll claw your eyes out." I was dead serious.

"Leah! That's enough!" My mother exploded. "Quit being so difficult and listen to Paul!" She started to weep softly and I felt the guilt start to gnaw at me.

No.

I gave a mental headshake.

It didn't matter. I was too shocked, too scared, too angry at being squished in this claustrophobic little town with everyone staring at me, with these weird things happening, my brother exploding, the crazy awareness of Jacob, with Paul way too close for comfort.

Sorry, Mom. The first rule of survival is the rule of self-preservation.

"No. No. No! I'm leaving," I declared, wrenching myself from Paul's grasp.

"Going where?" my mother cried.

"Off this goddamned reservation! I'm DONE!"

I was so done! So, so done. I didn't care if I had to live in a cardboard box back in Seattle until the semester started. I would not be here to see the sun set on this fucking crazy train.

"That's it! The _only _place you are going is to see Billy Black." And with that Paul hefted me over his shoulder, despite my clawing, kicking, and cursing, and strode purposefully towards my room.

"Put her down, Paul!" Jacob barked.

Paul twisted around and I clung to him momentarily, scrambling to keep myself from flying off the wild motion.

"This ends, Black!" Paul's voice deepened, the baritone rumbling though my belly where it was pressed hard into his shoulder. His arm clasped tighter, a steel band digging in my upper thighs just below my ass. "I'm ordering you to go home right now and wait for us there."

What in the mother-loving hell?

I tried to rise off of Paul's shoulder, twisting in some crazy yoga posture to watch this insane exchange.

Jacob was obviously seething. He was visibly trembling, fighting some kind of internal battle. His chest started to heave.

"You," he gritted out, his eyes positively feral, "are on fucking borrowed time, Lahote."

And with that he stalked off, leaving me gaping at his broad back.

What was that supposed to mean?

Jacob was taking orders from Paul now?

Jesus help me, why was everyone listening to him?

I untwisted, surveying our position in the narrow hall. If I could somehow scramble out of his grasp, where would I run? If I could make it to the hall bath and lock the door there was a window I could fit through. I'd have to be quick. No stumbling, no hesitating. This would be a one shot deal.

Crack!

The loud slap echoed before I felt the sting on my ass. I jerked almost upright as his huge palm closed over the whole cheek, squeezing it through the thin fabric of my panties. He squeezed harder. "Be a good girl, LeeLee," he admonished.

Urgh. Hell fucking no!

I was many things but a good girl was not on that list.

In reply I drug my nails across the skin of his back, leaving deep, angry gouges.

"Dammit!" he exploded.

I did it again, deeper, taking perverse satisfaction in the bright red stripes marring the smooth copper skin of his back. He was stomping again, his fingers digging painfully into my assflesh.

I ducked just in time to avoid slamming into the top of my doorway.

My door slammed so hard it rocked on its hinges and sent pictures from my wall toppling to the floor.

He dumped me onto the bed roughly, face first.

I went to scramble to my knees, ready for a fight, but his huge palm was pressing down on the back of my neck, pushing me hard into the mattress.

"Get the fuck off of me you goddamned stupid motherfucker," I seethed, but half of it was mumbled by the covers as we struggled, me trying to push up, him pressing down.

I felt him swing his leg over my hips and straddle my upper thighs, sitting right behind the swell of my ass. His hand tangled in my hair, yanking my head back enough that he could pant right in my ear, "If you don't quit cussing at me I'm going to use your panties as a gag. See if that doesn't shut that smart little mouth of yours."

My eyes popped open and bulged.

The image of Paul peeling off my panties and stuffing them in my mouth sent a shock through me.

What in the hell?

More alarm bells were sounding in my head. I was going to go deaf from all these mental wailing sirens.

The stress of being back in La Push was driving me insane.

We were undulating together, me desperately trying to buck him off. His free arm was shoving my arms underneath me, robbing me of the leverage they provided in trying to push up. He jerked his hips, using them to press me harder in the mattress, to gain control over me wildly flailing lower body.

I felt the hard ridge of his cock pressing insistently against the cleft of my ass and my entire body froze.

I had spent three years denying these feelings. Everything came flooding back at once, the floodgates of just how much I had missed being pressed beneath him. Of causing that reaction and feeling like I was sexy.

He chuckled darkly in my ear.

"Is that all it takes to get you to behave, Little Girl?" He ground himself against me and I had to bite back a moan. "I'm glad to see you're still my cock hungry little LeeLee."

God…this was new. Paul had never talked dirty like this. He had never man handled me like this either.

There were too many conflicting emotions racing around in my head. I wanted to be appalled, I WAS appalled.

But I was also wet.

Wet like I hadn't been in three long years.

The closeness of Paul, the heat he was throwing off, was throwing me off balance.

His hand wasn't tangled in my hair anymore. Both hands were cupping my ass cheeks, pulsing them together and apart, my panties were now dug up into my crack.

His hands felt so right on my bare skin. Just like they always had.

He let go of my ass and started to tug at my panties, working them down.

"Would a nice hard fuck calm you down?"

I gave a strangled noise, caught up in the spell he was weaving with his dirty talk. Never had I imagined hearing his smutty words would get me so hot and bothered.

The panties were now rolled down to where our bodies met. He shifted, lifting so that he could shove them the rest of the way down my thighs.

Oh my God, was this going to happen?

Was I going to go from scratching the shit out of Paul to letting him fuck me doggy style on my bed?

Had he fucked Emily like that this morning?

.

.

.

No!

"No!" I gasped. "Stop."

He froze behind me.

"Stop?" he asked.

I nodded, feeling like I was going to burst into tears at any fucking second.

What was I doing? PMSing?

He gave the panties a sharp tug at the gusset, which I'm sure was soaking wet.

"Are you sure about that? Because your body looks like it doesn't want to stop."

I buried my face in the mattress, feeling my cheeks flame with shame. He was exactly right. My body wanted more. "Please stop, Paul,"

"Are you going to be a good girl?"

I nodded, desperate to get him off of me before I begged him to start touching me again.

He was pulling my panties back up, swiftly smoothing them back into a semblance

of decency.

"Consider this a warning, Leah. You need to get your shit together real fast. Cos if you get out of line again, I'm going to take personal satisfaction in putting you back in your place."

He slid off of me easily.

"I'm going to be in the living room. If you aren't dressed and ready to go in five minutes I'm coming back in here and stripping you naked. And I'll make damn sure you don't say stop."

Even back before the Paul-Emily fiasco, the Black house was never my favorite place to be.

"Too lippy" Billy had called me once.

I wasn't terribly fond of him either. Too much tribal council overlord, too much seriousness. Rachel hadn't had the carefree childhood that Seth and I had been blessed with. No, when they lost their mom it was her that had to step up and take care of Jacob and Billy. In my opinion she'd been forced to grow up before her time.

Jacob had been allowed more freedom but even he'd been saddled with responsibilities beyond his years.

We tolerated each other over the years with a strained politeness when straight out ignoring wouldn't work. It explained the superficial exchange at the bonfire. Mr. Black this, Mr. Black that.

Now, sitting here on his dingy couch, sandwiched between Paul and Jacob, it felt even more uncomfortable.

There was a tension between them, rolling off their skin. I felt stifled between those two towering bodies.

Waiting for Billy was making me cross. What the fuck was he doing anyway? Had we interrupted his early morning nap? Was The Price is Right on? Or was he just being an asshole? Probably the later.

Whatever was keeping him was giving me too much time to think. My cheeks still felt hot from that stupid exchange with Paul. Letting him dry hump me right after Jacob's mouth had been wrapped around my nipple. Three years since he had started fucking my cousin behind my back. Did I have absolutely no fucking self-respect?

I sighed and could sense them both look at me.

Too bad. I was way too conflicted and caught up in my own self-pity to acknowledge either of them right now.

Life was rapidly becoming a snarled little fuck-knot. All these loose threads were tangling together, tying me down. Where to start?…The betrayal of finding out that Seth was hanging out with my cheating ex. My mother siding with my cheating ex. My body hungering for said cheating ex. My body flaring to attention over Jacob Black. Me finding out that everyone and their goddamn uncle had the same tattoo that I did. My best friend being terrified of my ex with no apparent explanation. My hand healing in a manner of seconds as I watched. The little blow up I'd just had with my mom. Let's not forget the fact that Seth could turn into a fucking wolf and nobody but me seemed distressed by it.

My head spun with sheer amount of insanity thrust upon me in what…24 hours?

Had I even been in this god-forsaken assfuck of a town for 24 hours?

How did anyone blame me for being such a bitch? How long could I push this down and not deal with it? Processing any of this would be inviting a shit ton of hurt.

If Billy would just hurry up and wheel his ass out here, he could tell me whatever I needed to know so I could get the fuck out of La Push. Out of sight, out of mind.

"A little help in here, boys," Billy called.

About damn time!

They went off to help him do whatever and I frowned, looking around at the graying walls and the shelves and side tables covered in dust.

Evidently Rachel being away at college was taking its toll on the housekeeping around here.

Where was Rachel anyway?

There was no time to ponder that as Paul emerged from Billy's room, carrying a massive book covered with a distressed leather cover. He set it on the coffee table in front of me uncharacteristic reverence. Next came Billy himself, being wheeled into the room by Jacob. He stopped in front of me, the table filling the distance between us.

Paul and Jacob settled on each side of me again, closing me in with their heat.

"Leah Clearwater," Billy said solemnly.

"Mr. Black," I replied.

"Oh cut the shit, Leah. Everybody else calls me Billy."

"Fine. Billy. "

"Fine."

We stared at each other and let the silence stretch out.

With the warning of Paul echoing in my head, I stomped out the urge to sigh and drum my fingers impatiently.

"You know of our legends," he stated.

This was not a question he was posing. It was a statement of fact.

Irritation surged through me. Of course I knew the legends. They had been pounded into our heads since grade school.

"Which ones, Billy?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice. Paul linked his arm through mine, bridal style, and gave a warning squeeze.

I swallowed, determined to keep my scathing comments to myself.

"That we came from wolves," I clarified.

He nodded.

Another beat of silence.

"You're telling me that Booboo turns into a giant wolf because we came from them?" It was a struggle to keep the incredulous tone out of my voice. When it became obvious that I was not going to show my ass, Paul let me have my arm back. I clasped my hands together and rested them in my lap.

"Don't call him Booboo, Leah." Billy said solemnly. "He's a man now. A protector of our tribe." For once he wasn't looking down his nose disapprovingly. He wasn't admonishing me. He was almost gentle.

"A protector?" I said slowly. I could do this. I could have a rationale conversation.

"We're protectors, Leah," Jacob said. "Protectors against the cold ones."

I just stared at Billy and tried to process that.

"Who, Jacob?" Realization hit me. "Paul's gang?"

"Its not a gang. It's the pack," Billy clarified.

All these overgrown boys of La Push that I'd grown up with.

"Pack?" I let the word roll of my tongue. "Like a wolf pack?" He nodded but I needed this spelled out. "Paul has a wolf pack?"

Jacob's body went totally stiff beside me.

"Its more complicated than that," he answered.

My clasped hands clenched together painfully.

"Billy, I'm trying. I'm really, really trying. But I feel like you are telling me a whole lot of nothing."

"What do you need me to tell you, Leah? You already know the stories. Now you know they're true. You know who the pack is. The rest you're just going to have to learn as you go."

I shook my head a little. "No time for that. I'm headed back to Seattle."

One eyebrow flew up and it struck me in that moment how much Jacob took after him in looks.

"You're not -"

"Leah, what—"

Paul and Jacob both went to speak at once but Billy held his hand up. "Boys, stop." He stared at both of them in turn. Then he turned back to me. "Leah, your tattoo isn't going to let you leave."

My head reared back in shock, the full impact of his words crashing into me.

"What do you mean?" My voice was shrill now and I couldn't help it.

Paul shot me a warning look but I waved him off.

Billy was leaning forward; his arms gripped the sides of his wheelchair.

"You're one of them, Leah."

"I'm a wolf?" My chin was touching my chest as I stared at him.

He gave a curt, serious nod.

I started to laugh, a wave of hysteria rising in me.

"You think I can turn into a wolf?"

"Females don't turn," he answered.

Well of course they don't! "Well isn't that fucking convenient?" I exclaimed.

"Leah!" Paul barked, about to launch off the couch.

"No, Paul, let her be!" Billy said. "You remember when you found out?"

Paul sank back into the couch, silent but scowling.

"This is crazy!" I exclaimed. "Crazy," I repeated, trying to convince myself.

The book on the coffee table opened with a thud.

"Look at this, Leah," Billy said authoritatively. His finger stabbed at the page where a stark black and white copy of my tattoo, the "pack" tattoo, jumped out in stark relief.

Seeing it there made my heart flip-flop like a dying fish on dry land.

I shrugged it off and hid behind my usual aura of bitchiness.

"So?" I sneered. "So my tattoo is in some book of tribal fairytales? What the fuck does that mean, Billy?"

"You better tread very lightly, Little Girl," Paul growled behind me.

"Leah," Jacob said gently. "You know these aren't fairytales. You saw Seth. You saw your hand."

I threw my hands up in surrender. "Fine, ok, Seth turned into a giant wolf. What has that got to do with me?"

"Your hand," he said simply.

Damn!

Damn him, he was right!

I sank onto my knees in front of the book, stared down at the page and the unfamiliar writing. Quileute. Why hadn't I bothered to take that elective in school?

Billy was leaning so far forward I thought he was going to dump out of his wheelchair.

"What made you get that tattoo, Leah?"

I touched the book, traced the stark black and white with my nail. "I don't know. I dreamed about it. "

"You dreamed about this mark?"

I nodded. "I dreamed that someone branded me," I said. I hadn't admitted this to anyone.

"Who?" Paul demanded.

I shook my head. Oh no, I wasn't admitting anymore.

"Who?" he prodded, louder, more insistent.

"It doesn't matter, Paul," Billy snapped. "Its just confirmation. She's the first female."

"I thought Emily was the first," Jacob started.

Pain sliced through me. Emily. Of course Emily was somehow tied into this eerie shit. It was just another thread tying me to that conniving bitch.

"Not the same," Billy grunted. "That one was marked. Leah was chosen by the Great Spirits."

"By the spirits?" Paul echoed. "Maybe its because she was with me?"

"Bullshit, Paul. The others don't heal like that. And they don't punch like Leah does!" Jacob declared emphatically.

Billy looked irritated. "Paul, it has been far too long since you have laid with her for you to have had any effect. Do not disrespect the honor our ancestors have bestowed on Leah by blessing her with this gift by questioning it. There is no record of any other female protector among our tribe. All of the other female pack members ever recorded were those that were marked."

What the hell was all this marking business?

And Billy was saying I deserved honor and respect?

"Billy, what did you mean? My tattoo isn't going to let me leave?"

He gave me a long, assessing look. Paul and Jacob pressed closer and that's when I knew his reply was going to be bad.

That atom bomb in my chest started to vibrate in warning.

"That tattoo marks you as a protector of La Push."

I nodded. We'd covered this already.

"As a protector you have to stay here."

Dread welled up in my stomach. Dread and denial.

"No!" I gasped.

"Did someone force you to take that tattoo, Girl?" He stared at me.

I shook my head.

"Well, there you go. Whether you realized what you were doing or not, you took the mark."

I was about to detonate. What was the fairness in this?

"Dad, that makes no sense. Those marks given to the other girls…if Leah was chosen why does it matter if she has a tattoo?"

"Jacob, I don't know. This is a unique situation. I haven't read anything like it in our history. But none of you had a choice, did you? You just phased. If what you told me this morning is right and she heals like you and she is strong enough to hit you and hurt…. I could be wrong but I'll bet you she's not going to be able to leave La Push."

"Well I hope you're wrong," I snapped.

"Someone wiser than their years told me once that hope floats but so does shit," Billy deadpanned. He started to chuckle.

I felt my cheeks heat up. Of course he'd use my smart-ass comment from last night back against me.

Ok, everything was ok. It was going to be fine. Billy wasn't sure. I wasn't tied to La Push. That was crazy talk. Why would I be tied here?

Billy didn't know what the fuck he was talking about.

"I need to go," I declared.

"We'll talk again," he said.

Don't count on it, Billy. Don't count on it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended. **

I stumbled towards home in some kind of daze.

This was too much to handle. Too much to process.

If I hadn't seen Seth, hadn't watched my own hand stitch back together, I'd think they all needed to be committed. As it was, I was wondering if somehow that nasty beer from the bonfire had been spiked with hallucinogens. If only! A mass drugging somehow seemed more appealing than the harsh reality Billy was trying to sell me.

Rachel caught me at the edge of my yard. She was red faced, panting a little. It was obvious she'd run from somewhere.

"You know."

I nodded, not in the mood for superfluous conversation.

We walked along the perimeter of the yard side by side.

"You don't have the _mark_," I stated simply, twisting the word mark around.

She shook her head.

"How long have you known?" Had this been one of those need-to-know things that I didn't know about three years ago?

"I found out just after Christmas. Right before I left to go back to school." Her admission tickled something in my brain but I couldn't pluck it from the recesses of my consciousness, what with all the other bullshit swirling around up there.

Well, at least I hadn't been in the dark for years while everyone else had known.

"How did you find out?"

We stopped walking. I wasn't looking at her. I was scanning the yard around us, the pathway, the edge of the forest. Making sure our conversation was private.

"This is going to hurt," she warned.

What didn't anymore?

I nodded.

"Seth."

I could tell by her tone that she didn't mean Seth had brought it up in some kind of casual conversation.

Talk about a fucking bombshell! The yard was forgotten now and my eyes were boring holes into her.

"Are you shitting me, Rachel?" I hissed. Hurt exploded inside of me. My best friend and my little brother! And I didn't know shit about anything. "You and Seth?"

She nodded.

"Yes? You and Seth what? You're together? You were together? You fucked?" She flinched from my cold, vicious tone.

"We…had sex."

"You fucked."

"No! I'm in love with Seth," she confessed.

The hurt multiplied ten-fold. My best friend was in love and she hadn't breathed a single word to me about it. For six fucking months.

"Then why aren't you with him?" I snarled.

"I refused the mark."

"What?" What the hell was she – "Explain, please."

"The marking. When you belong to a wolf he bites you to mark his claim. And then you get the tattoo and you become part of the pack."

Things were starting to click into place.

"So why did you refuse?"

Her eyes welled up with tears and I felt like an asshole but was unable to stop myself. It felt dirty, wrong, to take out my frustration on my best friend, but I was on some kind of unstoppable roll.

"I was afraid. Afraid to be tied here, unable to leave the rez."

She was crying now, fat silent tears that streamed down her cheeks.

"And when I wouldn't take it, Paul ordered Seth to break it off with me."

What? "Why would Seth listen to him?"

"Dammit, Leah, didn't they tell you anything back there? Why did I spend the whole morning helping Old Quil clean his house so they could talk to you if I had to explain everything?"

"You aren't explaining shit!" I said unkindly, desperate for her to get to the point.

"Paul is the alpha of the pack! Which is why he's the unofficial chief of the tribe."

Alpha? Paul was the boss?

That explained so much. Rachel really was a thousand times more helpful than those jerkoffs this morning.

"So why did Jacob say he was on borrowed time?"

Rachel scoffed and let lose a giant, disgusting sniffle. "Jacob is the true alpha because Ephraim Black was the alpha of the last pack. He's also supposed to be the tribe chief. But he doesn't want the responsibility so he keeps letting Paul run things."

I was still confused. "How did Paul get to be the stand-in if Jacob is the rightful alpha?"

"Because Paul phased first." At my blank look she huffed, "He turned into a wolf first."

…

"When?"

I already knew the answer.

She looked guilty.

"When he left you for Emily."

Leah, there will be time for your own emotional breakdown later. Help your friend. Help your friend.

I pulled Rachel into my arms and hugged her. She let herself cry, pressing her face into my neck. How many times had we done this over the years? Without her mom around, I had let her sob against me many times. I'd cried with her too in my more tender years. Those were long gone. She hadn't seen me shed a single tear since that day three years ago. Nobody had.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" I asked gently.

She snuffled. "I'm sorry, I couldn't! All of this stuff is so secretive. Its like a secret society!"

I rubbed her back soothingly. "Its ok, Rach. I'm not mad anymore. Not at you."

"This is such a mess," she whispered. "Seth barely looks at me. I don't even know how he feels anymore because of Paul's order."

My teeth clenched together. Paul was turning out to be a bigger asshole than I thought. No matter last night she was practically pissing her pants at his displeasure. He had already hurt her in a very nasty way.

"I should have taken the mark," she confessed.

I shook my head. "Why would you tie yourself to this place?"

"I belong here," she said. "I can feel it. I belong with Seth."

I rolled my eyes, glad she couldn't see. "Not me, I'm getting the hell out of here."

She pulled back from my shoulder in surprise, wiping the snot from her face with her sleeve. "How are you going to leave with that tattoo?"

"I've had this tattoo for a few weeks now, Rach. Its got shit to do with where I go. Don't take this the wrong way but your Dad is a fool."

"Then why couldn't you get a job this summer?"

I looked at her scornfully. "Because the job market is shit this year."

She looked skeptical. "Leah, you've had an internship fall in your lap every single summer semester. You're talented and you have experience."

"Rachel, I love you like a sister. Please don't try and draw me into some weird voodoo superstitious tribal bullshit, ok? I don't believe it. I'm sorry to abandon you here but I can't stay. I hope you'll come up to Seattle and visit this summer."

She nodded slowly. "If you go, I'll come visit."

"When I go," I corrected.

…..

"Leah, there's absolutely nothing left for us to teach you. I can't justify bringing you in for another internship. You left here last summer producing better work than some of our junior staff!"

"Miles, I'm desperate. You don't have _anything_? I'll even work in the copy room!"

My boss from last year in the slick skyscraper raised his voice to a girly shrill. "Leah Clearwater, you are way too good to be workin' in a copy room, honey. Listen, I'd love to take you on as full time staff. Believe me, honey, if I had room in the budget you'd be sitting beside me having an espresso right now! The second – do you hear me girl? – the second I have anything open up, I'm hiring you on the spot! I don't care if you're still in school, you are a shoo in."

"Shit." I replied, dejected. "What am I going to do?"

"Oh, honey," he crowed. "Enjoy your summer! You've got the rest of your life to work! Go to the beach. Get a boyfriend." I heard Miles hesitate. "Make up with your family."

He'd been a good boss. A flamboyant, almost stereotypical gay boss but I'd learned a lot from him last summer and he'd become somewhat of a confidante.

"Things are complicated," I replied.

Complicated didn't begin to describe it.

"Sweetie, they always are. Trust me, I know! Listen, princess, I've got a meeting in five, gotta go. Love you, mean it!"

The line went dead.

Fuck.

This was the culmination of a two-hour rally of phone calls to any and every contact I could think of.

There simply were no fucking jobs in the greater, lesser, and outer Seattle region.

Unless I wanted to start hooking for a living.

A mailman was laying on the doorbell not a minute later, huffing and puffing and looking at his watch while I signed for a certified letter.

From The University of Washington.

I felt my eyebrows knit together.

What in the hell could this be? Grades had already been issued.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, ignoring the fact that hours earlier Jacob had been between my legs while I sat on it. Or trying to ignore it.

It was pretty hard to keep my mind from drifting that way with the plastic sheeting taped down to cover the busted window kept flapping from the breeze outside.

Making quick work of the envelope, I pushed all those thoughts aside, staring at the financial aid notification.

Dear Ms. Clearwater, blah blah blah. We regret to inform you that the federal program blah blah entitling you to a housing waiver has been discontinued. Huh? My eyes scanned faster. In order to reserve student housing for next semester a fee of $1500 is due no later than June 15. If you are unable to blah blah blah we will release your room to another student. We are pleased to extend to you the option to complete your senior years via distance learning. A federal grant has been secured to provide displaced students with laptop computers and subsidized satellite internet service. Please contact the financial aid office if you have any questions.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I had the UW financial aid office manager on the phone in less than three minutes.

"Yes, Ms. Clearwater, unfortunately the funding for that program has been significantly restructured. Your major is not one of the allowed programs so we're unable to extend the housing waiver to you for next year."

"Well, can't I switch majors?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, the program is full. You can apply again for the next school year if you are interested in changing majors."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I practically wailed. I wasn't crying but I felt like I was on the verge of hysterics. "I've spent three years of my life studying this stuff for nothing? I can't afford to pay for housing!"

"Ms. Clearwater," she explained patiently, "As the letter explained, you're already been approved to start the online program. You'll be able to graduate in the same time as if you had been on campus. I'll just need you to print off the attachment, fill it out, and send it back to my office in the next week. They are the application forms for laptops and internet subsidies."

I hung up without replying.

What in the hell was going on? My life plans were literally crumbling in front of my face. It was bad enough to be stuck here for the summer. But now, faced with the reality that there was no escape to Seattle in August, I felt fear well up inside of me.

My hand flew to my opposite upper arm, stroked over the smooth skin where the tattoo branded me. The spot felt burning hot, even to my own fingers.

Billy had been right. I was never going to be able to get away from this fucking reservation.

I felt my teeth start to chatter.

Unflappable Leah, cold as ice Leah, was about to spiral out of control and have a fuckfit.

Seth still hadn't shown up and as far as I knew my mom was still out doing _whatever_. Probably at the bar. But still, I couldn't risk being caught in this moment of weakness. My eyes darted to my closet.

A second later I was shoving hangers to the side and scrambling inside, dropping to my knees. I pulled the door shut behind me, eyes quickly adjusting in the dim light cast from the ancient light bulb. There was a smaller door here, on the floor that led to a crawl space for storage. I nearly ripped the door from its hinges and scrambled through, dragging one of my pillows behind me. Leah, the regular Alice in Wonderland in her own damn closet.

I'd done this dance before.

Inside the crawl space I rose to my knees. There was just enough room for me to unfold and press my pillow tight to my mouth.

And I started to scream.

I was nearly suffocating myself with the pillow in order to muffle the hoarse cries.

I was so enraged with my predicament, so helplessly tangled in this fucking bizarre web. And it seemed there was nothing to do to fix it.

I was going to be stuck here forever, trapped next to my fucking ex, and faced with the guilt of what my weakness had done to my family.

Right?

Bitterness and anger from Paul's betrayal had turned me into such a snappy bitch that my father had died from a massive heart attack.

I'd turned my mother into a raging alcoholic that was only a shell of her former self.

I'd stolen Seth's childhood from him. Stolen his mother and his father.

The screaming continued.

It felt cathartic, letting those harsh, hoarse cries rip from deep inside my guts.

This was my dirty secret.

My own personal, private release.

And then there was a gush of cool air and light into the stale recesses of this makeshift dark womb. A hot hand wrapped around my ankle was hauling me out. Struggling and kicking was futile and it only took a few seconds before I was upright in my bedroom, the pillow being yanked from my face.

"Leah, what the fuck?" Jacob snarled.

He gripped my arms and gave me a shake.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm not ok! I'm stuck here and…and God! This is such a damn mess!"

He hauled me against his chest and I just let him hold me there, flush against his hot skin.

"Clearwater, you don't have to stand in your closet and scream. You don't have to be so damn tough all the time." I felt his hot breath gusting over the crown of my head.

Being so close to six feet, it was rare that I didn't feel like some kind of mutant giant. I towered over most women and was usually eye-to-eye with most guys. But here, pressed into him, I felt petite. I felt protected.

Jacob wanted to protect me.

Was I ready to let him?

Our moment in the kitchen came back to me.

He hadn't been shirtless earlier. We hadn't been pressed together full length like this. I hadn't been feeling so fuck-crazy miserable and in need of comfort.

There was a tingle between my thighs.

He groaned and shifted against me and I gasped, feeling the stalk of his erection press fully into my abdomen.

Jesus!

Was it really that big? I shifted back, trying to subtly judge its size.

It_ was_ that big. Could that even fit inside of me? I squirmed again, needing to rub against him.

Another tingle, this one more insistent.

I felt my panties start to dampen.

My cheeks were bright pink, I could feel them glowing, so I pressed my forehead into his rock-hard pectoral, looking down.

It was the wrong thing to do.

I got a clear view of his cock as it strained hard against the fabric of his cotton shorts.

In that moment, I couldn't remember what I had been screaming about in the closet.

My thighs were clamped together but I needed more pressure, needed to stifle the electric throbbing in my wayward clitoris. Before I did something stupid.

So I wiggled my hips, alternating the pressure, trying to find the exact right angle to choke off the pulsing heat.

All I managed to do was add to the friction, pouring gasoline on the fire.

Now I was wiggling, pressing, squirming, the desperate need to stifle the sensations morphing into a burning desire to intensify them. I was going to…oh shit I was going to…

I pressed my mouth into Jacob's skin and gave a low moan

Fuck!

Maybe he didn't hear! Maybe he didn't hear!

Except I couldn't stop. There was some kind of insane heat coursing through my body and I wormed around, barely resisting the urge to push my hands down my shorts.

What the fuck?

Honest to God, I hadn't masturbated since I was like 16. But now the urge to having something, anything touch me there, was almost uncontrollable.

My nostrils flared at the realization.

And then I smelled the most delectable scent. It was like sandalwood and the sunshine and the way the rain smelled in the air when it first started to patter down.

I felt my heart rate spike at the smell. What the motherfuck? How did a smell make you horny?

But it was. I wanted to eat this smell with a spoon. I inhaled deeply, sucking it inside.

Fuck me, it was rolling off of Jacob. He literally reeked of this fuck-hot scent that was driving me to distraction.

Oh my God, I was going to go up in flames.

Jacob was just standing there stoically. I couldn't look up at him, didn't want to see his reaction to my insane writhing. At that second it wouldn't have mattered if he'd looked disapproving or even disgusted.

I was hot. Burning hot. What kind of witchcraft was this?

His skin was so tempting, stretched tight over his massive muscles, smooth and radiating a delicious heat right under my lips. I let my lips part where they had pressed tight before. Now I could feel that heat in my mouth. My tongue flicked out involuntarily and tasted. Now I had that delicious smell in my mouth.

And suddenly I was on my back in the bed with Jacob hovering on his knees between my thighs.

God, it was so different now with my legs open.

"What do you need, Leah?" he rasped.

Fuck. I didn't know exactly what I needed but at this very second I needed Jacob to give it to me.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, unable to articulate what it was that I needed. My hips surged forward.

"Yeh?" he cooed. "Is that what you need, baby?" My head felt fuzzy, drunk on the smell of him, and I had no idea what he was talking about. I hadn't spoken.

His hand spanned the curve of my hip and he pressed his thumb firmly against the pulsing nub at the apex of my thighs.

I gave a moan of relief at the welcome pressure.

This was exactly what I needed.

Except…

I gave an experimental wiggle. This was almost what I needed but something was missing.

"Jacob, please…" I whimpered.

"Please what?" he said huskily. "Look at me, Leah."

My eyelids felt heavy and it took a second to focus on him. His stare was black and intense.

"Anything you want, baby. You just have to ask for it."

His deep voice rumbled pleasantly, making my lower belly quiver in some kind of anticipation.

His declaration was so hot but so overwhelming. I didn't know what to ask for and instead I shut down, asked for nothing.

He waited expectantly, gave an impatient tap, tap, tap with the pad of his thumb.

Excitement surged through me again.

"Come on, Leah. Tell me," he sang.

I whined.

"Does it ache?" He was teasing now.

I nodded.

"Yeh, that little pussy aches?" Now he had his index finger running slowly over the seam of my worn cotton shorts. I could easily feel the heat of that digit as it ghosted lightly up and down. "Does it feel better when I touch it?"

I nodded again. Like a bobble head.

"Tell me," he demanded.

"It feels better when you touch it."

He chuckled and pressed his finger more insistently. "Is that the best you've got?"

My eyes closed in frustration. Why was he torturing me?

"Do you want me to stop?"

Did I?

I shook my head no.

He gave another chuckle. "I'm not used to seeing this quiet side of you." His index finger was now sliding up and down my inner thigh, tracing the straining ligament there.

"You know," his voice dropped an octave as he spoke. "That was so fucking hot this morning. I could feel every curve and fold though those little red panties." His fingertip was now under the edge of my shorts, resting on the elastic of the panty edge. His nail rested on that thin elastic strip, rocking it back and forth. "I wanted to rip them off of you."

I drew in a deep, shuddering breath and got another lungful of that delicious smell seeping out of his pores.

Wetness surged between my legs.

His intake of breath was audible and I found him staring hard at the junction between my thighs.

The heather gray cotton was darker there. Obviously damp with my arousal.

I squirmed, wishing I could clamp my legs down.

He was lifting my ass, bending me this way and that, as he worked the shorts off, chucking them onto the floor.

It maybe took ten seconds for him to shuck me from my bottoms and have my thighs settled back around him in exactly the same position. Only now the only thing separating my naked folds from his hungry gaze was the very wet gusset of my panties.

I sucked in more air; dizzy with the smell pouring off of him and spreading like a blanket on me.

How could I have never noticed this smell before? Was this more wolfy shit?

God, if it was, it was the best wolfy shit ever.

His thumb sliding low on my pubic mound now, dancing just above the waistband of the panties, then just below. In and out, in and out.

_Just touch me,_ I wanted to yell. But I didn't. I lay there and let him stroke me. Tease me.

I couldn't remember having ever been so turned on.

"Are you gonna tell me what you want, Leah?" Suddenly Jacob's face was right in front of mine but his thumb continued its lethal assault just above where I actually wanted it.

I watched with fascination as his plump lips parted, giving me a peek at his neat white teeth. God, how could teeth be sexy?

And then those teeth were nibbling at my lower lip, nipping just enough to make me gasp.

"If you want me to touch you, you've got to ask."

I gave a shuddering breath as his tongue poked out and traced my lower lip with agonizing slowness.

And then he pulled back, settling in his kneeling position again.

I ran my own tongue over my lip, drawing the remnants of his taste into my mouth.

Honey. Jacob tasted like honey.

…

And because I was Leah Clearwater and I couldn't stand to be happy, I thought about his little white girlfriend.

Did Bella think he tasted like honey?

And whatever crazy spell had settled over me was broken.

"Jacob, stop."

If I had had a brick, I'd have knocked myself unconscious. For letting it get this far or for stopping him, I didn't know which.

He complied immediately, straightening and allowing me to clamp my legs shut.

I scowled at him, a complete 180 from the breathy sighs and moans I'd just been letting loose as he crouched between my legs.

"Should I bother to ask what has suddenly crawled up your ass?" His tone was almost bored now.

"Bella," I spat.

His eyebrows shot sky high. "Bella?" He gave a mirthless laugh. "You're acting like I shoved an ice dildo up your ass over, _Bella_?"

"Fuck you, Jacob, what would she say if she knew what you were really trying to shove up my ass?"

"That means you'd have to admit you were five seconds away from letting me shove whatever I wanted wherever I wanted to," he hissed.

Anger surged through me.

He was right and it only made me want to kill him.

Kill him because of my own weakness.

What would I be if I became the very thing that I cursed my cousin for?

A fucking hypocrite. The thought brought a bitter taste to my mouth, eclipsing the sweetness of Jacob that still clung to my tongue.

"Just go back to you girlfriend, Black."

"Why do you always assume the worst of everyone, Leah?"

"Because everybody always proves me right!"

A muscle ticked in his jaw. "You're gonna feel real stupid when you finally realize you don't know everything."

…..

Some girls get upset and don't feel like eating.

Some girls get upset and eat the whole goddamn pint of Ben and Jerry's.

I get upset and go through a freezer full of steaks.

Seth came home just as it was getting dark outside. I had five steaks going on Dad's propane grill and even thought it felt wrong on so many levels, I was starving and the smell of those seared cuts was making my mouth water.

"You want one?" I asked.

"Hell yeh," he crowed. "Best big sister ever!"

We were going to just pretend like nothing had happened. It was easy enough.

"Make me some tea while I get these bad boys on a plate?"

"Yeh, sure."

He disappeared into the house as I stabbed the steaks with a wicked looking fork, maybe a tiny bit too aggressively. On the last one the tine clinked harshly into the porcelain and bent.

Useless.

I glared at it and hurled it off the patio, towards the garbage, like a spear.

Between Paul and Jacob, the kitchen wasn't going to survive my anger.

The back door swung open and Seth gave an appreciative whistle.

He didn't seem surprised so I guess someone filled him in on what…whatever the hell that may be…was going on.

"Get those steaks in here, I'm starving!"

It was a small moment of normalcy, sitting at the dining room table having huge rare steaks, toast, and glasses of milk. There hadn't been any tea made and nobody wanted to wait for water to boil when the smell of charred meat was driving us insane.

Yep. Normal. You know, minus the fact that the window was covered in plastic, mom was passed out in her room, and Dad's chair was still empty.

I was dying to ask him about Rachel. About turning into a giant fur ball. About this crazy control Paul held over the other pack members. But I didn't ask any of it because even though I really wanted to know the answers, I didn't want to talk about it.

Maybe he felt the same.

There was a palpable something in the air, all those unspoken topics.

"So," he said hesitantly, going to clear his plate of the few scraps of food left into the trash. "Jacob."

I bit down hard on my fork and felt a sharp twinge when the metal hit one of the fillings in a molar.

"What about him?" Chewing through the bite of steak was suddenly like chewing bubblegum.

"You smell like him."

Damn!

I grimaced and forced the lump of half-chewed meat down.

"He smells good." I rolled my eyes at myself. Really, Leah?

Seth grunted like he knew what the fuck I was talking about. I thought of Rachel in that moment.

"And Paul?"

"Seth, please," I said evenly, trying not to reveal the panic that threatening to rise in me. "That's old news."

He was silent but I could hear him mentally calling bullshit.

"Paul…is Paul. He was my first love."

More silence. Then…"I can smell him on you too."

Double damn! Was this the wolfy version of being a slut? How embarrassing to be caught by your little brother.

"Its fucking complicated, Seth. I don't want anything to do with either one of them."

"Leah."

Silence.

Did I want to know what he had to say?

"Leah."

What the hell? My brother had been a wolf for half a year longer than me. Why the hell not hear him out.

"What, Seth?"

"You can't deny your wolf."

…My wolf.

I let those words ping around inside of me.

I had a wolf down in there.

"My wolf, Seth? God, what does that even mean? I don't feel like there's any wolf in there."

"You don't ever have animal urges? Feel like you're answering to something primal?"

"So I can blame all my bad behavior on my wolf?" I said it with a fair bit of snark but the idea was actually appealing.

Seth was rattling round in the fridge now and I fought the urge to roll my eyes again. Was he hungry already? But then my stomach gave an answering rumble.

He emerged with a half eaten pie and snagged two spoons. "I can tell you one thing," he muttered, his chair scraping across the linoleum as he slid next to me. "If you are going to examine and think about every little weird thing that happens to you from now on, you're gonna go crazy."

I yanked my spoon from his grasp and dug a huge glob of cherry goodness from the aluminum foil pan.

"You don't think I'm crazy yet?"

"There's more than one shade of crazy."

I considered that around a mouthful of pie.

"Mmmf, who made this? This is fucking awesome." I barely resisted the urge to bury my face in the remains of the pie and motorboat it.

"Bella Swan."

Of course she did.

I could barely make a decent steak and Bella Swan was churning out goddamn baked goods that could be sold in a shop.

My teeth went on edge.

Seth eyed me cautiously.

"I need you to help me," he said.

Thinking about Bella made me want to growl at him but I shook my head, clearing her from my thoughts. "How?" I said. I hadn't been much help to Seth in the past three years. I could do anything for him right now. Whatever it was wouldn't be enough to make up for the things I had cost him.

"I'm supposed to bring you to officially meet the pack tomorrow."

Shit.

Nobody wanted to give me any time to adjust, did they?

"Emily is going to be there?"

He nodded.

Shit.

"You can't just avoid her, Leah. She's one of us. Just face her head on."

Shit again. He was exactly right. When had Booboo gotten so smart?

"And Bella?"

He looked uncomfortable.

"Maybe. Listen, Bella isn't how you think," Seth started.

I held up my hand to silence him. It didn't matter. I wasn't going to run from these girls.

"Its fine, I'll go. Whatever."

He let out a breath of relief.

"But you have to talk to Rachel."

He froze.

"I can't."

I gave him a dirty look.

"Are you chickenshit to talk to her?"

He shook his head. "I'd love to talk to her. But when Paul issues an alpha order, it can't be broken."

I scoffed. "Like what? You'll take a beating if you break it?"

He shook his head and looked at me seriously. "No, Leah. Like your body literally can't resist obeying."

I frowned at the idea of someone else commanding my little brother, forcing him to obey.

Well, today had just been full of pleasant revelations.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended. **

**A/N**

**Info from . **

**more a thing of opportunity than an absolute. Many **e.

_**PS Thanks to my twin MM for pushing me to post here. Check out her story The Alpha's Promise for more hotness of the Blackwater variety or Dear Bella for some Swan punishment. : And you can read both more from me and witness our hilarious conversations in real time at Jacob Black N Pack.**_

I couldn't sleep.

I had lay down and tried but no matter which way I turned, all I could smell was Jacob. I tried changing the sheets but he was on the mattress too.

Smelling that sandalwood and sunshine sent my stomach flip-flopping.

I thought about going to the couch but then I had a clear memory of a night spent there long ago with Paul. The idea lost its appeal quickly.

So instead I slipped into the office chair at the end of the hall and booted up our old, temperamental computer. We still had dialup here. Fuck's sake, I had forgotten what that stupid dial tone sounded like, it had been so long.

Google pulled up ridiculously slow.

I typed wolf packs in without hesitation.

What the hell? Maybe I could get some insight into what was going on with my life.

Jesus, there were so many hits. Where to start.

Ok. That would work.

So I started reading.

I came to the page on behavior.

Why were my eyes drawn to the Taking a Mate section?

And I, Leah Clearwater, quote: "This bond often becomes so strong that the pair will become lifetime mates. However, unlike the romanticism anthropomorphized by human beings, lifetime relationships are more a thing of opportunity than an absolute. Many things can happen in the wilderness to push even the most mutually dedicated lovers apart; such as rivalry between Wolves, injury, illness, or death." And then there was a slurry of information on the term alpha.

Hmmm…Alphas keep position based on respect. Alphas on either gender can dominate subordinates of either gender. There was a female alpha too. Who the hell was that? Emily.

I bared my teeth at the screen.

Alphas maintain breeding rights not because of some title but because of their ability to fend off others from mating with their mate. Often Beta wolves repeatedly attempt to mate with the alpha female and vice versa with the beta female and the alpha male.

Well alrighty then. That crap they feed you in grade school science class about the organization of the wolf pack, the lifelong monogamy of the couples…that was just a bunch of shit. This sounded like Wolves were a functionally dysfunctional family of fuckers, fueled by power, sex, and domination.

I snorted.

This explained so much about Paul.

….

Quil and Claire lived on the edge of the rez in a small house not much bigger than the Black's. She was a better housekeeper than either Billy or Jacob but I frowned at her dogged devotion to her husband. She couldn't have been any older than 18 but I couldn't remember for sure. Claire and I were technically second cousins, once removed, but I'd only met her a couple of times when she was younger. Now she was something like a pack mother, cooking and cleaning and sewing and generally acting as a door mat.

And smiling while she did it.

The fucking Donna Reed of the reservation.

She plunked a glass of lemonade in front of me. "Can I get you a brownie, Leah?"

I was going to refuse her politely but behind her back Seth was nodding yes wildly so I took one and when I shoved the whole thing in my mouth it was like Jesus Christ's second coming.

"Fuck that's good," I mumbled, my cheeks chipmunked out with all that gooey, warm chocolate and peanut butter.

She glowed with happiness at my profane praise and Quil came up behind her, kissing her neck almost chastely. I noted with great interest that he stared at her like her ass was made of rainbows and starshine. Quil had hugged me when I arrived. We had spent a few years terrorizing each other with mudpies and garter snakes and out of everyone here that I sort of, halfway knew, he was the one that I had the most affection for. When he squeezed me, I caught the scent of sage some other woodsy herb I couldn't identify. It reminded me of a meadow and suited the sunny, joking personality that he had always had as a child. Now that Claire was close to me, I could pick the same fragrance up on her. It was interesting how alike they smelled, except I could distinguish the feminine slant of her personal scent, how the herbs mixed with the smell of bread baking.

Sam and Kim weren't quite as obvious in their personal displays of affection but it was plain that he took great care to keep her close by. She smelled strongly of him as well. They had a lemongrass like note that, while very pleasant, was nothing like the multi-toned, complex scent of Jacob. I felt like a bloodhound, sniffing all of these people like it was natural.

Sam was another cousin on my mother's side and I knew him fairly well. He was still the same serious faced kid, smart, even tempered, but now grown into a man's body. He didn't really get involved in the pissing matches and stupid contests started by the younger guys. Watching him in his interaction with the others, I could only shake my head. What in the hell were the Great Spirits thinking when they let Paul phase first. Sam would have been a better Alpha by far.

I noticed that Kim and Claire tended to cling to one another. If they weren't beside their respective wolves, they could be found close together. They attempted to include me in the conversation but I didn't have a lot to say about cooking, or in Kim's case, wedding planning. They reminded me of a PG version of myself and Rachel, though, and I felt a stab of anger at Paul and how he was preventing me from having her around to ease my transition into this strange group dynamic.

At least Seth stayed close by. It all felt a little bit like having your older brother as your prom date but he kept things from being too awkward. We had always bitched and groused at each other, like any siblings, but I'd always been rather fond of Booboo, more than Rachel had liked Jacob at least.

And now, of course, we had this weird wolf gene bond.

Plus, I could still beat him in arm wrestling.

As I'd proven five minutes earlier.

"You just totally cheated, Leah! You knew I wasn't ready," he jeered.

"Don't be a sore loser, lil bro," I laughed. I had a feeling he let me win, that he'd been holding back, trying to keep me content in this den of wolves.

Sam had looked impressed, maybe was wearing a little bit of a smirk, though he hadn't said a word. Seth was pouting but his eyes twinkled, confirming my suspicions. Kim and Claire looked a little freaked out but they smiled and laughed as I teased him, although I could hear the nervousness.

Why would they be nervous because I could beat Seth arm wrestling?

Then I remembered they didn't have increased strength. I looked at both of their tattoos slyly. No, no increased strength at all. They both had willowy arms with very little muscular definition. So different from my toned physique. Just one more way I was the pack misfit.

Bella was the one that tore me away from that sour thought.

She passed a tray of warm chocolate chip cookies right under my nose.

When Seth went to grab one she snatched it back.

"Oh, no you don't!" She stuck her tongue out at him. "Ladies first!"

"She's not a lady, you just saw her nearly snap my arm off!"

I gave a halfhearted smile but Seth had just unintentionally stabbed me in the side. No, I wasn't really a lady, was I?

I was a genetic freak. No wonder Paul had cheated on me.

"Seth!" Bella exclaimed. "Two seconds ago you were just accusing her of cheating. Shame on you! Leah gets her cookies first and then you can have one."

I smirked at him and then gave Bella a genuine smile, taking two monster cookies from her tray.

Jesus, those were good too. This baking from scratch shit was no joke. Maybe I'd be ok hanging out with little Claire and Bella if they were going to feed me like this.

She let Seth have his cookie and then set the platter down on the counter behind her, sliding into a seat beside me.

"Holy Crow, I wonder what's keeping Jacob?" she mused.

I almost laughed. Today was the first day I'd ever spoken to Bella. Every even really seen her up close enough to know she wasn't the color of mud and paper, as I had originally thought. She was actually a very pretty girl in a chocolate brown sort of way. She was thin and more or less curve-less but her face was the color of china and she had the most delicate bone structure in her small hands and fingers.

And then she spilled a cup of tea and jumped up with a "Geez!"

She was also the clumsiest, most prudish-mouthed girl I'd ever met.

I shook my head and had her hold her hand under the running faucet while I mopped up the hot, sloshed tea.

She touched something inside of me the very instant I met her.

She stirred a deep seeded need in me to protect like a mother would protect its cub.

My eyes bulged at that realization but I kept silent, trashing the soaked paper towels and examining her hand and wrist. The skin was just a dull pink now so I cut off the faucet and sent her back to then now dry table.

When Seth and I first arrived and I found out she was here, baking with Claire and Kim, I almost turned around and left. Only because I knew Emily hadn't yet arrived had I swallowed my nerves and gone inside to face her.

And I almost died with relief when I realized she didn't smell like Jacob, only like slightly artificial strawberries, maybe her shampoo or something, and there was no tattoo on her arm.

"Maybe your truck finally died," Quil laughed.

Bella made a face.

"Don't you say another bad word about my truck, Quil Ateara," she warned.

She gave me a look. "All these guys are jealous of my truck."

"Bella," he scoffed. "I could outrun your truck on one leg."

Claire giggled and he just positively fucking beamed at her. He looked like the happiest man in the world because he'd made his wife smile.

My heart skipped a beat.

So it wasn't totally unrealistic to want to be loved.

Speaking of which, Sam was stroking Kim's hair lazily while we all sat around and made small talk.

"I'll have to see this famous truck sometime," I said, eager to take my mind off these two couples.

"Sure, sure," Bella laughed. "If Jacob ever gets done with changing the oil."

My smile felt frozen. It was obvious that Bella wasn't interested in Jacob but if he was the one that did her car maintenance and brought her around the pack, surely he was interested in her.

How interested could he be if he was trying to get my panties off yesterday?

"Are there anymore brownies left?" I asked.

If I kept eating to keep from talking and or thinking about this shit, I was going to be round.

Claire was telling me about her dream of opening a little bakery on the rez. She was happy here in her little niche with Quil and I felt a little jealous. I wanted to be content like that. Maybe my little cousin was smarter than me. She shifted and I caught sight of a slight bulge at her stomach and my eyebrows flew up as understanding dawned.

"You've got a cub in there," I blurted.

Her cheeks went pink but Quil gave the biggest shit-eating grin. Kim and Sam and Bella and Seth all gasped at once.

"Sorry," I muttered, obviously having announced something they hadn't.

She looked at me through her lashes and grinned. "Its ok, I've been dying to tell everyone. I just haven't had a good opportunity."

I still felt like an asshole and it showed on my face.

She was going out of her way now to put me at ease, show me there were no hard feelings. The brownies were stacking up in front of me as fast as I could eat them. I suddenly felt sorry that I hadn't made an effort to get to know Claire better before this. Had she always been so sweet and kind hearted and content?

I was halfway through a plate of those orgasm-inducing brownies when the relative peace of Claire's kitchen was shattered by a bellow from the living room.

"Hey, fuck yourself, Call!" Jared yelled.

"Its my turn, Asshole!" Embry thundered.

One of the PlayStation controllers went sailing across the room and crashed into the wall dangerously near the kitchen table. Sam went to stand but I literally leaped across the table, sailing past him and Seth. I was seeing red, seething over how close it had come to hitting Claire.

"Hey, fucktards!" I announced, stomping over to them. "You're not going to throw shit in my cousin's house like a bunch of animals!" They both blinked, looking at me in surprise.

It was suddenly obvious to me that Jared was the one that had thrown it.

Anger was radiating off of me and I was lashing out in instinct.

Embry drew back a little.

"Sorry, Claire," he mumbled.

Jared, however, drew himself up, towering over me a good six inches. I heard a low growl in the back of his throat.

"And who do you think you are?"

I stepped closer, toe-to-toe with him. "Oh, sorry," I spat. "I'm Leah Clearwater and I'm telling you to act like a man, not a two year old."

He lowered his face to mine and his eyes glittered a strange gold yellow.

"And I'm telling you, you're barking up the wrong tree, Bitch," he growled.

The hair on the back of my neck pricked to attention.

"And you don't call me bitch, Bitch."

"Don't think," he grizzled, emphasizing the K, "that because you have tits, I will hesitate to _fuck_ you up. If you wanna act like you're a wolf, I'll treat you like one. Bitch." His hand wrapped around the back of my neck. "Do you know how wolves teach their bitches how to behave?"

"Get your hand off of me, Jared," I said evenly.

"I like my hand on you, BitCCHEERRROOHHFFFfuck! OWW!," he sneered but it turned into a scream as I grabbed his ballsack and started to squeeze and twist it in my fist.

His hand slipped from my neck and he sank down to his knees. I followed him down in a crouch, careful to keep my head above his. My teeth were snapping and my insides felt white hot and boiling with anger.

"You touch me again, I will tear your fucking hand off," I snarled. "You throw anything or otherwise show your ass in any way, shape, or form around Claire, and I will fuCKKK you up. Do you understand me?"

He nodded and I squeezed harder, until he squealed. "I said do you understand me, Bitch?" I snarled louder.

"Yes! Yes!" He cried. I shook my head. That wasn't what I wanted. Something bestial inside of me was demanding his submission.

His neck bowed to one side, presenting it to me, naked and unprotected. I snapped at the air just above her pulsing jugular and released him to crumble in a heap, rising to my feet.

I was still snarling, my chest heaving, when I turned around. Seth and Sam were there, staring at me wild eyed, with Jacob, Paul, and Emily bringing up the rear, standing on the porch. At the sight of her my hackles rose further. I went to push through the press of bodies, desperate to reach the yard and have breathing room, but they parted, almost jumping out of my way. As I passed Emily I snapped my teeth, clicking them closed dangerously close to her nose. She gave the smallest flinch and the beast inside of me snorted with approval.

I paused, waited for her to make a move. She stayed frozen, like she was made of stone. And then her nails were raking down the side of my face before I even realized she had moved.

I was on top of her instantly, knocking us down the steps and into the gravel, one of my hands tugging her hair sharply.

Stretched it painfully taught, trying to get to her neck.

"Stop it, Leah! You'll kill her!" Jacob yelled.

I was growling and snarling so loudly I barely heard him.

But she looked so terrified, so fucking wild-eyed, that I kept her hair twisted in my fist, cranking it tighter and tighter so that her neck bent at an awkward angle.

The more she strained against me the rougher I yanked.

The wolf inside of me was clawing, desperate to be let loose.

"Submit!" I commanded.

I gave another tug and her eyes shut, the straining suddenly gone. Her neck arched back instantly of its own accord, baring her entire throat. I leaned close and snarled, unable to resist the urge to sniff her. Emily smelled synthetic. Like cheap perfume only a thousand times worse. I snorted distastefully and gave another growl.

I was still flesh and bone and 100% girl but I felt like a wild animal. I wanted to throw my head back and howl at the sight of her naked throat.

She didn't move as I stood, staring in satisfaction at the strands of her hair caught between my fingers.

Smart bitch.

Any sign of defiance from her and I'd be hard pressed not to tear her throat out.

"Shit," Seth bleated.

"Bad ass," Embry breathed.

"Looks like there's a new Alpha now," Quil remarked.

My spine tingled and I felt the wolf inside sit down, its tongue practically lolling out in contentment.

It dawned on me, just call me Leah the slow one, that I had just purely on instinct usurped the title of Alpha female from my bitchy cousin with barely a fight.

Well, that little incident pretty much killed the party. Jared and Emily ran off to lick their wounds and everyone just kind of stood on the porch and stared at me.

They stared with a little bit of awe.

We lapsed into a thoughtful silence.

I dusted my knees off and picked the hair from between my fingers.

What was proper etiquette after one crushed a man's balls in her bare hand and then nearly ripped out her cousin's throat? Part of me thought I should feel ashamed but in all actuality the feeling in the pit of my stomach was more like a wave of euphoria.

Should I be scared about how ok I was with all of this?

"I'm going to head back to the house and check on Mom, guys." I thought it sounded like a good escape plan. A graceful enough exit for once.

"You'll come back on Sunday for dinner, right?" Claire asked.

I nodded. "If you're in the mood to bake something I won't complain."

"You're as bad as Jake," Bella laughed. "If you want to hang out sometime the week, maybe we can go to Port Angeles or something."

"That'd be great, Bella. Just get my number from Jacob or Seth."

I was edging my way towards the path to home. Almost there.

From the porch: "I'll be home in time for dinner," Seth said.

"Good, its your turn to cook," I answered. An answering groan from him. Another step.

I gave a final wave and turned towards home.

I was the alpha female.

This was the most ok I had felt with myself in three years.

Alpha.

It felt like a fucking birthright.

I could feel the strut in my step as the trail went into the woods.

Was this called embracing the inner wolf? I giggled a little at myself. Leah Clearwater didn't have an inner goddess, she had an inner wolf.

The rustling of the underbrush caught my attention.

Paul came striding straight through the trees from the direction of Quil and Claire's house. I stood my ground, waiting for the confrontation.

I had just turned his girlfriend into my bitch, after all.

He stalked towards me, caught my upper arms in a vice grip, and hefted me into the air.

"What the—" the air was knocked from me as he slammed me against the trunk of a tree and pressed himself between my legs, wedging me there. His hands dropped to the backs of my thighs, supporting my weight.

And then Paul's mouth was slanted over mine, our teeth clashing together violently. He had never kissed me like this before, kissed me with this bestial passion. Just as I started to run out of air, his mouth slipped away, trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses across my jaw and down my neck.

Talk about sensory overload. The rough bark of the tree was rasping against my back through the thin fabric of my tank top. His hands were so hot where they rested below the hem of my shorts. My own hands were as his shoulders, digging into the thick muscles bunched there. So much heat emanated from his entire body, it burned where my crotch pressed against his belly. His belly! My eyes almost rolled back in my head. His cutoffs were so low slung on his hips, leaving the muscular V of his lower abs nearly entirely exposed. Any lower and his cock would be popping out. As it was, I could feel the stiff tip pressing hard against my bottom.

He'd always been muscular, toned, bigger than most of the guys his age. But in these last three years he'd filled out, gotten enormous. He felt so familiar, but so different. My hands were traveling, stroking the smooth skin of his chest and arms. The muscles under my fingers corded and flexed as he shifted me, holding me effortlessly.

I inhaled sharply through my nose, trying to get control over my reeling senses, and was assaulted with the tangy, woodsy scent of oakmoss and cedar. Paul's scent. I nearly swooned. In stark contrast to the fresh, almost sunshine-warmed smell of Jacob, Paul's aroma was deep and dark, like the middle of the forest, forbidden and mysterious. No less appealing, just very different. I sniffed again, sucking it into my lungs.

I felt Paul's lips pause. "How do I smell, Little Girl?" he rumbled into my neck.

The sound went straight to my crotch.

"Mmm, so good," I moaned.

He rocked his hips, his erection grinding against my ass.

"Good enough to eat?" he pressed.

My breath caught in my throat at the erotic images that sentences conjured. The idea of eating his scent, taking it in my mouth and letting it roll around before I swallowed it down, had my panties growing damp.

And goddammit, he knew it. I knew he knew when his eyes snapped to mine and his nostrils flared.

"I think you smell good too. You smell so fucking good," he growled. One of his hands slid around and pressed between my thighs. "Right here."

"Good enough to eat?" I countered, echoing his earlier words.

He ran his tongue along my collarbone, nudging the strap of the tank top out of his way.

"Greedy girl," he laughed. "Three years since I've been inside of my girl, and you want to make me wait. " The remaining hand on the back of my thigh shifted, turned into a steel beam under my ass cheeks, the other started to work the button of my shorts. "That's ok, my greedy little girl can have whatever she wants. If you want me to lick that sweet little snatch until you come apart all over my mouth, I'll do it. "

Oh my fucking God, I was gonna die from the dirty talk.

His hand had worked its way into my shorts, under my panties. His index and middle fingers were stroking along my folds. Without preamble he thrust the thick digits inside me, earning a startled, slightly pained gasp.

"Shit, Leah," he hissed. "still so tight." His fingers stilled, pressed against my walls. "How many other guys have touched my girl like this?" That last part was growled and not the sexy growl, it was the possessive, angry one.

Was he fucking kidding me?

I pressed my mouth into a tight seam, angry with him for pulling this possessive bullshit with our history but too turned on to stop the inertia of what was happening.

His fingers curled around and stroked, pressing against a spot inside of me that had me gasping all over again. "Answer me," he gritted out. And then he stroked again, hard.

What was this, an interrogation?

I shook my head.

His thumb found its way to my clit, started to work it in tight circles, in time with this rhythmic strokes.

"So, so tight. You're gonna get off from this, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeh," I moaned, without thinking. I was panting now, on the edge of what was shaping up to be an epic orgasm.

"Fuck yeh, Little Girl. I want you to get off for me. It's been too fucking long since you came apart for me."

His fondling thumb increased its speed and my thighs started to tremble.

"I love making you cum," he growled. This one was the sexy growl and it resonated inside of me, made my insides quiver.

My head fell back on the tree and I was gasping. His smell was everywhere between us. I was licking it off my lips.

"I love making you cum. But first," his fingers slowed and my eyes flew open, a loud protest squeaking out of me. "First, you gotta tell me the last time you had anyone else inside of you. You tell me that, Little Girl, and I'll make it all better."

"You!" I moaned. I sounded desperate. "The last time you were inside of me. Please, Paul, please get me off."

He gave a primal snarl. "Fuck yeh. I was the last one inside of my Little Girl," he was chanting, "My Little Girl, my Little Girl," over and over while he stroked and rubbed and flicked.

All of my muscles went tense, were humming with anticipation. I had forgotten this build up, the race to the finish.

"Faster," I panted.

He sped up and I felt wetness seeping from me, around his fingers.

"Oh, God! Oh, god!" I cried, getting closer and closer. My fingernails dug into the flesh his shoulders.

"Come on, baby," he grunted. "Let it happen."

And something snapped loose inside of me, heat exploding in my belly and rippling outward like a shockwave. I felt my insides clenching, trying to suck his fingers in deeper, as I gasped and gave a sob of relief as my orgasm washed over me.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, his movements crawling to a stop. Then a slower, sexier whispered," Fuuuucccck." He let his fingers slip from me. He caught my gaze and brought them to his mouth, sucking the glistening digits into his mouth, licking them clean. "Fuck me, Leah, you always did get off so sweet for me." He gave the tip of his thumb a sweep with his pink tongue.

My insides gave a lurch of interest at the sexy motion, despite the satiated lethargy I could feel slipping over me.

He buckled my shorts back for me, an impressive feat considering he was doing it with one hand.

Experience, I suppose, makes one an expert.

A little chill went through me at the realization.

He let my legs down, slid me down his body slowly.

"My house or yours?" he asked.

I blinked. Post-orgasm bliss was making me stupid.

"Mine," he said almost instantly, deciding without my input.

"What about Emily?" I asked, my tongue sounding thick.

He just stared at me for a second.

"What about her?" he almost sounded confused.

"You don't think she'll mind if you bring me over?"

Understanding dawned in his eyes. "Dammit, I knew I should have come after you when you left." he said cryptically. "Jesus Christ, Leah, Emily never lived with me. Never, ever."

I just blinked again.

"Why not?"

"Do you really want to talk about this right now?" he asked incredulously. He gestured to the massive erection thrusting through the fabric of his cutoffs.

I shook my head yes, a little violently, trying to clear the fog inside of it.

He gave a sharp sound of impatience.

"I'm not with her, Leah. Never have been."

What in the holy fuck?

"Come again, Paul?"

"Never was. I …uh…when we…when I made that mistake with her, I…uh…bit her during the act. So she's got a tie to me but its not like you think."

Even with his discomfort and the attempt to phrase things delicately, I felt the hurt well up inside of me.

"I don't understand."

Another sound of frustration. "You haven't gotten totally up to speed on how things work with the pack. The wolves bite their mate and they get the tattoo and become pack. I didn't know any of this shit when all of that happened with her. I had just phased, just found out I was a giant fucking freak of a wolf. And while we were…"

"Fucking," I supplied, my voice sounding ice cold.

He gave me a pained look.

"When I was with her it was like the wolf just took over and I bit her. It meant absolutely nothing to me. But then the fucking council found out when they were interrogating me about the phasing and Old Quil threw a shit fit until they gave Emily the tattoo and made her pack. I never wanted any of that."

I let that sink in. What the motherfucking hell?

"Leah, I swear to God I wanted to come after you the second all of this happened. And then you left and I couldn't get to you because I was tied here and you were too far away. And you never, ever brought your ass home so that I could come to you."

He gave me an accusing look and my spine bristled. This was not my fault!

"I'm sorry, what? What the fuck, Paul? What did I have to come home to?"

"Me!"

"You fucked my cousin!"

"And you never let me explain!"

"What the fuck can you explain about that? You tripped and landed on top of her?"

"Leah! Goddamn, I was 19 fucking years old and she was hanging all over me! I'm not saying it was right but I'm saying I never set out to hurt you!"

"You were old enough to ask me to marry you!"

His eyes closed and he started to tremble. Then they opened again. "I was in love with you and I thought its what you wanted!"

It was what I'd wanted…wait? It hadn't been what he wanted?

"You didn't want to get married? Then why didn't you say something?"

"Fuck me, its not that I didn't want to marry you! I just was scared of how fast shit was moving. We were little kids. And then I had this bullshit wolf stuff happen and my life was crazy. I had absolutely no control over my baser instincts."

"That's a pretty lame cop-out Paul," I said evenly.

"You're denying it? How good did that feel when you were about to rip Jared's nuts off? How orgasmic was it when Emily bared her throat to you? Could you have stopped yourself?"

…fuck him. It had felt fantastic.

"Letting your wolf take over is the biggest high, Leah. And I was too dumb and new at it to even know what denying the wolf was or if it was possible."

I shook my head. "Paul, you just can't excuse bad behavior because you're a shapeshifter. We're not animals!"

"Speak for yourself! I turn into a fucking enormous wolf, Leah! And have no say over it!"

He was angry now, his eyes blazing.

"And being a wolf has fucked my entire life up, cost me the thing I wanted most."

Me. Paul was talking about me.

"So you mean to tell me you have no relationship with Emily?"

He looked guilty as hell.

"She was the alpha female. So sometimes we had a physical relationship." I flinched. "Leah," he said beseechingly. "You see how it is now, you just were so fuck-hot just now, right?"

I nodded tersely.

"Part of that's the wolf. That thing inside of you likes to fuck, fight, eat…the baser instincts. You can't deny it those things or it starts to make you crazy. But all that's over, babe. You're the alpha now and we can be together, just like we were always supposed to be."

I looked at him in horror.

"You think I'm just going to fall back in a relationship with you because of some weird pack thing?"

His face grew thunderous.

"That's your life now, Leah. The pack is part of you. And you're part of the pack."

"Maybe. But what happens when I go back with you and someone else takes the alpha spot."

"That's crazy! I saw what happened today. You were so fucking badass. So fucking hot how you dominated those two. No way anyone would take that spot from you."

That was not what I wanted to hear him say. He didn't offer any reassurance that my position was why he was suddenly interested.

I drew away from him.

"Leah. Alphas mate for life. Emily was never the real alpha. You were born to do this. Look at you. I must have always known it. Its why we were together for so long before any of this happened. I'm the only one you've ever mated with." He grabbed my hand, pulled me close to him. "Some shit happened and I'm sorry it did. But now we can fix everything."

This was like some kind of weird dream. Everything I'd ever wanted to hear Paul say to me except blended with some weird wolf shit that I hadn't anticipated.

But it wasn't enough, not right this second.

I shook my head.

"I have to think. I don't know…." I sounded so uncertain.

"This is not over," he said with finality. "You belong with me. You belong with the alpha."

"And what about when Jacob takes the alpha?"

He looked incensed. "Jake isn't taking shit. He'll have to kill me if he wants it. Don't let him sing you some song about his birthright, Leah. He just wants in your fucking pants. He was too chickenshit to take it from me before and he's too chickenshit to take it now."

I turned back towards the path to my house.

"I have to go now. I'll talk to you later." I started to stride away, desperate to get away from him and have a clear head.

"Leah! If Jacob keeps sniffing around you, I'm going to hurt him. If you don't want that, you better make it clear his attention is unwanted!"

I gave him no indication that I had heard his warning, picking up to a brisk jog, eager to be out of his line of vision.

"I'll see you soon, Little Girl," he promised, calling after me as I disappeared around the corner.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended. **

**A/N**

**Info from . **

**more a thing of opportunity than an absolute. **

_**Read more from me and witness the crazy tom-fuckery of me & my twin and our hilarious conversations in real time at Jacob Black N Pack.**_

My head was spinning with the enormity of everything that had happened today.

That bus ride from Seattle seemed like ancient history.

In the space of a couple of days the entire course of my life had been altered.

What was I supposed to do now?

Jacob stepped out from behind the shed as I went to pass by.

My heart leapt into my throat.

"Jesus, Black! What are you doing hiding out here like a creeper?"

He quirked an eyebrow.

"I've been on your porch for half an hour. What took you so long to get home? You get lost in the woods?"

My cheeks got hot.

"You smell like a bitch in heat."

I flinched. It sounded like something Paul would say. I wanted to be angry with him for him rudeness but…it was true. I could smell my own release, could still smell Paul on my skin.

I had let him touch me like that before I even know about the truth of his relationship with Emily.

I felt so low at that second. Ashamed of myself for giving into Paul that easily.

Jacob took another step toward me and started to pull his signature black t-shirt off.

My heart rate tripped into double time.

"What are you doing?" I stammered.

He tossed his shirt to the grass and closed the space between us, catching one of the belt loops on my shorts and giving it a tug, hauling me into his arms.

"The wolf doesn't like you smelling like Paul. And neither do I. So I'm gonna cover you in my scent." He pulled me flush against him and rubbed our bodies together slowly. That traitorous nub between my thighs started to ache as the clean, fresh scent of him washed over me.

I caught a whiff of motor oil and artificial strawberries.

"Jacob," I asked into his bare chest, "What's your relationship with Bella?"

I waited for it to hurt.

He was silent for a minute but continued to let his hands rove over my back. "What emotion does Bella stir up in you?"

"What does that mean?"

"I'm serious. Think about it for a second. When you think of her, what does your gut say?"

"Protect her," I saw, without thought.

I felt him nodding even though my eyes were closed and I was just breathing him in.

"That's exactly what I feel for her. Nothing more, nothing less. " I released a pent up breath of relief at his words. "Leah, that's what all of us feel. The whole pack. We saved her from those stupid leeches and now she's almost like a mascot."

I snorted. "I'm sure she loves being thought of as a pet."

He gave my bra strap a teasing snap. "Bells is pretty easy going. We're pretty much her only friends anymore."

I frowned into his chest thinking about that. She was too nice of a person to be lonely. Even after all that shit with her fuck-sorry leech boyfriend, she wasn't bitter and bitchy like me.

"Were you jealous?" I froze at his words. Still, he prodded. "Were you jealous of Bella, Leah? You didn't want to think about her touching me, did you?" I shook my head no, being honest with him and myself. "Did the thought of her hands on me make you see red?" I nodded again.

"That's exactly how I feel right now, knowing Paul was touching you." He was tugging me towards the door of the shed. "I want to be the only one touching you."

My stomach did flip-flops.

We were inside in the dimness now, the only light was sunlight filtering through the cracks and gaps in the old clapboard walls. I could see surprisingly well but I guessed that was only the wolf that anyone else would struggle to make out the hulking shapes of the lawn mower or the tool bench. It smelled like sawdust and faintly of gasoline but when Jacob pushed the door shut, trapping us inside, all I could smell was sandalwood and freshness.

He dropped on his knees in front of me and pressed his lips to the little sliver of skin that showed between my waistband and the hem of my tank top.

"I want to be the only one that makes you smell like this," he said, as he ran his nose over the bare skin and then snuffed his way down to press at the seam between my legs.

"I need to fix this," he mouthed into my crotch. "I need you to smell like nothing but you and me."

His hands were ghosting up and down the back of my legs.

The tingling was back now, even though I had just come. My panties had still been damp but now they were sticking to me, uncomfortably wet with the evidence of m arousal.

He made no move to pounce, just continued that slow stroking, barely touching with his fingertips as they slid up and down my skin. "Can I fix it, Leah?"

My hands went to the button and fly of my shorts, working them loose.

This was different from Paul.

Jacob hadn't hurt me. Hadn't lied to me. He wasn't taking from me, he was asking. He wasn't with Bella and I wasn't with Paul.

I didn't have to be ashamed for wanting him.

I kicked off the shorts. My thumbs hooked into the waistband of my panties but he brushed them away, clucking his tongue.

"If you're going to give me a present, at least let me unwrap it."

I made a strangled noise in the back of my throat and he chuckled. "Don't worry, Leah, I'm going to take care of this."

His knuckles grazed the scrap of fabric covering me and I gasped at the feather light contact.

"Jacob," I whined.

"Mmm?" He continued his teasing exploration and I squirmed.

"It hurts…" I wasn't lying. I was aching so badly. My channel was already sore from being stretched after so many years of disuse, but my clit was swollen, pulsing with the need for attention.

"Hurts?" He echoed. "What hurts Leah?" His middle finger, unerringly tapped against the puffy nubbin. "This?" he asked innocently.

I nodded.

"This clit hurts, baby? Is it aching for me to touch it? " I nodded. "Rub it?" he asked. I nodded a little more vigorously. "Lick it?" he confirmed. I made a squeak. "Is this little clit aching for my to suck it in my mouth until you come all over my tongue, baby?"

I gave a little whimper at his teasing and rocked my hips, forcing his finger to stroke the tight bud beneath it.

His intake of breath was audible.

"Just like that, honey," he encouraged. "Rub it, if that's what you want."

I rocked again, seeking a little more friction. The cotton rasped over the swollen flesh and grew damper.

"I want to come all over your mouth, Jacob," I gasped, caught up in the spell of his panty-soaking dirty talk.

"Yeh, honey?" He pressed his finger in and started to slip it up and down, stroking the length of my slit. "What else?"

"Fuck, yeh," I moaned brokenly. "Then I want to lick it off your lips." My eyes flew open at that. What the hell? I had never, ever done anything so dirty but at this moment, I could think of nothing sweeter than licking every drop that Jacob could wring from me off of his sweet, pouty mouth.

"Goddamn, that's hot," he growled. "What else, baby?"

He had his hands cupping my hipbones, shifting me closer to his face.

I could feel this heat now, right where it counted.

"I wanna get you inside me."

"That's my girl, " he purred. His face was hovering right above me my center now.

So wet," he breathed. His breath gusted out, heating the damp cotton.

I jerked my hips, smashing the wet gusset against his nose in an untamed, instinctive reaction. I ground against him, throwing a leg over his shoulder. My hand reached out to grab the edge of the tool bench to keep my balance.

His hands gripped the legs of my panties now, giving them a quick tug, ripping them off easily. He balled the ruined fabric up and tossed it aside. "Can't wait?" he hissed.

It must have been a rhetorical question because he grabbed my hips and lifted tucking the other leg over his shoulder. Both of my hands were digging into the edge of the tool bench now, clutching it for dear life to keep myself suspended and not flopping backwards.

His tongue flicked out and flattened against my swollen button, sending a surge of electricity through my body.

"God!" I hissed.

He started to undulate it, alternating the pressure. My heels dug into the skin of his back, scrambling for purchase. I found footing, somehow, and used my arms for leverage, thrusting my hips out and pressing further onto his face.

The wet friction of his tongue was calling to something wild inside of me.

My back of my arms were burning from the strain of holding my weight but I didn't care, I was so intent on humping his mouth. It was hard to get the right angle and I grunted with frustration.

He pushed my legs from his shoulders, helped me stand. I started to protest but he shushed me, laying back on the cold cement floor.

His finger beckoned me in a come hither motion.

My fingers dug into the bench for a brief moment and then I was slinking towards him, dropping to my knees and swinging a leg over his hips. My channel give a clench of protest at being stretched from the motion but it felt so good to have his naked abs under the wet, bare flesh between my legs that I ignored it.

I was so close to the waistband of his sweatpants. I could scoot back another inch or two and feel his cock press up against me, if I were so inclined.

He caught his glistening lower lip between his teeth and I heard him suck the dampness there.

"Come on," he encouraged. "Let me get another taste, baby."

I started to crawl up his body and he growled in appreciation. His hands went to my ass, pushing me forward.

"Turn around," he commanded.

I looked at him, confused.

He spun his finger around in demonstration. "Come on baby, turn around, and face my toes."

I did as he asked, somewhat self-conscious but too hot to stop and question him.

He gave a toe-curling groan as I settled into position. "Jesus," he cried. "You have the most fantastic ass!" I felt his mouth lay a wet kiss to the sweet spot where the curve of my ass met the bend of my leg. He had handfuls off ass cheek, pushing them together and he licked and sucked that spot.

I expected to feel turned off with the way he was manhandling me and biting and licking where nobody had been before, but the naughtiness factor was making me burn hotter.

I felt a drop of my essence literally dribble down and patter down to upper chest, like a raindrop.

He growled again. "Fuck me, that's so fucking hot…" His finger was tracing the tight sphincter of my channel now, gathering the moisture and rubbing it round and round the entrance. I felt it slipping and sliding, teasing with pressure but never enough to actually penetrate me.

"Leah, this is the prettiest little pussy you have. I can see everything with you bent over like this baby. Your sweet little ass up in the air and," he ran the tip of his finger over the curve of my ass as he talked, brining a trail of chill bump across the skin. His finger feathered down between the halves of ass, sliding its way across the damp flesh. "Then your sweet little asshole." I could hear him licking his lips, sucking the bottom one in his mouth and releasing it with a pop. My insides rippled under his intense scrutiny, over his dirty-as-fuck talk. "And then this slick, bald little snatch, just waiting for me. His fingers insinuated themselves into the wet folds and began to stroke. "Such a tiny little pussy," he murmured, testing the entrance with the tip of his index finger, pressing a little harder and a little harder until just the tip penetrated into the dripping entrance.

I moaned and pressed back, taking his finger in another half an inch of so. The pressure from his intrusion made me gasp.

"God," he rasped. "You feel like a virgin! This little pussy is going to look so hot stretched around my cock." My innards gave a jolt at the words, tried to suck his fingers in deeper and he chuckled, low and husky, giving that fold between ass and leg a long, slow lick. He gave his hips a thrust, calling attention to the straining cock trapped upper his tented bottoms. My god! How in the hell would that ever fit inside of me?

As if he read my mind, he said soothingly, "I'm gonna go so slow when I fuck you baby…really have you wet and begging for it so it doesn't hurt. You're gonna love having that fat cock inside of you, stroking in and out, in and out, making you crazy for me."

His finger was stroking in and out shallowly in mimic of his words.

There was a flood of wetness, it coated his finger and he suddenly slipped into the hilt, bumping that spot Paul has been working so relentlessly earlier.

"Oh, God!" I cried in surprise, turned on as fuck but afraid I was going to pee at the sudden fullness and clenching inside of my body.

"Baby," he gasped, flicking his finger all around it internally, making me squirm on his finger. "Baby' that's so fucking swollen in there. You are hot at fuck, aren't you?"

I moaned in answer, rocking my hips, fucking his finger. God, it hurt, I was already so stretched and sore, but the way he was bumping that little internal bundle of nerves had me gasping, moaning, and panting like a porno.

Except I wasn't faking.

Motherfuck that felt just right. Except…

I shifted on him impatiently and his finger followed, keeping up that delicious friction. Except now I was positioned back on his mouth.

I leaned forward, pressing the naked lips against his until they parted, peeling open to expose my clit to his mouth.

"Lick it," I commanded.

His tongue lolled out and drew a lazy circle.

"Faster," I growled. "Make your tongue stiff."

He complied and I rocked my hips, dragging the swollen nub across the point of his tongue.

I gasped in relief. And I did it again. And again. And again. Faster. My hips were rocking down, setting up a rhythm that matched the internal strokes of his finger.

"That's it, honey," he cooed into my wet flesh. "Ride my face, make it feel better."

"Fuck, that's good!" I cried, starting to lose myself. "FUCK YEH, JACOB!" I moaned. I was really getting into it, rocking and writhing, using his mouth as a toy. The finger was tapping hard on that spot and I didn't give a fuck about anything but making it go faster.

"I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come!" I sang wildly, humping his mouth. "Jesus Christ, Jacob, I'm gonna come all over your fucking mouth!" I grunted, my words coming out faster as I forced myself over the edge, sobbing in pleasure. "Yeeehhhhh," I moaned brokenly. "Fuck yeh…." White lights appeared in front of my eyes, blinded me, while I rode out the strongest orgasm I'd ever had in my life.

I collapsed on top of him and rolled to the floor, a boneless heap.

He rolled me to my back and was on top of my instantly, nudging open my mouth and giving me the most erotic, tongue tingling, toe curling kiss as he sparred and taunted my tongue until I started to suck, lap, and bite at his lips and chin, licking every trace of my release from his mouth.

My fingers and toes were numb with the intensity of that fuck-crazy cum.

He pressed his forehead into the side of my neck and gave me a hearty sniff.

"God, do you know how hot that was, Leah? Watching you fuck my face doggy style?"

He pressed his mouth to my ear. "My cock is going to rip my pants if I don't get inside of you soon."

"Mmmf.." I mumbled ineffectually.

He put his middle finger up to my mouth, traced the edge of my lip. "Open," he commanded.

I let my lips part and he thrust his finger in gently, stroking my tongue.

Something about sucking his finger felt so carnal. It called to that aching spot between my legs. His smell was in my mouth now, I could taste it somehow, the sweet honey of Jacob's skin and all that warmth from his scent.

"Are you gonna fuck me?" I mumbled, feeling drugged with all that delicious sensory overload.

His mouth was at the corner of mine, sucking tenderly.

"I was thinking I'd make love to you," he murmured into my skin.

His middle finger went back between my legs, started to work its self in slowly, easily sliding through the dampness left by his mouth.

"What's the difference" I moaned as he worked himself into the knuckle slowly. I felt the tip of his index finger starting to make its way inside.

He laughed. "Love, silly. Its only called fucking when we want to play a little rough." My head felt light all of a sudden and I shut my eyes. Jacob was telling me he loved me?

I gave a frown and he noticed.

He started to suck at my lower lip. "So pouty. Why wouldn't I love you, Leah? I've loved you for years."

I gasped and my eyes flew open but he was just staring at me placidly as his fingers dipped in and out, gently working my channel.

"Years?" I asked, stupidly.

"Mm," he affirmed. "Even before you and the little chief… But you only had eyes for Paul."

I frowned again.

"Stop frowning or I stop talking," he said seriously. "You weren't frowning when I was just touching you." His fingers twisted and touched a particularly sensitive spot and I gasped. "Oh you like that?" He did it again and I gave another delighted gasp.

"You surprised me," I defended myself, going back to the original conversation.

"Why do you think I've been pursuing you since you came home?" he asked, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Sex?" I asked.

He shook his head. "You're so much smarter than that. Ever since this thing with Paul you've lost all confidence in yourself. I was so excited when Sue said you were coming home this summer. I thought I finally would have my chance to let you know how I feel."

His fingers were all the way in now and he stroked at that spot that had pushed me over the edge earlier.

"Your G spot is so swollen, baby. Its so hot, knowing you're that turned on for me." He gave it a tap and I gasped and jerked under him.

"I know just the position to put you in so I can rub it with every single stroke," he rumbled into my neck. I felt his lips part, he mouthed the pulsing vein that ran behind my ear and down to my shoulder.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"Do it," I moaned, about to combust.

He looked confused and then I could see the second that understanding dawned on him.

"No, baby. No, no, no. What do you think about me loving you?"

I bit my lip, tried to ignore the sensations he was dredging up with his fingers plumbing my inner recesses.

"I don't understand it," I answered honestly.

"What's there to understand?" he asked in all seriousness, shifting his fingers. They now brushed me in a whole new way and I purred, my thigh muscles starting to tremble.

He backed off the tempo a little.

"Not yet, honey," he soothed. "I want you to get off with me inside of you, to help with the stinging." I whimpered at the loss. "I know, I know, but I'm going to make it so good for you. You're going to come so hard."

I gave another whimper.

"What's there to understand?" he repeated.

"How you can love me."

He shook his head. "Leah, you don't have to understand things like that. They just are. Its just a fact. God! I can't wait to be inside of you!"

I blinked. Having two conversations at once was killing me.

"How do you feel about me?" he countered, back to business.

I shook my head. "I don't know."

He nodded. "A lot to take in, I know. But how do I smell to you?" he asked.

"Like home," I blurted. What? Huh? My subconscious was working overtime today.

He smiled at me, beamed actually.

"I am your home, baby," he replied. "Always. Now, you've already admitted you don't want anyone else touching me, haven't you?"

I nodded, trying to follow his logic, still reeling from that home comment.

His fingers pulled out of me and I groaned as my channel clenched, trying to pull him back in, aching with the sudden emptiness.

"Don't worry, baby," he soothed. "I'm coming right back."

He was gone for a brief second, maneuvering his pants off and spreading my thighs wider to accommodate his breadth.

"Its been a long time for you?" he confirmed.

I nodded.

"Its ok, we'll go slow."

I felt the head of his cock slip between my overheated, over sensitive folds, and start to press insistently at my entrance.

"Try and relax, you trust me don't you?"

I nodded. I trusted Jacob implicitly.

"Think about how good it felt when you just came all over my tongue."

Wetness surged from me and his cock slipped inside fractionally.

"How good did it feel when I was stroking your g-spot with my tongue on your clit, honey?" I moaned at the thought and took another inch easily. It was starting to burn a little now, stretching at the long ignored flesh.

I gave a whimper of protest.

"Shhh…"he soothed. "Its going to be ok, Leah."

He laced his fingers through mine, pressed them into the floor above my head. His lips rested against my forehead as he left, started to press a little harder.

"Think about how good I just made you feel. Its going to be like that again. You want to come again, honey? Wanna get off for me?"

I willed myself to relax as his hips flexed, working his way in deeper. I was so wet it was slipping in on its own now, sliding easily with the weight of his body bearing down behind it.

"Do you mind that I love you?" he asked.

His words jerked me out of the fog of lust I'd disappeared back into.

I couldn't answer him.

God? Did I mind?

The wolf inside of me was clawing at the floor, whining. She knew the answer.

He changed tact. "Have you ever dreamed about me?"

I looked at him, startled.

We were having an out of body conversation, a serious twilight zone moment while he was slipping his cock inside of me.

"What?" I asked, trying to avoid answering the question.

"I know you did Leah. I knew the day you told Billy you had a dream about your tattoo."

What the shit?

Oh my God, no, no, no. This was too private. There was no way he knew.

He gave my hands a squeeze.

"Shh, its ok baby, don't get worked up. I know you dreamed about me. My wolf can feel it."

He started to suck on the angle of my jaw and I moaned in spite of my discomfort with our conversation.

He wasn't pushing in any further, just kind of sawing back and forth, stretched him to accommodate to his width.

"Look at me, Leah," he commanded.

He gave my hands another squeeze and I flicked my eyes back to his. He was staring so intensely.

"Are you gonna lie to me?" he murmured.

I shook my head no, slowly.

"No, you're not," he affirmed, as if he'd already known the answer. "So you're not gonna deny it when I tell you that I know you dreamed Taha Aki pulled a brand out of a fire and marked you and then, right in front of him, you bared your neck to me and asked me to mark you as mine."

I stared at him, open-mouthed.

He flexed inside of me. And then he gave me a look, a dare to deny his words.

"How did you know that?" I breathed.

"Because, baby, I had the same dream that night I saw your tattoo. And I knew then that were meant to be with me. Confirming what I already knew."

Holy shit.

This was so fucking crazy.

He must have read my mind or saw it on my face.

"I didn't believe in this stuff either, Leah. I swear to God, I thought the legends and all that was such a crock of shit. But how did we have the same dream? You feel this draw to me, don't you?" He paused and I nodded, unable to lie to him. "Taha Aki watched you offer yourself to me. Didn't he?"

I licked my suddenly dry lips.

"Leah…didn't he?"

I nodded again.

His cock flexed inside of me again.

"He's real. He's not just some legend."

Chill bumps broke out on me at his words and I knew they were true.

"You want to be with me, don't you, Leah?"

I nodded again. I meant it. Goddamn, it felt like such a relief to admit it.

He rocked his hips, slipped in another fraction of an inch, making my insides twitch.

"So do you mind that I love you?" he repeated.

"No," I gasped. "No, I don't mind! I want you to love me!" I cried, surprising myself.

"That's my girl!" he grated.

His cock gave a final lurch and bottomed out inside of me.

"Oh my God," I wailed, feeling like I was going to split open.

"Unngh," he grunted, stilling. "I'm sorry. I was trying to go slow but you were so wet. So hot for me."

I gave a little whimper.

His mouth captured the sound before it was finished, sucking my lower lip into the moist cavern of his mouth. I tasted honey, smiled into his mouth.

"Don't stop," I moaned.

"You sure?" he asked, giving his hips an experimental thrust.

"Yessss," I hissed, as the small movement rekindled the delicious ache inside of me, reducing the stretching sensation to just a vague distraction in the background.

"Positive?" he grunted, giving another thrust and adding a rotating movement at the end.

"Fuck, yes, Jacob, do it," I cried.

One hand left mine and slid down my body, grabbing me just behind the knee and tucking it up over his hip. He somehow slipped impossibly deeper, hitting just above my sweet spot. The angle had him rubbing against the entire length of that aching bundle. He tipped my hip up and shifted his entry, giving experimental thrusts until he hit just the right spot to make me gasp.

I gave a loud grunt as he slammed almost painfully hard. I felt myself start that climb again, straining towards relief.

"Is that the spot?" he gritted out.

"Oh yeh," I moaned.

"Are you gonna get off?"

I nodded as he continued to hammer away. "Just like that," I sang. "Keep doing it just like that!"

He continued, pounding me relentlessly into the concrete.

The soreness of his intrusion was forgotten in the rapid volley of thrusts. I was getting so close, so very close.

"I'm so close," I moaned.

"Come on, baby," he coaxed. "Just let it happen. Get off all over my cock." He gave my hip an encouraging squeeze and added a lift to the end of his thrust, slamming into that spot , scraping his cockhead against it.

I let out a low, keening wail as that final motion shoved me over the edge, hurtling me face first into another hard cum.

His pistoning hips started to lose their rhythm as he felt me fall apart in his arms. He was grunting erratically, his fingers digging into my hip and our laced fingers squeezing together.

"I love you," he grunted mindlessly. "Love you, Leah," he was panting into my neck.

Then his back arched, his neck straining as his eyes squeezed shit and his jaw clenched. I felt a hot gush inside of me as his orgasm clamped down on him, milking him hard. "God," he ground out. "Goddddamn, Leah!" Another burning splash against my walls before he collapsed on top of me, pressing his sweaty brow against my neck.

He drew out of me and I gave a whimper as a shudder wracked my body at the loss of his heat.

He rolled to his back and tugged me halfway on top of him, my head resting on his shoulder, one leg slung over his.

His hand rubbed soothingly up and down my back.

The tenderness in his touch was striking. Had Paul ever done this with me after sex? Ever held me like this?

I struggled to remember but couldn't.

Grow up, Leah, I scoffed internally. Like he said, he was 19 years old when we started to have sex. What did he know about being tender at that age.

"How old are you?" I asked suddenly.

"Almost 20," he said hesitantly.

I just nodded.

Jacob wasn't Paul.

Jacob was so much more than Paul.

Wait. What?

Why was I feeling so natural, laying here with him after…that incredibly mind blowing moment we'd just shared?

We had had the same dream. It was almost surreal.

I felt Jacob press a kiss to the crown of my head.

"You're with me now, right?" It didn't even sound like a question. It was more like a statement of fact. A confirmation that I knew the truth.

"There's going to be fallout, Jacob."

He snorted. "Paul?" Another kiss to the top of my head. "He'll get over it."

Paul's warning suddenly sprang to mind and I tensed. Shit! I had forgotten all about that.

"Dammit!" I exclaimed.

"What?" he asked, sounding alarmed.

"Paul told me after…before I came home that if you didn't stop coming around me he was going to hurt you." Distress throbbed in my chest at the thought.

A low growl emanated from the back of his throat. "Did he?" he said carefully. I shivered and his demeanor changed. He caught my hand in his and pressed it to where his heart beat in his chest. I could hear it faintly anyway with my sensitive hearing but he pressed my hand firmly against his skin so that I felt it as well.

"Paul is going to have to get over you," he insisted. "You can feel that you're meant to be with me, right?"

His heart was pounding and I felt mine answer.

I nodded and only then did his heart start to slow back into a normal rhythm.

"Are you going to take the alpha?" I asked in a small voice.

"Does it matter to you if I'm the alpha?" he countered.

I shook my head. "I just found out about all of this pack stuff, why would it matter to me what letter of the alphabet you chose to call yourself?"

He laughed.

"I don't want to have to fight Paul. I don't know what's going to happen but I don't have some burning need to take it from him if you are ok with how things stand now."

I pressed myself tighter to his side.

"Leah, seriously. Don't stress yourself out about fallout." He made the parentheses bunny motion in the air with the hand not wrapped around me. "If you don't want to be with him, you don't want to be with him. He'll be jealous, he'll get over it. End of story. We aren't animals."

"What happens if you mark me?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" he said carefully. "I bite you and you get a nice scar. And I get a pretty trophy wife."

"So that would mean we were married?" I asked in surprise.

He shook his head no. "Well, yes and no. Our pack is kind of fucked up…nobody was prepared for the reality of anyone phasing this generation. So Dad and Old Quil didn't have a lot of answers when all this shit first started to happen. The last pack used marking to permanently solidify their attachment to who they considered to be their soul mate. The tribal council had to give permission before it was done. So yeh, it was supposed to be like marriage, only stronger." His hand was pushing aside my hair, fingertips stroking my neck lightly. "But Paul came along and bunglefucked his way into being a wolf and ended up biting Emily like some kind of virgin."

I winced and he stroked my neck soothingly.

"I'm sorry, I know this whole topic is a sore one, but it was the best thing that could have happened to you. He had no business being with someone like you. I watched you two, how he treated you. You weren't ever given the kind of consideration and respect you deserve Leah. The kind I'm going to give you." He kissed the top of my head and I felt my heart melt a little.

"Anyway, he bunglefucked his way through and when you left the council interrogated him on what the fuck was going on. He admitted to biting Emily and Old Quil practically had a coronary, insisting she be made a pack member and given the tattoo. So none of the other wolves had a good role model on what exactly they were supposed to do. Sam bit Kim first and now he's finally getting around to marrying her. He had some idea that it was reversible. Like you could divorce your mate. Just because he saw that Paul had no attachment to Emily whatsoever. Quil married Claire first and then he marked her because he thought he was supposed to. Embry offered to bite Bella to make her a pack member but thank God she just slapped him in the head and told him thanks but no thanks. I swear to God, sometimes I think these guys need a Shapeshifting for Dummies book."

"Maybe you should write that," I joked. I was still cringing over the idea of Embry offering to bite Bella.

He snorted. "Thank God Sam loves Kim and Quil loves Claire. It all turned out good for them, even if they weren't exactly sure what the hell they were doing. " His fingers gave me a gentle squeeze, raising chill bumps on my nape. "When I mark you, it'll be because you're ready to surrender yourself to me completely." I went to open my mouth to protest, tell him how archaic that sounded, but his free hand pressed a finger to my lips. "And you'll mark me too, and I'll be surrendering to you. That's how its supposed to be. A commitment to each other, not some territorial pissing."

"My head is so fucked up right now," I confessed.

He sighed softly, traced my neck some more. "Its ok, Leah. I'm not going anywhere."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

"What the hell are you doing walking like that?" Seth said, waving a spatula at me as I slipped in the back door.

His nostrils flared. "Oh." Then his eyes grew wide. "Ohhh."

I cut my eyes at him and pursed my lips in annoyance.

Between my legs was burning and I wasn't in the mood for his comments.

But he was frying eggs and bacon and sauce in all of mom's skillets, spread out over the four burners and it smelled so fucking good that I kept my mouth shut.

I noticed the window was fixed and blinked in surprise.

"Sam," he supplied.

"How long have I been gone?"

"It only takes like an hour when you have two strong guys working on it, Leah." He struck a little pose, splattered grease on mom's white tile counter and winced at it. I laughed in spite of myself, watching him being torn between pride at fixing the window and horror at potentially provoking mom with a spot on her counter.

I grunted in some kind of acknowledgement of his manliness and swiped at the spot with a paper towel. Thank fuck it didn't leave a streak, I didn't want to dig out the Windex or Formula 409 or whatever shit she was using to burn the top layer off the tile off with this week.

"How many eggs –"

"Eighteen," he crowed, cutting me off.

Only a couple of days ago I'd have thought he was fucking crazy. Today I was rooting through the fridge to see if we had another carton.

"That was awesome today!" he exclaimed suddenly. I smiled into the fridge. Same old Booboo. He gave me the same enthusiasm whether I hit a homerun on the softball team or nearly eviscerated someone.

"Thanks," I mumbled, still unsure if that cavewoman act deserved praise or a timeout.

"I'm serious," he bubbled, pulling bacon out of the hissing grease and heaping it on paper towels to drain.

"Holy fuck, that stuff smells the best," I groaned, feeling my mouth start to water. I rattled in the fridge more. "Milk or kool-aid?" Ugh. I almost groaned at the later. Who wanted to drink anything that was neon green? What the hell flavor was green, anyhow?

"Milk."

I was in total agreement.

I grabbed the gallon, spotted a huge block of cheddar. Score! Cheese and eggs.

I set the milk on the table along with two glasses and then started to saw off golden slices of the sharp cheese. As the eggs came out of the skillet I piled them with it, almost purring with pleasure as the cheese turned into a molten river of deliciousness.

"You're a genius," he gushed. "A regular Einstein."

"Get the bread." I was juggling plates, schlepping them to the table.

"Mom!" I shouted, my voice echoing harshly off the walls and making me and Seth both wince. Oh well, what the fuck ever, I wasn't going to go down to her room to get her, I knew she could smell the friend bacon. "Mom, get in here and eat, will ya?"

"Just save me something," she shouted back. "I'll eat later."

Seth and I exchanged a look. I hadn't seen her eat one goddamn bite since I'd been home.

"How long has it been this bad?"

He shrugged, trying but miserably failing to not look concerned. "Maybe since I phased…I dunno, its just been a gradual progression. It kind of snuck up on me."

He looked really glum now.

"Seth," I said, setting my fork down despite the mouth-watering spread in front of us. "Don't blame yourself for any of this. You couldn't help anything that happened. Mom is an adult. She is choosing to do this to herself."

"How are you gonna say that to me, Leah? You take the blame for everything bad that ever happens!" he exclaimed.

I was staring at my plate.

"I deserve it."

His fist slammed against the table, shocking the shit out of me. Our plates clattered against each other, the silver clashing discordantly against the china.

"Stop it? What the fuck do you think you did?"

"You saw me! I turned into such a bitch! I had this house turned upside down!"

He shook his head. "So? You were upset. Nobody blamed you for being destroyed!"

"I should have been stronger."

"What are you even talking about? How ? What ?" He stopped and shook his head, clearly frustrated. "What were you supposed to be? Some kind of rock? Leah, you were 18 years old and your life took a dump on you!"

"So? That didn't give me an excuse to bitch and whine and piss and moan! Everyone was so unhappy after that." My voice took on a far away quality and I was remembering all that discord, all the bickering, the fighting, the screaming, the gnashing of teeth. How I started doing stupid shit, sneaking out, staying out all night, coming home trashed.

"It was hard on all of us but nobody blamed you for hurting," he said earnestly.

"Seth, please don't defend me. I don't deserve it. I destroyed my relationship with Mom and I made her and Dad fight constantly. Nobody had time to go to your soccer games or help you with your homework because they were chasing after me. Dad was so afraid I was going to end up dead…and look what happened. Here I am and he's laying six feet under."

There was dead silence.

Dead like Dad.

"How do you even talk to me, knowing I pushed Dad until he had a heart attack?" I had to swallow past the huge lump in my throat.

Seth scrubbed a hand down his face. "JESUS, LEAH! Is that what you think?"

His sudden vehemence had me jumping in surprise. "Dad didn't die because you were having acting like a broken hearted teenager!"

"What are you talking about?" I whispered.

"Dad died because a stupid leech scared the hell out of him in the woods when he was hunting with Charlie Swan!"

My mouth dropped open.

It snapped shut again and started to tremble.

"You're lying," I whispered.

He shook his head firmly. "You ask anyone. Ask Sam, ask Jared. Ask Paul. They were all there that day. They told me all about it, after I phased. Told me the truth."

I bit into my lower lip, conflicting emotions threatening to rip me open.

Relief that I didn't kill my Dad. Anger…no, LOATHING for every fucking leech that had ever had the gall to exist. And…some unnamed emotion. Maybe emptiness. A big aching void for these last three years that I had blamed myself, called myself every horrible name, self-flagellated over just what a fucking up human being I was to cause my own father's death.

What a waste.

I had been swimming in a fuckpile of self loathing for no reason.

Instead of helping mom get through all this shit or being strong for my brother, I'd been drowning in my own hatred and inner turmoil. And now here my little brother was, doing his best to dig me out of this little pit of hurt I had built for myself.

Being mad at yourself for being mad at yourself. What kind of twisted up mind warp was that?

"We didn't cause any of this," he said with finality.

He started to eat. He was shoveling food into his mouth like he was on a mission. I guess that settled the whole thing in his mind.

I was thinking. Who _did_ cause all of this? Who could I focus all this anger and loathing on?

I stabbed my fork into a yolk viciously.

The action wound up the wolf, she started to pace, her ears flicking back.

Her agitation spurred on my own. And vice versa.

Somebody was to blame for this fuckknot of a mess but I was too entangled in it to figure out who to blame.

There were too many shit-parts to our lives right now. My wolf wanted to take control and fix it. She made me want to step up and fix it.

She gave an impatient snort and I felt like it was at me. I could almost feel her muzzle nudging my back, spurring me into action.

_What the fuck do you want me to do_? I thought irritably.

She growled at me. I growled back, the hair on the back of my neck prickling up.

"I'm ordering you to talk to Rachel tonight."

He started to cough violently as whatever he had been in the process of swallowing tried to go down the wrong pipe.

He wheezed and crowed and I was beside him in an instant, slamming the heel of my hand between his shoulder blades. Whatever it was dislodged and he gave a massive, resonating burp that smelled disgustingly of bacon and milk.

And suddenly, like my mother, I had no appetite.

"Christ, Leah!" he cried, wiping tears from his eyes. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Listen up, pup," I commanded, my voice taking a sharp tone that I had never heard before. I was inches away from his neck, my teeth snapping before nearly growling. "I am _ordering_ you to ignore Paul's order and speak with Rachel Black tonight. Do you understand me, Seth?"

He was trembling but it wasn't those angry tremors that I had recognized before he phased. These were little quakes like a puppy would give if you were chastising it.

He nodded.

The she wolf growled low in satisfaction but the noise came from my own throat.

Then that weird moment dissolved.

I reeled back a little, where in the holy fuck had that come from?

He was wide eyed too.

"Did you just…alpha order me?"

"No!" I exclaimed, grabbing my milk and slamming it down. The wolf inside of me stirred, started to circle. She didn't like being denied. This was all kinds of crazy!

…"Yes," I said firmly.

He stood up suddenly, his chair scraping across the linoleum, leaving a scuff.

Dammit. That one was going to take some elbow grease. "Where are you going?" I asked, accusingly. Did he think he was going to leave this mess to me?

"To talk to Rachel!" he said excitedly. "Holy shit, I'm gonna go talk to Rachel!"

So I let him go, started scraping the remnants of the half eaten dinner into the trash.

Whatever. If it meant one more thing in our lives could be mended, I'd gladly take dish duty again.

We lived in an old, old house. Old enough to have one of those freakishly big clawfoot bath tubs. It had taken the entire tank of hot water to fill it up; I settled into the steaming hot water with a sigh of satisfaction. There were no bubbles so I settled for squirting a liberal amount of baby oil in as the tub filled, refusing to think about what other purpose that bottle might serve here in the bathroom.

The idea of Booboo jerking off made my face pucker up like I had bitten into a lemon.

There had been enough of those uncomfortable moments where I had just known I had interrupted something when I lived here before.

I wonder if Rachel had to deal with shit like that from Jacob.

Mm…now that was a less disturbing line of thought.

I closed my eyes, imagined _Jacob standing naked in the shower. He hasn't turned on the water yet…he's got that bottle of baby oil in his one hand, the other fist wrapped around his cock._

My sex gave a pleasant throb. It was so sore but this hot, slippery water was soaking out the worst of it. Mostly it felt pleasantly raw. Well used might be a good description.

Fantasy Jacob likes me to throb like that. _He gives me one of those lazy grins of his. The baby oil bottle is upturned now and its trickling out so slowly, drizzling over his mammoth hand and running down the stalk of his erection._

_I'm watching it drip down. I'm wishing it was melted ice cream so I could lap it off._

_He pumps his fist once, twice, so slowly. _

_The oil spreads, now his whole cock is glistening. It's a deep copper color, darker than the rest of his skin because of all the pooled blood, and roped with thick veins. His palm is slick and gliding easily now. He thrusts his hips, fucking his closed fist. The swollen head of his cock throbs an angry purple. It's the size of a small plum, looks just as juicy with all that lube._

Oh God. I was breathing heavier than usual. The water was still hot, almost uncomfortably so, but my nipples were drawn into tight buds. They broke the surface as my breasts bobbed, swollen and full in the bathwater.

I ran my hands over my tits and gasped at the unfamiliar weight in my palms. I gave them a gentle squeeze and my nipples scraped against my skin, wrenching a gasp from me.

_Jacob is grunting a little now. His arm muscles bunch, and flex as he strokes the hot, turgid flesh thrusting proudly from between his legs. His abdominals are rippling._ I'm wondering if I could fit the whole length in my mouth. Probably not, but I'd gladly make him proud trying.

My hands slipped down, fingertips dragging the tight skin covering my ribcage, my abdominals. I was covered in goosebumps and having to bite my lip to keep from moaning. All this oil in the water was making me slick, my skin more sensitive.

My fingers paused just above my pubic mound.

God. Did I dare?

The only time I ever touched myself was when I waxed.

I only waxed for the sake of feeling clean down there.

There was never any sexual thought behind it. Never any desire to touch myself in any sort of intimate manner.

Until now.

There was a little flicker of heat sitting between my hipbones.

I could feel the hot, oily water slipping over my naked folds.

My teeth sank tighter into my lip and I let my knees drop open fractionally. The water lapped, sent a hot wave over the peaked nipples and then left them to tighten further in the cooler air of the bathroom.

All that hot water sliding in my nether regions was having a…stimulating effect.

I let my knees drop open all the way. They pressed against the side of the tub.

Water rushed into the folds.

It wasn't enough.

My fingers twistch.

I opened my eyes and focused on that aching spot between my spread thighs.

I nearly gasped at how pink it was.

My naked lips were parted and swollen. I was split open like a ripe fruit.

My clit was enormous, throbbing painfully, peeping from under its hood.

The wax job wasn't making me feel clean anymore. It was making me feel deliciously sinful and slippery.

I was afraid to touch myself.

Its just sore, I reasoned. Just needs to be massaged.

That's it. I just needed to examine it. Make sure it was ok after today's rigorous activities.

I balanced my ankles on the tub's edge and lifted, clearing my lower body from the tub. Water sluiced off my thighs, ran down in from my entire lower half. My sex was still spread open, inviting something.

I squirmed, I needed it to feel better.

Oil!

That's what I needed.

My hand scrambled on the back of the toilet for the bottle.

I overturned it just like fantasy Jacob had, letting some fat drops fall right on top of my pouting clit.

I hissed though my teeth at the room temperature lube hitting my overheated flesh.

I barely had the soundness of mind to flick the top closed before I let the bottle clatter to the bathroom floor.

I watched, fascinated, as the drops joined into one puddle and then started to melt into separate rivulets, each one starting a slow, torturous slither down my bare skin.

It was mesmerizing and I couldn't move.

"Rub it in," he growled.

I went to scream but Jacob's hand clamped over my mouth at the same time arm shot under me, keeping my lower body from falling back into the tub.

The scream died under his hand and instead turned into a muffled moan as his scent washed over me.

My heart pounded and concentrated in the swollen bee-sting between my folds.

GOD! When, how, huh? How the fuck had he gotten in the bathroom door without me hearing him?

The adrenaline coursing through me shot straight to my crotch. Thank God! It didn't matter how he had gotten here, he was here now and he could take care of me!

I licked his palm in relief.

"Rub it," he commanded again, whispering low enough that my mother wouldn't hear.

She wouldn't anyway. She had been out like a light when I had checked on her before my bath. Passed out face first into a pillow with her blankets drawn tight over her hear and a bottle of scotch half drained on the night stand.

I looked down to where my palm rested against the skin of my lower belly. The trails of baby oil were almost dry now.

Confident I wasn't going to scream, he switched his position, sliding the left hand into the water to support my lower back and ass, the formerly wet right arm going out to fish the bottle from the floor.

He flicked it open with his thumb and overturned it, letting a steady stream of it splash across my thighs and labia.

"Now," he prodded.

I took my index finger and swiped it through the viscous trail, tentatively letting it brush against my nub.

My hips jerked in reaction.

"Again," he barked.

I repeated the motion and this time he had to grip my ass hard to keep me from flying out of his arms.

"Again."

I complied and bit back a groan as the swelling grew worse, the throbbing impossibly increased.

"Keep it there this time," he grunted. He had the oil again, pouring it over my finger. "Rub. Rub. Rub. Keep going," he demanded, watching the tip of my finger as it started to built a steady pattern of strokes.

"Do it faster," he commanded.

I sped up, unable to resist the in-control tone he was taking with me. God, it was so fuck-hot, having him control what I was doing to myself.

This wasn't for my pleasure, even though I was enjoying it, nearly creaming myself with the sensation. No, Jacob was making me rub off for his own enjoyment.

My cheeks were hot, half embarrassed, but it was so sexy.

"Circle it." I did it. "Tighter." I did. My hips were bucking slightly even though I was trying to keep it under control.

"Fast circles, Leah. Come on, work that clit for me."

My finger was slipping through all that oil and my own wetness. He wasn't having to prod and urge me anymore. My body took over in the oldest of dances as I started to rock and rub myself towards an orgasm.

"Rub it," he growled in my ear. "Were you thinking about me? Thinking about all the ways I touched you today? About all the ways you want me to touch you?"

His hand wasn't wrapped around the baby oil anymore, he was applying the heel of his hand to my pubic mound, pressing down building up some kind of delicious pressure.

"Smells so good. Makes me want to lick it again. Did you like how I licked that clit, Leah? Did you like cumming all over my mouth? Was my mouth hot? Was it hot all over the swollen little bud of yours" You like it when I make that pussy all hot and sticky with my tongue don't you?"

I nodded enthusiastically, the speed of my fingers increasing.

"This sweet little pussy gets so sticky for me. So burning hot inside. Then it fits my cock so good. Stretches open to let me in. But its soooo tight baby. So tight when I fuck it. Hurts so good doesn't it? Hurts so good when I streeetccch it out with that big, fat cock. "

I moaned and he tsked. "Shhh..I'm gonna take you out in the woods when you aren't sore anymore, honey. Gonna put you on your hands and knees and plumb that sweet little snatch of yours from behind. Gonna smack that fantastic, fuckhot ass of yours while I bury myself balls deep. Can you handle it balls deep?"

There was sweat on my brow at the exertion of stroking my clit and listening to his explosively dirty mouth. This was going to be an epic cum. This was going to be a real screaming orgasm, one like I'd only seen in porn when I was a horny teenager.

"That's it," he soothed. "Goddamn, I can taste it, you smell so fucking turned on. Its all over my mouth, baby." He sucked his lower lip audibly and then gave a loud sniff, inhaling the smell. "If you weren't so sore, I'd slam you down on my cock right now. Put you right against the wall and fuck you as hard as I can. Watch these sexy tits bounce for me. Do you need me in that pretty, wet little snatch, sweetheart? You need Jacob's cock to stroke you from the inside? Show that little pussy exactly where it belongs?"

"A little faster, honey. You're almost there. I can see that clit straining for it. Rub it faster for me. I wish you weren't sore. I wanna come all inside of you again. Did you like that, like how I got you so sticky with my cum? I didn't mean to cum in you but you were so tight, so hot for me. I couldn't pull out, I had to mark my territory." I was twitching in his arms now, three seconds away from a nuclear melt down.

"Sweet little Leah, so fucking hot. You get me so worked up. God, I wanna lick you again. Get you to give it up all over my mouth over and over. Suck on this big, swollen clit of yours. Slap it with my tongue. Flick it. Bite it. You're gonna cum aren't you baby? Yeh, I see those legs shaking. Come on, come for me. Come for me, Leah. Make me happy…"

His right hand reached up and clamped over my mouth as I started to scream, smothering it down to a tiny, muffled moan as I jerked, spasmed, and rode out a cum so hard that my head felt light and my heart skipped a beat or two before stuttering back to life. My toes curled up hard as every single muscle locked up, clamping down with the force of it.

"Shhhhh," he soothed into my hair, lowering me back down into the water. "Shh…you're ok."

My head lolled against the back of the tub and his mouth latched onto my ear lobe as he muttered shakily, "Jesus Christ, that was the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh God," he groaned. "I almost fucking lost it in my pants just now."

I giggled and he stood up, frowning at me.

I looked up at him lazily and gasped as the haze of lust lifted somewhat at the sight of his straining, angry looking erection, so impossibly hard that his cock had pushed past the waistband of his cutoff sweats and was now trapped against his abdomen.

The tip glistened and a dark circle of precum, nearly as large as the wet ring a drinking glass would leave, dampened the fabric.

"You gonna help me with this?" he asked.

I licked my dry lips.

My mouth was like a desert from all that panting and later the muffled screaming.

His cock jerked violently.

"Fuccckkk, baby. Don't tease me like that."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

Something like an hour later we were both stretched across my bed, tangled into a pile of tan arms and legs.

His chest as slick with sweat and my jaws ached pleasantly.

"Not that I'm mad or anything…but what the fuck are you doing here?" I mumbled into his shoulder.

He gave a groan. "Your brother is at my house."

"Are he and Rachel arguing?" I asked in alarm.

He laughed, his body shaking against mine.

"Arguing about who gets to be on top maybe." Oh. I grimaced but felt elated for my best friend.

"That's good, I guess," I said, still a little grossed out.

"I'm sure Paul will think its good," he snarked.

I lifted my head and gave him a cross look. "It was a stupid order."

"I agree," he said evenly. "I am just pointing out that the little chief is going to pitch a bitch."

"What else is new?" I murmured, feeling a little sleepy.

"Don't let your guard down with him, Leah," Jacob warned. That shook the sleepiness from me.

"I thought you said not to worry about Paul?"

Anxiety twisted in my stomach.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so hasty. I hadn't intentionally issued that order, it had just popped out of my mouth, spurred on by my bloodthirsty she wolf. Maybe she needed a muzzle.

I felt her stir in me and give a warning growl.

_Calm your tits_, I groused.

"I'm not saying you should worry about him. Just don't underestimate him. He's a sneaky motherfucker and I don't want to have to hurt him."

More anxiety. I didn't want it to come to that.

He stroked my back tenderly. The anxiety faded away between his slow strokes and the smell of him flooding my senses. I was right, he did smell safe. It didn't matter that I couldn't articulate exactly what safe smelled like, it just was.

Jacob smelled safe. The end.

"I have patrol in a few minutes. I hate to leave."

I purred as his hands smoothed down my heated skin. This was better than a sleeping pill.

His mouth pressed against the back of my neck and dropped an open mouthed kiss.

"I love you," he said factually. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded, mumbled sleepily as slipped from under me, replacing his shoulder with my pillow.

And everything faded to black.

"I like how you went and did the exact opposite of what I told you to do, Little Girl," Paul sang into my ear.

My eyes popped open and I was instantly awake. It was pitch black in my room save the dim moonlight filtering in from the window.

My face was buried in the pillow and he was laying on my back, smothering me with his weight.

It was so fucking hot with his burning body pressed against mine. I was sweating. It made me wonder, with a shiver, how long he'd been sitting here with me dead asleep.

"And by like I mean totally goddamn want to rip something apart and eat it!" he snarled.

His rough, nasty tone hurt my ears.

"You fucking stink of Black!" he accused.

His hand went between my legs from behind and I winced at his roughness.

"Oh, _I'm sorry_," he grated. "Is your cunt sore from riding baby alpha around the reservation?"

Fear clamped down me and I thought for a second I was going to vomit.

His hand squeezed and he shifted, putting some room between us but I could still feel him behind me, blocking my escape. He was kneeling between my spread legs and I was totally prone and at his mercy.

"Smelling him there on you makes me want to rip off my pants and fucking fucKKKK you until you smell like only me."

I fought to keep my breathing under control, to not panic.

"Please get off of me, Paul."

"Please get off of me, Paul," he mocked.

"You need to learn a hard lesson, Little Girl," he grated.

That fear reared again.

Where was my fierce she-wolf when I needed her? She was cowering in the goddamn corner now, too!

The power radiating off of Paul was crippling. His anger rocked me down to the very core of my bones, deep where the marrow pulsed.

"You need to learn a lesson about how the pack hierarchy works. How your fucking wolf works. You feel she's afraid of me, right?"

I didn't reply.

"Right?" he growled, squeezing my tender crotch again.

I nodded wildly, wincing, biting my lip to keep from crying out.

"That's because," he huffed, "I'm the goddamned alpha. You can get away with ordering all the others around when you feel like flexing your muscles but you CAN NOT pull rank on me." His mouth went back to my ear, his breath snorting out onto the skin of my neck. "Unless you want to fight for my spot. And if you do, you're going to end up on your hands and knees underneath me with my teeth in your neck, begging for your life."

I felt his chest heaving.

Then he shifted back away again. Some of the anger faded out of his voice but it was replaced by a cold harness.

"I don't want that, Little Girl. I don't need to scare you like that, right? I know you can behave. Can be my good little girl." His squeezing fingers released and started to stroke, feather light, soothing away the sting. I tried to squeeze my thighs together to block his questing hand but it only trapped his roving fingers there, allowing him free access.

My stupid clit rose to attention and I wanted to slam my head into a brick wall. Why in the fuck had my body decided this was the week it was going to come back to life sexually? Three fucking years of repression and now I couldn't separate friend from foe when it came to delicious friction.

Even the fear inside of me was contributing to the wild throb. Anxiety or not, the harder my heart beat, the bigger little nub got, weeping for attention.

"You can be my good little girl," he repeated. "I just have to teach you a little lesson in who you really belong too."

I shook my head no.

"You're shaking your head no but I've got my hand on your naked cunt, " Paul growled. "I can feel that slit getting wet." His face pushed through my curtain of hair and pressed to just behind my ear where my pulse throbbed hard. "I can smell it, too."

He went back up on his knees and pulled me up on mine as well, easily positioning me flush against him, my back to his chest. We were molded together and now his arm was wrapped around my waist like a burning rope, two of his thick fingers spread in a V, one tracing each lip.

"See, Little Girl, the thing about your wolf that you haven't learned yet, is she likes power. I've got the power in this wolf pack. So she fucking loves me. Same as she fears me. Two sides of the same coin. "

I shook my head and he grabbed my chin, bent my neck back so that my head rested on his shoulder. My throat was bared to him. His big hand stroked it tenderly, yet it was obvious he was ready to force me back into position if I tried to move.

"You don't have to argue with me, Little Girl. Stop fighting and pay attention to her. What's she doing?"

My eyes fluttered shut. The stupid she-wolf was inching closer, on her belly. I recognized her position from that goddamn wolf behavior site. She was trying to coax Paul into mounting her.

"Tell me what she's doing Little Girl."

"Please don't do this," I whined.

"Do what?" he asked innocently. "I'm stroking your pussy lips. And you like it."

"I don't," I insisted.

Something wet swiped across my mouth. The smell hit me immediately. It was my essence smeared all over Paul's fingers.

"It's not me," I hissed, ashamed at the blatant evidence he was taunting me with. "It's the goddamn bitch inside me."

He chuckled and the sound went straight to my crotch.

"Little Girl, you are that wolf-bitch. You can't separate yourself from her. She wants to be with the alpha."

"You're crazy."

"Suck my fingers."

I clamped my mouth shut.

It was a mistake because I drew a shaky breath in through my nose and the forbidden, spicy scent of the forest surged into my lungs.

My eyes lolled shut and I let out a moan in spite of myself. He took the opportunity to shove those fingers inside and probe the tender flesh of my cheek.

I tasted him and me…and Jacob.

"Oh god," I moaned around his fingers.

"That's a good little girl,' he purred.

I sucked hard. The tastes on my tongue were intermingled. The sunshine of Jacob filtering through the dark tangle of leaves that was Paul. And me spread all the way between.

His hand went back between my legs, collecting more of the dew. Then his fingers probed again, stroking my tongue.

I was sucking noisily, lapping it from him. He let me draw my tongue over his dripping palm.

My hand found its way between my thighs, unerringly slipped to that stupid, swollen nub that was crying for more.

God I was wet.

I was rocking my hips now, pressing against Paul's erection at my back.

I felt so dirty. So fucking dirty and so fucking hot. Having Jacob and Paul in my mouth at once sent a fresh gush of wetness between my thighs.

The wolf inside was fucking ecstatic. She was ready to howl in glee.

"Paul," I moaned.

"Yeh, Little Girl?" he grated. He had his hips maneuvered so that my rocking was timed perfectly with his own grinding. Each movement had his cock straining between my ass cheeks, my bare flesh hot-dog bunning the straining ridge at the front of his cutoffs.

"I want…" I moaned and shoved my own wet fingers into my mouth, sucking greedily.

"Anything," he purred.

"I want you to get Jacob so that I can get fucked by you both…"

He froze.

I whined and rocked again, missing that delicious friction.

"Please…" I whined.

His fingers tightened fractionally on my throat.

"What will I get in return?" he growled.

"I'll stay with the alpha," I answered easily.

My eyes grew wide as the words spilled out of me. That was the fucking wolf talking and I wanted to scream and take it back. Except I was so wet, so turned on with the need to be sandwiched between Paul and Jacob.

I tried to pull myself together to shut this craziness down, retract my promise but before I could his fingers loosened.

"Done." He slipped off the bed. "You stay right there, Little Girl. I'm ordering you not to move," he growled, and I felt my muscles tremble as the alpha order locked down on my body. "I'll be back with the baby alpha in just a minute. And you're going to find out the difference between getting fucked by the baby and the real fucking deal."

There were wolves howling in the woods just past the yard. Two of them. One was close, the other farther off. I could tell from the volley of mournful cries that the further one was getting closer.

Quickly.

Oh my God, what had I done?

What the FUCK had I done?

"You stupid fucking bitch," I hissed into the darkness. I was talking to the wolf and she growled and snorted. Another howl and I could visualize her smacking her jaws, almost smiling. Smug little she-bitch, about to get just what she wanted.

Was I going to always feel schizophrenic when it came to me and her? Was there even going to be an always? Jacob and Paul fighting over me in my tiny bedroom…

I shivered and my thighs started to quake a little but the fucking alpha order wouldn't let me fall over.

Instead my muscles just wobbled like the supporting bones had all turned to rubber.

"Taha Aki," I prayed, "Please let me survive this."

What was Jacob going to say?

Someone gets me to drop my guard a little. Someone finally tells me they love me again. Someone makes me feel safe. Someone makes me get off like I've never gotten off before.

There would be no safety after this.

No love, either.

I shook my head, willing myself not to cry.

Oh well. I had already committed the crime. Had asked for the unspeakable. I could have Jacob one more time before he disregarded me like the skank I was. If he'd have me.

He'd probably be disgusted with me. Maybe Paul would have to alpha order him to fuck me. I made a sour face at that but knew, at that exact moment, if that's what it took to have one last go round with him, I'd take it.

Holy Mother, Leah! You'd let Paul use some supernatural fuck-spell on someone against their will so you could f_uck_ one more time?

…

The wolf picked up her head and gave the air a sniff.

My own nose wrinkled. A sunny forest with little drops of rain starting to sprinkle down…

My belly did a flip flop and the base of my spine started to prickle in awareness.

The she-wolf gave a whine, lowered herself back into that whorish coaxing position.

My door wrenched open violently and Jacob stormed in, Paul close enough on his heels to catch the wood before it crashed into the wall.

"Greedy little cunt," Jacob growled, sliding in front of me on the bed.

I flinched, unsure if he was calling my sex organ greedy or calling me a cunt.

His face was impassive and I couldn't tell.

"Not so loud, Black," Paul hissed, shutting the door with a soft snick and turning the flimsy lock. "You wanna advertise to her mom what we're up to in here?"

Jacob cut his eyes at Paul. "You know as well as I do she's passed the fuck out. Find something else to bitch about."

It was true, I could faintly make out her harsh snoring though she was all the way on the other side of the house.

Paul settled behind me, shifting his weight on the mattress until he was pressed flush against me again, his hardon digging into my back.

"Kind of you to leave her with no panties on, " he snapped, obviously still furious over what he'd discovered about Jacob and me.

Jacob smirked at him and dug in the pocket of his shorts; he flicked a flimsy piece of blue fabric into the air and Paul snatched it as it sailed past.

I didn't have to turn my head to know that my briefs were dangling off the end of his finger.

Jacob's black stare turned back to me and my chest heaved. His look was suffocating, fiery, and unreadable.

Was he angry or wasn't he?

His hands grabbed the hem of my tank top.

A harsh rending sound tore through the air as the fabric split raggedly up the middle.

Paul gave a grunt of satisfaction and yanked hard at my back, copying Jacob's lead and then pushing the uselessly shredded fabric off my shoulders.

I was naked on my knees in front of them while they both still had their pants.

If I hadn't felt vulnerable before, the sensation was uncomfortably heavy now.

"She's always had a sweet set of tits," Paul commented, like he was discussing a baseball game or the tires on his truck. "But they're heavier now."

His hands slid under my arms, hefted both of the full globes and seemed to weigh them. "Little Girl grew up since she's been gone."

"Fucking huge nipples," Jacob agreed.

What the hell? Jacob and Paul discussing my boobs like I wasn't there.

Paul's face was hovering over my shoulder, his chin balanced there as he calmly talked with Jacob.

"Bite one, Black," he urged.

My legs started to tremble violently.

Jacob leaned forward and I saw the white gleam of teeth in his otherwise shadowed face, milliseconds before they sank into the stiff brown point of my nipple.

"Gahhhh," I hissed, wincing from the edge of his teeth in the tender puckered flesh.

"Suck," Paul commanded.

And then my nipple disappeared into the hot cavern of his mouth, bathed in wetness as he started to suckle. I thrust my chest at him instinctively and the suction increased, his mouth making loud, wet noises that arrowed straight to my crotch.

Paul's hand began to knead the opposite breast, his thumb and index finger plucking and rolling the aching nipple against his callused fingertips

I made a strangled noise in the back of my throat.

The hand that had been offering my tit to Jacob was now back at my neck, arching it with my head on Paul's shoulder once more. Fingers stroked the column in time with the plucking of my nipple.

I winced as I felt teeth again from Jacob's mouth.

They were both growing bolder in their explorations of my body.

My idiot clitoris was burning, still convinced this was a good idea. I felt my folds slicken, my body not minding the roughness at all.

"I smell that, Leelee," Paul purred into the side of my neck.

Jacob's mouth left my puckered nipple, started to leave wet bite-kisses down my ribs, and he paused to gnaw on my hipbone.

"Not so fast, Beta," Paul warned. "It's my turn to taste that hot little slit."

Jacob straightened, his jaw hard.

"Eat it from behind," Jacob said. "I haven't played with her ass yet"

I moaned this time and the edge of Paul's nail scraped down my jugular, stinging just enough to get my attention but not enough to leave a mark.

"You heard him," he gave me a nudge. "Get on all fours for us, Little Girl."

I felt the earlier alpha order break and I dropped my palms to the mattress obediently, eager to have them touch me again.

I'd have my nervous breakdown later. Now I was just going to focus on wringing whatever pleasure I could from this encounter.

"Damn…"Jacob whistled under his breath."Stick your ass out more," he encouraged. I thrust it out. "Arch down," he said as his hand pressed the small of my back down, exaggerating the curve of my body. "That's a girl," he whispered.

He tangled his fist in my hair and pulled it up so that my neck was bare.

I felt hot breath on the sides my face as they drew in close.

"No biting," Paul commanded.

And then I had two wet tongues stroking the pulse points that beat wildly beneath the angle of my jaw. The she-wolf's tail started to thump in pleasure.

I gave a wild, inhuman whimper and caught the tip of my tongue between my teeth to keep from begging for them both to bite me.

I had never wanted so badly to risk having my arteries torn from my neck.

Between my legs the flesh heated and pulsed, flooded with moisture.

It smelled so strong with me spread open and vulnerable like this. It swirled in the air, combined with the two intoxicating aromas seeping from the hulking men beside me and I felt drunk breathing it all in.

The back of my thighs began to quake in anticipation.

POP!

Paul's mouth was off my throat and my ass cheek stung so badly, instantly on fire from his hard smack.

CRACK!

"Oww!" I moaned, Jacob's answering blow burning just as fiercely.

"You see that?" Paul whispered.

"Fuck yeh," Jacob answered, his voice thick with lust. "Do it again," he urged.

"No!" I exclaimed, but it was too late as another smack echoed in the room and my flesh burned.

"Goddamn," Paul breathed. "Mmm, sweet little ass cheek jiggles so pretty when it gets smacked." His fingers smoothed over the red-hot skin where the curve of buttock meets thigh.

"Everything else is so tight and toned, except that fat little ass," Jacob growled.

"And tits," Paul reminded. Then his mouth was sucking at that crease, lapping his way around my thigh. "Spread your legs," he barked.

I adjusted my stance, keeping ass thrust out, back arched, but now I was spread wide as he rolled easily to my back and slid his face under me.

I could lower my chin and watch him. I stared as he curved his grip curved round my knees, capturing one leg between each arm, and began stroking his hands up and down my thighs, the fingertips spread wide directly below my labia.

Electric shocks danced behind his touch.

Meanwhille Jacob's palms engulfed my cheeks. His thumbs rested in the crease and tugged them apart gently. I stiffened, nervous as hell.

"Shhh…I'm not going to hurt you," he soothed.

I felt his finger tracing the very top of my ass crack down to the aching channel between my legs. Again. And again. Featherlight. Each pass had him dragging the hot wetness from my folds up to make the entire length of my slit one slick path.

I felt the mattress shift beneath me as Paul curled his body upwards, his breath puffing over my sex. His tongue flicked out and gave a long, deliciously slow lick down one naked lip.

I gave a whine and his fingers squeezed my inner thighs.

The next lap had the point of his tongue dragging beside my clit, narrowly missing brushing the tender flesh.

"Please," I cried.

"Please what?" Jacob grated.

Paul's tongue continued its leisurely exploration, barely whispering over my folds.

"More, more," I wheezed.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

I nodded.

Jacob's middle finger circled the entrance to my sex.

"Its gonna be sore," he warned.

"I don't care," I groaned, rocking my hips, trying to force his finger inside of me.

Paul's grip tightened. "Stop it, Little Girl," he demanded. "You can ride my face when I say so. Until then, stay still and be good."

"I wanna ride your mouth right now," I whined.

He gave me another slow lick and at the very end, sucked my clit into his mouth, releasing it instantly with a wet pop.

A hot frisson of pain blossomed on my right butt cheek as he smacked it hard with his hand.

"Unng," I cried. The heat surged into my lower belly, the mild pain somehow adding to my enjoyment.

"You haven't been good enough to fuck my mouth yet, Leelee. Now shut up or I won't let Jake get his fingers wet."

Oh Goddd…Jacob's middle finger was pressing, retreating, testing the resistance of the muscle. I felt it slip in fractionally, sliding easily through the evidence of my arousal.

"Want me to get my fingers wet, honey?" Jacob cooed. I moaned and nodded. "Yeh, I haven't rubbed that pussy enough today, have I? You like it when your Jacob gets you all soaking wet and then rubs it better, don't you?"

Paul's tongue slide around my clitoris and pulled the hot button back into his mouth. I managed to not rock my hips.

"Fuck yeh, I like that," I blustered, spurred on by having one thick digit buried to the first finger joint inside of me while my traitorous clitoris throbbed inside the scorching mouth of another, equally hot man.

"What else do you like?" he goaded. Paul's mouth ceased its delightful ministrations and I gave a growl of frustration.

"I like Paul's mouth on me but I don't like it when he stops licking," I pouted.

His fingers started smoothing over my thighs again.

"Why's that, baby?" Jacob prodded. His finger was now up to the second joint and rubbing back and forth gently against my inner walls.

"Makes it ache," I huffed. "I'm trying to be a good girl so I can get to cum and he keeps teasing and making meall achey down there."

"Aww, baby," he sighed. "We're just getting you ready. You're so tiny in here…" his finger sank all the way in and tapped my inner wall for emphasis. "We don't wanna hurt you. I know you're sore from earlier…."

Paul started to suck again. His fingers started to guide my thighs forward and back in a very slow rocking motion.

"Its not that sore," I gasped as that finger inside me brushed over a sensitive spot.

"Is that so?" Jacob asked, bemused. He thrust his index finger inside me without preamble and curled his fingers, starting to stroke my walls hard.

I moaned loudly. "Oh yeh," I cried, trying to increase the speed of my hips.

"I don't think she wants it gentle," Paul growled against my flesh. It rumbled pleasantly, earning a loud, keening sound from me. "Jesus, Black! Don't let her make too much noise!"

"I'll take care of her mouth, just get her off."

"I want it faster," I panted, ignoring their private conversation.

Paul's fingers dug in and acquiesced, maneuvering his tongue so that I slid along it easily, gaining blessed friction. He growled into my spread petals.

"Suck my finger," Jacob demanded, pushing the thumb of his free hand into my mouth.

I tongued it teasingly, much the way I'd licked at his cock earlier in the night.

He hissed.

"I'm serious, get it soaking wet."

Properly chastened, I drew in into my mouth and applied suction obediently.

He pressed a kiss to the side of my face. _Thank you, Taha Aki for having two giants with long, long arm spans pick me to run a train on._ "Now," he said, popping his thumb from between my lips, "I want you to shut up, ok? If you wake your Mom up, we'll have to stop. Understand?"

I nodded like a bobble head. No, no, no, I didn't want that at all!

I felt him smile against my cheek.

The fingers inside me twisted around and started to flick in a come hither motion.

I couldn't help it, I wailed.

"Black, you're useless," Paul snarled. One of Paul's hands left my thigh but he continued rocking me hard against his mouth as he dug around, I'm assuming in his pocket. I felt him reach around to Jacob, I guessed they were passing something between the two of them.

Jacob made a strangled noise that was a cross between a grunt and a moan. "Open up," he commanded me.

My lips parted and he was stuffing my blue panties into my mouth, muffling my cries of protest.

His hand clamped on my chin and swiveled my face to his. The look of absolute lust etched on his features shut down any further complaint I may have had about being gagged with my own undergarments.

"Goddamn, that's so hot," he breathed.

Paul's tongue stopped and he shifted under me. "Let me see," he grizzled. Jacob applied pressure to the back of my neck, gently forced me too look down at Paul.

Paul's dark eyes mirrored the feral intensity of Jacob's and I felt a jolt inside of me that had nothing to do with the latter man's plumbing of my depths.

"Hurry up," Paul demanded, his fingers digging into my hips. "I'm about to explode."

_Please, please don't blow up before you get me off_, I thought.

Jacob's hand left my neck and I heart him sucking his finger noisily.

I guess all of my saliva had dried.

His fingers were working me roughly now, in contrast to the more delicate flicking of Paul's tongue.

The warring sensations had me moaning, the breathy sounds trapped in the scrap of fabric caught between my teeth.

I felt Jacob shift in behind me and start to press against the rosebud of my ass.

I stiffened and tried to move away but Paul's fingers held tight at my hips.

"Shhh, honey, just try it. If you don't like it, I'll stop, ok?"

I faltered…no longer trying to wiggle away but still keeping that tension in my posture.

His thumb lessened the pressure, just slowly slid back and forth, rimming the tight ring of muscle.

"Baby, have I hurt you yet? Have I done anything to your sweet little body that hasn't set you off like a rocket?"

He had me there.

Almost as if he could feel me relent, the come hither motion inside of me gained momentum, finding that swollen bundle of nerves inside of me that he worked so well.

I gave a shaky sigh.

"Are you going to let me try, honey? It'd make me so happy…."

"Mmmfsss." I mumbled around the panties.

I felt him place a chaste kiss between my shoulder blades.

"Good girl," he sang. "Such a brave girl. You'll get a reward for being such a brave girl."

His thumb started to press more insistently. I stiffened again as it started to ease into the puckered opening but Paul sensed my unease and pulled at my clit with this tongue and lips, making a delicious slurping sound.

"Fuck!" I cried, but it was horribly muffled and much louder in my own head.

Jacob took full advantage and sank his thumb in to the hilt.

Everyone froze, giving me a second to adjust.

It burned…so good.

I had never felt so full.

I wailed again and my thighs quivered hard.

His thumb flexed.

The quaking increased.

"Now," Jacob demanded.

His hand started to work my sex, thumping insistently on that spot deep inside; Paul renewed his assault on my tender nub, riding my hips back and forth in a smooth stroking motion across his mouth. All the while his thumb stretched and probed in my most secret, forbidden place.

"Its ok, Leah, it's ok," he soothed. His quiet tone was in stark contrast to the almost rough ministrations of my body by both men.

"We wanna see you get off, honey," he growled. "Want you to come so hard for us."

"Oh, God," I cried, knowing neither one could understand me. My own hands reached up to cup my breasts, rolling my nipples, plucking them.

I felt like my own hands were keeping me grounded and I squeezed rougher than I would have previously thought comfortable.

Paul's hands left my hips and he left me to keep the rhythm with my hips while he did something further down his body.

Rational thought fled my body. Well, whatever rational thought had been present during this whole encounter.

"Just like that baby," Jacob encouraged. "Yeh, that's hot, work those tits while we get you off."

"Gonna cum, gonna cum!" I warned. Warned who ? -Them or me, I couldn't say.

"What's that baby, you're gonna cum? You're gonna cum all over Paul's mouth and my fingers?" I grunted in reply. "Yeh, you're gonna get off with my finger buried in your sweet little ass?" His mouth was on my neck. How as that even possible? Jesus Christ, Taha Aki, I didn't give a hot fuck what kind of weird position anyone was twisted in.

And with that thought, I started to fall apart.

"Let it go," he growled, his mouth sealing on my pulse point and sucking hard.

I felt the edge of his teeth and started to whine as my hips jerked and my insides spasmed, milking his fingers.

"Bite me!" I screamed, something primal taking hold of me and clamping down. "Bite ME PLEASE!" It was muffled through the panties but could be heard clearly.

"Do not bite her!" Paul snarled. Jacob's fingers wrenched from my channel and I started to cry out but then suddenly I was being yanked down hard on Paul's cock at the same time as he thrust up, burying himself in me to the hilt.

Jacob's thumb prodded, stroked the thin membrane separating the two channels.

Paul's cock jerked violently.

It set off a chain reaction in me and I spiraled over the edge once more.

Jacob pulled his thumb away and I started to shudder, startled by the emptiness left behind.

But then Paul flexed his cock again and grabbed my hips.

"Jeeeheeezus, Leelee," he growled. His abdominals bunched and he curled up, bringing himself to sit underneath me. I felt his tongue flatten against the hollow at the base of my throat and then he started to lap at my neck in long, smooth strokes.

He wasn't moving inside of me but I could feel him pulsing hard against my inner walls. "Fuck!" he panted. "Fuck, its been soo long." His hips snapped up and he bumped that spot near my cervix. "Too long," he groaned again.

He reached up and plucked the panties from my mouth.

"Jacob!" I cried immediately, needing him near me.

"I'm here," he rumbled, grabbing my hand and dropping a kiss to the knuckles.

"Closer! Please!"

"What, honey, what do you need?" Jacob tried to soothe me but I snatched my hand from his and raked my nails down his chest.

Paul's mouth latched on to the earlobe away from Jacob and sucked it into his mouth.

I didn't know what I needed, just to be closer, that was the only thought that came through clearly. Closer to both of them. I ground against Paul trying to convey my frustration with not being able to articulate what I wanted.

He gave my hips an answering squeeze and shifted the angle of my body so that he hit something new inside, rubbed everywhere all at once.

My nails dug into Jacob's pec, scraped down over the edge of his flat nipple.

I gave a helpless whimper, needing something else.

"Oh for FUCK's sake, Black!" Paul snapped, "Put your cock in her hand before she goes crazy!"

Yes! Yes, dammit! That's exactly what I needed!

Jacob's zipper rasped and then he was pushing my hand down, curling it around the straining shaft that jutted from the open V of his cutoffs.

I gave it an experimental squeeze and then started a slow rhythm, dragging the velvety skin over the stiffness beneath.

He gave a grunt of pleasure as my palm found the arousal beaded on his blunt head and used it to lubricate my palm. His hand covered mine and set the pace for my strokes.

Somehow Paul was thrusting in time to my handjob.

I wasn't going…there was no way I could…again? Oh, God. I was. I could…holy shit!

"Yyyee-ahhh," I warbled, my world tilting sideways. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuuckk meee," I cried.

"Shhhh," Jacob admonished but his pelvis started to thrust, fucking through my clenched fist. "Shit, shit, shit!" He swore.

"Shut the fuck up, Jake," Paul hissed. His hips were snapping, losing rhythm.

He gave me a rough shove towards Jacob that had me losing my balance before he gripped me and started working his way in sideways, somehow shoving my leg at an awkward angle to give him unimpeded access.

"NNGGG…" I moaned, almost ready to fall apart.

"Shut up, both of you!" Paul grated.

He was covered in sweat.

Jacob growled as he shunted into my grip.

"Goddammit," Paul snarled, he shoved again, smashing my lips against Jacob's.

It was the final straw and as Jacob's mouth sealed against mine, I fell over the edge, crying into his mouth as I lost my shit and started to spasm wildly over Paul's thrusting length.

"That's it, that's it," he whispered, slamming into me harder, faster than I thought I ever could have stood.

Jacob sank his teeth into my lower lip as he gave a final thrust against my palm, his cock starting to erupt, sending a hot stream over my hand.

I whimpered, my insides giving a final clench, and Paul shoved himself hard against me, holding me in place as he jerked inside me, releasing with a long, low growl of feral satisfaction.

I collapsed between them, sweaty, and sore. I felt well used.

In a good way.

There was a thick silence, except for three sets of harsh panting.

Oh fuck, I thought, as my brain started to function again.

How in the hell do we move past this?

**A/N PICK YOUR JAW UP OFF THE FLOOR AND STAY WITH ME!**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

**A/N: OK Ladies, I'm glad you're back with me. Drop your pitchforks, please! Now, I'm normally not a fan of employing literature tricks such as the one I am about to use, however…I promised GG a little threesome action for the purty banners she has so kindly made me. So now that my promise has been kept, I've gotta fix it by a wave of the magic wand or else they're be absolutely no way to undue to fucksnarl a real threesome would have caused for the story. So you got to enjoy the dirty, sweaty sharing sex with the benefit of the magic morning-after pill. Ahhh, feel to reread with a lighter heart, knowing it was all just a dream!**

**AND PS In case you missed it earlier in the story Leah is an actual protector. Had she been born with an XY chromosome pair, she'd be able to get furry. _Females do not phase_. Probably because they, you know, can have babies and shit. But who knows why because Leah is the first one that they've ever encountered. The other females in the pack are brought in by shapeshifters. They are wolf –y just by association. You know, if you're a shapeshifter's mate, you are probably considered part of the pack. It just makes sense. And females in a pack have rank, no? And frankly because its my story and I'll do what I want. _So sorry_ if it doesn't make any sense to you but nobody is forcing you to read at gunpoint. I personally thought parts of Twilight didn't make any damn sense but I still read it. For those of you enjoying, thanks for your comments. /Endofrant.**

"Were you gonna sleep all day?"

My head jerked off the pillow and I gave a loud gasp as I came face to face with Rachel.

She had a shit-eating grin plastered across her face and she stank of Seth.

"Looks like someone had a good night," I remarked drily.

Then I remembered my own night.

Fuck!

I sprang from the bed and she scrambled back, wild eyed, as I almost knocked her over, desperate to get some clothes on before she could guess I had been squished between not one but two gigantic men last night…at my own request. Except I had a tank top on. Wait? What. Hadn't they ripped this into shreds last night? Rachel was still staring at me like I had two heads. I ignored her and grabbed at my panties. What in the holy fuck? I had the blue panties on.

"Uh, Leah? Do you need a second?" she asked hesitantly.

I turned to face her slowly, my hands starting to tremble.

Sweet Taha Aki, it had been a fucking dream!

Oh my God!

A dream!

I fell face first into the sheets, flooded with relief. I had to ignore the twinge of disappointment undercutting the whole debacle and decided it was just the slut wolf pining after her sick little power trip fantasy.

"Leah?" she repeated.

"I'm fine," I mumbled. "I'm just on drugs."

She was on her knees at the edge of the bed. "You're what?" she exclaimed.

I finally raised my head to look at her. Had to blow my hair out of my eyes to do it. I could feel the rest of my hair sticking out in weird spikes that had been fashioned in my sleep. "I'm not being serious…I'm just not myself today."

Her eyebrow arched.

"Forget it, there's just some…stuff…with Jacob." Her eyebrow was climbing higher.

"Jacob?" she queried. "Did you two -?"

"Not now, ok? I can't think straight this early in the morning."

"It's a quarter to one," she deadpanned.

"This early in the _afternoon_," I amended.

Her serious face dissolved into a smile.

"I need some details, Madam."

I groaned. "Rach, keep it up and I will gut you like a fish. I didn't sleep very well."

"I didn't sleep much at all," she confessed breathlessly.

"Ew. That's my little brother you're perving on!"

"Leah Clearwater! Are you two or twenty one?"

I grumbled.

"I don't know what you did to fix it, but thank you. Thank you. Thank you!" She started to do a mock "I'm not worthy bow" and her eyes twinkled.

"Yeh, well I'll remember that when Paul is fucking me up the ass later," I huffed.

And then we both froze. It had been said flippantly but I had a siege of anxiety at the thought of what was going to happen when we locked horns later. It was that damn wolf pacing inside of me.

Goddamn, was I always going to be a slave to her fucking emotions?

Rachel's mouth just kind of made an o of horror.

My instincts to protect her kicked in and I pushed off the bed. "It's fine. He's nothing but a lot of bluster." I was trying to convince her and myself but I sounded pretty confident.

She just stared, obviously unsure.

"I can handle the little chief," I declared with far more aplomb than I actually felt. Or rather, I was ok, but the wolf-bitch was trembling.

"Are you sure?"

"Rachel!" I demanded. "Just leave it. Not your fight. Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, I want to hear more about you and Seth."

"Oh my God," she bubbled. "It was sooo much better than at Christmas!"

"Jesus, Rach! I don't want to hear about that part!"

"Why?" she asked innocently. "I'd listen to you wax poetic about my brother slippin' it to ya doggy style."

I blinked. "Rachel, I think college has been bad for you. You've been corrupted."

She looked skeptical. "Or you've turned into a prude."

I choked but it turned into a laugh. If only she knew. I was in no way, shape, form, or fashion a prude.

"I'm not defending my sense of perversion or lack thereof to you Miss Black. All I want to know is if I have to prepare myself from finding you across from me at the breakfast table in the mornings."

She giggled. "When is the last time you were up before eleven?"

I scowled at her.

"Let's just say you may be seeing more of me."

I grinned. Score one more for Booboo. If I had to be caught up in this fucksnarl maybe I could help cut him loose a little.

"So yeh, he and I agree, you are definitely the best big sister ever."

I turned to the dresser so she wouldn't see my happy smile.

"What does one wear when marching into battle, Rachel?" I spun around with a shirt in each hand. "Black or red?"

She looked back and forth, contemplating.

"Well, the red might be like waving a flag for a bull. But the black, that's some ninja stealth, right?"

"Red it is!" I announced.

If you were going to down in flames, you might as well do it right.

"Where is Seth?" I asked.

"Sleeping it off," she giggled.

I made a face. "And your brother?"

"I dunno, probably down in the garage. I heard he got distracted yesterday and didn't finish Bella's truck. Sam and Kim had to give her a ride home last night. You have any idea what he was up to?" Her eyebrows were up again and she gave me a saucy grin.

"Not a clue," I remarked and her face fell in disappointment. I sighed and relented a little. "Rach, we'll talk about it soon, ok? I have to deal with some things real quick before I run into Paul today."

She looked serious again so I tried to soften my tone. "Listen, don't worry about this. I'll figure it out. I just need you to get Seth out of the house. I need to have a talk with Mom and it might not be pretty."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Dammit, Rachel, I dunno. Throw a stick in the woods. Offer to suck him off down at the beach. Just get him the fuck out of here for me, please!"

She gave a nod and a "Will do," complete with a salute. This was why I loved Rachel. I just barked at her and told her to blow my brother and she was still smiling, trying to figure out how to help me.

My dearest friend. Maybe after today she'd go back to being my only friend.

I picked up my phone and started making calls.

. . . .

I went in Mom's room and threw open the sashes.

Dammit, the rest of the house might have looked like a fucking cleaning commericial but her room was dusty and cluttered and in need of a fucking episode of Hoarders.

"Mama," I gasped, sneezing from all the particles floating in the air. There were empty bottles of liquor everywhere. I nudged a collection of at least seven Crown Royal bottles with my toe and they tinkled together like a windchime.

Oh well, good thing Booboo was tied to the rez. Here sat his college fund in recyclables.

"Mama!" I hissed again.

She rolled over and groaned, throwing an arm over her face to block out the sunshine.

"Not yet, Leah, baby," she mumbled. "It's too early."

"Mom, its two in the fucking afternoon. You need to get up and take a shower."

"Mama's not feelin' too good today baby. Maybe you can go down to the store and get me some cold medicine?"

I shut my eyes, prayed for patience.

"Mama, its called a hangover. You need to get up right now and I'll help you take a shower."

"Leah," she whined. "Just leave me alone."

I pulled her arm away from her face and went down on my knees beside the bed.

"Mama," I said earnestly. "Seth needs you. I need you! Look at yourself!"

"What are you talking about?" she mumbled.

"Don't do that!" I demanded.

I bit my lip, struggling to get my emotions under control before I spoke again.

"Jeez, we all miss Dad, but this is not the way to fix it! Daddy didn't want this for you!"

Mom stated to stir at that, she sat up in bed and looked at me.

I stared back at her.

"Seth is raising himself while you drink yourself into the ground."

She made a little whimper.

"I'm having an emotional breakdown and I'm stuck sitting here mothering you."

Another, a little louder. It sounded like she was crying Oh, God, but I couldn't be sure.

"What's happened to you?" I whispered. "What happened to that strong woman that raised me?"

"I don't know, Leah!" she sobbed suddenly. "I don't know where she went. When Paul went behind your back and you were so sad, I had no idea how to help you! Everything I said or did just made it worse!"

"Mama," I whined, "None of that was your fault. I was just hurting and lashing out at everyone. I'm sorry I hurt you. But that had nothing to do with you!"

"But I knew, Leah! I knew about the pack and I was sworn to secrecy!"

I shook my head. "It wouldn't have helped anything if you had told me."

"But at least I could have picked you over him."

"Mom, God, its not like that. I shouldn't have run away anyway."

She looked so sad. "I missed you so much, I thought I'd never have you back."

I felt guilty. She looked so shattered.

"And your father died and I knew you blamed yourself."

I gasped. She had known that? Oh my God, how fucked up was this?" I hadn't confessed that to anyone except Seth.

"I should have told you everything then so that you'd know that it wasn't your fault. But I was too weak to disobey the council."

I sat carefully on Mom's dirty bed and enfolded her in my arms.

"I'm so proud of you Leah, you're such a strong, beautiful girl. And I feel like I let you down."

"Shhhhh," I admonished, stroking her tangled hair. "Mama, its ok. We're all gonna be ok. Seth's with Rachel now and I'm the alpha female."

She gasped and pulled out of my arms. "You're what?"

I nodded and brought her back into the circle of my arms. "Its gonna be ok."

"You're gonna be with Paul?" she cried, her voice breaking.

I shook my head. "No, if I'm going to be with anyone, its going to be Jacob."

The wolf inside of me gave a bark of dissoanance but I gave her a mental kick.

"You can't do that, the alpha has to be with the alpha."

I laughed bitterly. "Mama, when do I do what I have to do?"

She laughed back, sounded almost like herself before all this shit had happened.

"But you're gotta get up and get ready. We're sending you off to rehab today."

There was silence for a beat.

"I can't do it," she sobbed.

I stroked her back.

"You can," I said gently. "You have to, you're all we have left."

She gave a wet sob. "Ok, ok I'll do it for my babies."

I smiled and shut my eyes tight, pushing my tears away.

"Atta girl. It'll be over before you know it."

Sam was in the driveway with his old, rumbling truck before dinner, just as we'd planned. I could trust him not to run his mouth, he was family after all, and Mom didn't feel as weird making the trip with him to the rehab as she might have with Jacob or Quil driving. I had found a couple of rehabs, surprisingly, but ended up going with the one outside of Port Angeles because though it was close enough for Seth and I to visit but not so near the rez that she'd hear about any shit or have to worry about nosy fuckers getting in her business.

Evidently alcoholism was common enough in the Native American community that it was actually subsidized by the government. Well, that had shocked the hell out of me too but it had been a welcome relief. I didn't have any idea how much a real stint in a treatment program would cost but I could have bet my right ass cheek that I didn't have that much in my piggy bank. I had no idea what mom's bank accounts looked like either but given how much booze she'd been packing away, I was not expecting to find much left. Untangling the Clearwater finances could wait for another day when I wasn't so damn out of sorts.

So, Rachel and I packed her stuff up and I was so proud that she didn't chicken out.

We tucked her into Sam's truck and she squared her shoulders, looked determined.

"I'll be home soon," she declared.

Seth looked like he was going to cry, he was blinking hard, and she gave him a strong look, one she'd given many times in our younger years when things were tough, and said, "This is just a bump in the road, Booboo. I'll come home and we'll start over."

"Mom," he said, blinking even more rapidly. "Its not gonna be some walk in the park, this is going to be hard. On all of us! We can't just act like nothing happened, you realize that right?"

I thought about punching him in the kidney but held myself back. He was entitled to be a little angry about everything that had happened. For God's sake, his childhood had disappeared almost overnight and my mom hadn't been able to tell him shit for two and a half years. He had to suffer through watching our strong mother turn into a pickled shell of herself on a daily basis. Even I had had the benefit of distance, the ability to deny what was happening.

"Of course not, Seth, I'd never ask that of you," she said earnestly. "Facing what got me to this point is going to hurt. Going to hurt all of us." And I caught her chin starting to waver a little so I butt in, determined that she was going to leave feeling strong.

"It'll hurt, but it'll heal. Its gotta happen, though. Its how we're going to get past it, right Seth?" I prodded.

He nodded. "Yeh, Mom. Leah's right. You're right. You'll get better and we'll work on dealing with the other stuff together."

She gave him a smile. She smiled like maybe he'd given her a little bit of her inner peace back. I hoped that bit of peace would help tide her through the hell I knew she was about to go through.

"Love you, Mom," I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

She clung to me when I went to pull back. "I meant what I said, Leah," she whispered. "You're stronger than we ever gave you credit for and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should have been. But I'm going to be, I promise you."

I kissed her cheek again and pulled away, letting Seth have his turn to say goodbye.

I don't know what she whispered to him but it seemed to help. His shoulders weren't quite as turned down; he gave her one of _his _smiles with the dimples and all.

As Sam's truck pulled out of the drive I gave a final wave and then trudged off toward the house, leaving Rachel to comfort Seth while I worked out my own grief in my own way.

Purging my negative emotions started with wreaking havoc in the disaster zone she called a room. I just drug the entire outside trash can outside her window and forced it open, simultaneously letting in fresh air and chucking all those fucking liquor bottles, crumpled cigarette packs (when the fuck had Mom started to smoke?), and the mountains of trash mounded in her room.

There were so many bottles that I thought, after the fact, I should have recycled them and gotten some of the money back.

It was too late now so I kept throwing out shit. The more I threw out, the more I found.

The sheets? Gone. The pillows? Bye-bye. The curtains, her bath linen. Every fucking thing that wasn't nailed down. A fresh start, that's what she was going to come home to. Yep. First thing tomorrow I was going to buy paint and give this room an overhaul.

Seth poked his head in as I was scrubbing down the walls and I let him thank me again over the thing with Rachel before I waved him away.

"I can help you get it over with, it stinks to high heaven in here."

I cut my eyes at him. "Yeh, it stinks. Fucking cancer sticks," I grumbled. "Thanks but no thanks. Find your own therapy, wouldja?"

"But I want to help…"

"No you don't. Hey, seriously. Its ok. You and I can talk later, you're just slowing me down right now. I want to be done with this before Paul or Jacob can show up."

"You want me to keep them away from you?"

I just gave him an _Are you Fucking Serious Right Now?_ look.

"Geez, Leah! Harsh!"

I grinned, finally. "No offense, Boo. I've got this. Both things I mean. I'll call you if I need you. Besides, don't you have a girlfriend to go makeout with or something?"

He gave a wolfish grin.

"Actually, on that note, you better keep Seth Jr on a tight leash. Do not make me jump in and save your scrawny ass from Jacob or Billy Black, you got me?"

That grin turned into a scowl. "Don't you worry about Seth, Jr."

I gave him a skeptical look: quirked brow and twisted sour-pucker of my lips. "Don't make me put my ass on the line for yours and you can do whatever you want with Seth, Jr." I gave a little shudder. "Believe me, I don't wanna think about him anymore than you want me to." I fixed him with a hard stare. "But if I have to take an ass chewing for you, I'm letting the wolf take it out on your hide."

And that was our version of the safe sex talk.

Weird. Creepy, even. Yet effective.

Now, what the hell was I going to say to the little furry she-slut that lived inside of me?

She hadn't practiced safe sex out in the shed yesterday.

Wouldn't that be perfect? Being knocked up by Jacob Black and having a litter of puppies.

The she-wolf growled at me.

_What's amatter, bitch?_ I thought. _Mad because they aren't Paul's or mad because I don't want Jacob's puppies?_

She snarled but I just rolled my eyes. This was getting to be ridiculous. Nobody else seemed to have a split personality when it came to the wolf. Nothing could come easy for me, could it?

Thanks to her I had the bragging rights to getting off by two different guys in the same day. Within minutes of each other.

I grimaced. It sounded so bad when you put it like that.

And she seemed content with it.

So content, in fact, that she thought it was proper to play some crazy mindgame where I thought I fucked them both at the same time.

From no sex in three years, no _nothing_ in three years to begging like a whore and just spreading it for anyone.

_No, not anyone_, I amended. My first love and then the man I dreamed of begging to take possession of me in front of one of my people's spiritual warriors.

Ok, at least the whore in me had some distinction. I had had the good sense to threaten Jared with castration for daring to sniff at my ass.

Still, what a fucking conundrum!

My cheeks were hot at the thought of the liberty I had allowed Paul yesterday. What in the hell had that been? Yeh, I had loved Paul to distraction. Yeh, I had been fucking crushed when cheated on me with my fucking best friend/cousin. Yeh, he had managed to give me a few issues. Ok, a lot of damned issues.

So the fuck what? I, Leah Clearwater, had a lot of issues. A need to be a cold assed, snarky bitch. An inability to cry in front of anyone. A whole set of confidence issues related to my appeal as a woman. Which, maybe I could amend just a little, seeing as I'd had two prime male specimens panting after me yesterday….

Except, I couldn't. There was that damned alpha female thing wrenching up the whole thing. Maybe Jacob and Paul were just drawn to whatever stink came along with being the top bitch.

Whatever. Paul could easily be dismissed as just lusting after whatever it was in me that had so easily taken Emily down a peg or three. He knew exactly how to manipulate emotions and say what people wanted to hear. That's why he was such a golden boy around here, wasn't it? Despite his obvious shitty alpha orders and general fuckwad attitude around the rez. Yeh, what the fuck ever. Leah, the woman, might have been crushed by Paul, but she was way too smart to want him back.

The she-wolf, however, panted after him like she was in heat. What was it about him? Some weird pheromones seeping off his fuckhot body? Maybe it was just the power that rolled off of him.

Fuck if I knew. And if she knew, she wasn't telling.

And what about Jacob?

Jacob said he loved me, that he had for years. Now, given, he was a grand total of nineteen years old, but he never struck me as someone given to saying I love you frivilosly. I had known him pretty well, being his sister's best friend and all, but it was a superficial kind of knowing. I had known he liked cars and was friends with Quil and Embry and that he had no compunction about farting right beside you on the couch. I knew he wasn't one to fuck around with all the little teen rez whores, at least not three years ago.

This wasn't something I could really discuss with Rachel, if I wanted answers I'd probably have to ask Bella.

Anyway, the she-bitch was fond of Jacob too. I could tell she liked Paul better but last night had proven that she had no beef with taking whatever Jacob wanted to give with a smile.

So what was the fucking problem? I liked Jacob. I mean, I really, really liked Jacob and how he smelled safe and how he was tender without being mushy. And how he turned my insides to molten lava with that dirty mouth of his.

The fucking problem, however, remained that the stupid she-wolf was still lusting after Paul. And if she was still hot on Paul's dick and we were constantly snapping at each other in my head, there was no way I was going to be able to keep it together and have a relationship that wouldn't spontaneously combust.

The first time that had happened was brutal. I don't think I could survive it again, especially knowing I had to stay on this fucking plot of land the rest of my life.

Unless a solution came to mind.

Which I was working on.

So, that tore it. Sorry, Jacob, sorry Paul.

Gotta stop this before it can hurt me again.

I was dirty and sweaty but my mom's room was ready for a fresh coat of paint.

Too concerned about either of them showing up while I was naked and vulnerable in the shower, I opted to stay in my dirty clothes, digging through the fridge for something good to eat.

I settled on a frozen lasagna and as it cooked I cleaned up the kitchen and made some fresh tea.

I thought I'd be too nervous to eat but in the end I just took my fork and dug into the black waxy baking sheet without bothering to use a dish.

I smelled him before I could even hear his approach and even though my stomach twisted anxiously at the coming confrontation, the smell still made my head light and inspired a pleasant throb in my chest.

Jesus, didn't that man ever wear a shirt?

"Rach and Seth told me about your mom. Are you ok?"

Thank God I had a huge bite of lasagna in my mouth, I had a chance to chew and take my time answering him.

"She needed it," I replied carefully.

He tsked. "Leah, always so damn strong for everyone."

"Don't make me out to be some kind of martyr, Jacob. Its just my personality. I don't need to be rescued every five minutes."

He flinched a little at my nasty tone and threw his arms up in surrender. "I didn't mean it like that. I just want you to know you can be real with me."

"Yeh?" I countered.

"Yeh," he replied, confident.

Somehow I doubted that he wanted the real, raw Leah.

I guess we'd find out.

I just let the conversation fizzle out.

"So…can I interest you in providing back washing services?"

I had to take a long slug of my tea to keep from squealing in delight at the thought.

Instead I shook my head no slowly, holding the tea in my mouth for a second in my own little version of counting to ten.

His face fell a little, looked slightly confused.

"I'm sore," I replied flatly.

The hope came back into his face. "Want me to kiss it better?" Then he was quick to add, "No strings attached."

My God, don't be sweet Jacob. Don't be steamy. Don't promise me oral sex with no need for reciprocation!

So I forced the bitch out. "I don't think so. It never really works like that, does it? If I give in, we'll end up doing everything and then I won't be able to walk tomorrow."

His eyebrows flew up. "Damn, Leah. While I appreciate the compliment on my dick, I hope you don't think I'd coerce you into having sex if you're too sore. I'm not that big of an ass, am I?"

I faltered at that. A million retorts sprang to mind but I couldn't force one past my lips.

So I was just silent, feeling sorry for myself.

"What's gotten into you today, honey? I swear, I just wanted to see you. I'm not pressuring you into doing anything you don't want to do."

Dammit, Jacob. What the fuck? I want to punch you for being so fucking nice right now.

"Nothing has gotten into me. Except, oh, I'm a fucking wolf. And my mom is a goddamned drunk. And my school plans are all fucked up and I'm tied to this fucking hell hole and and you and Paul won't quit sniffing at my ass."

He went board-straight. "Has Paul been around here bothering you?"

"What in the hell, Jacob, are you fucking listening to me?"

"Leah," he exclaimed, looking alarmed, "I know you've had a lot of crazy shit happen the past couple of days –"

I gave a bitter laugh that wasn't at all forced, not like the rest of this charade I was playing for him.

It was time to just come clean.

"I had a dream that you and Paul double teamed me last night."

He was quiet for a few seconds before he gave a deep, rumbling growl. His head shook, as if he was clearing it. "Sorry, couldn't shake the mental image for a second and I got upset." He noticed I wasn't yielding, wasn't smiling. "Ok," he said carefully. "So you had a bad dream."

"It wasn't a bad dream," I admitted. "When I realized it was just a dream, I was upset."

His face went blank. "Really?" he asked blandly. "_You_ were upset that Paul and I didn't run a train on you?"

"The wolf was upset," I clarified.

He let out a breath that sounded relieved.

"But how did you feel?"

"What do you mean, Jacob? What do all of you keep telling me? I am the wolf."

He shook his head. "Yes and no. I mean you are, but you haven't had time to become one with your wolf. I know she's causing some friction, trying to reconcile yourself with your inner beast."

"What are you, the wolf whisperer?"

He had the gall to grin at me. "Compared to you, I'm an expert, babe."

"Jacob, don't be fucking flippant with me! When I "reconcile" myself with the wolf," I sneered, twisting the word reconcile around nastily, "then I'm going to want to fuck Paul."

"Yeh?" he asked, starting to pace. Ok, finally! I was getting a rise out of him. "Ok, so you're gonna be a power hungry little bitch because your wolf is drawn to it?"

I flinched. "Looks like, doesn't it? Isn't that what the whole fucking pack is? Power and sex?"

"That's pretty damn harsh. What are you trying to prove right here? It doesn't matter to me that you had some stupid dream about fucking Paul. Yeh, I don't like it, but I knew you still had issues with him. Its just going to take time to get over him."

"Maybe I don't want to get over him." The lie tasted bitter on my tongue.

"You are so full of horseshit right now! You fucking know he's manipulative and taking unfair advantage of your confusion right now."

"Isn't that exactly what you're doing? You just had to jump on me, knowing you could smell him all over me."

"Mother of fuck, is that what you think?" He slapped his hand onto the counter and it gave a sonic-boom through the kitchen, making me recoil. "You think I am being unfair?"

I nodded. "Taking advantage of me when I don't have my head on straight."

He laughed with zero mirth. "No, I was trying to show you that you had a fucking choice! That there's something better for you than fucking Paul. Someone that'll love you and treat you with respect."

"Fucking me on a concrete floor is respect?"

His teeth went on edge.

"So what, Leah, if I want to be with you I have to take the fucking alpha? How is that FAIR?" he spat the word, "To anyone?"

"You're supposed to be the fucking alpha anyway!"

"Well, I'm so sorry I was so goddamn stupid when I phased at the grand old age of SIXTEEN that I didn't know to take it so you wouldn't have to whine because I'm a lowly goddamn beta wolf!"

"Yeh well you're fucking disrespecting Taha Aki by not taking your birthright!"

"Fuck you, Leah! What the fuck do you know about it? You've known about the fucking pack for a couple of days. You think you can go around snapping and shooting off at the mouth like you know anything?" He got right in my face, one arm on ether side of me, pressing me into the counter. "How about this, did you know when I take the alpha I have to kill Paul to do it? Is that what your she-bitch wants?"

I blinked at him in horror and his arms released the counter as he spun away from me.

"Yeh, didn't think you knew that part, smartass. So, what is it? If I fucking rip Paul's throat out will I be good enough for you and your fucking wolf?"

I shook my head no.

"No?" he laughed, incredulous. "No, I won't be good enough for your snotty assed wolf, even then?"

I shook my head again. "No, I don't want you to kill Paul."

He gave another bitter, twisted laugh. "No, of course you don't. Not your precious Paul."

"He isn't my precious anything," I said softly. "I don't want you to have to kill anyone. And I don't want you to take on a responsibility you don't want."

His look softened and he stared at me.

"But I'll do it, if that's what it takes for you to be with me."

I shook my head softly. "No, Jacob. Its just not going to work. I don't want you to do any of that. Not over me."

"So what are you saying then? Just forget it? Just ignore what's between us."

I nodded and I felt my heart breaking even though before yesterday I had never had any kind of emotional attachment to Jacob. It wasn't love, I didn't think, but it felt almost supernatural.

"Just forget it, huh? So you're going to be with Paul?"

"I don't want to be with anyone."

"Yeh, its not going to work like that. You've already said your wolf is hot for him."

"I'm stronger than she is."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeh, then why are we having this whole conversation?"

"Jacob, don't torture me with this. It doesn't matter why I don't want to be with you. I just don't. Please respect it."

He gave a curt nod. "Ok, fine, Leah. I'll _respect_ it," he sneered. "Well fuck me, you sure had me fooled. I thought yesterday when you were so fuckhot over my dick, that your ice queen shit was just an act. But you've proven me wrong. You really are a stone cold bitch."

And with that he stomped out of the house, slamming the door with such a ferocity that the mini-blind popped off its track and crashed to the floor.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

I was just waiting for Paul to come and beat down the door like some giant human battering ram.

When he wasn't there by midnight I let myself fall into a fitful nap-wake cycle on the couch, still in my dirty clothes and too on edge to make that leap into full-blown sleep. Instead I just drifted in and out of consciousness, one ear always listening for any sound that might indicate he was near.

Before that I'd sat mindlessly snarfing microwave popcorn and pretending to watch I Love Lucy while I kept replaying that whole episode with Jacob in my mind on repeat. Suddenly the whole let-Jacob-think-you're-a-coldhearted-bitch plan seemed stupid.

Even the she-bitch inside of me seemed subdued; she just kind of moped around instead of being her normal, assertive pain-in-the-ass self.

_Oh, make up your mind, for Chrissakes!_

Now that he was gone I was re-examining my whole argument with him, picking holes in my rationale and drowning in self doubt. I'd done it again, hadn't I? Fucking managed to self implode any chance at happiness that might have been extended my way.

Dammit, it wasn't like me to be so uncertain. Not over something like this. Normally the thought of having to share any kind of emotional intimacy with another person, save maybe for Seth or Rachel, left me kicking and screaming for escape. Now I found myself wondering what it would be like to that kind of bond again.

God, what a damned mess. What a goddamned mess.

Whoever said to trust your instincts was full of shit. But holy fuck, I'd felt something driving me to turn him away. Hadn't I?

Whatever. It was for the best. End of story. Yep, it was hurting me right now, but I'd get over it and Jacob would be happy with someone who was actually mentally stable. Someone that didn't intermittently get the fuckcrazy urge to hump his rival's leg. Someone that didn't respond to any threat with a dose of super-bitch. Someone that could love him back.

Yep, that's exactly what Jacob Black needed. Someone who wasn't Leah Clearwater.

…No matter how much I wish it could be.

Well what did Paul need?

_A kick in the teeth_, I thought out of nowhere.

And this was the kind of shit that I absolutely hated; sitting around thinking about could-have, would-have, should-have was so useless. This was not me. But _what_ was me anymore? A bloodthirsty wolf with sex issues?

The bloodthirsty part? Ok, I deal with that. The sex issues I could do without.

. . . .

"Leah," Seth hissed into my ear. "Leah, come on, wake up!" It sounded like I was underwater and they were far away.

"Dude, lets just carry her, you've been shaking her for ten minutes!" I recognized Embry's voice.

My eyes wouldn't open, the lids were so heavy.

"No fuckin' way, Emb, I'm not laying a hand on her! My balls are still so sore I can't walk straight," Jared whined.

I smirked and felt my lashes start to flutter. Served that bastard right. I hoped his sperm were so bent they chased their own tails.

"She's starting to wake up," Seth said. "Give her a minute!"

"Dammit, Seth, we can't sit here waiting for Sleeping Beauty to come to. Old Quil will have all our asses if we don't get her over there before Paul gets to her." Sam sounded serious and at the mention of Old Quil and Paul, I snapped to attention, my eyes wide.

"What the holy-fuck-all is going on?" I cried, sitting straight up and staring at each of them in turn. I was wide awake and confused as hell.

Nothing like waking up in the middle of a pack of overgrown men watching you sleep to push you halfway into a panic. What the mother-lovin' hell?

"Old Quil wants you at his house now!" Seth exclaimed. He grabbed my arm and started to pull.

"Wait a minute! Wait a damn minute," I groused, trying to pull my arm back. I knew Seth has been messing with me when we arm wrestled, it was taking everything in me to keep from flying off the couch.

"Leah, honest to God, sorry but we don't have the time to sit here and talk about this," he apologized as he hefted me over his shoulder.

"God, Seth, I'm not gonna fight, just tell me what the hell is going on!" I huffed, just hanging limply halfway down his back.

He was striding out the back door now with Embry, Sam, and Jared hot on his heels. As soon as we cleared the porch he broke into a jog, his shoulder jarring into my stomach.

"We're going to see Old Quil," Embry supplied.

"I gathered that, Embry, thanks! Why are we seeing him in the middle of the night?"

"We don't know," Sam supplied. "He said he needed to talk to you right now. Before Paul did."

The wolf gave a whine and it made anxiety roil in the pit of my stomach.

I doubted any talk Old Quil wanted to give at this time of night was of a social nature.

They were running now, moving so fast the trees whipped past my peripheral vision and wind roared in my ears. "Where's Jacob?" I shouted.

"He left," Seth answered simply.

"Left?" I parroted stupidly. "Where did he go?"

"We don't know," Embry supplied.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Exactly that," Seth said. "None of us know. Just wait and talk to Old Quil and Billy."

"Billy's there?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, he's there," Sam confirmed.

Dammit, that's just great. Old Quil AND Billy up at the…whatever fucking time it was. Late, judging by the blackness of the night. Yeh, I'm sure this was gonna be one pleasant little tea party.

Old Quil lived way back in the woods, tucked away from the rest of the reservation. He was old, old – the oldest member of the tribal council, ever - and even back in my childhood he'd been somewhat of a recluse. Now his wife was long dead and it was rare he left his house unless there was a bonfire; instead he relied on the pack to bring him groceries and supplies from town.

I couldn't say exactly how old he was - well over 100 if the rumors were true - but he still moved in an eerily stealthy way and his skin was only held the deep wrinkles of old age around his eyes and mouth. I didn't know him very well but my Dad had held him in enormous regard, like the rest of the tribe. He was somewhat of a holy man or a medicine man or some mystical combination of the two and, to be honest, his too young eyes in his too young face made me feel uneasy. He had always made me feel uneasy, my entire life, with the intense way he looked at me. Nothing inappropriate, nothing dirty in those looks; more like he was figuring me out, seeing things inside of me that I couldn't. So I made it a point to avoid him and his searching gaze as much as possible.

I didn't need anyone figuring me out when I couldn't even figure out myself.

Seth set me to my feet as we reached the wherever we were going and I guessed the choice was being taken from me. Were we here? I'd never actually been this close. Old Quil's house was something of a national treasure, everyone knew where it was but nobody ever came there. Maybe we were in a yard…it was so overgrown we may as well have been standing in a field. The grass and brush was halfway up my calves and it felt wet under my bare feet. When had it rained?

"I thought you said Quil was up here helping?" Jared said, breaking into my thoughts.

"He is," Sam answered. "He'd probably helping his granddad prepare."

Prepare what? I thought he wanted to talk. God, what was going on?

I scanned the clearing, trying to gather any clues. It was so dark that even with my excellent vision I missed the house on my first glance around.

It was a squat little shack, only a jagged outline with uneven edges, a jutting roof covering a narrow porch that ran the length of the house. No light came from inside and I struggled to make out more detail. It was nearly impossible in the dead blackness of night.

It looked like nobody was home. I didn't want to go inside that old, dark house.

Nerves were starting to kick in. My stomach gurgled anxiously. Jesus, had that frozen lasagna been rancid? I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep from upchucking right there at my feet. I could smell smoke and something vaguely sweet, maybe cedar.

There was movement from the shadows of the porch. "Don't just stand there," Billy commanded. "Take her around to the fire." I had never been so glad to hear his serious baritone!

I heard the wheels on his chair squeak as they struggled to roll on the uneven boards. How had he even gotten here in a wheelchair? I couldn't see any vehicles and I knew he hadn't navigated that rough path Seth had just brought me up.

Sam stepped off to help him as Seth led me towards the back of the shack through the tall weeds.

My little brother, now so much bigger than me, grabbed my hand as we rounded the corner and gave it a reassuring squeeze. The moment was short lived; he dropped it as we came face to face with Quil's hulking shape in the dark. I gave a gasp of surprise as I nearly collided into the concrete wall of his chest. There was a glow behind him and it confused me as the smell of cedar hit me head on.

"Come on, Leah," Quil said gently. He stepped aside and I saw that that strange orange aura was coming from a fire a little closer to the woods.

I followed hesitantly, feeling Seth, Jared, and Embry follow.

It was oddly comforting, having them at my back.

The grass gave way to a smooth, hard packed red dirt. Billy sat there in his wheelchair.

What? How in the fuck had Sam managed to get him down here so fast through wet grass? I could see here, beside the flickering light, and I took solemn expression and kept my mouth shut. There had been far weirder things than a swift moving wheelchair going on in my life lately.

I didn't need answers about the chair, what I needed to know was about Jacob.

"Billy, where's Jacob gone?" I blurted, hoping he wouldn't be too angry with me to refuse to answer.

"He didn't say where," he answered.

"Please! You have to know something!" His face didn't move, expression remained impassive. "Don't hold out on me because you're mad. I didn't mean to hurt him."

Well, I had, but not like this. I meant to hurt him just enough to drive him away from me. Not enough to run him off the whole fucking reservation. Run him away from the pack. No, I had never meant that.

My heart, long thought dead, throbbed with regret.

His hand reached out and grabbed mine, squeezed it gently. "Nobody's mad, Jacob has some growing up to do."

I felt my jaw drop. Was Billy high?

"Then where has he gone?" I whispered, pressing my luck.

He gave me a look, an assessing look not so much unlike Old Quil, but then just gave my hand an impatient tug. "Enough of the questions, now. We've summoned you for a reason."

Another twist of anxiety shot through me.

"We're ready to get started," Quil rumbled behind me.

Billy's hand slipped away and he motioned for me to turn around.

Dread pooled in my stomach as I turned.

Quil had a small earthenware bowl balanced in his palm. I smelled sweetgrass and something smoky.

He drug his thumb through whatever concoction was in there and smudged it across my forehead.

"For purification," he explained. "Come."

I padded behind him, feeling heat start to suffuse through my body from the heat of the paste smeared into my skin.

"Kneel down," he said gently.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"Shh," he whispered. His eyes pleaded with mine.

I felt oddly off balance. The wolf inside me whined loudly but I ignored her.

"Just draw it," Billy commanded behind me.

Quil bent down, keeping that bowl carefully cupped in his massive palm, and started to draw a triangle in the dirt around me with a carved stick. As the third leg of the triangle closed, the fire behind me sparked and a log split open with a loud pop, breaking the silence that had settled.

Quil drew a strange symbol in front of me, facing east. It was Quileute and again I cursed myself for not having taken more of an interest in about our heritage in high school.

He stood and moved to my left, taking a sheaf of herbs from a pouch hung from one of his beltloops. He tossed it into the fire and it flared, sparking blue, as the smell of sage started to permeate the air.

Warmth and dizziness spread over me.

"I'm going to f—" That's all I got out before my knees gave out and I started to fall.

"Careful!" A voice warned. It was Billy talking, Billy that caught me under the arm, saving me from hitting my ass.

He lowered me to my knees careful that his feet didn't cross the drawn lines. WHAT THE HELL? Billy was standing!

I jerked my head up to question him but my vision went swimmy and I had to abandon whatever was about to trip out of my mouth.

"Granddad is ready to begin," Quil said.

"Step out a little further, boys," Billy said. I heard him settle back into his wheelchair behind me. "If he shows up, you'll have to work together to slow him down." Who? What? Jacob, if Jacob comes? I didn't even have to ask, Billy continued, "Whatever you do, don't let Paul near her until Old Quil gives the ok."

What in the fuck? Was this going to be some kind of epic confrontation? I touched the smear on my forehead, scraping some off, then stared at the brown clay-like paste on my fingers, rubbing it between thumb and index finger, testing its gritty texture. It was warm and it made my skin tingle wherever it touched.

Another wave of dizziness hit me. The hell? Was this war paint drugged?

I felt the she-wolf jerk to attention.

There was a rustle and the clack-clack of beads knocking together. Old Quil appeared in front of me out of no where in full ceremonial regalia, broadcloth, feathers, medallions, paint and all. He approached me slowly, leaned down and stared into my face for a long minute. Again, those eyes. So young and sharp and the most clear green color, so unlike the chocolate or black most of us had. Fire reflected back at me from his pupils and I watched it leap and fall, unable to look away. He started to shake his cane, clinking together long chains of charms. It began slowly with carefully timed movements, little flicks of his hand and arm. The movements began to increase, the tempo quickened. It sounded like rain falling as he really started to whip it around, the tethered pieces of metal tinkling almost violently as they collided. He shook that cane inches above my head, narrowly missing whacking me with it more than once. I felt the ends of the leather strips swish against my hair. It raised to a crescendo of wild arm movements, whirling charms and click-clack-clicks until I could almost feel imaginary rain pelting on my head. It struck me how fast and limber he was to be so old. My heart thumped wildly, responding to those clashing beads. And then, suddenly, the sound stopped. The cane dropped beside me in the dirt, just outside of the circle. My heart paused and then stuttered back into its usual rhythm.

Quil stood beside his grandfather and produced that little bowl again. Old Quil scooped some out with four fingers and took a long sniff. He passed it under my nose and I gave an obligatory sniff, sensing that was what he wanted. Sweetgrass filled my nostrils again. Those four fingers swiped across each of my cheekbones, painting me. He spoke in Quileute and though I had no idea what he was saying, my bones trembled at the sound. The wolf dropped to her belly.

"Leah Clearwater," he intoned. "You have come because our Great Spirit Man, Taha Aki, has appeared before me and commanded it."

The bottom dropped from my stomach and my heart stuttered again.

"We have purified you in preparation and placed you within one of the most sacred symbols of our tribe. Do not attempt to leave this symbol without his permission. This ceremony is only bestowed on the most chosen of our people. Taha Aki has chosen you for greatness, Leah. He has granted you position of Alpha female for this pack which protects our tribe. You will speak to him through me now. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"Close your eyes," he commanded.

I let my lids fall and the world went black. His fingertips brushed across my forehead and swept down, whispering across both closed eyes.

I felt a whisper of velvet foliage against my skin and smelled sage.

"You may open," he said. Old Quil's voice was impossibly deeper now. The tone and timbre he used pulled at me and left no room for disobeying. I felt my she-wolf cower, rolling to her back and exposing her belly and her throat.

"Open," he said, more forcefully.

I blinked, now kneeling in front of a tall, immense man, every bit as big as Jacob plus more, with long black hair and glowing amber eyes.

He looked almost sad. "Little Kwoli," he said. "Why are you troubled?"

Little wolf?

His name for me brought me back to my present situation.

"I'm not myself," I answered truthfully.

"Then who are you?" he replied gently.

I shook my head. "I am me but…" how could I explain this? "I am me but there is a wolf inside and she…" I faltered. God, how could I explain all of my many, many problems to the great spiritual protector of our entire tribe? I suddenly felt very small. Very stupid. "She is not me," I finished lamely.

"Why do you say this?" he pressed, still gentle, coaxing me to continue.

"She leads me to do things I don't mean to, do things I don't want to do." I blushed, thinking about that dream of Paul and Jacob.

"She is part of you, Little Kwoli. Anything that you feel though her, is only what you want. Do not blame your inner wolf because you yourself feel conflicted," he admonished softly.

My lower lip trembled.

"Any discord between you and your wolf can only be attributed to the conflict you create in your own mind," He continued. "You must accept that she is part of who you are. The smarter part. You have spent three long years fighting your natural place here in the tribe."

I stared at the ground, chastened, confusion still whirling through my head. What? The wolf was smarter when she wanted Paul and Jacob together?

"I don't understand," I whispered.

"What do you not understand?" he asked. "You are the true Alpha female of this generation. It is long past time you come home and embrace your role here."

I nodded. "Yes, but…the Alpha male…I don't…." So now I was a stammering idiot and the dumber one of the wolf and me.

"Kwoli," he sighed. "You are doing it again. You and she are the same. You are questioning your instincts. It was your duty to turn Jacob away."

I gasped. First, that Taha Aki knew exactly what was on my mind. Second, the turning him away had been the right thing to do. Disappointment throbbed in my chest.

"So Paul is the true Alpha?" I whispered. Surprise roiled through me and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I tried to picture what the she-wolf was doing and I couldn't.

"Do you think Paul is the true Alpha?"

My teeth went on edge and I had to dig my nails in my palms to get them to unclench so that I could speak.

"Your body language says that you do not believe that he is," he observed.

"How can I know who is true?"

His hand reached down and grabbed mine, pulling me up from my knees. I was careful to stay within the confines of the triangle and he settled me to my feet and made sure I was not going to pitch forward.

"Where is the strong alpha female I know you have inside of you? I know you to be her, I watched as you assumed your rightful place. And yet now you still doubt yourself and your instincts. It is like doubting the belief I have in you."

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to disappoint you," I said earnestly. "I'm so confused."

"Too long this pack has been without the rightful Alphas. Your instincts have been guiding you to do what is best for your tribe. The interest you felt for Lahote was only for the benefit of Black."

I blinked again, trying to work that out in my head.

"It was necessary for you to provoke Jacob into assuming his rightful place."

I gasped. Oh my God, I had mucked this up worse than I had originally thought! Jacob was supposed to be alpha and instead I had driven him off.

"I have failed you," I responded, dropping my eyes. "Jacob is gone."

"Jacob is meditating, preparing to return and fight for his place as alpha."

There was a chorus of startled sounds behind me and I jerked my gaze around to see a very angry looking Paul trying to shove his way between the press of the other wolves as they jockeyed around, trying to keep him away.

"Paul," Billy warned.

Paul gave a sudden, fierce push and Embry toppled over with a muffled curse, allowing a fraction of a second of chaos that he took full advantage of, forcing his way through and stomping up to the edge of the triange.

I realized he was not part of the ritual, he could not tell that Taha Aki was here, could only see Old Quil in his ceremonial gear.

"Paul," I hissed, "Submit to Taha Aki!"

His nostrils flared and he stared at me like I had gone insane or suggested he eat batshit.

"You've gotta lot of fuckin' nerve, Little Girl! What the fuck is all this? I tell you to send Black away and you do so he can go get ready to challenge me for my position!" he spat. He was trembling with the urge to phase and I started to shake a little myself.

"Paul Lahote," Taha Aki/Old Quil thundered. "Where is your respect? Little Kwoli is your Female Alpha and carries the Alpha for the next generation within her womb."

I yanked my hands from Taha Aki's and grabbed at my abdomen in shock.

"You're pregnant?" Paul shouted. "What the fuck? I'll kill him! I'll mark you and _then_ I'll kill him!"

That stick of Quils was suddenly out of the dirt and being held directly in front of Paul's chest like a steel rod. "You will not touch her without her consent," he ordered, the alpha tone rolling over us and driving Paul to his knees.

He gaped at what he saw to be Old Quil.

"Taha Aki?" he asked.

I saw Taha Aki give a curt nod before he turned back to me. "Take care of the future alpha, Kwoli. It is time you made your peace with the she-wolf and end this sense of conflict within yourself."

His palm brushed my forehead and swept down again, causing my eyes to flutter closed.

The fire cracked and popped again and when I opened my eyes Old Quil was staring back at me, his thin white braids clinging to his damp skin. He looked exhausted but still as oddly young and spry as ever.

"Well done," he breathed. "You may leave the triangle, Leah Clearwater," he said, looking down at my feet. I followed his gaze and gaped. Nothing, not a single mark, marred the smooth dirtpack underneath me.

Holy shit. Holy FUCK.

I was pregnant with Jacob's baby and he was off preparing to come back and take his place as alpha.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

I sat there, staring at my stomach, then the mirror. Back and forth, back and forth, comparing.

It looked like I'd swallowed a little cantaloupe or maybe just an enormous grapefruit and it was just sitting there, right below my navel.

Finally it was starting to bulge a little, I was nearly eighteen weeks now.

Part of me smiled at the little reminder that he was down in there, safe and warm, the other part mourned the loss of my flat abdomen and the fact that I was walking around these days with my shorts held together with a hair elastic and almost eight pounds heavier, though I felt like most of that extra weight was in my bra.

"Leah, are you in there?" Billy called.

I gave a guilty jump and smoothed my t-shirt back down, hanging up my towel and putting away my toothbrush.

"I'm here," I replied, emerging from the bathroom in a puff of steam and humidity.

"Need something?"

He was sitting in his wheelchair in the kitchen.

He shook his head. "No, no. Just wondering if you fell in, in there." He gave me a smile.

"Just lost in thought I guess," I explained, reaching up to get a glass from the cupboard. "Can I make you some tea?"

"Too hot for tea," he grumbled.

"Iced tea," I amended, now pouring water into the kettle. He was right, summer was going out with a bang, bathing the reservation in a sluggish, humid heat that often led to late afternoon storms.

"Shouldn't you be having milk?"

I put the kettle on, started the burner before I turned around and gave him a pursed lip duck look.

"Don't we go through like a gallon of milk a day?" He grunted in assent and I pressed him further. "Haven't I done everything the doctor said?" Another grunt and I gave a good natured back grunt myself. "Right, I take it that sound means you agree. I've done everything the doc says, down to wearing gloves when I use the bathroom cleaner. So I think I've earned a glass of tea, don't you?"

"How about a beer?"

"I don't think the doctor said that was ok," I deadpanned.

"For me," he said hopefully.

"Tea," I repeated. "With some mint I got out of the garden this morning."

That's right. It was only ten am and I'd been up for the better part of three hours.

I pulled out the pitcher, filled it with ice cubes, feeling him watch me.

This strange camaraderie between us had grown since I'd moved in, taking over Jacob's room in his absence and abandoning Rachel and Seth to do whatever…shudder…it was that they liked to do in the Clearwater house.

She was back in Hawaii now, finishing up her final year, with plans to come home for good in the spring, take her tattoo and get welcomed officially into the pack.

I could have moved home without fear of witnessing their wild sexual adventures after she'd packed up for fall but that would have left Billy here alone and I didn't want that.

He now served as a surrogate dad and I took every opportunity to bitch at him for not sticking to his diabetes care or take care of himself the way he should.

I hadn't gone back home other than to pick up a few things after that life-changing night in Old Quil's backyard.

Speaking of Old Quil. "I've got to run some things up to Old Quil's today. Did you want to come?"

Billy's answer decided whether I took Jacob's truck or walked.

He gave a grunt and I sighed in mock exasperation as I threw in the tea bags and emptied the hot water into the pitcher, sending the ice cubes cracking and protesting.

"Maybe I should stop by the library and pick up a book on this strange language you speak." Silence. "So I can properly interpret it," I clarified.

"Why don't you do that tomorrow, its supposed to storm today."

Since my back was turned, I gave a little smile at his protectiveness. "I can't, I promised I'd help Mama make some food for the cookout since Claire's out of commission."

I grinned again at the thought the cause of Claire's current convalescence. My sweet little Layla. She was only a few days old and I'd spent most of my time lately, between my internet classes, that is, toting her around on my shoulder while Claire rested and Bella baked. It had been a rough labor, almost 18 hours before the doctor had finally shaken his head and taken Claire down to surgery for an emergency cesarean section. She was just starting to regain some color to her cheeks in the past day. Layla, on the other hand, was just as pretty and sweet and fresh smelling as she could be, and I delighted in shepherding her around.

"You're gonna be a good mom, Leah," Paul had said, watching me as I changed a diaper.

Pleasure had blossomed in my chest at the compliment even if I wasn't positive if he was right.

That reminded me. "Paul is picking you up tomorrow at four for the bonfire. He has to run to Forks and get a couple of things from the hardware store. I have to fix a couple of shingles on the roof and I noticed a couple of the stairs are sagging on the back porch."

He nodded and I plopped a glass of tea in front of him, complete with fresh mint spring. He scowled at it for a moment but then picked it up and took a long drink without complaint.

"You aren't getting up on the roof. Sam can do that." He said it in a tone that brokered no argument and I didn't really feel like climbing the ladder and sitting on the saggy roof anyhow so I just conceded with a nod and a shrug.

"Jake's not going to be happy with how close you and Paul have gotten when he gets home."

My heart gave a painful squeeze at the mention of Jake's absence.

"You know it isn't like that," I replied evenly. "Paul apologized and he hasn't tried to be anything other than a friend since that whole thing, Billy."

"I can see that," he commented. "But Jake is only going to see one thing. Another male sitting in his rightful place and up close to his mate."

Another squeeze.

"I doubt Jacob stills thinks of me like that," I admitted.

"Just a matter of time," he declared with authority.

I shrugged, noncommittally, refusing to get my hopes up. "Would you rather go with me to Mama's tomorrow?"

She'd been home from rehab for two months and was doing really well. It was one day at a time, true enough, but she seemed so much stronger now, determined to get her life back in order. I'd worried that she'd take my pregnancy and Rachel moving in with Seth hard but she managed to take it in stride. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, the woman had lived through two children turning into wolves, one literally, the other just on the inside.

She clucked and fussed over me now and I let her, even when I let nobody else. The rest of the pack knew not to coddle me or treat me any differently.

"I'll go with you tomorrow," he said. When I went to pick up the phone he shook his head. "I'll call Paul later."

"What about Old Quil? I'm taking him some of that soup Bella brought over the other night and I noticed he needed some supplies for around the house. I don't think the man has had a new bottle of Tide since the 80s. I remember that style of bottle from when I was like in eighth grade." I checked my list on my phone, mentally ticking off the contents of the box I was taking him, while sipping on my tea. "Then I'm going to go see my Layla bug but I'll be home in time to make dinner."

Billy finished his tea and I went to refill it with one hand, still consulting that list. It was longer than I had remembered.

"You've changed," he said, out of nowhere.

The ice clinked the side of the pitcher as I placed it upright on the table, where he could reach.

"Hmmm," I murmured, in agreement.

"You're happy," he almost accused.

Happy?

The word rolled around in my head for a second. I shook it slowly. "No…I'd be happy if I wasn't in this mess with Jacob being gone. I'd call it…content."

And that was all I said, making an excuse that I needed to finish up and get going before a storm could roll in and turn the path to Old Quil's into a mud bog.

I might be gentler, more inclined to smile now, but I still wasn't much on sharing my feelings. The last thing I wanted to do was admit that I thought of Jacob all the time.

I thought of him while my face was buried in his pillow. When I slept in his clothes. When I drove his truck.

I wondered what he was thinking about out there, all alone. If Taha Aki was speaking to him, coaching him into acceptance of his birthright. I tried to imagine what would happen when he came home and saw me, swollen up with his baby.

My heart gave a throb.

It was a little more than crazy, how I'd managed to do the opposite of rational. I'd had sex with Jacob, gotten pregnant, broken his heart, and fallen in love with him now that he was gone.

It defied logic and yet I didn't bother to deny the truth. It didn't matter if it was logical, it was instinctual. Ever since I had accepted the wolf as myself, I refused to explore logic in relation to my thoughts and feelings. There was just no scientific method that could explain human behavior.

Old Quil was rocking on his front porch, staring out into the tree line when I pulled up. Jacob's truck was so high and I was so unused to the swell in my lower abdomen that I just grabbed the oh-shit! bar above the door, the one where sane people normally hang things like dry cleaning hangers, and swung myself down.

A little thunder rumbled in the distance as I made it up his creaking porch, avoiding the third step because that one was half rotten and had an awful lot of give to it.

The dusty glass bottle wind chimes that lined the perimeter of his porch's roofline tinkled pleasantly as a breeze started to kick up.

"Would you like me to heat you up some soup for lunch?" I asked, as I pulled open his screen door and started to let myself inside.

"Not today, Kwoli," he called behind me.

Again, I smiled. Old Quil had gotten it in his mind that since Taha Aki had called me Little Kwoli, everyone else should too. So far he was the only one that did and I imagined a lot of it had to do with the fact that most of the pack, well all of the pack, was still mystified with the fact that the original protector of our tribe had called for me.

Taha Aki's favor non-withstanding, Old Quil never missed an opportunity to offer a gentle critique. And by gentle I mean, "You are a fool to not banish your cousin from your pack, Kwoli. She is not a Quileute."

He was still on the porch but I could hear him just as clearly as if we were standing beside each other. His hearing was eerily sharp as well and I didn't have to shout to be heard.

I unpacked the box, started putting things away in the cupboard. I nodded. Yes, we'd had this discussion a time or eight before. She's done nothing else, Emily seems content enough being the omega."

He clucked. "That one is biding her time."

I felt the hair on the back of my neck prickle. "And if she makes a move, I will send her away. For now, there is no reason to justify me sending her away." Another cluck of his tongue.

I put the soup in the fridge and shut the door with a resounding click.

"Enough clucking, you sound like hen."

He let out a genuine guffaw at that as I reemerged on the porch, his supplies replenished.

"Have you seen the baby yet?" I prodded. I was itching to go see her and Old Quil seemed like he wanted to talk.

He gave a small shake of his head.

"You think you can get up in Jacob's truck without breaking a hip?"

"Big storm tonight, I think," he said, looking towards the sliver of dark blue sky we could see peeking between the tops of the trees and the edge of the roof.

"What's a storm got to do with your hips and upper body strength?"

He gave me a crooked grin. I noted, with interest, he still had all of his teeth.

"Too much mud on Black's tires if you bring me home after all that."

I scoffed. "A little mud never hurt anyone."

"I think you should rest."

I gave him the raised eyebrow, about to launch into a speech about how this was the twenty first century and pregnant women could do things without having to rest every five minutes but he shook his head and silenced me before I could even get started.

"The bonfires never end early."

A shiver went down my spine at that simple declarative sentence. There was a shit ton of meaning behind those five words whether he'd admit it or not.

We stared at each other for a minute before I broke the silence. "Yeh, maybe I'll take in a nap." He just nodded.

"See you tomorrow," I added, my head thumping stupidly.

Another nod.

And then I was pulling myself up into Jacob's truck with a little bit of a grunt.

Shit, I thought. Shit, shit! My hand landed on my belly.

The engine roared to life and I let it idle while I texted Claire that I wouldn't be by tonight but that I could send Bella over later. Then I texted Bella, told her to meet me at home as soon as she could. I didn't wait for a reply before I spun around in the path, spraying a little bit of gravel. There were fat raindrops starting to pelt down. Maybe if I hurried I could miss the clouds bursting open.

She must have been right outside of the rez gates because we pulled into the drive at the same time.

The rain was still erratic but It fell in huge drops with a definite plunk against the windshield.

"What's wrong?" she asked, wrenching open the door before I could.

I looked down at her wide eyes and unusually pale face and just shook my head. "Nothing's wrong. I mean, not really. I just need some help."

She gave me a look of confusion and I motioned her away so that I could slip to the ground without knocking her over. The rain was picking up inertia so moved to the porch to finish the conversation.

"I thought we were going to see Claire and Quil," she started again.

"I let her know I couldn't make it but I'd send you later." I gave her a grin, knowing she wouldn't mind.

Her head shook back and forth as she tried to process it. "Yeh, ok, sure, that's no problem. But why the sudden change of plans. It seemed urgent." A gust of wind blew some rain horizontal and there was a loud clap of thunder nearby. I pulled her in the house and out of the elements. At that second the sky opened up at that moment and a torrent of rain started to beat down on the roof, pinging metallically on the exposed tin where the shingles had loosened and shifted or outright fallen off.

Billy was in front of the TV drinking a beer and looking guilty at being caught.

I narrowed my eyes at him indicated we'd talk about it later.

"I was hoping you'd help me tidy up a little and move my stuff into Rach's room," I told Bella, still giving Billy the stink eye.

He straightened up a little in his chair and I noticed the beer was now on the table. On a coaster.

Bella still looked confused. "House looks good, Leah. But sure, whatever you want. Why are you taking over Rachel's room today of all days?"

My heart lurched violently but I managed to keep my voice breezy.

"Jacob is coming home tomorrow to take the alpha."

The remote clattered to the floor and Bella gasped in horror. "Does Paul know?"


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

Bella came back late, sometime after nine, smudged with flour armed with Tupperware containers full of food. I could hear her shoving those into the fridge from the spot where I collapsed in Rachel's old bed but obviously I didn't see the flour or that she was dripping wet until she made it into my room.

I gave a little giggle at the sight of her, at her drowned-rat chic, and she gave a scowl.

"Why'd I come all the way back here if you were just going to laugh?"

I caught baby Layla's scent on her and gave an appreciative sniff.

"Leah Clearwater, are you sniffing me? I swear, you are as bad as the guys!" she huffed.

"I can't help it," I groused, flinging an arm over my face, blocking out the harsh overhead light she'd flicked on. "You smell like my sweet girl!"

"Your _sweet girl_," she huffed again, "has some gnarly gas."

I giggled, again, in spite of myself. "Go take a shower, you can sleep over."

"Ohhh, no. I spent way too much time helping you clean out Jake's room to mess that bed up. I can drive back tonight."

"Bella, don't be stupid." She winced. "Don't be silly," I amended. "That's way too far to drive in the dark and in the rain. Take a damn shower and come in here with me, unless you're afraid I'm going to jump you."

She gave a half smile. "Are you asking me to a sleepover?"

"If by sleepover you mean you sneak in here quietly and don't wake me up and then get up early and make me French toast then, yes, that's exactly what I mean." I grinned at her. "Don't steal my stretchy shorts, borrow something fitted that you know I won't fit in anymore."

Later she slipped quietly beside me, trying not to disturb my sleep. I was still awake anyway, full of nervous energy.

"I don't know what he's going to say about all of this," I confessed, not bothering to elaborate on what all of this was.

"Its Jake," she said, as if that said it all.

I grunted.

"He's loved you for a long time, Leah," she replied, sounding like she was drifting towards sleep already. My heart gave a painful squeeze, reminding me that I was the one that had overlooked him all this time. "It might come as a surprise, but he'll come around."

And she gave a soft snore, indicating the subject was closed.

I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. The fetal position no longer worked for me, my belly got in the way from balling up nice and tight like I preferred. Finally I gave in, dragging a shirt from under my pillow case and inhaling it greedily. Jacob's scent flooded my lungs and I gave a sigh, turning to the side and the fabric beneath my cheek. I wanted to be in his room where his scent was stronger, more nuanced. Different parts of his room smelled different. His clothes were mingled with laundry detergent and the mild odor of sweat. His closet was slightly musty, like his smell had aged and turned to wine. His bed, in contrast, was musky, and reminded me of that too brief day we'd shared together. The day we'd created the baby inside of me.

Nervous anticipation fluttered inside of me again, like butterfly wings. I took a deep breath. And then I felt it again.

My head lifted off the pillow, staring down at my abdomen. No! Couldn't be! I waited, holding my breath.

The fluttering came again, a little further left.

Oh my God!

I felt tears spring to my eyes and I blinked at them furiously until they disappeared. That was my baby in there! He was that nervous little fluttering! My heart gave a happy jolt and I smiled, giving the shirt one last sniff before drifting off to sleep.

. . . .

"Should I leave you and the shirt alone?" Bella asked.

I blinked and opened my eyes but it was still pitch black.

Huh?

Hot breath was in my face. I realized it was my own. Dammit!

I untangled Jacob's shirt from my face and tossed it back under my pillow. How damn embarrassing.

Bella gave me a saucy grin. "I've got to go, Charlie is probably tearing his hair out wondering where I'm at. There wasn't enough bread for French toast so I made bacon."

"I'm in love with you."

"I'm not getting in some weird three way with you and Jake," she warned. I shook my fist at her mockingly and she lifted her hands up in surrender, backing away.

"Are you coming to my mom's later?" I called after her.

"Probably. Maybe. I don't know, let me see how much trouble I'm in with Charlie and I'll text you."

The front door slammed and I heard the lock click.

Jesus. What time was it? I craned my neck, twisted it around, trying to see behind me. 7:12.

I sighed.

The ass crack of dawn. I could sleep another thirty minutes and still be up at a respectable time.

Then the smell of bacon wafted in, tickling my olfactory pleasure center, and I was launching out of bed without hesitation. We could nap later, right now Junior and I needed some crispy, crunchy, delicious bacon.

"Look at this belly!" Mom exclaimed, proceeding to push my shirt up almost to the point of indecency even though my "speed bump" ended much further down. She ooh'ed and aah'ed embarrassingly but her cheeks were flushed with excitement so I grinned and bore it like the fierce warrior I was.

After a few minutes of her gushing about how cute the bump was and how I glowed with pregnancy (I somehow resisted the urge to argue it was only the grease from that plate of bacon I had buried my face earlier), she gave me a devilish smile.

"I got you something!" she nearly sang, slipping towards the freezer.

This newfound excitement for life that Mom had found could be overwhelming in large doses but she was gaining weight and looking better than she had in years so I just indulged her. The therapist had said she'd almost have a natural high at times in early recovery and as time went on she'd start to even out and settle into something a little less…this. It didn't matter to me if she was always Miss Sue Sunshine Outta My Ass, I loved seeing her smile.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, playing into her game.

"Something you absolutely loved as a little girl…" she hinted.

"Hmmm." I tried to think. That wasn't really a specific clue. "Edible or not?" I asked, feeling my stomach rumble.

"Something sweet."

My interest was definitely piqued.

"Ok, I give! What's this fabulous surprise?"

She dug in the freezer for a minute and then whipped around, waving a fudgesicle, shooting me a beaming smile.

A fudgesicle. OHMYGOD. It was like suddenly that frozen piece of chocolate goodness was the one thing that had been missing in my life. I wanted to marry that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life eating that deliciousness.

"Best Mama Ever!" I declared, taking it and popping it into my mouth with a moan of delight.

"You bet, baby girl. I had to keep an eye on Seth. Every time I turned around he was trying to sneak one!"

Seth rolled his eyes at me behind her back but then he grinned good-naturedly.

"He can have one," I said, watching his face light up. "ONE," I repeated, emphasizing the word.

It took him maybe thirty seconds to grab one, unwrap it, and annihilate it.

I, on the other hand, savored it. Jesus help me, I hadn't thought of this particular food in years but now I could see myself going through boxes of these things. Daily. Hourly, even!

"Can I get you some tea, Billy?" Mama asked.

I watched his lips turn down a little and I answered for him. "Yes, please. With a little lemon if you have it. Or mint."

She tried to hide her amusement as his face went impossibly more sour but covered it by going to get the tea.

"Billy," I hissed. "Don't make that sour face. You know that the doctor said. Your kidneys aren't doing as well as he'd like. No beer and no soda," I reminded.

He muttered something even I didn't catch but when my mom set the glass of iced tea in front of him, he started to drink without a word.

"How on earth did you get up in that truck?" she asked.

"We traded with Sam for the day," I answered. Billy could, I had learned in the past weeks, stand for a few minutes at a time. Long enough to shower or reach something up high or climb into a vehicle but without one of the guys around to help him in and out of Jacob's towering monster truck, I didn't want to risk him falling.

Seth was giving me puppy dog eyes. I was trying to ignore him, enjoying the rest of my popsicle with orgasmic delight, trying to keep my noises of pleasure at a PG rating.

"Seth!" My mom grizzled. "Those are for your sister and my _grandson_!" Seth's lower lip protruded sulkily and she softened. "I can make you a grilled cheese?" He only looked slightly less put out.

I gave a huff. "One more. And that's it, little piggy!" At his mega-watt smile I added, "Bring me another one too." After a beat, "Pretty please."

Billy and Sue made small talk while Seth and I went on to eat the whole damn box. Satisfied, I surveyed the contents of the kitchen counters in curiosity.

"What are we making?" I asked, poking around in a brown paper grocery bag full of supplies.

"I thought Bella was coming to help," she answered, completely ignoring my question.

"Ok, I'm not good enough to make a…a…" I surveyed the ingredients in the bag trying to guess what they might be for. Shit. Flour, baking soda, sea salt…vanilla, apples, dried cranberries…pistachio jello pudding. What the fuck was this going to be? "A nut cake?" I finished lamely.

There was a second of silence.

My mother's upper lip started to twitch.

Billy was struggling to hold a straight face.

"I'm sure…you could manage to make a nut cake if you put your mind to it, Baby," she managed before Billy started to guffaw and she quit trying to suppress her laughter.

I snorted.

She dabbed at her eyes with the corner of her apron. "I've heard on good authority you've gotten pretty handy in the kitchen. I just thought we could use some help. That's a lot of people to cook for."

"Mmhm." I gave a little eye roll but there was no real bite behind it.

"Charlie is dropping her off in a little bit. She got in trouble for not going home last night and she can't stay for the bonfire."

"Lord, is Charlie ever going to realize that girl is grown?"

"She's going to have to grow a pair and tell him" I replied. I agreed with Mom, Bella was too old to be grounded for staying out all night, but her punishment actually served to solve a…spirited discussion that Paul and I had had about Bella's presence at the bonfire earlier this morning.

…He'd arrived as I shoved the first blissful bite of a cornbread muffin filled with bacon and (insert guilty blush here) maple syrup into my piehole.

"What the hell is that?" he'd asked, as I struggled to chew the enormous bite.

"Cownbwead an' bwacon," I answered, fighting the urge to

orgasm on the spot.

"Is that syrup I smell?"

"MMMfff, yeh," I managed.

"Fucking gross, Leah!" he cried.

I'd managed to swallow and took a large sip of milk, washing it down.

"Try it!" I urged, already making myself another one.

He shook his head and made some strangled noise of disgust.

"I'm serious, dammit!" And then I shoved the plate at him.

He stared at it like it was about to grow legs and walk away before he picked the muffin up and shoved it in his mouth in one massive bite, grimacing. As he started to chew, his cheeks bulging, a rapturous look spread across his face.

"Holy Fwwuck!" he managed, crumbs flying out onto the counter. I avoided the spray but nodded enthusiastically.

"Bella deserves a fucking medal!" I declared.

He finished swallowing and I slid my milk across the counter, our fingers never brushing.

Even after all this time it was so funny how we absolutely couldn't touch. It felt like our skin repelled one another like the same poles of a magnet.

"Yeh. She is. I actually came by to talk about her."

I raised a brow at him.

"I think you should call her and tell her not to come tonight."

"What?" I snapped, surprised.

"Its not a good idea for her to the bonfire."

"Why not? She's been to a ton of them."

"She's not really pack, Leah."

I rolled my eyes. "What the hell, Paul? How is she not?"

"Ok, who does she belong to?"

"Me! Is that good enough? Do I need to mark her so she can be a part of our little club?" I was getting irritated, my spine stiff.

His face screwed up and he shook his head. "Don't talk stupid. I don't mean it like that."

"You just said she's not pack! She's every fucking bit pack. She's been here since the fucking beginning. Since I knew shit!"

"Calm your tits, Leah! I said I didn't mean it like that!"

"Then how the fuck do you mean it, because you're being pretty fucking clear that you don't want Bella around."

""Just for tonight!" He shouted.

"What's so fuck-special about tonight?" I shot back.

"Goddamn, I don't want her getting hurt!"

"And why the fuck would she get hurt?" I spat.

"Jake's coming back tonight. You gonna tell me that's not true?"

I stuttered for a second. "I'm not sure what he's doing. It's a possibility. Why, who told you?"

"Nobody had to tell me."

There were question marks in my eyes and he rolled his own and tapped his chest.

Ahh, his wolf told him. Why wasn't my inner wolf tingling? I felt a little bit betrayed, hadn't she and I come to an agreement and become "one"?

I shook my head, trying to clear it. The anger surged back in, replacing that momentary moment of weakness. "Well who gives a damn if Jacob is coming back? We knew it was coming. It could have been any time she was here."

"Leah its pretty fucking selfish of you to put Bella at risk unnecessarily."

"Whoa-ho-ho, did Paul Lahote just call me selfish?" I felt fire blazing in my eyes.

"Meaning what?" he growled.

My teeth clashed together. "Forget it. You are not keeping Bella away tonight if she wants to come."

"She's not coming."

"The fuck you say," I yelled. "I want to know why in the hell you really care? You think I can't keep her safe if something happens?"

"Leah why do you have to fight me at every goddamn turn? Haven't I proven to you that I'm not the dickass you always tried to make me out to be?"

I snatched the plate and glass and clunked them in the sink angrily. In his room I could hear Billy stirring. He was probably poised at his door, eavesdropping.

"So don't reinforce old perceptions!" I snarled.

"You are being impossible. Is that the hormones?"

I ground my teeth together to keep from snapping at him and he drew back, his nostrils flaring.

"Its your asshole-mones. Who do you think you are waltzing in here telling me Bella can't come…and eating my goddamned bacon-muffins?"

Paul closed his eyes and started to tremble violently. It made me pause, some of my anger fleeing. I wasn't scared, no Taha Aki's alpha order would keep him from phasing close enough to hurt me. I was…concerned. I could tell Paul was struggling with himself, and that it wasn't anger driving him.

He grabbed the edge of the counter separating us and gripped it so hard I heard the compressed wood and laminate groan in protest. His eyes finally opened and he stared me down…his expression wasn't scowling anymore…it was almost pleading.

"Little Girl, how much more are you going to ask of me? How much more do you think I have in me to give?"

His question shocked me. I just gaped.

"For God's sake," he continued. "First you want me to give you up. Give up my first fucking love for someone you just noticed. And you want me to stand by and watch you swell up with his baby inside of you when I wanted nothing more that to trade places with him. Ok, I gave you that, didn't I? I stay here, smelling him on you, inside of you, fucking alpha ordered to not lay a finger on you. If you fucking fell right now, I'd have to watch you hit the ground! Didn't I give you exactly what you wanted?" He stopped and swallowed hard, waiting for my response.

I had never, ever considered what this evolution in our relationship had cost him. Never given it a second thought.

"Didn't I?" he pressed.

"Yes," I answered, in a small, small voice.

"I did," he said, his finger stabbing into the counter, emphasizing his point. "And I stayed around and became your friend again, ignoring what I felt for you. I've let you overrun me at every turn, undoing what I thought was best for this pack. I didn't say shit about Rachel and Seth. I didn't say a goddamn thing about you manhandling Jared or busting Emily down to omega. I have not interfered one bit in how you've seen fit to run things. You're expecting me to just stand aside and let Jacob take over the job I've been doing for three fucking years without a word." His pointing finger turned into a fist and it clenched until his russet knuckles turned white and bloodless.

"You have asked so much of me, Leah, not thinking once about the cost to me. And I've been ok with it. Wanted you to be happy. Please don't ask me to have to risk Bella being there when Jacob comes back." My mouth gaped open like a fish and I closed it hard, teeth clacking, as Paul's nose scrunched and his teeth clenched hard. "Do not," he grated, through those tightly clenched teeth, "ask me to be ok with Bella watching me have to submit. Or have her endure the sight if Jake decides to hurt me."

"Paul," I breathed, mystified as the synapses in my brain crackled to life and put all the pieces together. "Oh my God, Paul…Ok. I'm sorry, I'll ask her to not come."

His shoulders sagged as the tension fled from his body.

For the first time ever I was tempted to lift Taha Aki's order so that I could embrace him, give him some kind of comfort. I opened my mouth to say the words and then stopped, something inside holding me back.

"I'm sorry I was so wrapped up in my situation that I didn't see your point of view," I whispered, settling for the only comfort I could give him.

I heard Billy's sigh of relief from his room.

He nodded, seeming ready to forget it. "How about you make me another one of those fucktastic bacon-syrup things?"

I pursed my lips and wrinkled my nose. "Did you bring my shingles yet?"

"Woman," he laughed. "Its not even eight am. Give me some time to get going!"


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

"Hey, Bella, you'll never guess what I found out this morning."

"What's that?" She sounded distracted, concentrating on crimping the pastry crust of an apple cranberry pie with a fork.

"Oh you know, nothing big. Just one of my best friends is humping Paul."

The fork went sideways, chopping off a jagged section of the crust and sending filling bulging out onto the counter.

"Shit! The whole damn thing's ruined!" she swore and I reared up in shock.

"Isabella Swan, since when do you use _those _words!"

Her china white cheeks were glowing bright pink and she wouldn't look at me.

"Paul's been teaching you dirty words," I teased.

"Are you mad?" she whispered.

"Maybe a little mad that you didn't tell me," I replied. "There are too many secrets around here already. Not you too, please."

And that was that.

We eyed each other. Billy was asleep in what used to be my dad's recliner. Sue and Charlie were talking on the back porch. They'd been out there for quite a while. I looked at the rooster clock that hung above the back door.

"Forty five minutes and counting."

"Are you serious?" Bella was trying to salvage the pie crust and goddamn her, it was working. "He keeps asking about her all the time. I thought it was just being nice, seeing as he and your dad were always good friends."

I was quiet for a minute, testing my emotions. Charlie and my mom. My mom and someone other than my dad. My heart gave a little throb but it was only a little bittersweet. Daddy wouldn't want her to be alone forever.

"Charlie is a good man," I said quietly. "Mama could do worse."

She gave a little chuckle. "We'd be sisters."

"Lucky you," I replied.

We were quiet as she put the pie in the oven to bake.

"Are you worried?" I asked.

"It's Jake, Leah. He's not going to hurt him."

"Is there something wrong with me? I'm…doubting Jacob at every turn. I have this bad feeling."

"Doubting Jake?" she echoed.

"Yeh, I dunno, ever since I talked to Paul this morning I've just had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach."

"Its not the popsicles?"

I clammed up at that, doubting myself.

"Hey, sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood." Bella wrapped an arm around me and squeezed. I let myself melt into her hug a little, sharing a small part of my doubt that I otherwise had been pushing down inside. "Its ok for you to be nervous. We're all going to be here for you."

"You know Paul doesn't want you to be there."

She chewed her lip. "Neither does Charlie."

"Paul being nervous is making me nervous."

"Maybe Paul's just wound up about stepping down," Bella reasoned.

"Hmmm." I wasn't convinced. "I dunno Bella."

"I can come. Say the word and I'll be there for you."

"Charlie," I said, looking towards the back porch.

She clucked her tongue. "I've learned a thing or two about handling Charlie when the occasion calls for it. What do you say, should I work my magic?"

"No."

She looked surprised.

"Paul is really against you being there. I don't know if I totally get his reasoning, but I can't cross him. Not on this."

. . . .

"We aren't actually…you know," Bella stammered.

"You know?" I asked, my eyebrow up in the air.

Her cheeks glowed.

"Screwing?" I hissed with wicked delight.

Her mouth formed a perfect little o but she nodded.

"Hmmm…."

"I, uh, just thought he needed to get his head right about you and everything."

I felt a little stab of guilt. I really hadn't thought about where Paul's feelings had gone after that night with Old Quil. Mine had disappeared, magically cured when Taha Aki had revealed those feelings of lust had just been an instinctive reaction to provoke Jacob. I had realized, without that cloud of sex fogging up my senses, that most of my issues regarding Paul were just made of my own self down and fear of emotional involvement with anyone else.

"Not really sure what to say to that, Bella. I feel bad that I hurt him but it wasn't something I did intentionally."

"Yeh," she murmured, cutting brownies into neat squares. "I get it. He hurt you too."

"He was nineteen," I justified.

"Well, that's not exactly a kid. Common decency would have told him to break it off with you if he wanted to…uh…be with Emily."

"But he's genuinely sorry about it, Bella. I mean, I can tell he genuinely feels bad about it."

"Hey, you don't have to tell me that." She was piling those brownies on a platter now and my mouth started to water. "That's one of the things I find so appealing about him. You came home and he turned himself around. He was a bitter, angry guy for a long time. You restored some of his humanity when you came back."

"I didn't do anything." Finally, I couldn't resist and snatched one of them, shoving it in my mouth.

"Leah, you are becoming one of those bottomless pitted wolves you run with….Try some decorum. Chew!" I grinned at her, baring my teeth and she laughed until her eyes teared. "You remember that part in Beauty and the Beast where the Beast smiles and it looks more like he's going to eat someone?"

I giggled around my brownie. I knew exactly what scene she was talking about.

"Anyway," she continued. "You did help him. You forgiving him for what happened helped. Just you being ok again has helped him with all that anger he was toting around. Thank about it - its got to be hard hard to forgive yourself when you break someone you love."

"Its not love like that between us. Not anymore."

This conversation was starting to make me feel guilty. I didn't want to talk about how Paul still loved me to someone he was trying to have a relationship with. My discomfort must have showed in my face because she said, "I know he still has some strong feelings for you. Its alright. He knows that there isn't any future for the two of you. Its hard to let things like that go. I mean, even knowing what I know, I still love Edward in a way," she said wistfully.

I managed to hide my grimace.

"Yeh?" I said instead. "I think I'd be jealous." Ok, that sounded bad. Dammit. "I mean –I didn't mean be jealous of me. I know its not like that between us anymore. Uh, damn. Don't listen to me put my foot in my mouth."

"I got what you mean. I don't know, maybe I'm just too understanding."

"You were in love with a hundred year old vampire, I'd say you're pretty damn understanding."

Down by the firelight I studied my mom's face as she sat over by Billy and Old Quil. She was smiling, her cheeks flushed. My mom liked Charlie Swan. When Bella and I had joined them on the porch, she'd practically been swooning and giggling like a ninny. Even though I missed my dad, I'd be lying if I didn't admit part of me was relieved that she wasn't resigned to being alone forever.

The sigh that escaped me roused the little warm bundle napping with her ear against my breastbone. Layla let out a mewl of displeasure at the intrusion into her sleep and I patted her bottom soothingly until she quieted. "You should take her home for the night," Claire mused, sitting in the sand and leaning against Quil, her eyes drooping. It wasn't late but she was struggling to hold her eyes open.

"Oh, no, babe. If we let Leah take Lay-Lay, we'll never see her again. You can sleep, I'll pull diaper duty tonight." Quil might as well have not spoken, Claire was already asleep. He shot me a look over her head, "I think her days and nights are mixed up."

At my cheeky "Claire's or Layla's?" he just grinned and went went back to stroking his wife's hair as she napped peacefully against his chest.

Kim leaned over Sam's knee and handed me Layla's pink receiving blanket. "You're such a natural with her, Leah. God, I'm half afraid to touch her, she's so small. I'm jealous at how easy it is for you."

I smiled at her, tucking the flannel around the sleeping infant with one hand. "I remember when Seth was this small. I mean, I was really, really young too but still. I used to treat him like my baby doll."

"Well…I know Claire is super thankful that you help out so much. I hope you're still in the helping mood when Sam and I get around to having a baby. But you'll have little…Jake?" she said hesitantly.

I tried to think of how to reply.

I didn't want to shatter the tentative bond that Kim and I had been building. I had nothing against Kim personally and she was going to be family by marriage, our relationship was just slower coming because we didn't have a lot in common. She was pretty soft spoken and seemed content to follow Sam around or be attached to Claire's hip. I'd worked out that she was just super shy and had come to realize she was actually a very smart, very loyal sort of girl. The house she and Sam kept was always tidy and smartly decorated. Even though her homemaking interests weren't my own, I could appreciate the enthusiasm she had for her hobbies. She'd actually made me a beautiful scented candle with calming herbs she'd cultivated herself. The thing smelled fantastic, so much so that Billy had commented on how fresh the house was after it was burned.

I did know one thing, this baby's name would not be Jake. We wouldn't be having a junior; the future alpha deserved something more original than that.

So I settled for, "Haven't really thought about baby names yet. And of course I'm going to help you out when your time comes. I didn't realize I was such a mother."

Seth laughed on the other side of me. "I could have told you you were a real _mother_, sis."

Jared glared at him over the top of the fourth giant hamburger he was stuffing in his face. "That was so corny, pup."

I grinned into Layla's feathersoft hair, agreeing with his assessment. Jared, while still not my favorite person, had been on his best behavior since that incident and his no-nonsense dry wit appealed to the snarky side of me.

"Hey, Leah, what have you done to Paul now?" Emily piped in, looking down her nose at me from her perch on a log. She was evidently too good to sit in the sand like the rest of us.

Paul was over on the other side of the fire, staring into it thoughtfully.

He'd found me earlier, as I was helping get all the aluminium foil off the trays of food and opening containers, just to let me know there weren't hard feelings about this morning. I could tell he was on edge and wanted to be alone so I left it at that, determined to be more aware of his feelings from now on. I still was mortified that I had managed to totally disregard the effects of my actions on him, even though he was so quick to let it go.

"Emily, why don't you ever try to start shit when Leah isn't holding a baby?" Sam growled.

"Sam, don't acknowledge her," I said. "She's just trying to stir shit."

She gave an indignant snort and got up in a huff, stomping off to do God knows what. I wondered why she didn't just try and leave. There was nothing left for her here. Instead she just hung around, watching with her beady little eyes. I thought about what Old Quil had said yesterday. How she was just biding her time. Well, I had my eye on her. She wasn't going to get another chance to ruin my life or anyone else's, not if I could help it.

With her gone, everyone relaxed a little. Still, there was a restless edge to the evening even though it seemed like only Paul and I were aware of the reason.

Seth, perceptive as ever, leaned closer to me. "What's going on with you today? You're sitting like you've got a rod up your ass."

"Don't talk that way in front of Layla," I admonished, trying to distract him from the question.

"Leah, you said shit not five seconds ago. Now, what gives?"

At that exact second I felt the hair on the back of my neck start to prickle.

A heartbeat later all of the men sitting around me went ramrod straight, Quil almost knocking poor Claire into the sand with his sudden snap to attention.

"Here we go," I whispered, anxiety bubbling up into my stomach.

"What's going on?" Kim whispered, sounding scared.

Claire sat up, on edge, startled.

Jacob came striding towards the fire, his jaw set and I gasped involuntarily at the sight of him. He was bare chested with a pair of khaki shorts slung low across his hips. I'd seen him dressed like this before but now he was…bigger. I had thought he was big before but Dear God, he had gotten enormous. Firelight glinted off his bronze skin, reflecting off the rippling muscles in his arms. For some reason my eyes caught on the plane of his abdomen as it narrowed into a tight V. My insides clenched pleasantly and the foreign sensation, gone for so many months, made me give another gasp.

His eyes shot to mine and I knew, even from the other side of the fire, he'd heard me.

The intense, penetrating look he fixed on me had my mouth going dry but it only lasted a split second before he was focused on Paul again, moving far too quickly for my liking.

"Shit!" Seth swore. "What do we do, Leah?"

It took a second for me to find my voice. "Nothing. This is between Paul and Jacob."

I swallowed hard.

Taha Aki, please don't let anyone get hurt. Please don't let anyone get hurt.

Layla gave another whimper and I went back to patting her diapered butt, adding a little bounce with my arms, willing myself to relax so that she wouldn't feel the tension pulling across my body.

"Paul," Jacob thundered.

My heart stuttered and I couldn't say if it was from hearing his voice again after so many months or from fear about what would come next.

Paul was on his feet, facing him head on.

"Jake," he replied.

"You know why I'm here."

I saw Paul nod. "I know." There was a pregnant pause, Paul's eyes sought mine across the fire. "And I'm not going to fight you."

Jacob followed his gaze and his upper lip curled back, his teeth bared as he faced Paul again, his breathing erratic. "No? You're going to just step aside, just like that?" His tone was suspicious and it shot warning bells straight to my head.

"Just like that," Paul confirmed, his own jaw set.

"Any why's that?" Jacob countered, his voice dripping with venom.

"I don't want to fight you."

"You're scared to fight me?" Jacob prodded.

Paul started to growl and then caught himself, his tone smoothing out. "No, I'm not scared. Aren't you the rightful Alpha. Isn't that what the council has been saying for the past three years?"

"That sounds like some bullshit, Paul. You never gave a damn about a birthright before."

"Who cares, Black?" he snapped, giving in to his irritation. "What does it matter, why? I'm stepping aside."

"Beucase I want to know why the sudden change of heart. It's not like you." I could tell Jacob was working hard to push Paul's buttons, trying to provoke some kind of reaction. My stomach lurched violently. "Since when do you just roll over?"

"I'm not rolling over. This is my choice. I'm accepting without a fight. I'm not going to hurt Leah by fighting you."

I could hear Jacob's knuckles crack as he balled his fists up. "Do not bring Leah into this."

"You asked," Paul replied nastily.

"So you tell me why you're suddenly so intent on not hurting Leah. You didn't have a problem with hurting her before."

That muscle in Paul's jaw ticked violently. I could almost see him counting to ten. "Things change, Jake."

"Yeh, things change alright. Starting right now Leah is no longer your concern."

My heart stuttered again at that declaration. Was Jacob publicly laying claim to me?

"What's that supposed to mean? She's always going to be _my concern_. You can't alpha order me not to care about her."

Jacob gave a cruel bark of laughter. "You _care_ about her all you want. But she belongs with me and if you don't respect that, it won't matter to me that you so graciously _stepped aside_," he sneered.

"You think your blood gives you the right to stomp in here and just declare she's yours like a piece of property, Black? What about what Leah wants?"

"I'm warning you right now not to push me on this, Lahote."

"You've been gone a long fucking time, Jake. Its pretty presumptuous of you to just waltz in here and start issuing orders."

"Did I not hear you say you were stepping aside?" Jacob spat. "Do I need to show everyone who the true alpha is?"

Paul looked back at me, his mouth drawn in a thin, unhappy line. The violent tremors started, indicating he was seconds away from phasing. Honestly, he looked like he was going to detonate. I started to rise to my knees, about to hand Layla over to Quil and do something to intervene, but he shook his head at me, his trembling starting to die down.

"I think you just did," he said simply, turning on his heel and marching out towards the forest without a backwards glance.

I heard his clothes shred and a savage growl as he disappeared into the scrub and phased, tearing through the forest away from us.

Jacob turned and fixed his stare on the pack, frowning. I didn't understand his look, couldn't make out why he looked so irritated in that moment.

Fuck, that had been…almost painful to watch. Paul had tried at every turn just to be graceful and Jacob had made it so forced and difficult. I thought that Paul had showed more class in the end, just walking away.

"Go home everybody, I need to speak to the council alone. We're having a meeting tomorrow, right here, at sunset." His voice took on that no-nonsense alpha timbre and everyone blinked for a second before starting to scramble up out of the sand. Even Emily was moving without her usual bitchy comments. My breath hitched a little. Even with that little vulgar display of power, Jacob as alpha was doing something to my insides.

My sex gave a flutter of anticipation, perversely delighting at the raw declaration he'd just given. I belonged with him. He still believed that. Fuck me, everything was going to be alright.

"Shit," Seth breathed. "Did you know that was going to happen?"

I gave a small shake of my head. "I didn't know exactly what was going to happen but I thought maybe he was coming back tonight."

I passed Layla over to Quil, dropping a kiss on her soft little head.

Sam and Quil were giving me a hard look. "Are you going to be ok?" Sam asked.

They could probably hear my heart pounding.

I nodded again but I was almost shivering with nervousness. I was going to be fine. I was nervous as hell to face him but I was also excited. As in…excited.

"Do you need us to drive you home?" Sam pressed.

"Sam!" Jacob snapped. "You let me worry about Leah. I told you all to go home. Now."

Sam gave me one last searching look before he and Kim started to walk away with the rest of the group. Seth looked hesitant, walking backwards, watching me. I inclined my head, jerking it the direction of mom's house.

"Seth, you're testing my fucking patience," Jacob grated. "Leah, go get in the truck."

"Go," I hissed at Seth and finally he turned, trotting off towards the path. I went towards the truck, deciding not to chance Jacob's mood by gathering up the containers and things left over from the bonfire. Mom would take care of the essentials tonight and we could all come back tomorrow and finish the job. Most of the serving stuff was that cheap aluminum foil disposable pans anyway.

How was he going to react over the baby? Jesus Christ, my heart was pounding. I went to pull myself in the truck and had to wipe my palms against the fabric of my dress.

I'd chosen a simple sundress to wear today, given the unseasonable heat. It hid the baby bump nicely but now I felt nervous about the prospect of Jacob being able to smell how much I had missed him.

I turned the key in the ignition from the passenger side and found a radio station, trying to take my mind off what was coming. Before I could find anything good Jacob startled me, wrenching open the driver's side door and jumping in with the grace of a jungle cat.

He was silent, throwing it into drive and spinning back towards the house. Ok, I guess Billy was getting back some other way. In the close confines of the truck cab, his smell hit me head on. The sunshine in his smell had faded somewhat. Now the rain and sandalwood were stronger, darker somehow. It made me think of storm clouds rolling in with the sun's rays still poking through the gaps in the thunderheads. It no longer smelled safe to me, it was more like…a force of nature. The most natural, powerful thing I could think of. That's what my Jacob smelled like now.

It made my head swim.

"So," he finally said, as we were pulling into the driveway. "I see you've made yourself comfortable. Taking over my truck, my house, my father. Insinuated yourself in my life nicely, haven't you?"

I swallowed. Was he mad? "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"You ignored what I wanted when I was right in front of you. So you wait until I'm gone and change your mind."

"I was wrong to send you away like that." Well, I wasn't wrong to send him away, Taha Aki had told me that. But I could have handled it better.

He threw the truck in park.

"Go inside Leah. I'm still angry with you."

My stomach twisted into a knot. "Jacob, I want to make this right between us."

He smacked the steering wheel and I jolted. "I said," he said evenly. "Go inside. I don't want to talk about this now."

Tears sprang to my eyes.

He didn't want my apology. Fuck. Had I misinterpreted his earlier words? My heart felt like it paused and then tripped back into its normal rhythm.

I didn't try to blink the tears back this time. I was tired of swallowing down that burn. I felt wetness spill over the edges of my lashes and start to run down my cheeks but I stayed silent, staring at the hard angles of his profile for a split second. Maybe it was too late. I'd done all this work, fixing myself, only to find out it I'd blown my chance for happiness.

I felt his gaze jerk toward me but I was already yanking open my door, jumping out without bothering to use the handle. The tears were really coming now and I couldn't wrap my mind around the foreign sensation. I hadn't cried in three long years. The smell of salt was everywhere. I heard Jacob's door slam as I made it inside on autopilot.

Get to your room, get to your room, quick! Before you sob!

Christ almightly, it felt good to let those tears streak down my face. I wanted to sob! This was so much better than screaming in the fucking closet!

Why had I denied myself this release for three years?

My hand was on my doorknob when Jacob spun me around.

"You're crying!" He said incredulously.

My lower lip was wobbling dangerously now so I settled for nodding furiously.

He looked absolutely flummoxed.

"What…why…you're crying!" he repeated.

And then his mouth was on mine, pressing a tender kiss and then sucking my lower lip into his mouth, nibbling at it until it ceased its violent trembling.

All I could smell was stormclouds and it made me moan.

"Dammit," he answered, releasing my lip with a wet pop. Then his hand was tangling in the hair at my nape, trapping my head as he started to plunder my mouth, his tongue probing boldly, possessively. "Goddammit, I wasn't going to do this tonight."

I was gasping when he pulled away from me, his nostrils flaring and chest heaving. He looked to be on the edge of losing control. "I can't control myself when I'm around you. The wolf is demanding I claim you right now," he confessed.

"I have full blessing of the council to mark you as mine as long as you agree." My heart tripped into double time as he stared down into my eyes, searching. "You have five seconds to tell me no or I'm not going to be able to stop."

I stared at him, just gaped, like I was a deer caught in high beams.

He gave my arms a gentle shake and then shifted so we were nearly nose to nose. "Do you hear me, Leah? You tell me no _right now_ or I'm going to mark you. I'm going to fuck you and bite your pretty neck and you're going to belong to me f_oreve_r."

I couldn't speak. My lips smacked stupidly.

"Do you understand me?" he asked.

I finally nodded.

"Forever," he repeated. Gold started to creep into the edges of his irises and I could literally feel his wolf rising to the surface.

"Tell me," he demanded.

"Do it," I whispered, quivering in excitement. This was it. The culmination of that dream so many months ago. This was exactly what my destiny was. To be with Jacob Black. "Forever," I echoed.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

He pulled me through the narrow hall to his door, flinging it open unceremoniously and pushing me inside, ahead of him. Even though his room was bigger than Rachel's – mine now – it only took a couple of steps before my shins were against the bedframe.

The door slammed shut followed by a wave of heat as he pressed in behind me. I was hauled backwards against his chest, his arm clamped under my breasts like a steel band.

"You're sure its me you want?" His breath was hot against my ear, causing me to shiver.

"Positive," I promised, letting my head fall back against his shoulder.

I could feel the power emanating from him, humming through his body. God, his chest was broader, harder, hotter than ever before. All that heat coupled with the smell of him had me nearly swooning. Nothing else registered, nothing else existed except Jacob.

Fuckcrazy tingles shot from every nerve ending where we touched, making me feel electric.

I instinctively rolled my head to the side, leaving my neck bared.

"I won't share you with Paul!" he growled just before his teeth latched onto the spot beneath my jaw where the jugular vein pulsed furiously in time with my heart. The pressure of his mouth increased, testing the skin; I winced at the sting and gave a whimper at his sudden roughness.

"Shh," he soothed, lapping at the indentations left behind as his arm tightened around the bottom of my ribs, lifting me from the ground and setting me on the bed, knees digging into the mattress. Oh, that hadn't been the marking. Just a dress rehearsal.

His arm slid around in one fluid motion, bringing his palm to rest between my shoulder blades and press insistently. My own palms went to the sheets, digging in to brace myself. My thighs spread with the motion and I shifted them wider in invitation. Even through my panties, the unmistakable smell of arousal hung heavy in the air

He dropped an open mouthed kiss against the soaking cotton crotch, the hot puff of air wringing a gasp from me. "Get these off before I rip them," he warned.

I struggled to shift and work them down with one hand until they dangled off an ankle. He grabbed at one knee, parting my legs wider. The hem of my sundress flipped up, riding high across my back. "Arch your back for me," Jacob commanded.

I did, feeling indecently spread and on display for him.

He sucked in a deep breath. "That's it…fuck!" he whispered, sounding pleased. "I've been dreaming about you just like this. So spread open and wet for me." His zipper rasped and then there was a rustling as the shorts dropped to the carpet.

"Can you feel how wet you are?" he asked silkily, easily sinking his index and middle finger inside of me with one smooth thrust.

"Goddd," I purred, my hips jerking in surprise. I knew I was turned on but I hadn't known how soaked that channel had become.

"No," he barked. "Don't move. Don't talk, Leah. I'm hanging on by a thread." My internal muscles rippled around his fingers and he snarled, making my heart skip erratically.

"You missed me inside of you." His fingers twisted around and started to drum on that spot that he knew how to work so well. "Missed how I can get this little snatch so worked up and ready." His fingers started to stroke and I grabbed fistfuls of the sheet to keep from crying out or riding his hand. "Goddammit, Leah," he continued, his voice getting gravelly, "You're trying to suck me in, your pussy clenching like that."

I squeaked, unable to contain it.

"You wanna get off?" he asked.

I nodded.

His fingers flicked hard and made my hips jerk involuntarily.

"Answer me when I ask a question. I said, do you wanna get off?"

"Yes," I cried

"You wanna come on my fingers?" he clarified.

"Yes," I repeated, desperation seeping into my tone. My inner thighs were quivering with the effort of not moving against him.

"No," he said simply. "No coming until I say."

I chewed on my lip nervously. How in the fuck was I going to control how I got off? As it was, my lower body was tight and throbbing, ready to go off like a rocket at the slightest provocation.

Those thick digits slid from me and found my pulsing clitoris, started to roll it between the pads of his fingers.

The change in stimulation served as that provocation. No, no, no, no, I mentally chanted, trying to stop the upward spiral.

"Do you understand, Leah?" He repeated, as calmly as if he was asking one lump or sugar or two, instead of working my swollen clit as I panted on my hands and knees.

I squirmed with the need to stop the stimulation, trying to clamp my legs together before it pushed me over the edge. He made a noise of warning, easily keeping my thighs wedged apart, and began to tweak that traitorous little nub faster, really kneading it. "I want you ready."

"I'm ready," I wailed. "Please, please…."

"Not yet." His thumb worked its way inside of me, stretching me experimentally, in total contradiction to his denial.

My hips jerked against his hand, forcing the digit deeper.

"Be still," he commanded.

They rocked again "I can't stop," I moaned.

The bed shifted behind me and before I could register that his fingers were gone, he thrust forward, impaling me on his cock in one smooth stroke.

The guttural cry that ripped from him as he bottomed out reverberated low in my belly. I felt a fluttering just above my sex and my eyes flew open wide, suddenly remembering a little something Jacob needed to know.

Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! All these months of having this news to share with him and I forget?

He flexed inside of me and I had to fight to keep myself from just giving in and telling him later. Jesus, how fuck crazy was this? Jacob got near me and my brain shut down.

"Jacob," I panted, trying to come off my palms and rise up to my knees. "I have to tell you something."

He gave me a gentle push and grabbed my hips, holding me in place.

"Come on," I panted. "Its important."

His fingers tightened and he pumped his hips, bumping deep inside of me.

"Jacob!"

"Not now," he chided.

"Yes," I insisted. "Listen—"

"Do you want me to stop?" he grunted, pausing in his thrusts.

"No!" I shook my head furiously. "Just let me tell—"

"Leah," he hissed, satisfied I wasn't trying to stop him and cutting me off with a hard snap of his hips that made me gasp. "You had your chance to talk. The only word that better come out of your mouth now is my name."

My protests died on a strangled cry as he did some twisting motion that had him rubbing every sensitive nook and cranny inside of me. With him buried so deep, I realized just how tender and sensitive my bits were in pregnancy.

He gave another twist, feeling me give in.

All I could do is pant. We'd talk later.

His pace was slow and grinding, stretching and filling and coaxing me back up that spiral. He was sweating, his chest slick against my back as he used his weight to press me further down on the bed, the change in angles causing his cockhead to scrape deliciously slow across my inner walls, hitting that spot that was now so sensitized and puffy with the hormones.

"Fuck that's swollen," he ground out, barely withdrawing before pushing back in to nudge it again. It almost hurt, the sheer raw need driving him.

My thighs started that tell-tale quiver.

"Who's inside you, Leah?" he growled. When I didn't answer he prodded at that spot a little harder, snapping his hips to get my attention. It ached so, so good.

"You," I gasped, trying to brace myself as his thrusts picked up momentum.

"No!" He punctuated his statement with a deep plunge. "You. Say. My. Name." Each word came with a hard dig, his cock jabbing at my womb."Tell me who's about to make you come."

Oh God, he was right! I was going to come so hard. The slight discomfort was being overshadowed by the pleasant burn and tingle of his body against mine as he sank in my core over and over.

"Jacobb," I pleaded, not so much answering but begging him to finish me off.

"Who do you belong with, Leah?" he pressed.

One hand left my hip and tangled in the back of my hair, twisting it off my nape; the other hand dug into my hip impossibly harder, holding me in place to accept his punishing thrusts.

"Jaccobb," I wailed now, struggling to not collapse under him. The bed squeaked in protest, the frame groaning and his large body slamming into mine until I thought he'd fuck me through the mattress.

"That's right. Jacob. Not Paul!" he insisted. "You don't belong with Paul, you belong to me! Now come!" he barked, jerking us both into the kneeling position as his teeth sank into the tender flesh at my nape, digging hard enough to make me shriek. The hoarse cry turned into a broken wail as the hand from my hip slipped around to tweak my clit, pushing me over the edge and into a hard orgasm, drowning out any pain. All that was left was a magical, crackling hot heat, like he'd scorched me with a sparkler.

It all happened simultaneously: I was coming apart so hard that I started to weep with the power of it, heat was surging through my body, popping with electricity from where his teeth cut into my skin, marking me as his; his own release crested, his thrusts now erratic. Jacob snarled, feral, riding out the spasms; his hand slid up and came to rest on the protruding curve of my belly

"The fuck?" I heard.

Time stopped. Even my brain, hazy from the intense moment we had just shared, knew we'd been found out. Suddenly waiting to tell him seemed like a bad plan. A very, very bad plan.

One second I'm up on my knees in front of him, the next I'm flat on my back, the wind knocked out of me as he jerked my dress up. His mouth was set in a hard line but his hands pressed and shaped the bulge gently almost as if he was afraid to hurt me, as he confirmed that he was indeed feeling what he thought he was feeling.

"You...your...you're pregnant?" he stammered.

I nodded but it was superfluous. There was no need to confirm, the evidence was right there.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, are you shitting me?" he shouted. "You just let me mark you when you're carrying Paul's fucking baby?"

I just lay there in mute shock for a second or two, processing his ridiculous accusation. His face was a mixture of shock, rage, and betrayal. It was the betrayal that hurt…it hurt so deep that I forced it down and turned it to anger. _What in the fuck did Jacob Black take me for? _

"It's not—"

"Stop!" he interjected fiercely. His nose was suddenly centimeters away from my own and he stared me down. "Don't you dare make excuses for this!"

"I'm not—" I tried to counter but he cut me off again, pulling away, pacing back and forth in his bedroom like a caged animal.

"Never in a million fucking years would I think you'd stoop _so fucking_ _low_. There is no excuse good enough!" He stopped and stared at me in horror. "Oh Christ! I _marked_ you!"

I winced, feeling like a speck of dirt under his foot. He regretted this now. He didn't want to be tried to me anymore.

What in the hell? How had this gone from a fucking night of almost nirvana to a nightmare. OK, so maybe I should have told him I was pregnant first but DAMMIT, I tried! I tried and he cut me off! And that ridiculous accusation about it being Paul's baby – well that was fucking stupid! I couldn't believe he really thought me capable of that kind of deception. It made me almost vibrate with rage.

"I TRIED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BABY!" I yelled, on the verge of some kind of epic spazz-out.

"That's it!" he exploded. His fist went through the wall in one explosive puff of plaster that had me scrambling to the other side of the room, the bed looming between us. "Do NOT talk to me about this baby again! Nothing! Not one damn word! That's an order!"

My teeth clenched; I was unable to stop them from grinding together with the unpleasant feeling of the alpha order settling like a weight on my chest.

Dammit, dammit, dammit. I should have yelled something else. Maybe ITS YOUR BABY. Goddamn Jacob Black for working me up into a frothing psychopath when I'd spent the last few months cultivating a mostly serene, or at least non-atomic personality. An hour alone with him and I was back to my exorcist tricks.

I guess I wouldn't get to deliver the news myself about this baby's parentage. Nope, Jacob had just alpha ordered me and made it impossible. Someone else would get to break the happy news and tell him just how foolish he was being.

"You stupid asshole," I muttered, unable to keep my frustration in.

"You conniving bitch," he answered.

Pain flared in my chest. I could tell those were heartfelt words from him. He really believed that I had set out to deceive him and somehow trick him into marking me.

Did he really think that my inner wolf was such a power hungry whore?

"I'm out of here," I snapped, heading for his door with as much dignity as I could muster.

"Stop!" he barked and I turned at the door, half in, half out, wondering if he was going to be reasonable and lift the stupid order so I could clear this whole fucksnarl misunderstanding up.

Instead I was catching my panties before they could whack me in the chest from his careless fling. I rolled my eyes, crushing the cotton in my fist, turning to go again.

I was already thinking about what items I had to take with me tonight. I could pack the rest of my stuff tomorrow.

"Don't leave this house, Leah!" he called behind me.

"Who the fuck do you think you are to talk to me like that and order me around, Black?"

"I'm your Alpha. And I'm also the dumbfuck that just marked your lying little ass."

"You're obviously regretting it, lets just pretend it never happened."

He stomped behind me in the hall and spun me around roughly. "You're goddamned right I regret it! But too bad for you, I'm not Paul!" he spat. " I don't half-ass do things. You're carrying my mark and you're going to honor it." He started to laugh bitterly. "Honor is the wrong word where you're concerned, huh? Whatever, you're marked and now you're going to live with it. No running off to his bed."

There was a loud crack before I even realized I had smacked his face. Pain flared in my hand and when I balled my fist I could hear the bones pop and crunch as they re-set. Just as quickly he had me pressed against the wall, pinned there by his chest with my rapidly healing hand ensnared in his way above my head. I was stretched out, standing on my tiptoes to keep my arm from being pulled out of the socket.

"You're awfully high and mighty considering you were just panting like a bitch in heat on my bed."

I had to bite my lip hard to keep from spitting in his face.

The look of warning he shot me was all the convincing I needed to know he'd somehow read my mind.

"Leah, I'm warning you once and only once…if I catch you trying to fuck around with Paul…." He had to pause for a second, close his eyes and take several deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

When his eyes opened again they were empty, cold and hard. "Whether I like it or not, I own you now."

"You don't own anything," I blustered.

"Just try me," he answered. He released my hand and stalked back towards his room, slamming the door shut with a ferocious bang.

I slumped a little, rubbing at my hand, feeling the network of bones. The pain was gone and it felt like everything had knit back together properly. My wrist was covered in red prints but they were fading rapidly.

"Asshole," I muttered.

"By the way, you hit me again, you're going to regret it," he warned from behind his door.

"Like you'd hit me," I countered under my breath.

His door opened again and he stuck his head out, his eyes narrowed. "Of course I wouldn't hit you. Is that the only way I you think I could punish you?"

And on that chilling note the door shut again and the conversation really was over.

Billy stared at me over his coffee cup.

It was early and the grass outside looked like it had been frosted.

"Looks like Jacob brought the cold with him," he remarked.

I scowled at him in warning, irritable from lack of good sleep and less than willing to deal with double entendre first thing in the morning. "Do you want me to fix you some eggs?"

"Shouldn't you finish that glass of milk?"

"Eggs or no eggs, Billy."

"I can make my own eggs. "

I pushed away from the table and pulled a pan from the cabinet, hoping the banging and clashing of metal against metal would wake Jacob up. "I didn't ask you if you could cook, I asked if you wanted some eggs." Not waiting for an answer I retrieved the carton and savagely smashed the shells against the side of the pan. The pop and hiss of the albumin sizzling against the hot Teflon did little to soothe my sour mood.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked kindly, after a minute of tense silence.

I stabbed at the pan with the cheap plastic spatula, not bothering to answer. "How'd you get home?" I said instead.

"Your mom dropped me off." We lapsed into quiet again as the eggs cooked. I dished them out onto a plate for him, taking every opportunity to bang and crash around. First he regarded the plate l all but slammed in front of him and then looked at me warily as the fork clattered beside him onto the table. "Jake was gone with the sun this morning so you can quit trying to bring the house down with all that slamming." I grunted in frustration. Of course he was gone. Then Billy added,  
"How about you just tell me what's going on?"

"I can't," I grumbled.

"You can talk to me about anything."

"No, I _can't_ talk about this," I sighed, making those stupid bunny ear quotation marks.

"You were ordered?" he asked, understanding dawning.

I nodded miserably.

"That's—" Billy looked around wildly, " He can't –" He looked confused or consternated or maybe constipated. Finally he bit out, "He shouldn't use an order for something like that!"

Well no shit, Sherlock.

I shrugged; this was old news. I'd spent most of last night going over all of this in my own mind. "What can be done? He's the alpha," I sighed, resigned.

Billy shook his head and then his eyes widened as he thought of something. "Did he mark you?"

My cheeks were probably bright red by now and I made a big production of putting the eggs away to keep my back to him. "Yes," I answered, neutrally. As a matter of fact my neck was hurting like a bitch. I'd pulled my hair up after my shower to look, surprised I wasn't already healed. His teeth indentations were still in l clearly visible in my skin, a livid purple, encircled by a dull angry pink. When I traced the mark with my finger it had burned just as intensely as if I had picked up a hot poker; the pain in my neck making me wince but the sudden flare of heat in my finger making me curse in surprise.

"With your permission?" What? Billy's voice broke into my thoughts. Oh, had I given Jacob permission?

"Yes."

"Then it'll work out. Jake will come to his senses."

"Its not that simple, Billy." Even to my own ears my voice sounded tired. Or maybe dead.

I felt a little bit like there was something dead inside of me.

He grunted. It was almost funny, how he and I grunted back and forth to communicate. "Were you going to drink that milk or stare in the fridge all morning?"

Dammit. Damn you, Billy Black. I know you're trying to distract me and get my feathers ruffled.

I sat back down, watching him as he started to eat. Baby Alpha gave a flutter and I rubbed the slight protrusion absently. Billy paused, his fork halfway to his mouth. A beat of silence passed. "The baby?" he asked in horror.

I nodded morosely.

"I'll talk to him."

"No, Billy. This is not your fight."

"Why should there be a fight, Leah? He's got to take responsibility for his actions. I can't believe he would try to shirk his duty…_and to his mate_." Billy sounded so disappointed in Jacob that my heart constricted a little.

Who knows why in the fuck I felt it necessary to defend Jacob from Billy's shame but I did. I clarified the situation. "He can't take responsibility if he's too busy blaming someone else."

Billy looked confused. I could see the wheels turning in that head of his. Finally he said, "He thinks the baby belongs to someone else?" I nodded in confirmation. "Paul?" he asked, almost incredulously. Yeh same here, Billy. The whole notion had struck me as so ridiculous that I hadn't been able to even get out a proper denial before that alpha order.

When I nodded again he shook his head. "I'll talk to him as soon as he gets home."

"Do me a favor and don't get involved just yet."

He lifted a brow.

"Trust me on this Billy. I…I think I need to see what will happen without you intervening." I hadn't really thought all of this through but I knew one thing: the idea of Billy playing dad to save the day left something unpleasant churning in my stomach.

"Leah, I don't know if testing Jacob is in your best interest." Said stomach gave a gurgle at that. Neither did I.

That glass of milk suddenly seemed like the most interesting thing in the world. Watching it meant I didn't have to look up and meet Billy's gaze. "Maybe not, but I can't have you charging in to fix things right away." If I couldn't explain my reasoning to myself, how the hell could I explain it to Billy?

He grunted and finally went back to his eggs. "I don't like waiting on something like this."

"Just give it some time, ok? Hopefully he'll get his head out of his ass soon."

The baby gave a flutter.

Yeh, little guy, I'm not sure about this either.

. . .

Most of the morning and early afternoon was filled with homework and catching up to posting on the classroom forums. Jacob was always a niggling thought, a hangnail lurking at the back of my mind, but I managed to push through and get my studies caught up. I finished up by checking my school email and paused when I recognized one from Miles, my old boss/internship slave master.

_Leah,_

_Haven't heard from you in a while. This landed on my desk and immediately thought of you. Great opportunity, you CAN nail this! Come by and see me, dammit. I'd love some girl time and a bottle of zin. _

_Miles_

For a second, all I could do was grin. Big, tall, wide as a linebacker Miles and that high-pitched voice of his. God, to be so wide that man could work a suit. I'd love to have his no-bullshit opinion about all of this.

Alas, no zin for me anytime soon.

The smile faltered a little.

No Seattle for me either.

Attached to his email was a solicitation from a well-known athletic company. It was freelance work but the compensation estimate was enough to have me gasping. That kind of money would keep me living comfortably – if I was careful – until Baby Alpha was a year or two old. It was a long shot for a student but what the hell? I could try, right? Miles had been right when I'd called him begging for a job that day – I was pretty decent. Ok, I was more than decent. I was actually good.

So I printed off the paperwork and started to plan my approach over a tuna fish sandwich stuffed with Doritos, two enormous pickles on the side, some salt and vinegar potato chips, and another glass of milk. Who gave a fuck if my ankles swelled up to the size of tree trunks?

My eyes rolled, thinking about the doctor's warning about too much salt and the chapter about good nutrition in What to Expect When You're Expecting. Other than a few power puking episodes, mostly brought on by stupid food cravings, I hadn't had any of the usual unpleasantries of pregnancy.

"Leah, what in the hell is that smell?" Billy called from his bedroom. With my cheeks chipmunked out around an enormous bite, all I could do is smirk around the glob of crunchy-artificial cheesey-tuna.

I hoped the next time I ran into Jacob the smell of that deliciously pungent pregnancy-inspired combination would give him dry heaves.

"Don't you need to leave for the meeting?" Billy asked, not bothering to look up from whatever he was reading. Whatever it was, it smelled like old leather and slightly musty.

I bet it had to do with the journals or the history of the earlier packs. Sudden I wanted to be able to read them. Wanted to be able to teach my son about our ancestors; not have to rely on the tribal school system's version of events.

"Why don't you teach me to read Quileute?" I asked instead, still putting away the dinner dishes I'd just finished washing and drying.

He looked up at that.

"I could," he said slowly. He nodded as if he were considering. "But first, you should get to the meeting."

"I've got a good half an hour before the sun sets."

"You'll be late."

"Please, I walk fast." I argued.

"Leah, you shouldn't be running. You're carrying the future of your tribe inside of you." He sounded so serious that I put the plate in my hand back into the dish drainer.

"Fine, I'll go now. But I think since I was chosen to carry him, the spirit guides probably think I'm capable of making good decisions when it comes to the little guy."

Billy's lip twisted up and he just grunted.

Hmmm. _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

Billy was mad at me too? That's just great. What else could I do to make the most important people in my life upset? Get a Mohawk? Smoke a cigarette? Pop some kid's animal balloon?

"Wait," he said, stopping me just before I crossed the threshold.

"Yeh?" I asked, glancing at him over my shoulder.

"Take a jacket, it really is cold out there." His look was softer now but I could tell he was still trying to be gruff.

Not bothering to argue I pulled one of Jacob's sweatshirts from the hall closet and slipped it on. No need to rile the old man up. I needed an ally in this house. Besides, it really was cool out and it would be worse down on the beach.

"Call me if you need anything Billy, I've got my cell," I said, pausing on that little patch of hardwood that transitioned the outside from the well-worn carpet.

"What I need is for you to talk to Jake," he answered.

At that, I stepped onto the porch, shut the door and walked head-on into the brisk wind.

It was nearly sunset, the sky bathed in the vibrant reds and oranges that faded out to pink and purple. The bright colors seemed even more vivid in the bite of autumn, the air taking on a new clarity and crispness not seen in hotter weather. I had to walk a little faster than I anticipated, mentally cursing myself a little for risking more wrath from the alpha.

"Cutting it close," he remarked, stepping out from behind a tree and falling into step with me easily.

I forced myself to not gasp in surprise, annoyed at his ability to sneak up on me even with my enhanced senses and that potent smell rolling off of him. My teeth clenched with the effort not to bury my face in his chest and inhale him.

"Yeh, lost track of time making dinner for your dad," I answered as matter of fact as I could.

"Such a good little mate," he sneered, making my teeth grind.

His fist snagged the baggy sweatshirt I wore and he yanked me to a halt in the middle of the path. "A perfect mate taking care of my dad. Wearing my shirt. Smelling like me." He stopped and inhaled deeply. "The wolf loves it when you smell like me, Leah." He ran his nose across my jawbone and I whimpered in spite of my anger at him.

His hand was suddenly between my thighs, pressing against the seam of my jeans, earning a loud gasp from me. "Do you still smell like me here?" His index finger drummed insistently on the seam that ran there, unerringly tapping exactly at where my entrance lay beneath the worn denim.

I tried to squirm away and he grabbed at my hip, effectively holding me still as the other hand slid from between my legs and found the gaping waistband of the too-small jeans hidden beneath the hem of his hoodie. I was frozen in place, barely breathing as his hand worked its way down the open V, slipping underneath the wisp of cotton covering my sex. Was this happening? Was I just gonna let him paw me like nothing had happened?

Evidently I was.

His finger stroked easily between the rapidly moistening folds and sough my entrance, leaving his palm cupping the naked flesh as two digits slipped easily in my channel.

There was nothing to do but gasp again, shocked beyond belief and too worked up now to care he was fingering me in the wide open where anyone could come upon us.

"Goddamn its wet," he growled, earning another whimper from me.

And then his finger was gone, hand out of my pants.

All I could do was stare as he popped the glistening fingertips into his mouth and sucked at my wetness. I thought I'd melt when he let those finger drags across his lips before giving them a sniff.

He gave a second growl, one of pleasure. "You _smell_ like me. You _taste_ like me. Do you know why?" he asked, jerking me closer and thrusting his hand back down into my jeans. My head shook no stupidly as the two fingers worked their way back into my dripping entrance.

"Because you're mine," he rasped, burying those fingers to the knuckle.

A high-pitched "Ah!" escaped me as those fingertips started to massage my walls in a tight circular motion.

"I wanna see it," Jacob growled. He growled again as a confused look settled on my face and spun me around impatiently. "Show me," he commanded, not breaking the rhythm of his fingers drumming at my insides.

I squirmed against his hand, struggling to understand. Show him I wanted him? What in the hell? Why did I turn to mush every time Jacob Black put his hands on me? Every fucking time I could smell him.

"Jacob," I whined, arching against him. I wanted him inside of me, didn't care about all that shit he'd said last night.

"Show me my mark, Leah!" he demanded, flicking _that spot_ inside of me for emphasis. He was tapping hard now, my bladder protesting at the insistent strumming of his fingers.

"Jacob!" I squealed, louder.

"Show me my fucking mark," he snarled at my ear. My hands were shaking as I reached up, pulling the curtain of hair from my neck.

"Fuck that's hot!" he growled, a millisecond before I felt his tongue flick over the skin. It was like having a firecracker explode inside of me, that moment Jacob's mouth met that part of my flesh. I almost heard the crackle of electricity between us as the aching soreness was replaced by a delicious warmth that bloomed and spread over me, just settled down into the very marrow of my bones.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed, his fingers stilling and his entire body being wracked with a shudder of pleasure; it was enough to confirm he'd felt it too.

I felt his lips press the spot again and heat again surged through me. It didn't hurt, it was a pleasant warmth, like a full body blush, and it was followed by the delicious ripple of a tingles that had my nipples tightening and my clit giving a throb against his palm.

Again, he gave a little shudder and a little "Mmmm…."

The intensity of the moment, of sharing this feeling with him, scared me shitless.

Scared me right out of that fog of lust. I heard a growl and realized it was coming from me.

Now the wolf and I weren't fighting, we were one, and we were scared of feeling good like this, good with him.

"She likes it when I lick it, huh?" he chuckled into my hair.

His fingers started to move again but I was ready this time, grabbing his forearm in warning.

"That wasn't a good growl. She isn't some separate being anymore, Jacob. Not anymore. _And I don't like it when you lick it_."

His fingers stilled but he didn't pull away.

"Don't like it?" he asked darkly. "You realize I've got my fingers inside of you, right? That I can feel exactly how much you like it?"

"I can't control what my body does but ' .It. Not like this."

His hand was out of my pants instantly.

"Yeh? I don't like it like _this_ either," he spat. You're right. Its that fucking mark. Its like its calling my wolf to touch you."

"Well put the fucking wolf on a leash," I growled again, moving away from him, needing space.

There was a crack as he reached up and splintered a thick branch on a tree above us, letting it crash to the ground. "Don't speak to me like that. You let me mark you and now you're going to suffer the consequences with me. So if my wolf wants to touch you, I'm gonna touch you."

"You're gonna rape me?" I said coldly.

His face went thunderous. "There's the bitch I know and loved!" he snapped. "No, I'm not going to rape you. I wouldn't fuck you again if you begged me. Evidently your cunt is too good for me all of a sudden. Nevermind you were just creaming on my hand two minutes ago. What the fuck is your deal? You run all hot on my last night and I give you exactly what you ask for and now you've too good to get near me?"

"Are you fucking with me, Black?" I sneered, absolutely incredulous. "You want me to listen to your shit talk AND you want me to spread my legs for you like a whore?"

"I wouldn't be the only one you're spread for!"

In helpless fury I reached up and snapped my own branch down, wishing it was his neck. "I thought you went away to grow up! I liked you better before."

"You liked me before I called a spade a spade."

"Fine, I liked you before you called a spade a spade," I agreed, too angry to let the conversation go any further.

I turned toward the beach again and started to stride off.

"Get your hair up!" he ordered to my back.

"What?" I paused mid-step.

"From now on you wear your hair so that I everyone can see my mark. You understand, Clearwater? You wanted to be the alpha's bitch, you're gonna be his bitch."

"Does the alpha think his bitch can just shit out a rubberband?" I snarled.

"I don't give two fucks if you have to sit there and hold your hair up all night, you keep your neck bare for me," he bit out as he breezed past me.

I just blinked at his retreating back. The blinding fury ebbed a little, morphed into a slow-simmering anger. I was suddenly feeling a little passive-aggressive as I rushed to catch up with him.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

We didn't talk again and I stayed a couple of feet behind him until we reached the beach's edge. We fell in step side by side and I felt ridiculous, plowing through the sand with one hand twisted in the heavy fall of hair, keeping it off my nape.

The pack looked openly curious, Claire and Kim were smiling at me encouragingly. I tried to smile back but I knew it looked more like a grimace. My entire face felt plastic and uncomfortable.

God love him, Seth seemed not to notice. He rushed up to both of us and stopped dead in front of Jacob, halting our forward progress.

"Hey, Jacob, I just wanted to say I'm really excited about being an uncle and its so cool that you and Leah finally—"

"Stop!" Jacob snapped, making Seth cringe back. "I don't want to talk about this baby! Not to you, not to anybody." His voice was back in that new, low alpha timbre. It wasn't an order per se, but it felt like one. He was almost vibrating with anger. I saw Paul shoot me a questioning look and Emily sit up straighter on her log. Jacob stared out now at all the faces trained on him, watching the exchange with Seth blatantly with wide eyes. "Are we all clear on that? No talk about a fucking baby!"

Nobody moved.

"We clear?" he thundered.

Even I drew back at that. Seth looked like he was about to crumple into a pile of ash and blow away in the breeze.

They all slowly started to nod, question marks in their eyes. Paul didn't nod. He was staring at me openly.

Finally, after a tense moment, Jacob moved away from me, towards Sam.

I felt so stupid just holding my hair.

Everyone was staring at me now, the What the Fuck? Expressions evident.

"Seth, give me your knife," I whispered.

He was still a pile of jello and just handed it over without question.

I briefly contemplated carving the mark out of my skin but instead there was a metallic "schiiinnng" noise as I scythed easily through the thick sheath of my hair, bobbing it in one clean slice.

There was a collective gasp and even Jacob blinked at me in mute shock as I threw the useless tresses into the fire.

I folded Seth's knife shut without comment, handing it back to him.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Paul all but shouted.

It took a second before I could answer. It was just hair but it hadn't been cut in years. Since Paul and I had started to date. All those years of care and now it was nothing but fuel for the bonfire.

"To show off the alpha's mark," I replied, struggling to keep contempt out of my voice.

"Why the fuck do you have to show it off?" he shot back.

"So everyone remembers who the fuck she belongs to," Jacob snarled, stepping between Paul and me, blocking my line of vision.

"So she's gotta cut her hair, so you can sling your dick around? "

"Stand down, Lahote. I didn't make her cut her hair, you should know she does what the fuck she wants."

"What is that supposed to mean? She should do what she wants!" Paul was incensed. His voice dropped an octave, into the dangerous category. "Did you force this on her?"

"Are you stupid?" Jacob sounded genuinely incredulous before he ground out, "She got exactly what she wanted!" I resisted the urge to pipe in a "not exactly".

I could see Jacob started to tremble violently and I looked around his broad torso to see Paul starting to do the same.

"Stop it!" I screamed, almost frantic suddenly, afraid they were going to phase and rip each other to shreds.

Jacob's quaking ceased as he turned to look at me coldly. "What's wrong Leah, afraid I'll kill him?" He turned his head, cracking his neck one way, then the other before fixing me in his glare again. "Don't worry…I won't hurt you like that," he sneered, mimicking Paul's words from last night's bonfire.

And then he just dismissed me, looking to Sam. "Sam, Jared, Quil, come on, I want to talk to you about the pack. Seth, you too." They all got up, hesitant. Jacob had forgotten me by now but everyone else was throwing me glances. I was watching Paul. He was mostly still now, the tremors gone, but his chest heaving as he sucked in deep breaths through flaring nostrils.

"Paul," Jacob called over his shoulder as they started to all walk towards the woods. "If your shit is under control now, you too!"

Paul threw me one last look, unreadable, and took off towards the other males.

Claire and Kim just stared.

Emily gave a little cackle. "Woooo, what the fuck did you do to piss off Jake?"

I just glared at her.

"He not happy about the baby, Leelee?" she snarked, her voice dripping with fake sugar and sympathy. I wanted to smash her in the teeth.

I couldn't really talk about the baby now could I?

Instead I motioned for Layla.

Claire stood up, shoving her into my arms, somehow realizing that she was a source of calmness for me.

As soon as I had that warm, sleeping bundle in my arms I felt a little better. I sank to my knees, cradling her close.

"Your beautiful hair," Kim moaned softly, coming over to kneel beside me. I lowered to my butt and let Kim start to run her fingers through the shorn looks. She was sniffling a little and I just let her cry it out for me.

"Its ok," Claire soothed. "We'll turn it into one of those cute bobs that's so popular. "

"Yeh,"Kim replied, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "Its longer in the front anyway, we can shape this up no problem."

Emily snorted. "She looks like a little boy now."

"Just go away," Claire snapped.

Emily opened her stupid mouth to say something but I growled at her in warning. I might be pregnant but she knew I was bigger, stronger, and healed like the other wolves. She wisely snapped her teeth together and rose to slink off.

When she was gone Claire looked dead at me. "What the heck, Leah?" She bit her lip and looked off towards where the wolves stood at the edge of the woods. "What is going on here?"

I shrugged.

Her eyes narrowed.

"What has gotten into Jake?" Kim asked.

"A misunderstanding," I replied.

They were both staring at me.

"And?" Claire prodded.

"And he's going to have to figure out he was wrong on his down," I answered.

"Well what kind of crazy plan is that?" Kim asked.

"Its what my instinct tells me. That he's got to work this out on his own."

"Are you kidding me?" Claire broke in. "He's acting crazy!"

"What do you want me to do?" I hissed, keeping my voice down. "He doenst want to talk about anything."

"I knew it!" she nearly shouted, so loud that Layla gave a broken cry and Kim had to cover Claire's mouth with her hand when several of the wolves whipped their gazes towards us to see what was going on.

"Shhhhh," Kim shushed.

"I knew it!" Claire hissed back, her tone barely a whisper. "Jacob thinks the baby's not his!"

I sighed.

"Let us tell him!" Claire said.

"That's so crazy!" Kim gasped, earning a shush from Claire at her volume. She covered her hand with her mouth for a second and then nodded like a bobble head. "We've got to tell him he's wrong!"

"No!" I exclaimed. "Do not tell him! And you both better tell the others too!"

"But why?" Kim asked in horror. "He's being so terrible right now!"

"Because, Kim! I struggled to explain it, to reveal my own feelings about it. "If someone just tells him he's wrong, what did he really learn about me? I'm a different person than when he left. He needs to figure that out himself."

"That's crazy!" Kim hissed.

"No," Claire butt in. "She's right. If we just tell Jake, it'll be like letting him off easy. If he's accusing Leah of something like that, he doesn't know her anymore."

I sighed in relief. Finally, someone understood where I was coming from.

"I guess," Kim replied, still sounding doubtful. "I don't understand but…if its what you want, I'll tell Sam not to say anything."

I nodded. "Its what I want. Please make sure everyone knows. Even the council."

. . . .

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Leelee?" Paul called up.

I plucked a nail from between my lips and took my time, centering it up in just the right spot before pounding it viciously with the hammer, nailing the shingle in place.

"It's a roof, Paul, not me," I answered.

He made an irritated noise. "Come down."

"I can't."

Another nail, another shingle. BAM. BAM. BAM. It was like therapy.

"I'm not going to yell up to you all morning."

"Then don't."

A louder irritated noise.

"Climb up here if you need to have a heart to heart right this second. I've got to get these things nailed in. There's a chance of snow tonight."

I was sitting on Old Quil's roof fixing loose shingles. First I'd fixed Billy's, now his.

When Paul scaled the ladder and settled on the roof, it groaned in protest. I shot him a pointed look. "Eating too much of Bella's cooking."

For just a moment he looked satisfied. It was the mention of Bella's name, I was sure.

"What about you? You think I don't know about your little deal with her?" he scoffed. He eyed the swell of my abdomen, now so round I had been forced to cave and take to wearing nothing but dresses and sweats or gym shorts. That was what I had on now, a pair of Seth's old gym shorts, faded red mesh with a white stripe on the sides. Mesh and a t-shirt in forty degree weather. Between the baby and the wolf and physical exertion, I was still warmer than I cared to be.

I grinned at his put-out expression. I had traded advice to Bella for…cookies. God, loads and loads of cookies. Every variety known to mankind. Everytime she had a question she came with a dozen in some new exotic variety. In the beginning it had mostly just dealt with advice about relationships or Paul in general. Lately, however, it had morphed into advice of a more…intimate variety. I was getting more and more cookies, almost faster than I could eat them. Almost. An added bonus…the dirtier the questions got, the fancier the cookie.

Presently on my nightstand there was a box of nearly finished lemon-orange date cookies that were studded with the most amazing toasted pecans.

I just stared at Paul, daring him with my eyes.

"Those cookies of hers are the most deliciously twisted, exotic concoction I have ever put in my mouth," I said innocently, intentionally being provocative despite my tone.

He made a strangled noise. Probably a happy memory of exactly how Bella had used the advice I had bartered for that batch of cookies.

The wind gusted and it was pleasantly cold. He shook his head. "Can we get off the roof?"

I pounded in another nail.

"Its going to snow," I repeated.

"You think Old Quil hasn't had snow in his house before?" he asked incredulously. "This house is a hundred fucking years old."

"Paul," I warned.

"Leah," he warned back. "You don't need to be up on a roof pregnant. Not this far along." I shot him a look of promised violence if he kept up this line of reasoning. He ignored me. "Let Sam do it. Or Quil. Its his fucking grandpa."

"I like to do it."

"You _like_ to pretend you aren't hurting."

I bit my lip. I was pretending I wasn't hurting and thought I was doing a reasonably good job. Maybe not. Or maybe it was just because it was Paul.

"I like helping Old Quil."

"I know you do. You help everyone. Billy, Claire, your mom. Bella." That last name was said with a little more tenderness.

I didn't let it show outside but inside I was smiling. Paul and Bella were getting close. I could see it blooming like a spring flower, right under my nose. They were just now starting to come out with it a little around the rez. Sitting close at the fires, walking pressed next to each other. Of course I had known about it for weeks now. It made me happy for both of them, this bond growing and strengthening, even if it was tasting bittersweet in the wake of my own relationship issues.

"But Leelee," he continued. "You aren't helping yourself."

"What do you mean?" I blustered. "I'm fine."

"Yeh," he answered. He may as well have said _No_.

"I am!" I declared.

I was. I really was. Sure, I was sad about things between me and Jacob. But I had a whole network of support now. And the little guy inside of me. He gave a healthy kick just under the left rib, hard enough to make me grunt.

Paul's eyes widened in alarm but I just smiled. "Man, he's getting strong."

He looked relieved.

"Listen, I know you're _fine_, you're strong. You aren't laying down and dying over it. But _just tell him_." He almost sounded like he was pleading with that last part.

"I can't." I set my hammer down, satisfied the roof was repaired.

"You could. You could write him a letter." I shook my head. "You could let your mom or Old Quil or Billy tell him." I shook my head harder. "Leah!" he finally exclaimed. "Do not do this. You see what Emily is trying to do. Don't let her. Not again."

"Emily didn't do anything you didn't let her do. Just like she's not doing anything Jacob isn't letting her do."

His expression was pained and it made my heart clench painfully. Paul was one of my closest friends now. Rachel, my best friend, even with the distance. Bella and Claire, even Kim. Old Quil and Billy, yes, I was close to them as well, though those relationships were different. And then there was my Mom and my Booboo. God, I had gone from only having Rachel to having so many people.

So many people except the person who was supposed to mean the most.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean it."

And I didn't. Whatever role Paul had played in that ancient incident was long ago forgiven.

He shook his head this time. "You should. I did let it happen. But there's something about her." I made a disgusted noise, interrupting him, but he gave me a sharp look. "Nothing good!" he explained. "Emily is like a snake. She knows just how to twist and work things to her advantage. You can't let her do that to Jake."

My heart clenched and gave a painful throb.

"He can make his own choices."

"Dammit, Leah!" he sputtered. "Lift the order so I can shake some sense into you! Taha Aki wants you to be with Jacob."

"I'm with him," I groused, reaching up to touch the mark at the back of my neck for emphasis. I hissed a little as the short strands of my hair brushed the back of my hand and my fingers burned at the contact with the impressions of his teeth, permanently branded into my skin. It always felt unpleasant when it was touched; when Kim was trimming my hair we had taken to covering it with a washcloth to protect her fingers from the burn and spare me the full body shudder of revulsion caused by having anyone but myself or Jacob brush it. Even when I touched it there was a slightly dizzying wave through my solar plexus. Not to mention the scorch of my fingertips. But Jacob touching it…well he'd only done it twice. That day on the path and then a couple of nights ago, for just a moment, when he found me on my knees in the bathroom, sending some rejected pistachio pudding into the porcelain circular file. But Jacob touching it was almost like magic; the shudder his touch caused was nothing but bone-meltingly pleasant. And he could feel it too, in his own body.

"That's not what Taha Aki meant and you know it!" he accused.

I nodded, starting to crawl carefully towards the ladder, pulling my supplies with me. I did know it. Sometimes I had dreams about it.

Old Quil and I had had a conversation earlier this morning about how I felt like I was disappointing our spiritual protector.

He had just clucked and shook his head. "Little Kwoli," he'd reasoned, "you are carrying the future Alpha for a reason. Do not doubt yourself or the faith the Great Wolf has placed in you." And he seemed content enough to let me fix him some breakfast and restock his fridge with meals, mostly made by Bella and Mom, but a lasagna I had painstakingly made myself the night before. Billy had loved its twin and Jacob must have thought it was passable as well, because the entire foil pan had been scraped clean and crumpled in the trash this morning.

"I don't want him to find out because someone told him, Paul. I need him to figure it out on his own."

"But its hurting you."

"Sometimes," I acknowledged. "It would hurt worse to just have him told point blank. I can't really explain it. He's so convinced I've wronged him. Its like he doesn't know me anymore. So if someone just told him…what? Magically he realizes I'm not some kind of monster. I don't know if I can just go back to being normal after all this. Not without him having some kind of change too."

"What makes you think Black is going to change?"

"You did," I replied, easy as breathing. I rose to my knees, scrabbling to the very edge, dragging my supplies. My belly was starting to throw my balance off just a little. I was still pretty damned graceful, being wolf and all, but there were times when I forgot about the little shift in gravity.

He reached out to steady me as I went to get on the ladder but our skin repelled. "Goddamn order!" he snapped. "I'll get the fucking tools. Just don't break your neck."

Times like these I wanted to lift the order. I wasn't in danger from him anymore. Still, something kept me from saying the words.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

"Leah! What the fuck?" Seth was pacing, almost wearing a hole in Claire and Quil's floor.

Remember how I had waxed poetic about how Seth never said fuck? Its like we'd somehow swapped mouths. These days he was like a volcano of swear words, enough to make a sailor proud. And all those words seemed to be about Jacob Black.

"Don't phase in the house," I admonished, as easily as a mother might say don't walk on the carpet with your shoes on.

"How are you so cool about it? Every fucking time I think about that asshole it makes me want to rip something—"

"Booboo," I sighed. I pushed him towards the kitchen chair with one hand and he went easily, or else it would have been like pushing against a wall of stone. "Sit down, all that pacing is making me tired." He sat heavily, collapsed more like it, the chair creaking as a good two hundred pounds of muscle came crashing onto the cheap wood frame

Layla was pressed against me, held in place with my other arm in some weirdly secure position you could only work with experience. She was so much bigger now, getting stronger, smiling and cooing with a head too big for her neck. Lately she was holding it up for longer and longer stretches, checking out the world around her. But inevitably it would flop forward and she'd give a bray of displeasure when she'd bonk her forehead on my shoulder. Claire was stuffing a turkey. You could argue that Native Americans shouldn't want to celebrate Thanksgiving but the truth was the pack would celebrate anything that involved food.

Maybe Seth needed tryptophan from the turkey and a nice nap to chill out.

Or maybe he just needed to get laid….

I smiled at him. A secret smile that puzzled him, riling his feathers more. "She's with him," he practically spat. I just looked at him. Didn't dare give off any emotion other than placidness.

No need to excite the wolves.

"Just…react!" he snapped. "Please," he added softer, entreating.

"Its not news to me that Emily and Jacob are hanging out."

"He's such a stupid sonuvabitch!"

"Seth, stop it!" I snapped. "He's your alpha." His jaw hardened. "We were better off with Paul,'" added under his breath.

For not the first time I questioned myself and the refusal to let the council talk to Jacob. My brother was so unhappy. At first I had just chalked it up to Rachel's absence but it was becoming clear that the chasm between me and Jacob was starting to affect him. Everyone was disgruntled. Everyone but my stupid bitch cousin.

Claire grunted and we looked over at her. I had to do a double take. She was bent over, her head practically in the body cavity of a frigging enormous thirty pound turkey. Even Layla's mouth hung open, suspended in disbelief as her mother fisted the raw, naked corpse with mounds of stuffing that smelled like lemons and sausage and sage.

Paul started to snicker and Bella whacked him hard with the wooden spoon in her hand. The look on his face was classic. "What tha—"

"No!" she declared.

"But I—" he sputtered.

"No," she repeated firmly.

"I didn't—"

"But you were," she said.

And he crossed his arms and pouted, his chin jutting out like an errant child being punished.

She gave a satisfied nod of her head and went back to whatever she was mixing up in the bowl.

Quil came in not two seconds later and let out a long, low whistle. "Somethin' you wanna confess, babe?" he joked.

Embry, fresh on his heels, loudly announced "Damn Claire, never thought I'd see you fist-fucking a bird."

Bella let out a strangled noise of frustration.

"Get out," she declared.

"But I –" Embry sputtered.

"No," she repeated firmly, almost a perfect replay of her moment with Paul.

"I didn't—"

"You did!" she declared, waving that wooden spoon like it was a club. "You get out of this kitchen or you won't get a bite to eat!"

Embry let out a whimper. "Leah!"

"Le-ah!" Jared mocked. He had a huge bite of apple in his mouth and was talking around it. "Running off to Mama Wolf to make it better!" My lips twitched, trying to suppress a grin. He wasn't being an ass, not these days. Just being Jared.

I just shrugged. "I don't have jurisdiction in the kitchen. Bella says you can't eat, you can't eat."

Embry whined and Jared gave a harsh bark of laughter. "Pussy," he muttered.

"That's it!" Bella nearly growled. "Jared, Embry, Quil, and Paul, out." There was a pause. "Now!" She stomped her foot for emphasis.

They all left, grumbling. I grinned. Little Swan growing a backbone. And a penchant for talking dirty, if what my sensitive ears had accidently eavesdropped on earlier today when I stopped by Paul's for a ride out to Quil and Claire's house in Bella's old truck. Guess those cookie bartering sessions had paid off. Paul owed me a bottle of wine or something when all was said and done with the baby alpha.

Claire stood up, her hands greasy. "Good God," she declared. "Is that how Quil feels?"

Kim made a noise that sounded curiously like an eep as her face turned beet red.

Moments like these, lost in the mundane, domestic part of the packs' life, I felt most tranquil. Like I could forget Jacob was ripping my heart out a little tiny piece at a time and I was just keeping it all inside.

I smoothed Layla's errant little curls, all chocolate brown and thick. Wondered what baby alpha's would look like when he was this old. How russet his skin would be compared to my own. If he'd have those big cheeks and baby fat like Jacob had had, before the wolf gene had honed his face to that of a man's, all hard angles and planes.

My heart constricted, hitched mid stride before stuttering back into its normal trot; I sensed Seth perk up.

"I'm going to get Layla down for a nap," I announced, heading off towards her nursery before he could say a word.

I heard Kim ask Claire what time my mom was going to arrive with Billy. She replied "Another couple of hours." Bella asked who was going to pick up Old Quil, what with fresh layer of snow on the ground, but someone turned the faucet on and drowned out Claire's reply. I already knew the answer. Old Quil wasn't coming. He'd scoffed at the idea of Thanksgiving, told me he had things to do. So I promised I'd bring up some food tomorrow and we'd left it at that.

It was going to be a busy day. An early dinner with the pack and then Charlie was coming over to the Black house later tonight, after his shift, for leftovers and watching TV and drinking beer. I promised Billy I wouldn't say a word. It was Thanksgiving, after all.

He'd looked thankful, alright.

Layla gave a yawn, on cue. Then she smiled at me and I felt my heart lift a little bit. Maybe I could take a nap too. So we bypassed the nursery, went in the tiny guestroom with the sleeper sofa. I didn't bother to pull it out, it would just be a little cat nap.

We settled into position and I tucked her against me safely, her face pressed into my neck and her lower body tucked in the crook of my arm where it almost disappeared between my side and the cushions. Her breathing slowed, heart rate settling into the rhythm of sleep. Once I knew she was sleeping I let my eyelids flutter closed.

I felt a snuffle at my ear. The side opposite of where Layla still lay curled against me. It came again; I realized it was a sniff. The smell of stormclouds rolled over me.

"Leah," he whispered against my ear.

My eyelids fluttered and I was staring at Jacob, our faces inches apart.

"Hey," I said, my voice confused with sleep.

Layla shifted.

He stared down at her, at the both of us.

"You're so good with her," he whispered.

"How would you know," I started to scoff. I was angry at him, so, so angry. Even if nobody knew it.

"I've been watching you sleep for the past hour." My heart pulsed painfully. "Every time she moves, every time she even sighs, you make sure she's ok. Rub her back. Do something to soothe her. Even in your sleep. Like its instinctive." He sounded almost reverent.

"I love her," I said. Baby alpha gave he a harsh kick, maybe in jealousy and it caused me to inhale sharply.

He looked alarmed.

My eyes flew to the bulge of my stomach. I could feel him churning inside of me, doing some maneuver I hadn't felt before. He stared too. Stared as that bulge gave a gentle roll, barely perceptible.

He stopped breathing.

And then his huge hand settled in that spot where the movement had been.

I stopped breathing as well, watching Jacob.

Then came the steady tap-tap-tap, three little kicks, right under Jacob's palm before I felt baby alpha roll and dance away. Something, some emotion, rolled over his face. Amazement. That's what it was. His breath escaped with a whoosh and he gave the smallest laugh, like a little sound of delight like something a little boy would do.

"Leah," he breathed. His whisper was so quiet I had to strain to hear him. "I still love you,"

His lips were a whisper, the beat of a butterfly's wings away from mine.

Hope blossomed in my chest. We could get through this.

"There you are!" Emily sang from the door, startling Layla awake with a wail of fear.

Jacob's jaw went hard. He pulled away from me reluctantly and stood. Layla was crying hard now, mad as hell to be awakened in such a harsh manner. Emily's nose wrinkled in disgust but she turned her face to Jacob's, beaming at him with her laser white teeth.

"Been looking all over for you! Its almost time to eat," she said.

Jacob looked back at me, hestitating.

Emily wrapped her arm under his, tugging at him, practically dancing to get his attention.

Layla was blubbering.

"I've got to change her diaper," I told him. Not her. Him.

Still, he looked unsure. Looked almost like he wanted to push Emily off his arm.

She was squirming impatiently. Like a two year old that had to go potty.

"Go," I said. "We'll catch up in a minute."

He stared at me like he was trying to work something out in his head. Something complex. But then she tugged his arm again and he looked down at her, the spell, the magnetism between us broken, and slipped off with her towards the kitchen.

Maybe another hour, the text said. An hour, at most.

.

.

.

I snorted. That meant I had another hour of trying to keep Seth from phasing at the dining room table while we ate our turkey and were supposed to be giving thanks.

As it was, he was staring. Glaring, actually; shoveling food into his mouth left and right but staring straight at how Emily pressed so close to Jacob's arm.

The fork in his hand trembled violently.

I kept passing him food. "Booboo try this, Booboo have another roll…" Anything to keep him distracted.

Billy had a sour expression on his face every time I called Seth Booboo. _Well, tough shit, Billy_, Seth has always been my Booboo. Protector or not, he was my little brother first. And he was having some kind of moment here.

Billy, between his lemon-sour puckers, was glancing at Emily in distaste too. Everyone was, everyone except me. I was trying to avoid it. – looking at them, I mean. And Jacob's stare - I was avoiding that too. Still, I could feel his eyes on me, sense him trying to catch my eye. It only made Emily try harder.

The harder Emily tried, the more Seth's fork trembled.

God. Could I _please_ keep peace for another hour?

Layla was in Claire's arms for a change. I knew Claire and Quil were worried about how this close proximity to Emily was going to affect me. Well, it wasn't. Not outwardly. I wasn't giving that bitch the pleasure.

I had another bite of Kim's special stuffing, smothered in thick gravy.

I moaned and Kim giggled. Fan-fucking-tastic. That bird must have been orgasmic, being filled up with this stuff. I was envious.

"I am in love with this stuffing," I gushed.

My mom kind of gave me some over the moon expression. "That belly is really poking out now," she said.

Paul laughed. "Its all of Bella's cookies."

And then Jacob was staring at Paul. Hard.

Even after all these weeks he still gave Paul a withering look whenever he stood too close to me or in anyway alluded to the fact that we were more than passing acquaintances.

Paul tensed.

_Dammit!_

"Mom, are you coming over later? Charlie's gonna be there," I sang enticingly. I just wanted to distract everyone.

Her cheeks flushed almost hot pink.

"Well, uh, I thought I'd come by since I had the day off and help you look through some catalogs, maybe pick out some baby stuff."

I grinned at her knowingly. "Yeh, suuuure, Mom. Cribs and stuff. That'll be great."

"What are _we _doing tonight?" Emily asked Jacob, a touch too loud and too bright, like she was trying to draw attention to herself. Like we didn't know she had attached herself to him like some kind of barnacle.

Jacob looked taken aback. "Hanging out, I guess." Then he looked confused, like he wasn't sure how he'd gotten stuck in the position his was in. It hadn't escaped my notice that he was exactly sure what to do with Emily. He oscillated between being standoffish and accepting of her attention. He never initiated contact with her, at least not that I had seen, but he somehow grudgingly accepted it. Passively sat while she cuddled up to him or grabbed at his hand.

I, for one, was ready for him to just give in so I could get over it; better to just rip it off like a bandaid.

And it happened. Somehow Emily turned his face towards hers and she was kissing him. There wasn't really tongue but it was obvious she was inviting it. Jacob wasn't exactly enthusiastic but he wasn't moving away either. He was just tolerating. Feeling it out.

I wanted him to push her away. Jump up. Yell. Act shocked.

Act like it wasn't the first time she had put her lips on his.

Or…

I wanted to leap across the table and stab her.

Instead I took a sip of my milk and then shoved an entire roll in my mouth in order to have something to do. To chew instead of shout death threats. Chew instead of ripping out her arteries with my own teeth.

Seth was so angry. I could almost smell the fury rolling off of him.

"Hey Paul," he said suddenly. "Leah has something on her shoulder. Brush it off."

I shot Seth an incredulous look.

Paul hesitated for a second.

I reached up and dusted vigorously at the length of my sleeve. "No worries," I said, "I got it."

Seth's teeth clenched. "You missed some," he insisted.

"No, I got it," I hissed back through my teeth. Now my glare said _shut your fucking mouth before I bite your face off and wear it like a party mask_.

Jacob escaped from Emily's suction cup kiss to give me an odd look.

Paul said. "There's nothing there," with a tone of finality. A tone of warning.

I heard Seth's teeth snap together with the force of his chewing now.

Dammit, double dammit. 45 minutes. Please, Taha Aki. Help me out here?

. . .

Dinner finished mostly in peace. Or at least a strained truce. Thank God the food was good and everyone was too busy chewing to start anything else. It was bubbling just below the surface still. Seth's anger was churning up unrest. The tension was almost palpable. The wolves inside were pacing, I could feel it rolling off all of the guys.

It had fallen to Mom and Billy to guide what little conversation we had.

It was a giant relief when everyone seemed to call uncle and put down the utensils.

Then came the usual exodus from the table. First the guys, Embry and Jared to play the x-box, Quil to instigate. ,Sam to referee. In other words, the usual.

I chased Bella and Claire away with the threat of bursting into song (we all knew that was cringe inducing from a spur of the moment karaoke party back in July where it had seemed like a good idea for me to try my hand at _Werewolves of London_). Fueled by that memory, suddenly wedding planning with Kim had seemed like a fine idea to them. They seemed reluctant to the tower of dirty surrounding me but I waved them away, assuring them Seth was going to help.

I expected him to balk but he just gathering dishes up and scraping the few leftovers into the garbage, not making a single complaint.

I didn't like it. Little Booboo was plotting.

Mom and Billy made small talk over coffee. She was milking him for information about Charlie Swan, no doubt. Emily was telling Jacob some story, her hands gesturing animatedly, brushing his chest, stroking his shoulder. God knows what she was talking about; she was loud but I was doing my best to tune her out. Jacob was just staring at me. His eyes followed my every move. But she was talking louder and louder.

She wanted me to hear.

The louder she talked, the fiercer I was in banging around the plates and silver. There were wild clashes and clangs and I didn't give a damn. The kitchen was a regular cacophony of my banging and bashing and her honking like a fucking goose.

Paul pried a heavy platter out of my hand. He pressed in as close as he could without touching me, keeping his voice low. "Hey, go grab Bella for me, before she gets any ideas about rings and church bells."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't try and be my knight in shining armor, Paul. I'm ok."

"Bullshit." He gave me a private, imploring look. "I have a bad feeling."

I wasn't hearing it. I had a bad feeling too, a bad feeling I was going to kill Emily in cold blood on Thanksgiving. Instead I just snarked "I don't need a timeout. I refuse to run from this again."

"Dammit, Leah! Don't be so damn stubborn. I care about you, I can't stand this!"

I had to swallow whatever reply I may have had because it was apparent our conversation wasn't private anymore. The chatter at the dining room table ceased as Jacob stood, his chair scraping harshly against the floor.

"Why don't you go _care_ about Bella?" Jacob sneered.

Jacob had made no secret of the fact that he didn't approve of his Paul's new relationship.

"My concern is Leah right now, Black, and I wasn't talking to you," Paul answered, pulling back from me a little. He was sizing Jacob up as he took another step away…making sure he was clear of me in case they started to fight.

Fuck. They were going to face off.

"I've already told you Leah isn't your concern anymore."

At Jacob's words I heard Emily give a little strangled noise of frustration. Then I smelled Sam and Quil drawing closer. Hanging on to every work just outside the entrance to the kitchen.

"Who's concern is she, then? Your head's stuck up Emily's twat," Seth growled.

Jacob's head snapped towards Seth. This was my brother's first stand against his alpha. I hoped it wouldn't be his last.

The silence crackled with electricity.

My mom said, "Emily, help me get these dishes in the car."

Emily paused.

Mom was still her aunt. And a council member. Refusing her in front of Jacob would look bad. So she plastered on a fake smile that showed way too much gumline and begrudgingly started to help her tote the various baking sheets, platters, and roasting pans to the car.

Bella was trying to muscle her way in between Sam and Quil to get into the kitchen. It took Jacob's hard glare off of Seth. Thank you, Swan!

"What is going on in here?" she called.

"Stay back, Bella," Billy warned.

"No, Billy!" she snapped, surprising me. She couldn't make it through the press of Sam and Quil's huge bodies but her head and one arm popped out between them and she pointed her finger at him. "Stop this! Somebody's going to get hurt!"

We were reaching critical mass here. Mother of fuck.

Kim and Claire were trying to push through too now and Sam barked impatiently, "Get back." When they protested he yelled over their heads, "Jared, Embry, get your asses in here and get the girls!"

"Sam! You stop it too! Everyone's just sitting back and letting Jacob be a jerk!" Kim declared.

"Kim!" Billy admonished, but there was no bite behind his words.

"Everyone stand down," I said, but it didn't sound like an order. I could recognize the pleading in my voice.

"No, Leah! Enough!" Seth seethed. "Billy, do something!"

"This is her decision, Seth."

"She's making the wrong one!"

I was turning to verbally rip him a new asshole…but it all happened so fast.

From no where, Seth gave me a shove. It wasn't a strong one.

Maybe if I hadn't been in the process of turning towards him, maybe if it hadn't caught me so off guard, or maybe if I didn't have that shift in gravity from little alpha poking out from the rest of me….

Maybe I would have recovered my balance in time.

But I was, he had, and I did.

So there was no catching myself. I went backwards , tripping over the open dishwasher door. I would have just landed against Paul and slid to the ground except the fucking reverse magnetism of our bodies threw me violently in the opposite direction, banging my side hard into the counter before I landed with a brutal thud right on the end of my spine.

Chaos erupted.

Seth shouted, "Oh Christ! Leah! I'm sorry I was just trying-" but then Jacob had him pinned by the throat up on the wall, almost strangling him. He was screaming at him but I couldn't make out the words. Seth's feet weren't even on the ground anymore. "Thought you'd catch yourself," he said but it came out garbled.

There was yelling and there was Paul trembling, trying hard to fight the alpha order, shaking with his effort to touch me. He was on his knees on the floor.

Why was everyone so excited?

Then I realized I had screamed.

That I was having the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life rip across my belly.

"Put him down!" I yelled. Panic was overtaking me. Jacob was going to kill Seth.

He was crying - Seth was crying hard. Paul was crying.

Why was Paul crying?

There was another hard spasm, this one in my back. "NNNNngggggg!" I grunted, my teeth clenching.

Then the smell of copper hit me.

"She's bleeding! Bella get the truck so we can get her to the hospital!"

There was so much movement, chaos, and I couldn't concentrate on any of it.

"Put Seth down!" I screamed again. Another spasm. God, I was being ripped from the inside out.

Jacob let him slide down the wall.

"Fuck, pick her up, Paul!" Jacob barked like Paul was stupid.

Paul was straining, tears rolling down his face. "I can't! Leah! Break the fucking order!"

My body was being torn in half, that was the only way to describe the violent rending I could feel inside.

A wave of dizziness hit me. My eyes closed, trying to keep from giving into the urge to let my head loll forward.

"Leah!" I heard Billy yell. "Leah, break Taha Aki's order!"

"The fuck?" I heard Jacob say but it was like listening to things underwater now.

"LEAH BREAK THE GODDAMN ORDER!" Paul yelled in my ear.

My eyes snapped open.

"You can touch me, Paul."

"Thank Fuck!" he yelled, hauling me into his arms.

And then everything went black again.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

My mouth was dry, like it was wadded with cotton. I kept smacking my lips, trying to unstick my tongue from my palate. It was a struggle to wake up, my eyes didn't want to open – every time I'd get them at halfmast, they'd flutter shut again.

Finally I managed to keep them open.

The gray light was dim, it filtered in from the curtains and it had to be either almost sundown or early dawn on a cloudy day. Judging from the strip of light shining under the door and the whispering voices in the next room, I figured it was the former. But where…

Awareness came flooding in. This was Jacob's bed. I was lying in Jacob's bed, covered by a thin cotton blanket, wearing one of his shirts. And he was pressed behind me, his front molded to my back.

"Its alight," he soothed, running a hand down my side. "Are you cold?"

I shook my head. No, he was putting out too much heat for that.

"What…?" I felt tears well up. God, I didn't want to ask. "What did the doctor say?"

"You don't remember?" he said gently.

I shook my head. My throat started to work convulsively. Why would Jacob be tender to me unless something horrible had happened?

"Shh..don't get upset. The baby's fine. You're fine." Relief flooded through me at his words. Relief and a million questions. "You had abruption placenta or something like that. I don't know, it was a huge word. Your mom knows what it is. At first it was an emergency, they were preparing your for surgery. But then you stopped bleeding. Your body healed itself but we couldn't tell them that. When the doctor saw your bleeding stopped and your blood pressure recovering, he went to call for the ultrasound again. As soon as he was out of the room we kidnapped you."

"Kidnapped me?" I said dumbly.

He started to rub my back. "Well yeh. What were we going to do? You were all healed. They would have asked questions. The emergency room nurse was afraid you were going to die. I could tell. They took me and your mom and Seth in another room to talk about how much blood you had lost. If you weren't a wolf..."he trailed off for a second, his voice getting thick. "You might have died."

I couldn't even process that right now. Instead I asked, "Why you?"

"We, uh," he faltered. "I told them we were married," he confessed.

Shock rolled through me and I rolled to face him. "You did what?"

"Leah, come on – what did you think I was going to do? I'm responsible for you. I thought I was going to tear something apart when you got hurt. Fuck! When I saw all that blood I thought I was going to phase."

"Where's Seth?" I said suddenly.

His face grew thunderous.

"In the living room. I need to talk to you."

"I want to see him, this isn't his fault."

"What do you mean it isn't his fault?" he hissed.

"He was trying to help me."

"By shoving you? Leah, he's fucking lucky I didn't snap his neck like the wolf was telling me. Don't you dare justify him."

"Jacob, don't talk like that! You will not hurt my little brother!"

"Dammit, Leah, of course I'm not going to hurt him. He's your brother. But you need to tell me right now what that alpha order on Paul was all about."

"Not now, I want to see Seth."

"No, first we talk about this."

I tried to sit up but I felt so weak. "No! First Seth, then we can talk. Seth, Seth!" I called.

"Leah, stop it,!" he said, trying to gently hold my arm and keep me from getting up. "You lost a lot of blood, you're not 100% yet."

"SETH!" I yelled, still struggling to sit up.

He erupted into Jacob's room with Paul hot on his heels. The door rocked wildly on its hinges.

"Leah, are you ok?"

"Leah, what's wrong?" Paul asked simultaneously. Then he saw Jacob's restraining arm. "Get your fucking hands off her, Black! What's wrong with you?"

Jacob growled. "Someone's going to tell me why YOU couldn't touch her."

Anxiety knotted in my chest. This was rapidly turning into a replay of the scene in the dining room.

Billy was suddenly at the door, standing, his wheelchair waiting behind him in case his legs got weak.

"What's going on in here?" he thundered.

"I want to know about this order," Jacob answered. "Why couldn't Paul touch Leah?"

I sighed, knowing it was time for him to find out.

"Because Taha Aki alpha ordered Paul not to touch her unless she lifted his order."

Jacob looked thunderstruck.

"How in the – what in the -what?"

"Son, Taha Aki came to Leah in a spirit ceremony. He told Leah she was chosen, that she was the rightful alpha female. And placed the order down on Paul until she chose to lift it."

Still, there were a million question marks hovering over Jacob's head. And maybe there was a little awe. He knew that Billy would never make something like that up.

"That doesn't explain anything," he said finally.

A beat of silence passed. Everyone looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Were you hurting her?" he asked Paul. Something feral passed over his face but he managed to pull himself back from the edge and just sit there beside me in the bed.

"Jacob! Jesus! No, he wasn't hurting me."

"Then why would Taha Aki feel the need to issue an order?" We were all still gagged by his order, everyone but Billy.

"I was angry at her, angry that she had been with you," Paul admitted.

"Dad –" Jacob said. "I still don't understand why Taha Aki decided to step in."

Here it comes, I thought.

"She's carrying the next generation's Alpha, Jacob."

It was so anticlimactic.

Why wasn't he reacting?

He just slipped off the bed and walked over to his dresser. He was looking at himself in the mirror.

"This is all just one giant mindgame," he grunted at his reflection.

Huh? I thought.

He gave a bitter laugh. "All I've heard the past three years is take the alpha Jake, its your birthright. Well what the FUCK?" That last part was shouted as he slammed his fist into the mirror, splintering it into a million pieces. He spun around and glared at Billy angrily. "I go get ready to take my "birthright" and when I come home Paul just says ok and I find out the girl I love is pregnant with his baby. And _you_ just let me mark her like there's nothing wrong with it! So now you're trying to tell me Paul's kid is going to be the next alpha? If a Lahote is supposed to be the alpha why did I waste my time?"

He was seething and I was trembling under the force of his anger, even if it wasn't directed at me right this second.

Billy, however, stood firm, didn't waver.

"Son, you're not seeing the whole picture."

"So help me see it," he spat sarcastically.

Billy's chest puffed out more. "No." I felt my breath hitch as he continued. "No, Leah is right. You need to become the leader you were meant to be. I can't help you with this. You need to search inside yourself for the answer."

"This is pointless," Jacob declared, pushing past Billy.

…

Leah was having a restless night in bed. He could tell, he could hear her thrashing around while she tossed and turned.

He wasn't surprised.

Between Rachel and Seth hovering, Bella cooking her dinner, and Paul insisting on doing everything for her but wipe her ass, the day had been long.

"Isn't it the biggest shopping day of the year?" she'd hinted.

Nobody acted like they were in a hurry to leave.

The attempts to make small talk and distract her from thoughts of Jacob had just been awkward at first.

Then she started talking about a Christmas tree. It was just some weird nostalgic thing, thinking about her childhood and Harry Clearwater dragging a huge hand cut fir into the living room every Black Friday Leah could remember. Remember was right, because in the three years since he'd died, she had made damn sure to get tanked to the point of blacking out, so drunk that she'd remember to forget.

No more than an hour later there was Quil cursing furiously under his breath while he stuffed a too round tree through the narrow front door.

Then came Sue with boxes upon boxes of all the ornaments from Leah's childhood. Jared came back from the local Forks Walmart with enough white lights (white, because Paul had remembered those were the only ones Leah wanted on the tree) to start a La Push landing strip. Behind him was Embry, armed with yards of those huge colored bulbs and a staple gun, intent on turning the Black roofline into something rivaling that of the Griswold's. Kim sat beside Leah on the couch and held Layla, unwilling to let do any lifting, while Claire cooked a feast of fried chicken for everyone helping to turn the place into a Christmas wonderland.

It was superfluous. It was ridiculous. But when Leah looked around and saw her pack banding around her, she had to blink back a tear.

All this activity while Jacob stood watching from the treeline.

He couldn't understand why the pack banded around her like this.

She'd deserted them three years ago, hadn't bothered to keep in touch.

Then she ripped back into town like a tornado, upsetting the natural order that they had all settled into.

Upset his life most of all.

Jacob the man had always harbored a secret love for Leah. Well, at first it had been a crush but as he had grown, it had grown too, matured. He dreamed about her. He hung intently on every word that Sue or Seth had to say about what she was up to in Seattle. But he'd lost hope on her ever coming back. Paul's stupid ass had made sure of that.

He tried to forget about her, she ran away was lost to him, after all. As a man, he could accept it. Try to get past it. Try to fuck his way through it, until someone else felt right. His wolf, however, was a different story. For the wolf, there was nobody else.

Even now he was clawing Jacob from the inside, trying to get out and go to her.

_Stupid fucking wolf. Stupid fucking mark._

"She's not ours," he said out loud but then he started to growl, despite himself. He thought of the impression of his teeth, forever etched into the skin at her nape. And then of the sharp curve of her belly, in stark contrast to the rest of her that was so slender and toned. "She _is _ours, but she _shouldn't be_."

He couldn't understand any of this. Not her bond with the pack. Not Taha Aki protecting her. Protecting her from what? Paul hovered around Leah now like a bodyguard. His teeth ground together. Why would Taha Aki issue an order that Paul couldn't touch her? And why had she not broken it until yesterday?

Even his dad wouldn't tell him the truth.

And he couldn't get his wolf to understand.

Leah had deceived him. Well, she hadn't lied, but she had committed a big sin of omission.

He had stomped home, taken his role of alpha, for her. And when she'd agreed to the marking…he thought that the distance and time apart must have been the right decision. It had helped her get over her confusion, her reluctance to pick between him and Paul.

Fuck…the marking…that had been the most intense moment of his life. The best sex, the most powerful he'd ever felt. But then she'd tried to stop him and he'd been afraid she was going to change her mind. So he'd refused to let her talk. They would have forever to talk. He just needed to finish this, to tie them together. And that exact moment when he'd bitten her, Jesus, he'd never come so intensely. Neither had she, he was sure of it. It was like they'd been fused together.

…But then he'd felt her belly and everything had crashed down.

It was such a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that time he'd been gone she had spent with Paul.

Even now he shook his head, angry. And what the hell was wrong with Leah? Was she so desperate to be with the alpha that she'd willingly leave the man who fathered her child? The father of the next alpha?

And why did she not give a rat's ass that Paul and Bella had obviously started to see each other? She even encouraged it. How weird was that?

Nothing made any sense to Jacob as a man.

But then there was his stupid wolf. He was just fine. The wolf didn't care about the little heartbeat coming from Leah's belly. Well – that was a lie – the wolf wanted to protect that heartbeat. Wanted to rip Seth limb from limb yesterday in the kitchen. Why the wolf didn't care that his marked mate was mated to someone else, Jacob couldn't fathom.

What did he know? He was just an animal.

Maybe Jacob the man was stupid too.

He watched her when he thought she wasn't looking.

Watched how she catered to his dad. How she had pulled Bella under her wing. How she took care of Quil and Claire's daughter like that kid was her own.

Part of her, well most of her, had gotten so mature. She was finally at peace with herself, it seemed.

Jacob had started to think maybe she just made a mistake. Just got caught up in the moment with Paul and then had to face a very real consequence.

He could have lived with her making a mistake.

He wouldn't have liked it but he would taken care of her. He would have forgiven her. He would have even taken care of the baby, maybe even have grown to love it. If she would have only been honest and upfront from the beginning. If she had only apologized. If she would only own up and talk to him about all of this.

But she didn't.

So fuck the wolf. And fuck Leah Clearwater.

Obviously she didn't feel the need to fix things.

_She had her family now. _

And on that sobering thought, he took off into the woods, refusing to phase because he knew the pull to her would be too strong to resist.

He didn't make home until after midnight. He slipped through the door quietly enough, even though he was drunk. Drunk enough to not think about how he was about to screw his life up even worse.

It was amazing how much you had to drink to get that drunk if you were a shapeshifter.

Luckily Emily worked at the only bar in La Push.

He could see why Sue had drowned her sorrows in alcohol. After enough shots, Emily had quit smelling so wrong. It didn't feel so twisted when she brushed against his arm now. And when she kissed him and thrust her tongue in his mouth, he couldn't feel his wolf enough to be disgusted. He didn't feel a lot of anything, not this drunk.

So holding open the screen door, inviting Emily into his house while everyone slept, it couldn't feel wrong.

And when she grabbed his hand and pulled him into his room, that didn't feel wrong either.

No, it didn't start to feel wrong until his shirt was off and she started to peel off her own. Well, that and he heard Leah sigh in her sleep and roll over down the hall.

And he knew, right then, he wasn't going to be able to do this.

"Just go to sleep," he said, rolling over on his side. Away from her too-strong perfume and her too wrong face.

She huffed, tried to press closer to him.

"Go to sleep or get out," he snapped, stopping her in her tracks.

And then he was out of bed, moving down the hall towards where Leah tossed and turned.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

I don't know what the dream was about, not for sure. It wasn't one of those lucid dreams where you are watching a movie, disembodied from yourself. In fact, I couldn't really see anything happening. There was a large wolf that sat beside a fire, a scrap of scarlet cloth hanging by one corner from his mouth. I knew it was Taha Aki, although before that moment I had never seen or heard a description of what our great Spirit Wolf looked like when he phased. I recognized where the wolf was, I had seen that patch of land before. I was trying to think, trying to place it, you know, the way you try to figure things out when you dream.

Then I heard my door open and close with a soft snick and I sat up in bed, fully awake and on alert.

Jacob's hulking shadow came towards me, barely defined from the dark.

I only knew it was him because of the smell of storm clouds. And…_tequila_?

"Have you been drinking?" I rasped, my voice hoarse with sleep.

"Some," he admitted, sitting on the edge of my bed, near my hip.

He slid a little on the top blanket, nearly went on the floor. I was too shocked to laugh.

"A lot," he amended.

I reached over and flicked on the lamp so he wouldn't kill himself floundering around in the dark.

His eyes squinted. The short black hair on his head stood up at odd angles, like maybe he'd been tugging on it in frustration.

I could empathize.

Still, bare chested and in his khaki cargo shorts, he was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. Only he smelled like he'd been swimming in Jose.

"You smell," I said before I could stop myself.

"You smell," he countered. He stood up again and I thought he was going to leave. Until he stood up and flicked open the button on his cutoffs. The slid down to the floor, making my mouth go dry.

He slid in under the covers, molding himself to my side. "You smell like me." My breath caught in my throat at his words. He put his nose next to my ear and sniffed, disturbing the hair there.

"I smell like you?" I repeated.

He nodded. "Like me, only when I was younger."

I knew what he meant. When he still smelled more like sunshine than rain. Maybe he hadn't made that connection, that he hadn't lost that sunny smell until he'd taken the alpha.

"I'm wearing your shirt," I said, wondering if he'd press the issue.

He grabbed my hip, carefully avoiding my belly, rolling me over to look at him.

He didn't look quite as drunk anymore. It was probably burning out of his system fast.

"You are wearing my shirt," he agreed. "God, its hot in there," he complained, using his foot to hook the covers and pull them down until they were slung low across our hips.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, trying to get my mind off of the fact that he was naked under that thin layer of cotton that could slip down at any second.

Or be pulled down.

"You can't sleep."

That wasn't true. I just wasn't sleeping well. "I was dreaming."

"About what?"

I gave a grunt. "Not sure."

He looked skeptical.

"I got interrupted," I prevaricated, sounding grouchier than I intended.

"You slept really peacefully with me when we got home the hospital." I went to duck my head, not wanting to look at him anymore. This back and forth with him was threatening to end me. I was having trouble holding back, keeping all the hurt inside.

He caught my chin and forced it up gently.

"Hey, look at me. We need to get this out."

I nodded. Ok. Maybe we did.

I caught my lip between my teeth and chewed it. This was it. This was going to decide the fate of our relationship. I could feel the intensity of the moment bearing down on me.

So I pushed it away, made a joke.

"I didn't know you were a tequila man," I said finally.

He snorted. "Me neither." Then his expression turned serious. His thumb brushed over my lower lip, smoothing the impressions my teeth had left behind.

"I didn't come her to talk about that."

"What did you come here to talk about?" I countered.

He looked at me intensely.

"I want you to know…" he paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I forgive you." And with those three words, the hope that had blossomed in me, plummeted.

I just stared at him.

His brow furrowed.

"I forgive you for what happened with Paul." Still, I stared at him blankly, wondering just how fucking stupid he could be. I searched myself, for just a second, wondering if I could be ok with him just "forgiving" me so that we could move on. I had thought before that maybe that was all I needed, him to love me for me again.

He must have taken my silence as confusion.

"For the baby, Leah." He had this look – it was hard to describe. Like he was the most benevolent, forgiving motherfucking saint that had ever been born. That look made me want to punch him in his fucking wide nose. See how forgiving he could really be.

My lips drew into a thin line. No, him loving me again was not all I needed. I needed to be vindicated.

"I think you need to leave, Jacob."

His previous look dissolved into confusion.

I started to sit up, create some distance between us before I did him bodily harm.

"Fine, you want to stay? –I'll go." I went to swing my leg over him, needing to get away.

"Leah, wait! Dammit, I'm trying to fix things with you! I love you!"

No, no, no. Not enough, Jacob.

Dammit, he was so wide, it was awkward trying to scramble over him with a miniature beach ball bulging from my abdomen. "Why won't you listen to—"He went to sit up as well, so close that my belly almost bumped against his nose.

And his hands locked around my hips, dragging me up so that his nose was buried in my navel.

He inhaled so hard.

Then he was pulling my shirt, his shirt, up, pushing it out of the way so that he could get to my bare skin. And he inhaled again.

"My smell -its not my shirt."

My stomach flip flopped.

Another sniff.

Baby Alpha kicked hard, right where Jacob's nose was pressed to the taut skin. "Oh," he grunted, surprised.

His fingers tightened.

"Mine," he whispered.

Baby alpha kicked again in agreement.

He made another small noise. "Tell me, Leah," he demanded, tipping his face to look up at me. "Admit this is my baby." My mouth stayed clamped shut. I couldn't say a word by his own order. Finally, I gave a small nod. His eyes grew defiant. "Why did you make us go through this? You could have just told me."

Anger welled up in me again.

"You ordered me not to talk to you about it," I spat.

If a man's face could shatter, that's exactly how you'd describe what happen to Jacob Black as realization slammed into him hard.

"Leah," he sighed, his grip on my hips loosening. "Oh, man. I really messed this all up."

He sounded so broken at that moment that I just decided…I was going to let it go. All that hurt, he hadn't really meant it. He came here tonight to forgive me and fix things anyway, right? I could be a big girl and forgive him too….

"Its not too late to make it right," I whispered.

…

Jacob was leaning against the headboard, his long legs flanking my thighs. I sat between the V of his legs, my back against his chest. The t-shirt was hitched up underneath my breasts, leaving the expanse of my abdomen open to his exploration. His hands stroked over the baby bump over and over again. "You're so beautiful," he murmured into my hair. "I love seeing you like this, round with my baby inside of you." His hands settled near my navel. "When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"Just after you left."

Baby Alpha kicked.

Jacob pressed a little harder. There was an answering flutter. They played this game, he and baby, press, kick, press, kick.

"I didn't know you could tell so soon." He still sounded so amazed, so delighted to interact with our baby. My heart throbbed but it wasn't in pain, not this time.

"You can't. Taha Aki told me. Actually he told Paul when he charged up, angry as hell that you and I had had sex."

Jacob paused in his back and forth with the baby. "Taha Aki… I missed so much when I left. I should have stayed with you. Been here for everything. Were you sick?"

His voice was choking up with unshed tears again. In the minutes since he'd found out _he_ was going to be a father, negative emotions about himself kept welling up, threatening to spill over.

It hurt to watch. I appreciated he was being strong, not berating himself constantly. He knew he'd fucked up but I needed him not to dwell on it. We couldn't move passed it if he couldn't accept his mistake and forgive himself.

"Not so much – only when I really ate something crazy. I've felt great most of the time," I answered honestly. Then I let my hand cover his, give it a reassuring squeeze. "Jacob, please don't beat yourself up. Taha Aki wanted you to assume the alpha. You had to go."

"I couldn't think of anything but you while I was gone."

I flushed with happiness but said nothing.

He pressed his lips to the side of my neck. "And as for Paul finding out about us…I told you before, we didn't have sex, Leah. I made love to you."

His breath gusted over the nape of my neck. Over his mark. It throbbed pleasantly, shot down my nerve ends straight to the apex of my thighs.

This is _not the time_, I warned my body.

"I know you cut your hair because I was being an asshole but every single time I see my mark it makes me hard," I might have gasped anyway, just from the heat that shot between my legs from those words, but his tongue traced the ring of teeth impressed into the skin and I moaned loudly and gave a full on body shudder.

His cock rose against my back, trapped between our bodies.

"I've had to stop myself from coming to you a thousand times," he admitted. "I shouldn't have stayed away."

My eyes closed. "We don't have to live in the past. You're here now."

It struck me in that moment, how much I had changed in the past months. I had spent three years wallowing in it. Growing ever more miserable and bitchy because of it.

"I'm so sorry I doubted you, Leah. I feel so stupid now." The self-recriminating tone was back in his voice. "I'm sorry for every hateful, stupid word I said to you. Every dirty look, everything. I take it all back. Please forgive me."

He pressed an open mouthed kiss to the top of my spine, tasting the skin that covered the jutting bones there. I shivered and broke out in goose bumps.

"I'm ready to forget about it if you are," I said, struggling to keep my voice from betraying just how turned on I was getting.

"You could do that?" his hands started to skim the flesh of my abdomen again. Up and down, up and down he stroked.

Was he intentionally turning me on?

"What do you want?" I asked, countering his question.

"I want you. Forever." He kissed my ear. "And our baby. I want us to be a family. How does that sound?"

"You mean it?" There was nothing but hope in my voice. After all the disappointment of the past few weeks, I had to have his reassurance.

"I'm dead serious. There's nothing else for me, nothing but you and him."

I shifted and twisted just my head around, searching out his eyes.

He met me halfway and gazed at me intensely.

"Nothing," he assured again. One hand lifted from my belly and slide to cup my cheek. I gave him a shy smile, let my lashes flutter down, not quite sure what to do with this tenderness.

His lips brushed against mine whispersoft and I let out a little sigh of contentment. It had been so long since it had been like this between us. At the slight parting of my lips on the sound, he latched onto the bottom one, drawing on it gently. The hand on my cheek slid around, through my short tresses, to cup the back of my head. His fingertips massaged the scalp as his mouth released the gentle suction on my lip; his tongue poked out, sweeping the damp curve of my lower lip before teasing its way into my mouth. He held me there as he explored my mouth, his tongue dancing against mine.

Somebody moaned. Was it him, was it me? I don't know but the sound shot straight to my core, heating up the long-neglected folds hidden there. And then I was gently being shifted to my back, Jacob on his knees between my legs. He started to work the t-shirt up, staring intently at the bronze skin of my breasts, the curves now heavier, rounder with pregnancy, the darkened nipples.

"Is this ok?" he asked, tentatively drawing a fingertip around one, his eyes growing darker as it pebbled instantly.

"Yes," I moaned eagerly.

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"How about…this?" he asked, now tweaking both between his thumb and forefingers.

"Yesss…" I moaned again, thrusting them forward, silently asking for more.

He growled. "They've gotten so much bigger." He was weighing them in his palms now. "Your nipples are like chocolate," he said, a millisecond before his mouth closed over one stiff peak, dragging it into the hot, wet cavern with gentle suction.

His fingers worked the other nipple, tugging at it the way his mouth tugged. And then he switched sides, wetting the other peak, laving it with his tongue, as his fingers teased the one slick from his previous ministrations.

"Oh, God," I whined, shifting restlessly.

I couldn't press my legs together and alleviate the ache between them. The button there throbbed eagerly, desperate for his touch.

Jacob's nostrils flared even as his jaw worked, sucking my nipple deep into his mouth.

Finally, he drug his lips from the pointed lip, giving it one last lave of the tongue as our eyes locked.

"Your smell is driving me crazy," he rasped.

His hand reached down, fingertips sliding under my ass, his thumb tracing a gentle arc over the damp cotton between my spread legs. My breath caught in my throat.

"I've missed this smell. Thought about how hot you get for me a million times. About what it tastes like when you come apart on my mouth."

My hips surged forward and he chuckled a little.

"You missed that too, huh?" I could only whimper as his thumb pressed gently, sliding the damn cotton further between the lips, searching. He found my clit easily, swollen and straining for his attention. His thumb drew along its side gently, stroking it over the wet cotton, molding the fabric to my skin.

I couldn't say if I was just super sensitive from pregnancy hormones or if it was because this was my Jacob, touching me after so long, but I was ready to go off like a rocket at just that gentle touch.

"Jacob," I moaned in warning.

His thumb slowed, barely moving now. "Oh baby, just hold off…I promise if you just wait it'll be so much better."

I whimpered,

"I promise, I'm going to make you feel so good. Going to make up for all this time I haven't been touching you. Do you want me to take care of you?" he asked.

I nodded, caught up in the spell of his words so easily.

He grabbed the edge of the baby blue panties and started to ease them down. "Lift up, baby," he encouraged. I did and he watched, transfixed, as he rolled the fabric down my thighs.

"So beautiful…everywhere," he groaned, tossing the panties aside and smoothing his hands back up my thighs. They hovered just below where I wanted them most.

"Can I – will it hurt if—" Jacob hesitated.

"You're killing me," I whined. "I want you inside."

His eyes lifted to mine, taking on a feral gleam. His index finger traced my slit, featherlight, agonizingly slow. "You're sure it's ok?" he teased.

"Jacob!" I snapped, wanting more. Needing more.

"Just be patient and let me play, Baby," he chided. "Its been too long since I've touched you like this."

I shifted restlessly, my thighs parting futher, trying to entice him. He touched the tip of his tongue to the bow of his lips, "Oh fuck that's pretty, seeing you spread open like that."

Jacob's mouth trailed up my inner thigh. He dropped one wet love-bite after another, taking his time. Teasing me.

I wriggled underneath him and he tsked into my skin.

"So impatient. I want to kiss every inch of you."

"Kiss me later. I need this," I whined.

He paused. "Need it?"

I whimpered.

"Tell me baby. You know you have to spell it out if you want me to hurry up."

"I need to get off."

He growled gently and moved his mouth closer.

I could feel his breath puff over my slick sex.

"Explicit detail, my love. Tell me exactly what you want."

I squirmed. "Jacob, please lick me so I can get off."

"Lick what, baby?"

I grunted in frustration.

"Are you ready to do it my way?" he asked. He took his time planting another series of wet mouthed kisses to my inner thighs.

I reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair, nudging his face down. "Spread me open and lick my clit so I can get off. _Please_."

"With pleasure," he replied. I felt his fingers gently peel back my folds, exposing me completely. "Oh, damn, Leah. So swollen and pink for me."

His tongue flicked out and swept around the bundle of nerves, making my hips jerk.

"You promised!" I wailed, trying to chase his mouth.

He grabbed my upper thighs, wrapped his arms around them from underneath. "What did I promise, baby?"

"To hurry!"

"Did I say that?" He gave another slow, leisurely lick.

"Please, please get me off," I panted.

"You need me to make you feel better?"

"Jacob," I warned.

"Ok, ok. You win."

He gave a final chuckle before swabbing at my clit again, coaxing it to swell up further. I felt it throb with my heartbeat, a second before his mouth closed around it.

The delicious heat of his mouth and the insistent stroke of his tongue nearly had me flying apart instantly; he sensed it and backed off a little, using the tip of his tongue to stroke first one side, then the other.

"Come on," I prodded. "Come on, Jacob, a little faster," I panted.

He increased his pace, still avoiding direct contact.

"Payback is a bitch," I moaned, my thighs starting to shake but still there wasn't enough friction to push me over. In response I tugged hard at a handful of hair.

He kept his pace steady but refused to speed up.

"Faster! Faster!" I begged. "I love it," I wailed brokenly. I was so sensitive, so close. The emotions were welling up inside of me – disbelief that this was happening, relief that we were finally over all the misunderstandings. We were finally going to be able to get on with life like it should be. I needed this orgasm, needed the catharsis -

Out of no where I started to babble, "I love you Jacob, please, please!" He groaned into my flesh and finally let his tongue drag fully over my clit, lapping over and over in long strokes.

"Ohh, God, Ohh God Jacob I'm going to cum," I sang. I was starting to shake hard, so close.

His fingers stroked my inner thighs soothingly, grounding me somehow. I loosened my death grip on his hair and just held him there as he coaxed me toward the edge.

Emily barged in without preamble. Those delicious sensations Jacob had built up in me, that blinding orgasm I wasthisclose from having….gone.

She had on one of Jacob's t-shirts and nothing else. There was too much tan leg on display for my liking.

Pain flared in my chest at the implications.

I snapped my legs together, locking Jacob between them momentarily.

She didn't even have the decency to look shocked.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" I spat, pushing Jacob from between my thighs by kicking at his shoulder, scrambling up with as much dignity as I could muster with all that belly.

At the same time Jacob was yelling, "Get the fuck out of here, Emily!"

There was a rustling from Billy's bed down the hall.

Emily just looked doe-eyed and innocent. "Jake, I was just cold and lonely in your bed. Are you coming back soon?"

I rounded on Jacob as he scrambled into his shorts.

"Did you fuck her?" I demanded.

_Did you fuck her and come to me? _I thought, unable to say the words.

"No!" he shouted. His eyes were wild. "Jesus help me, Leah! I swear I didn't!"

"Jake don't lie," Emily screeched.

She pointed at him and stared me down. "Ask him where he's been all night. Tell him to deny he's been at the bar all night with me!"

The smell of tequila. I flinched.

"How'd she get here Jacob?" I asked.

He didn't answer me and there was a sinking feeling in my belly.

He'd brought her.

Billy's door opened.

"Don't come in here, Billy! Emily and I aren't dressed!" I yelled.

He made some strangled noise down the hall.

"What the hell is going on in there, Jacob?" he bellowed.

"I swear I didn't do anything –" Jacob flushed, "Well I kissed her, but that's it!"

I clutched at baby alpha, trying to ground myself from the flash of pain. The mental image of them kissing.

I just eyed him coldly. "What's she doing in your clothes?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I have no idea! She was dressed when I left her. I swear to God, I stopped her before she could get her shirt off."

"Leah, " he started, reaching out for me.

I held up a hand, stopping him dead in his tracks.

"You let her in this house. In your bedroom. _Right_?"

His shoulders slumped.

"Leah, don't do this," he pleaded. "I came to you! I left her to come to you!"

"Is that supposed to be my consolation? Didn't I leave Paul to come to you?" The words tasted bitter on my tongue.

His throat worked convulsively.

"Is it different, Jacob? "

He didn't answer me.

Emily squawked,"Jake, don't lie to her. Tell her you were with me!"

I glared at Emily. "We're over that part, stupid!" I hissed. "I know you didn't sleep with him, you don't smell enough like him." I let the shock register on her face before I bit out, "So shut your fucking mouth and get out of my house."

Emily reared up, nostrils flaring. "You don't tell me what to do."

"I'm your fucking alpha, _bitch_. Get. Out. Now."

"Emily, go." Jacob said.

She stood her ground.

I snorted. "Are you fucking kidding me? You want to _challenge_ me when I'm pregnant?" I was trying to control it but the need to tear her throat out was making my hands shake.

"Leah and Emily, you girls cover up, I'm coming out there!" shouted Billy.

"Dad, no! I'm not going to let them fight," Jacob yelled back. "Emily, go!"

Emily hesitated. I knew she was contemplating just attacking me. Jacob stepped between us, eliminating her threat.

God, what a fucking fool she was. What was she hoping to gain?

Maybe she was waiting to witness the fall-out between me and Jacob.

May as well get it over with.

"I want an answer, Jacob. _Is this different_? You coming from Emily and me coming from Paul?" It was unsaid but understood that I meant he thought I came from Paul. Nevermind I had been innocent all along.

He still was silent. I just glowered.

Finally, "I don't know." He sounded conflicted.

It didn't satisfy me. "It is different. _Because I have your mark_. "

"I know!" he snapped. "God! I know I fucked up_. I've been going crazy trying to figure out what to do_. I was so damned jealous. I thought maybe if I was with Emily we'd somehow be even! That I could look at you without hurting anymore."

I gasped. "You were going to be with Emily?"

He shook his head. "No, not with her. Goddammit, I mean –"

"You thought if you just fucked her, you could go back to being with me."

His cheeks flushed and I stiffened like he'd poked an iron rod up my ass.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know!" he bellowed. "You!" He thumped his chest with his fist. "All I want is you! Even if it was Paul's baby! I swear to God! I'm sorry I fought it! I was just too stupid. I had too much pride. I can see it all right now!"

I gestured to Emily, now standing there stupidly. A useless fucking waste of space.

"I can't believe you. That you'd use her to get back at me. Knowing what happened three years ago."

When he exclaimed "I wasn't going to!" I narrowed my eyes at him, gave him the look that said _give me a fucking break_. He swallowed and continued, "I mean, I thought about it. Maybe I thought I was going to but somehow I knew I couldn't. I swear to God, Leah. The wolf wouldn't let me. _He never let me go through with it_! No matter how much I tried to psych myself up for it. He's right! You and I belong together and I'm sorry I did this! I'm so sorry now please don't end it!"

His psychobabble was making me dizzy. "When are you going to learn that you and the wolf and the same goddamn thing?"

His mouth flopped.

"The same damn thing, Jacob!" I stabbed my finger into his chest viciously.

His eyes welled up with tears but they didn't fall.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "For everything. "

"I've got to go," I said.

"What?" He shouted.

I flinched from the volume.

"I have to get out of here."

I pushed past Emily, bumping her rudely. Fucking waste of space. Why was she just gaping at us?

"Where are you going?"

"Out," I said, jerking my closet door open and digging for some clothes.

"Its pitch black outside, Leah! If you want to leave just wait til morning and I'll take you to your mom."

"Fuck you, Jacob, I don't need you to take me anywhere. I'm going to see Old Quil." I informed him curtly, throwing on a huge sweatshirt and pulling on some track pants.

"You're crazy! There's snow, how the hell do you think you'll get up there?"

I stormed into the hall and he followed, Billy coming out in the hall, and Emily bringing up the rear.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be fine."

"Don't tell me not to worry about it! I love you and you've got my baby inside of you!"

I wheeled around and stared at him. "You've known it was your baby for all of an hour. Don't try and make up for all these months by trying to be Mr. Responsible right now!"

The blood drained from his face as we stared at each other.

"Leah," Billy said. "Please just wait until the sun is up. For me."

I looked down at Billy, torn. I didn't want to worry him. He was like a father to me now. But if I stayed here looking at Jacob and Emily, someone was going to get hurt.

"I just can't stay here right now," I said as gently as I could.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Section 107 of the Copyright Act allows fair use. Since I'm giving Stephenie Meyer credit for her original world building and specifically stating she owns all recognizable characters, settings, plotlines, etc, and I'm not profiting from this fanfiction, I'd say that's fair. No copyright infringement on the Twilight series or any other copyrighted work is intended.

The front door opened , startling me, and Old Quil stepped in, his hat dusted in a fine layer of snow but the rest of him dry. He didn't even have on a coat.

He gestured to me impatiently. "Come on Kwoli, there is a storm coming."

Billy, Jacob, and Emily gaped.

"What are you doing here?" Billy asked.

"Can't an old man take a walk?" he grizzled.

"At two am?" Jacob asked.

He shot Jacob a look of warning. "Is there an order against walking at two am, warrior?"

Jacob's cheeks burned red again at Old Quil's subtle jab. His jaw thrust forward but he said nothing, properly chastened.

"How did you know to come?" I asked.

He snorted. "I suspect half the reservation knew you wanted to leave."

I eyed him skeptically.

"Kwoli?" Old Quil said, waving his hand impatiently, telling me to leave it alone. He eyeballed me. "Bring a bigger coat."

I went to dig one out of the hall closet, not bothering to question him. It struck me, for not the first time, that there was more to Old Quil than anyone could guess. I had wondered more than once if he wasn't a wolf, phasing in the secrecy of his tucked away property.

Zipped up into one of Jacob's thick jackets from his early teens I was ready to go. He took my arm and helped me out onto the icy porch.

I threw a final glance over my shoulder at Billy, my heart heavy.

Jacob was on his knees beside his father. His face was stoic but his eyes were filled with regret. Billy rested his hand on Jacob's broad shoulder in what probably was supposed to be a measure of comfort.

Emily stood there awkwardly and I bared my teeth at her.

"Careful," Old Quil cautioned.

As we started off into the dead of night, tracking through an inch or two of hardpacked snow, I looked at him. "How did you know?" I asked, my breath escaping in puffs of steam.

He didn't look back at me, just kept walking, his arm holding mine, making sure I didn't slip.

He felt so strong to be nearly 100 or more.

"How do you think?" he finally answered. Without waiting for my answer he said, "Now what is it you need, Kwoli?"

My chest constricted painfully.

"The mark has got to go."

Old Quil sucked his teeth but he was silent.

"Tell me it can happen."

He took his time in answering. "We will have to consult Taha Aki."

"You know what he will say," I accused.

He nodded. "He will let you do as you wish," he admitted.

"Then its as good as gone. This needs to happen soon. Before I cut it out."

He clicked his tongue. "I told you to get rid of that viper when you had the chance."

"And I didn't," I answered. "I didn't want to be the one to make her go. He could have done it."

He grunted in agreement, although it sounded like it was given begrudgingly.

"You've made your mind up?"

"Absolutely."

"Then I will talk to Jacob. Only the one who put the mark there can remove it."

A shiver danced down my spine.

"Good. "

It was cold outside but I couldn't feel it. Everything was past cold on me, past bloodless and drained. I felt numb.

The snow was still hardpacked to the ground, no deeper, but covered in a thin sheen of ice. It was so fragile and thin that every step you took would break through the crunch skin and send it smashing into the snow and soggy ground underneath.

The sky was nothing but gray.

It was fitting, given the somber mood.

The pack stood around the fire, just outside that smooth patch of dirt around Old Quil's ceremonial firepit.

Kim and Claire had red-rimmed eyes, their faces filled with sadness and worry. Emily looked triumphant. Paul's expression was unreadable but I didn't sense any sadness or regret in him. He was glad this was happening. He had hugged me close earlier, rubbed my back, told me I was doing the right thing. I let myself soak in the warmth of his body, held his embrace for a long, calming minute while Jacob looked on, his face stoic, his jaw set firmly. Things would change forever as soon as the mark was gone. I wondered how Bella had reacted to the news when Paul explained what was happening.

She couldn't be here today, just like Rachel. They weren't inducted pack members and Old Quil had said a ceremony like this couldn't be viewed by outsiders, no matter how they were connected to us.

My mom refused to come. She said she couldn't watch it, she hoped I could forgive her.

I didn't blame her. I had doubted my decision more than once in the days of waiting. Now the cycle of the moon was right and the preparations had been made. It was too late to go back.

I looked at the guys. Sam, Embry, Quil, Booboo…even Jared looked put out. They seemed restless, unable to process what was about to happen.

Old Quil stepped onto the bare dirt, his brown toes, contrasting with the white of his pants. His whole outfit was white with his white braids hanging down over his shoulders. The only colors he wore were the beaded necklaces and charms piled around his neck and bright blue stripes of pain, shockingly vibrant slashes across his cheekbones.

Paul stood beside me, his arm under my elbow, keeping me from collapsing under the strange dizzying purification paste smeared across my cheekbones and forehead. He was painted too, as were Jacob and Emily. Alphas, Betas, Omegas. A regular alphabet soup.

There was no talking this time.

Quil was humming to himself but even with the sensitive wolf hearing, nobody could make out the words.

He threw herbs into the fire and it crackled violently and shot up sparks and plumes of orange smoke.

The smell burned my nose.

More words. A shake of his beaded cane.

Then came more herbs.

Now it smelled like sweetgrass, thick and overpowering.

A fog rolled from the fire, heavy and pungent with the spicy sweet smell.

It settled low on the ground and began to roll across the earth eerily, behaving like no smoke I'd ever seen before.

"A marking," Old Quil said suddenly, "Has long been rergarded as our most special custom. It is a consensual act and must be accepted by both parties. It is a pact to be entered into with great care. Our Great Spirit Protector gave us this gift of marking in hopes that the wolves of our pack would find their perfect match. Like all gifts placed in our hands, it has the potential to be misused. The spirit of Taha Aki's wife is said to bless a marked couple and watch over them as she grows their relationship. A marked couple that does not nurture their bond is an insult to our Great Wolf's Eternal Soulmate and all the sacrifices she made for our tribe."

He stared at me intently and I felt my calves tremble from the heat of the fire and the trippy balance altering effect of the purification paste.

"Jacob Black, alpha of your pack, I have discussed with you in great detail the seriousness of removing a mark. Is it your understanding that only the wolf that marked a female may remove his claim to her?"

"Yes, Shaman Ateara. It is Taha Aki's command." Jacob answered formally.

"Alpha Black, are you granting permission to have this claim removed forever?"

There was a tense silence.

"Our alpha female has spoken," he answered finally. "The mark may be removed."

A log split on the fire sending out a pop and crack as loud as a gunshot, with a great arching flame and a resurgence of that thick fog.

It wafted out, fooling my already-numbed feet.

The back of my spine tingled.

There was a harsh pant of breath as a huge wolf trotted from behind me, appearing from the fog out of nowhere. The air snorted through the beast's massive muzzle as he neared me. I sank to my knees in shock, coming eye to eye with the wolf from my dreams. The red cloth flapped between his teeth like a banner.

I lowered my head, staring at my knees, showing submission to Taha Aki. His wolf muzzle tapped my shoulder, close enough that the soft mane of his fur coat rubbed my cheek. The hulking wolf pulled back from me and shook his head slightly, letting the fabric scrap flutter in the breeze.

I raised my hand and he gave an imperceptible nod as I started to pull the scrap from his teeth.

It was damp and I pulled it closer, examining it.

It was not wet from wolf saliva. It was a cloth that was damp with blood.

I gasped my eyes flashing up to the wolf's.

Old Quil said, "Leah, this is a piece of cloth from Taha Aki's third wife. She wore this dress on the day that she sacrificed herself to save her tribe. It is only through her blood that the mark can be removed."

My hands shook as I looked down at the magical piece of fabric in my hands.

"You've honored me, Great Spirit," I replied, feeling the power of her blood almost pulsing in my palm. "Thank you for granting my request to remove this irreverent mark. "

The wolf gave a bob of his head.

I raised my eyes to Jacob's, stared at him for a moment.

I heard Kim sniffle loudly.

I held the cloth up to him and he stared at the crimson soaked cotton for just a moment before plucking it from my fingers with great reverence.

"Taha Aki has granted His permission for the marking to be erased. The alpha of our pack has given his consent as leader. And now the words must be spoken as the mark is scrubbed from her skin…" Old Quil stated.

Jacob stepped forward towards where I kneeled in the dirt.

My heart started to pound furiously.

Emily gave a shriek of surprise as she was shoved roughly to her knees. Jacob passed the piece of dress to Paul with great reverence, the bloody fabric an olive branch for all the aggression that had swelled between them over the years. And then Jacob's large hands clamped onto Emily's shoulders, holding her down despite her struggles.

Her eyes were wide and shocked.

The rest of the pack was silent but I could sense their own shock at this twist of events.

"Emily Young, under witness of our Great Protector Taha Aki, I ask his soulmate to wash away the evidence of my mark. I release my claim on you forever,' Paul said. He pushed her wavy hair from her shoulder and swiped the cloth across her skin where his teeth impressions marred the bronze skin of her neck. If it hadn't been so somber of a moment, I'd have snickered. Emily's mark was emblazoned on her neck like a teenage love-bite.

Emily tried to scream and twist her neck away but Jacob held her firm, even gave her long hair an impatient tug when she struggled violently. She screamed like Paul was burning her with acid.

Paul lifted the scrap and even I had to gasp. Emily's neck was now smooth, his teeth marks totally undetectable.

"Bare your arm, Emily Young," Jacob said.

She scowled.

"Bare your arm, Emily Young," he repeated forcefully, the weight of the alpha order crashing down on her.

She protested loudly as she shrugged one arm of her coat off, wrenching up the short sleeve of her shirt.

There was nothing, not a trace of the tattoo.

Everyone except Old Quil gasped that time.

Taha Aki's wolf nudged my shoulder forcefully with his nose. He gave me a gentle headbutt until I rose to my feet, regarding Emily as she remained trapped on the ground.

"You are released from your bond here, Emily. You are no longer pack. Go home to your reservation."

"No!" she spat, jerking her coat back on properly. "You can't do this to me!"

"You don't belong here anymore," I said coolly.

"Jake," she squealed. "Take off Leah's mark! Then we can be together!" Her eyes were wild and desperate.

"Emily do you really think I would take my mark from Leah? I love her and I'm going to prove to her we belong together. Now you have to go. This is no longer your home."

"I'm not going anywhere!" she screamed.

Taha Aki's wolf tensed. He started to growl at her, a deep, rumbling growl that sent my heart stuttering in fear. It was absolutely menacing.

She scrambled to her feet and backed away, almost tripping into the fire before she regained her equilibrium.

"Fine!" she screamed. "I'll go! Fuck you Jake and fuck you Paul and fuck you Leah! I hope you all end up hurt!"

With that she took off stomping away.

"Follow her, Embry and Jared," Jacob said. "Make sure she gets her things and is gone before sunset."

They gave nods and went to trail behind her.

Paul was on his knees now, regarding Taha Aki, his expression humble. He held up the piece of His wife's dress, his hand trembling a little. The wolf stared at him, his growls ceasing. His great shaggy head inclined towards me and Paul handed the scrap to me folding it into my palm and sealing my fingers over it.

"I think Taha Aki wants you to have this," he said.

The great wolf huffed in something that sounded similar to agreement. I opened my palm and looked down at it. It was now snow white and dry.

My heart pounded again.

Taha Aki's wolf nudged Paul's shoulder, pushed him until he stood. I felt flooded with relief as I realized Paul had finally made peace with our Spirit Warrior. There was just a final loose end.

Jacob hit his knees hard.

"I'm sorry for denying the course that you wanted me to take. And then coming back and abusing my position. I became everything that I despised." He looked over at me contritely. "Hurt everyone I love. Would it please you if I gave Paul the position of the Alpha again? I feel like I've messed up at every turn."

I gasped and gaped at him.

Give up the alpha?

Paul went ramrod still too. He opened his mouth and I knew he was going to protest but Old Quil held up a hand and stopped him.

Taha Aki snorted loudly through his nose and shook his head no, plainly.

He gave Jacob a gentle headbutt to the stomach and then looked up to the sky.

Fresh snowflakes were starting to flutter down from the dull gray clouds. They were enormous, fat flakes that fell in slow motion, almost suspended in place.

Jacob and I looked up, staring into the impenetrable gray.

Two birds, bright red birds, flew high overhead from opposite directions. They danced around each other as we watched, circled one, two, three times, before streaking off together, flying behind us.

I knew Taha Aki's wolf was gone before I dropped my eyes.

Jacob looked at me.

I stared back at him.

The silence stretched on.

The snow continued to flutter down, landing on my lashes, dusting his hair.

Everyone was frozen into place it seemed.

Until Old Quil waved his cane around, let the beads click a little to get our attention.

"Its amazing how snow purifies the land. Just look at how it has covered all the rough patches on the ground. Made everything new again."

I looked at him, so wise as he stood before us, a white blank spot in front of a roaring fire.

"These ice storms roll in with a fury but they are gone so quickly. Just see how a little flurry can cover all that nastiness that came before."

Little Alpha decided at just that moment to make himself known with a mighty rolling kick.

"Unnn," I grunted, taken by surprise.

"Are you ok?" Jacob asked, his voice laced with concern. He put his giant palm on my belly, rubbing it soothingly. "Is our baby ok?"

I held my arms up to him and let him pull me close into his warm embrace. "I'm fine," I said. "Everything's going to be fine now."

…

"Hey, Leah?" Embry called. "Jake wants to know where you want the baby's crib?"

I put down the box of rice and went towards the direction of his voice.

He and Jacob were in the smallest bedroom, trying to work out how to arrange the new rocking chair, dresser, and crib.

I gasped at the pretty baby green walls and the crisp white wainscoting. Sam was even up on a stepstool, hanging white curtains with green embroidery. Kim had obviously been busy.

Jacob gave me an admonishing look. "You weren't supposed to peek!" Still, he pulled me closer and put an arm over my shoulders, his big hand immediately going down to rest on my belly. Only the belly was so big now that he could barely palm it. There was a full-on basketball sitting there, riding low. Lower than it had been yesterday even.

Baby alpha rolled a little under his touch, but not much. He was running out of room.

Still, Jacob smiled. He kissed my temple. "Were you resting?"

I shrugged. "Didn't really feel like resting. I was thinking I'd make you guys some meatballs and rice to thank you for all your hard work."

"That'd be awesome!" Embry exclaimed. "Jake's a slave driver!"

Jacob shot him a dirty look.

"It looks fantastic you guys," I said. "Thank you." I ran my hand over the furniture they'd been assembling most of the afternoon. "I love it."

"What do you think of putting the rocking chair in this corner, so you can see out the window when you're sitting?" Sam asked.

I nodded and pointed to the opposite wall. "The crib here, I think. And the changing table right beside it.""

"Ok, ok," Jacob said. "Now out. No more coming in here until he's born. Promise?"

"What's the big surprise?" I asked.

"Promise me, Leah." He looked so earnest that gave him a playful eyeroll.

"Ohhhkay, I promise."

He escorted me back into the hall. "If you're going to check on Dad, don't stay back there long. It still smells like paint and I don't want you breathing it in too much."

He gave me a final chaste kiss and shut the door in my face.

"Hmph," I grunted, heading off towards Billy's side of the house.

Construction had just wrapped up in the last week, delayed more than once by more rain than usual. At least it hadn't snowed anymore.

Things were looking up. That freelance work that Miles had suggested? Yeh, I nailed it. Getting a house built from the ground up had seemed like a huge indulgence considering it was only a one-shot deal but in the end Jacob had agreed with me that it made a lot of sense. After all, Billy's house wasn't really safe for a baby. It wasn't really safe for him either. That wheelchair could barely make turns in the tight space and the bathroom was so tiny that it would never work when he finally couldn't stand independently. And we couldn't just buy another house and leave Billy to fend for himself.

The commission was big enough to pay for it outright and to build a decent garage Jacob could work out of part time. He wouldn't be able to do big jobs yet but maybe I could get some more freelance jobs and build up his business by buying equipment slow. Miles seemed to think he could push more work my way with such a big project already under my belt. He had been disappointed when I turned down a full time job in Seattle but was so excited that I had a baby on the way that he promised to bend the rules a little and recommend me by name to the clients that didn't want all the fuss required with a corporate contract.

Anyway, it was enough money that even after a house and a garage, we had a little to put away. There was no reason we couldn't make it through the next year, at least, without worrying.

So this was our Christmas present. It should have been ready before now, almost February, but the weather had been less than cooperative.

Anyway, it was a nice four bedroom house with a separate space for Billy. He had a separate bedroom, a big bathroom designed to accommodate his wheelchair, and a modest kitchenette and living room. His part was maybe 800 square feet total but more than adequate as a separate apartment area for times that Billy wanted privacy. The best part was that it had safe ramps and adaptations so that he could keep his independence.

In the main house there was a huge kitchen and lots of space to accommodate the pack. And room for more babies. That part had been all Jacob's idea.

I wasn't convinced we were going to need anymore. My skin was stretched out tight and I felt a little like one of those children's toys you bopped and it would flop over and rebound from the heavy weight in its base.

Before I could get to the door diving Billy's space from our own, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I called, wondering who would bother to knock.

"Open the door!" Seth called back.

I frowned at the door, wondering why Rachel didn't just open it for him. Didn't these fools know I was about to pop?

When I opened the pulled back the cheerful red door, it became apparent. Seth and Rachel had their hands full of brightly wrapped presents. I went to shut the door but Charlie's cruiser pulled into the driveway.

He and my mom got out and started pulling big brown boxes from the trunk. I could smell the contents as they came closer. Holy crap, someone had made a ton of

food.

Charlie whistled as he came up onto the porch. "Nice place. I heard you designed this yourself."

I smiled, my cheeks flushing with pleasure. "I might have had a hand in it."

"It looks good, baby," mom said. I followed them into the house where Rachel and Seth were laying out presents.

"What's all this?" I asked, glad to see them all but a little confused.

"Just go sit and put your feet up," she commanded. "I'll get this food heated up."

I gestured at all the presents spread out over my countertops.

"Go," she repeated, finding a wooden spoon in my utensil drawer. "Not everyone is here yet."

How many more people were coming?

"I don't want to go put my feet up, Mama. That's all Jacob tells me all day long. Leah sit down. Leah take a nap. Leah don't pick up that box. I'm not a little girl. I'm not going to overdo it."

"Jake's just trying to take care of you, honey," she said.

Charlie put his arm around my mom and kissed her cheek soundly.

"Leave her be, Sue, she'll rest when she's tired."

Just then Bella came through the screen door with a massive plate of cookies. "Dad!" she groused. "If you are going to rag on Paul about personal displays of affection…"

Charlie's cheeks turned red just like they did anytime his daughter mentioned anything about sex.

Paul stuck his foot in the door, preventing the screen from slamming into his face. "Thanks for holding the door, babe," he huffed. "And quit trying to embarrass your dad."

"Don't start with me, Paul Lahote," she grumbled. "I haven't forgotten you snuck those cookies this morning." Bella set the platter right in front of me and pulled off the saran wrap. "Try one of these," she commanded. "You'll love them."

Then she really looked at me, her eyes bulging. "Geez, you look like you're about to pop!" she exclaimed.

"I was sure she was going to go into labor on Jake's birthday," Rachel said.

Jacob came into the kitchen with Embry and Sam on his heels. He steered me into a chair at the table and helped himself to a cookie. "The little guy is smart. He knew the house wasn't ready yet."

Paul clasped Jacob on the shoulder. "You ready for this, man?"

Jacob gave him a smirk. "No choice. He's running out of room in there."

Paul leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You're friggin' enormous. You going to behave and not break Jake's arm pushing him out?"

I had my mouth full of Bella's fantastic chocolate chip macadamia nut caramel drizzled cookie and couldn't answer him properly. Still I smiled and gave him a half hug.

Sam's phone chirped.

"Kim says that they're almost here. Quil had to turn around because he forgot Layla's diaper bag."

My mom laughed. "That boy can't remember anything lately."

"He's probably freaked out that Claire's pregnant again. And this time Leah's going to be too busy to take care of this one," Seth said around a mouth full of cookies.

"Quit hogging my cookies, Booboo!" I slapped at his hand. "Anyway, I'll never be too busy for Layla. And this little guy will be old enough to share me by the time the next one is here."

Jacob caught my hand and gave it a squeeze. Our wedding bands glinted in the sunlight streaming in through the big kitchen windows. "Promise you won't get too worn out today, ok?"

I went to give him a saucy retort but he cocked his head. "Promise, babe. I don't want you trying to entertain everybody."

My mom was beside me suddenly, handing me a glass of milk. "Jake's right. We're here to give you a housewarming, not have you take care of us."

I held up my hands in mock surrender. "I haven't tried to take care of anybody! I get it, ok? Everyone wants me to sit on my ass, so I'll sit on my ass!"

"Language, Little Girl," Paul chided.

He gave Jacob a nudge. "Are you ever going to civilize that girl?"

"Probably not."

I gave them both a sour look and started to chug my milk.

My mom was dumping the contents of her Tupperware containers into my big soup pot. "What's that going to be?" I asked, my stomach grumbling in spit of all the cookies.

"Spaghetti sauce," she announced. "Rachel, honey, can you find the garlic bread and get it toasting in the oven?" She narrowed her eyes at Seth when he gave her a pat on the ass when she passed. "Keep your hands in the northern hemisphere in my presence, young man."

I heard Layla babbling out on the porch a split second before Quil came crashing through the screen juggling her on one arm, a diaperbag and a stack of presents in the other. Kim couldn't see over her own pile of boxes and she weaved drunkenly until Sam took them from her with a chuckle. Claire stumbled in behind them with nothing but herself but looking tired.

I was out of my chair instantly, plucking Layla from Quil's arms.

"Leah!" Too many voices fussed simultaneously. Jacob of course, Mom, Paul, and Seth.

I looked back at them innocently. "It's fine," I said. Right as the first pain shot through my back. I gave a small whimper as a band tightened all the way around my body, my stomach going rock hard.

"Whoa! Easy there!" Quil said, reaching out to support Layla's weight. He didn't take her from me but he wasn't chancing me dropping her.

Jacob was beside me instantly but I shook him off. "It's ok, Jacob. Its just a contraction."

He rubbed my back and took Layla from Quil, allowing him to unload his packages and holding her close to me so that I could kiss her cheek. "You aren't very good at listening."

I poked at Layla's pudgy tummy, earning a loud squeal. "It's fine. He's going to come any time, whether I'm lying in bed or up doing what I want to do."

He looked skeptical. "It looks like it hurts."

"Contractions? Of course they're gonna hurt."

Claire scoffed and settled down onto a couch. "It feels like you're being crushed in a vice."

"Claire!" Quil admonished.

I tried to laugh it off and pretend I wasn't the slightest bit nervous about what childbirth was going to feel like. "Everyone lay off, ok? She's not telling me anything I don't know. But women have been doing it since the beginning of time."

"In the hospital!" Embry said.

Someone thumped him on the back of his head. "How long do you think they've had hospitals, dumbass?" Quil asked.

He looked sheepish. "I guess you're right."

"Its going to be fine!" Damn, I was sick of trying to reassure everyone. I was going to survive but I was a little nervous about not having the benefit of an epidural or a doctor.

It was just too risky to go to Forks to have a baby. Nobody could predict how fast I'd heal. Baby alpha was going to have to be born in one of the spare bedrooms.

"We know you're going to be fine, Leah, but that doesn't mean we need to have you worrying about it before its time."

"Any time now," I reminded him, going on tiptoe to give him a clumsy kiss, my belly poking at Layla. She protested loudly, not at the belly, but at not being on the receiving end of the kiss.

"Now what are all these presents all about?" I asked to the room in general. "Didn't we just have Christmas?"

"Don't you worry about those presents, its going to be time to eat soon."

My stomach grumbled again.

"Where's Jared? You couldn't entice him to come even with mom's famous spaghetti sauce?"

"Aw, didja miss me Leah?" he asked, coming through the door.

"You can't have a party without a clown," I replied.

"Hey, when are you gonna shake that beachball out? I'm forgotten what you look like without a watermelon under your shirt."

"I shouldn't let you eat since you can't get here on time."

"Don't blame me," he snorted. "I had to pick something up."

"More presents?" I groaned.

Old Quil stepped through the door. "Just an old man hoping to beg some dinner."

I grinned wide, delighted.

He kept his distance when he inclined his head and said, 'Kwoli," in way of greeting but his eyes twinkled.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I told you, trying to find a hot meal. Someone has not restocked my cupboards for the past two weeks."

I shot Quil a dirty look but he shook his head. "Grandad, I was just there yesterday."

"Hush," he said. "There is a marked difference in what each of you bring."

Billy snickered from his wheelchair. "I bet."

Another Braxton Hicks contraction rippled across my belly.

Billy's eyebrow shot up to his hairline.

"Is that why you came down today?

"What are you talking about Billy?" he hedged.

I felt the tension ebb away and the belly soften back up as a shot of nervousness fizzled down my spine.

"Come on," Billy said. "I know you're playing nurse."

I heard the spoon clang in the pot and a second later mom rounded the counter.

"He is delivering the baby?"

Jacob gave an affirmative nod.

She looked to Old Quil. "Delivering the baby soon?"

"Why does everyone think I know these things?" Old Quil asked. He shook his head as if he was in contemplation.

Mama visibly relaxed. "Rachel, get the plates down. Seth, sweetheart, I forgot the cooler in Charlie's trunk. There's soda in it. Can you and Embry go fetch the thing?"

They went to do her bidding and Old Quil came over and laid a hand on my belly.

"The birthing room has been prepared?"

All movement in the house ceased.

Jacob stammered, "Well we have all the things you asked for but they aren't set up yet."

Billy rolled his eyes. "For God's sake son, get them set up. You want to be running around looking for clean towels in the middle of the night?"

"Are the noodles on yet?" Old Quil asked.

"About to dump them in," she called back. "Water just started to boil. Are you hungry?"

"Don't put the noodles in." he said.

Another second of silence.

And then I let out a sharp exclamation as I felt something inside of me give way and a rush of wetness gushed out of me.

"Fuck, did you just pee yourself?" Jared exclaimed.

"You dumbass!" Embry yelled. "Her water just broke!"

Pandemonium broke loose. Jacob started ordering people left and right, get this, bring that!

Charlie went white as a sheet and Bella had to help him to a chair.

Layla started to wail in fright and Claire grabbed her, trying to get her calm.

Old Quil held up his hand for silence. "I want everyone out. Everyone that doesn't live her except Sue, Seth, and Rachel."

He nodded to the kitchen. "Bella you can help Rachel put the food away but then you go over to Quil's and wait for Billy's call."

She nodded and started to place the food back into the fridge.

"And Paul," Jacob said.

Everyone paused again.

"Paul's staying. And so can Bella. They're going to be his godparents."

Old Quil shrugged his shoulders. Then he looked at me with those unusually young eyes of his. "Why aren't you on the bed already? Did you want to have this baby standing up?"

"Another push!" Jacob coaxed. "You're doing so good!"

"Shut the hell up, Jake!" I snapped. "Give me some more ice!"

He dutifully held the cup of ice chips up to my mouth.

"Just a little longer, baby! Hang in there!"

"Jake!" Old Quil exclaimed this time. "Shut up and wipe her face for her!"

Jacob sheepishly sponged my forehead with the cool cloth.

Almost four hours of hard labor and my patience was wearing thin. The only relief was when I could push.

Old Quil had only just decided twenty minutes ago that my body was ready to push. I couldn't tell if anything was happening when I bore down but at least the horrible cramping band across my abdomen would fade.

"One more, Kwoli. One more good push and we will have a baby!" He said.

His voice was calming. So was Jacob's hand, now laced through mine, transferring his strength to me. Touching was ok, talking was not.

I felt the tell-tale tightening starting in my abdomen again.

"Wait for it," Old Quil commanded.

I panted to keep from pushing prematurely, waiting obediently until my body was clamped down hard, the contraction at its peak.

"Push!" he demanded.

Jacob started to count like Old Quil had told him. "One…Two…Three…Four…"

I started to growl as I pushed my hardest, straining to get Baby Alpha out before he ripped me in half.

"Less noise, more push!" Old Quil snapped.

"I can't!" I cried, just once, but grit my teeth and pushed as hard as mu body would allow.

There was a burning sensation and then Jacob gasped.

I could tell before he spoke that the baby's head was out. All that terrible pressure was gone.

"Oh my God, Leah! He's so beautiful!" Jacob's voice was thick with emotion. "He has so much hair!"

I collapsed back exhausted but he caught me, supporting me with one arm, the other still squeezing my hand in encouragement.

"Wait, baby. You've gotta do it one more time. You can do it, we just have to get him out."

Old Quil was supporting the baby's head, doing something but I was too tired to check. The contraction built up quickly, not nearly as hard or uncomfortable. In fact, I barely had to push this time and there was a slippery rush and then a weird emptiness.

Before I could say, "Is he ok?" Old Quil started to cackle.

He started to cry at that moment, baby Alpha did, and so did I. It was so beautiful, those little high-pitched angry calls.

"Come here, Alpha," Old Quil said. "Help me cut the cord so that you can show your wife the future of our tribe."

Jacob helped my lay back and pressed a kiss to my sweaty brow. "You're amazing. I love you so much." Another kiss. "I'll be right back with our son."

Down at my feet I heard him exclaim, "You want me to cut that!"

I had to roll my eyes.

"That's the cord," Old Quil explained patiently.

"Then where's the -?"

Old Quil started to laugh again. "Taha Aki is very wise, Jacob. The next alpha of our pack will be a female!"

"What?" he exclaimed. But then Jacob started to laugh too.

He was beside me in an instant, pressing a warm bundle wrapped in a blue receiving blanket to my chest. His eyes were tearful but they were the happy kind of tears. "Looks like we have to decide on another name, Leah."

I looked down into the red, puffy face of our daughter and started to laugh and cry at the same time. "She doesn't look much like an Ephraim does she?"

He smoothed my wet hair back from my forehead. "She looks beautiful, like her mother."


End file.
